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Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 11:58:44 AM   
fuqedupgirl


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/7/2012
Status: offline 		Hi E/everyone,

Not sure if this is the right place to write this but really i have nothing to lose.

i was dismissed by my Master. He woke up one morning suddenly and told me it was time for me to return to my home in NH.

A little background; i met Him here on CM. After conversing online/phone/skype, He invited me to come to Florida to be with Him. i had never considered myself a "painslut" but He assured me He would start slowly and that the pain would take the place of all of the self sabotaging i had been doing. He was right about that. i gave up my job/apartment/car and moved down there to be with Him. It was heaven. i had never felt loved before until i met Him. He eased me into the pain by giving me small doses of whips/canes/paddles. He took it so slowly that i ached for more. It quickly took the place of the drugs and anonymous sex i had before. i didn't even crave the drugs anymore. All i knew was I BELONGED for the first time EVER!!

After about a month of us progressing pain wise, He started to tell me about some darker desires He had. He had me watch porn of things that He would eventually like to do to me. Honestly, i was a little frightened but He had never given me more then i had wanted in the past and i thought when He was ready to do these things to me, i would be ready too.

He then started talking about things like using a blow torch on me to singe the hair off of my pussy. That really scared me and He assured me that was something that He strictly just fantasized about. Well, all of a sudden, He stopped touching me. W/we went from Him beating me twice a day to Him no longer wanting to touch me at all. That lasted about 2 days and that dreaded morning came. He woke me and told me He couldn't touch me anymore cause He could no longer trust Himself with me. When He beat me, He wasn't getting enough. He was left unsatisfied. i told Him i would give Him anything He wanted. He said i was no longer safe there. That morning He bought me a plane ticket back home for THAT day and away i went after A LOT of begging on my part.

The problem is i dont have closure. i have never felt like i belonged before Him. i ache for Him. i still continue to beg Him to let me come home to Him. He says He is sick and He needs help for His dark desires. i want to be there with Him to help Him. i also came home to NOTHING. No job, no apartment and no car. i dont really have family that can help so im forced to look for another Master that i can serve. The problem is my heart is still in Florida. i was never owned or belonged to Anyone before Him.

Please is there A/anyone in here that has some helpful suggestions on how to get over Him? How do i pick up the pieces of my shattered life while im aching? i have a slave's heart and by myself im useless. i am having a hard time making any kind of decisions without guidance. my friends say "c'mon girl and snap into it"........easier said then done.

Actually just writing this down has helped a little bit but maybe there are other slaves/subs that have been in this position that can offer some advice.

Thank You
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 12:02:44 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fuqedupgirl
Actually just writing this down has helped a little bit but maybe there are other slaves/subs that have been in this position that can offer some advice.

Yup... talking about it... endless bowls of ice cream... and time.

But another point I'd like to make. You subs seem to want to overdramatize this. Here's something for you to consider. Your pain is not any more "special" than anyone else going through a break up. In point of fact, your pain is kind of trivial compared to some. Try to imagine what it'd be like to be married with 3 kids and get the same deal. It happens in vanilla marriages all the time.

I'm not saying that to minimize your pain because we all know that breakups simply suck. But perspective is also another thing which is helpful.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to fuqedupgirl)
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RE: Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 12:09:35 PM   
fuqedupgirl


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/7/2012
Status: offline 		Jeff.......Great point.....

You are right about my pain not being quite as severe as say a married couple going through a divorce BUT still pain!!!

But great advice on the ice cream tho!!

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 12:11:36 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I don't mean to kick you while you're down, but really you need to acknowledge the mistakes you made and figure out how to not make those mistakes again.

You went into a situation with no exit plan at all. That's why you have nothing now.

Finding another Master because you have nothing is just expecting someone else to solve your problem. This is something that you need to take care of and not expect someone else to do it for you.

You clearly had some issues yourself for which you used BDSM as a crutch.

He's telling you that you're not safe with him. Trust him. You can't heal him. He needs help and that help will be more effective if he's not emotionally involved in a D/s BDSM relationship.

The fact that you think you can't function alone points towards co-dependency.

For you I would suggest counseling and time to heal yourself before you involve anyone else in your life.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 1/10/2013 12:12:35 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JeffBC)
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RE: Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 12:13:31 PM   
ServosCor


Posts: 267
Joined: 9/3/2012
Status: offline 		In my opinion (and we all know what opinion's are like)  I'd say you were lucky to get the plane ticket and get outa Dodge.  My first order of business would be to locate a KAP therapist and talk to him/her about this relationship. Perhaps they can help you find the closure you seek.  AND see where you are probably better off without him.
 
You need to believe YOU are worth the love and caring of a good man.  Someone who will truly take care of you.  It may take awhile but hopefully you will someday find a Dom worthy of your love & affection.
 
I wasted 7 years w/ a Dom who wasn't worth my time.  I wish I could get that time back and devote it to someone who was truly worth the effort I put into that relationship.
 
                 I wish you the best.
 
                                         ~servos cor~

(in reply to fuqedupgirl)
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RE: Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 12:14:53 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Actually, I want to uphold this Dom's behavior as a good thing. I have no idea what all was going on between them but HE did and he took definitive and decisive steps to prevent further harm.

Two thumbs up in a bad situation is my vote.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to ServosCor)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 12:19:13 PM   
fuqedupgirl


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/7/2012
Status: offline 		servos cor......thank you for your advice. You are right. what is a KAP therapist?

and Osidegirl..............your words stung. you are also right. i do have a codependency problem. Mental Health is not a problem that this country takes seriously. Trust me i have tried to seek counseling and because i am uninsured, No one will see me ....oh except for a spiritual counselor and i just dont feel right explaining all of my crap to them. but thanks for kick.....it helped in a weird way.

