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Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 7:22:34 PM

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I know there have been many, many threads about this, but I just had someone that I didn't want finding out somethings about me like the fact that I am bisexual and she won't tell me what else she has learned about me. But anyway how should I deal with this. I live in a small town and she lives here to, she says I am disgusting among other things for the things she has found out and then she ended up insulting me endlessly, I ended up blocking here. But still I don't like the idea that she will end up telling others I don't know for sure if she will or not. But if you were in my shoes how would you deal with this?

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RE: Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 7:30:05 PM

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My advice, take it for what it's worth: Accept the fact that she knows and that others will know. I know that it definately sucks. Possibly talk to the people you care about the most and tell that this person may or may not be talking about you behind your back, particularly that she might be making things seem more then they are. Remind them that you are still the same person you always were and that you will be happy to answer any questions they have. If you are sure you are going to be "outted" some damage control could be worth the awkwardness. People who love you will defend you when they understand what is going on.

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(in reply to zindyslave)

RE: Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 7:35:05 PM

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Being "outed" is a concern for many, especially those in what would be the "bisexual" catagory. The mindset of the general can be so narrow, so I understand your fears.

Taking all things into consideration, there is one way to look at it. How in the heck did this person know how to "out" you anyway? There must have been something behind the scenes that led this person to discover what they did. Just remember, when a person points a finger, there are usually three pointing back at them.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 7:39:02 PM

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A) Accept that you outed yourself. Granted, she may have done some digging and it might have been a case of bad dumb luck- but you go out in the world and you take that risk. It can, and as you see does, happen.

B) Let it go. I wouldn't have blocked her. I wouldn't have responded with anything much other than "Oh ok, yeah" and let it go. She is the one who felt she needed to let you know what you knew and put that little worm in front of you. If YOU don't make it a big deal, it lets her know she can't manipulate you with it. If you want to go further, you can try "Oh yeah, I am, and I know you'll respect my privacy and allow me to share it as I choose. Are you going to the softball game tomorrow?"

But, damage is done this time- only thing you can do is go about business as usual. It is your life and until something ACTUALLY happens which requires your attention, just act like the episode never happened.

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RE: Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 7:42:45 PM

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Let this be a lesson to all....Anyone can come out here and if you value your privacy then don't put everything about yourself at everyone and anyone's fingertips.

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RE: Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 7:45:43 PM

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When there are things on the internet and people are nosy they find these things. She said a 'friend' of hers seen a personal ad that my husband/Master but up on a vanilla site where we are looking for a woman to just have some fun with. She also said there were a couple of more sites that she didn't tell me about, more like wouldn't tell me about, and she said they were disgusting sites. Which since she is highly vanilla I could only think of the bdsm sites I go to. (I could be wrong tho) She also says I am not right with God because of my sexual interests, but if she is judging me then what does that say about her? But anyway, she went on to say other things that are not even related. What I want to know why does she even care what goes on in side my bedroom? I don't really have many friends up here but I am working up here and people up here I would say most if not all of them are vanilla, it is a close knit everyone knows everyone else type of town, I am afraid that people will find out where I work and that it might just get me fired even tho I work retail sometimes peoples prejudices come out. I like my job and don't want to risk it, should I just say if someone asks that I don't know what they are talking about or should I just be honest?

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RE: Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 7:48:38 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zindyslave
I like my job and don't want to risk it, should I just say if someone asks that I don't know what they are talking about or should I just be honest?

I'm afraid that's really your adult judgement to make.

If they are inappropriate for asking, you should feel free to give them a look like they are an alien and say that you don't think it's appropriate.

If you think it's appropriate and reasonable, you can say "Yes, we totally do weird fun things, doesn't everyone?" smile, and then move on to a more relevant question.

If it's someone VERY personal and VERY close, then you can decide whether to start seriously talking about all this. It's not something you do all at once or dive into the deep end.

Which approach you take is up to you to guage.

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(in reply to zindyslave)

RE: Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 7:52:48 PM

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My technique for these bigots is to hit on them with gross exaggeration, and confess my undying love for them in a threatmantic but believable way, like how i saved a lock of their hair that i bought off a classmate back in junior high after i heard everyone say she was a lesbian. i guess it's time to come out about our love, isn't it? I'll tell your mother, you tell mine.

they usually block me and never, ever tell anyone or speak to me again.

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RE: Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 7:56:13 PM

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Well the only people that really matter to me are my Mom and she doesn't know this girl and she doesn't live here, and my best friend and I have done told him. Other people are just aquantinces and I really have no reason to tell them anything of the sort. I have been thinking of moving from here and the more of this stuff goes around the more I am going to want to move. I hate that I feel like I am being pushed around by all of this. I did block her but I had a few choices words to say before I did. I guess I should have just left well enough alone and ignored it but it made me mad that people where digging into my personal life esspecially when I don't do that to other people. She said the only reason she was nice to me was because she felt sorry for me what ever that means. (God that is embarrassing to put out there) I don't know I just have so many things flying through my head on this one.