(in reply to ServosCor)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 12:22:20 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		That is true. Just think if he gave in to what he wanted to do. That happened once to me with bad results.

OP, heed the advice given to you and look at your own behavior in this so that this kind of thing never happens again.

And yes, I understand your pain, but many of us stayed too long in situations that were not healthy for us. Be happy it was just a month.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 12:23:52 PM   
ServosCor


Posts: 267
Joined: 9/3/2012
Status: offline 		KAP stands for Kink Aware Professional.  They will not judge the fact that you were in a bdsm relationship.  They are used to dealing with it quite often. 
 
          I know this is not easy but you really have to be strong in the event he weakens and asks you to return.  I'm sure your first instinct would be to hop a plane back but truly it sounds like he has some very dark issues to deal with.  Take care of YOU.
 
             ~servos cor~

(in reply to fuqedupgirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 12:26:18 PM   
fuqedupgirl


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/7/2012
Status: offline 		To everyone, You are all right!!

I guess i just needed a good swift kick in the head to smarten up.

just remember, Everyone has issues. Some of us can get help for those issues and others are left on the wayside looking for anything to escape our own demons and insecurities!

(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 12:28:00 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Oh, you can always come here for advice! People are always happy to do so. Whether it is good advice or not, you can judge!

(in reply to fuqedupgirl)
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RE: Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 12:28:57 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fuqedupgirl

servos cor......thank you for your advice. You are right. what is a KAP therapist?

and Osidegirl..............your words stung. you are also right. i do have a codependency problem. Mental Health is not a problem that this country takes seriously. Trust me i have tried to seek counseling and because i am uninsured, No one will see me ....oh except for a spiritual counselor and i just dont feel right explaining all of my crap to them. but thanks for kick.....it helped in a weird way.


https://ncsfreedom.org/resources/kink-aware-professionals-directory/kap-directory-homepage.html?catid=14

I know it stung and I'm sorry about that, but being aware of yourself and facing issues is part of the healing process. That link is a list of KAP counselors and therapists. I would suggest asking if they can work something out with you rather than assuming. Many will do pro bono work simply because it is the kink community.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to fuqedupgirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 12:29:25 PM   
fuqedupgirl


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/7/2012
Status: offline 		Thanks again ServosCor for your compassionate advice. i will google a KAP and see if i can find one in my area.

Its amazing, but just getting advice from others in the lifestyle helps tremendously. Most of friends, have no clue what i am feeling!

(in reply to ServosCor)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 12:30:37 PM   
fuqedupgirl


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/7/2012
Status: offline 		Thank You Osidegirl for the link. Looking into it now.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 12:30:54 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Actually, I want to uphold this Dom's behavior as a good thing. I have no idea what all was going on between them but HE did and he took definitive and decisive steps to prevent further harm.

Two thumbs up in a bad situation is my vote.


Yeah, I agree with that 100%. He gets kudos for realizing that he had a problem and taking steps to make sure she was safe.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 1/10/2013 12:31:43 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 1:59:22 PM   
merge9


Posts: 95
Joined: 6/11/2012
Status: offline 		Doms get to call Red too. Respect it.

(in reply to fuqedupgirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 2:12:23 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fuqedupgirl
Its amazing, but just getting advice from others in the lifestyle helps tremendously. Most of friends, have no clue what i am feeling!

Yeah, but back to my point... why?

It seems to me that any friend ought to get the basic brush strokes... you loved this guy. He dumped you cold. You're hurt. If you don't get all wrapped up in how special and alternative it all is then it's just another relationship breakup and any friend ought to be able to be supportive. I think there's also wisdom in getting a kink aware counsellor if you're able but at the friends level this story translates into vanilla-ese with no trouble at all.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to fuqedupgirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 2:24:40 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fuqedupgirl

servos cor......thank you for your advice. You are right. what is a KAP therapist?

and Osidegirl..............your words stung. you are also right. i do have a codependency problem. Mental Health is not a problem that this country takes seriously. Trust me i have tried to seek counseling and because i am uninsured, No one will see me ....oh except for a spiritual counselor and i just dont feel right explaining all of my crap to them. but thanks for kick.....it helped in a weird way.



http://www.needymeds.org/free_clinics.taf?_function=list&state=nh ; you may be able to find someone who is kink friendly by asking for someone who is LGBT friendly.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to fuqedupgirl)
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RE: Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 2:31:16 PM   
ServosCor


Posts: 267
Joined: 9/3/2012
Status: offline 		Jeff.....
 
           I wonder if her friends tend to dismiss the depth of her hurt as this was such a new relationship?  I mean if it were a vanilla situation I would be a bit more prone to just say "oh you'll get over it.  Toughen up".  But...since it isn't.......I tend to think more along the lines of how deeply she attached herself to him/ he to her........and God knows what being in a D/s M/s relationship can do to a person on a "omg this is what I have always dreamed of, needed, wanted to experience, etc" emotion.  Just a thought.  Personally I dont think you can NOT look at this situation without considering the bdsm aspect of it.  And that means, at least to me, it's not 'just another breakup".
 
             Just my 2cents worth..... from a previously heartbroken sub's point of view... I was a mess when it happened to me.
 
                          ~servos cor~

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Being Dismissed!! - 1/10/2013 2:38:19 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Another thing with her friends and maybe the OP can clarify:

If one of my friends ran off to another state, quitting her job and getting rid of everything to be with some guy that she had never met, I'd think she was crazy. My first response would be "What did you expect?"

I'm guessing they don't understand why she's upset over what they expected to happen, combined with they didn't understand how intense the relationship was for her.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ServosCor)
Profile   Post #: 20
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