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RE: Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 7:58:09 PM

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Well that seems interesting but what I said to her may stop her from saying anything. I don't know I got a bit mean about what I said. But I like that idea.

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(in reply to MissOchistic)

RE: Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 8:06:21 PM

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quote:

What I want to know why does she even care what goes on in side my bedroom?

See domiguy's post script for the answer.

quote:

should I just say if someone asks that I don't know what they are talking about or should I just be honest?

You work in retail? My suggestion is to let them know how inappropriate the question was to begin with. It's a work place, not a place to discuss what is or is not occurring in your bedroom.

For other people's opinion, it's a judgment call. I would guage your response based on how well you know and trust the other person and how comfortable you are.

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(in reply to zindyslave)

RE: Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 8:10:11 PM

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Thank you MsKatHouston, for your advice. I do like the post script on domiguys response even tho I am religious I guess I just have a different look on things. Thanks to everyone else too, I just have alot of things going on in my head about this and I naturally worry about things that never again come up, so I could just be worried for no reason.

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RE: Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 8:11:29 PM

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You said you blocked her from here?? What is she doing on this site? If i were you i would take my picture down so if she steers people to this site at least they will walk away with possibly a doubt in their mind it could be someone else and not you. You can also threaten her with slander if she opens her mouth.

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(in reply to zindyslave)

RE: Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 8:16:16 PM

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A person only has as much control over you or your life as you give them....and sounds as if you are giving her way to much power....
it's your choice to worry...it's your choice to let her speak to you like that....a person can only make us feel what you choose to allow....
In the grand scheme of things....when you look back at this when you are 80 years old....will it make that big of a difference....and who knows...maybe that perfect girl you want to join your family will hear about it and you might have a happy ending after all....

(in reply to zindyslave)

RE: Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 8:34:28 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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Be careful when threatening to take a person to court over slander. While you may have a case, consider that if she is able to prove that you are indeed bisexual, then she will not be convicted. The truth (regardless of how pleasant or unpleasant it is) is what will determine the outcome of the case. In other words, if she is making false allegations then you most certainly have a legal claim, however, if her allegations can be proven to be true, it would only cause you further problems, because a: she won't be convicted, and b: you now have effectively outed yourself to the courts (and anybody who is in the courtroom) if the statements are found to be truthful.

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RE: Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 8:45:35 PM

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I didn't say I blocked her from here if it seemed that way I am sorry it was on myspace that I blocked her from. I don't even know if she for sure knows about me and this site, I do know that she knows I am bisexual but that doesn't bother me as much as people finding out about this. Because of all the stigma associated with what we do I won't even tell my mom the only reason I told my friend is because I knew he would be understanding and wouldn't judge or tell people. It seems to me more people are understanding of bisexuality and stuff like that than of BDSM in my experiance anyway.

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(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)

RE: Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 8:50:53 PM

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For the most part I don't plan at all, but here I make an exception. I decided that it was a good idea to think some early on about how I would deal with being outed because otherwise I might be emotionally overwhelmed and maybe make a bad choice.

I decided that if it ever happens my first move will be to blow them off, dare them to run their mouths to others. If they do I will tell everyone "I am doing what makes me happy, I deserve to be happy, and I only care about my wife's (slaves) opinion on this anyway"

It will be sad if I lose relationships over this, but I am not willing to give up any of myself for anyone but my wife. I like to take her out, show her off, and have her used so it sometimes happens that we get disapproval. This has not bothered me for a long time. I have gotten my wife to a point where she only cares if our lifestyle gets in the way of her career, which works for me.

(in reply to Eruditegirl)

RE: Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 9:28:01 PM

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Now this responce I like & me being a bit slow on the draw sometimes eventualy I would have thought of something along that line

i guess it's time to come out about our love, isn't it? I'll tell your mother, you tell mine.

Now what strikes me & this is just M.O. I would have ask her what it was SHE WAS LOOKING FOR browsing those kind of sites to betgin with ? Apearently it was SOMETHING or SHE wouldn't have beren there to begin with...

I would just have to throw it back at her & put her on the defencave about it .... just out & out ragg her about even being on those kind of sites it would shift the playing field to say the least.

< Message edited by DonJ9069 -- 5/8/2007 9:40:43 PM >

(in reply to ICGsteve)

RE: Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 9:48:18 PM

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If you didn't want to be outed why do you have a picture on your profile?

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(in reply to zindyslave)

RE: Someone finding out about your lifestyle - 5/8/2007 9:48:19 PM

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you know...no one knows me as this name who *doesnt* know that i'm a bit kinked. so its not a big deal.

there's only one person whose opinion of me i would worry about, and that's mama. and i have given her golden opportunity to know who her daughter is, but she SWIFTLY passes on it.

must be the wicked smile i get when i offer.....

kitten, who can look innocent and impish all at the very same time....

(in reply to DonJ9069)

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