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A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 7:26:03 AM

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This post is not Mistress specific, but I like it in these chambers, so am posting here----I am from the old school, or perhaps an old school, I take being a Domina very serioulsy---I feel a great responsibility for My submissives--for their health, for the well being--for their happiness---even to the extent that it may not make Me happy---however if it is in the best interest of the submissive, then it is what it is----I watched My dear Fiend MoGA do the very same thing----we just feel very strongly about that--I do not understand nor can I comprehend why people would insist that We need to be self centered- greedy--selfish---that is it always OUR happiness, OUR needs that must be considered-----am I alone in this thinking?

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Mistress Hathor

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 7:29:09 AM

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I hope you're not alone.

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 7:41:39 AM

Majik

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

This post is not Mistress specific, but I like it in these chambers, so am posting here----I am from the old school, or perhaps an old school, I take being a Domina very serioulsy---I feel a great responsibility for My submissives--for their health, for the well being--for their happiness---even to the extent that it may not make Me happy---however if it is in the best interest of the submissive, then it is what it is----I watched My dear Fiend MoGA do the very same thing----we just feel very strongly about that--I do not understand nor can I comprehend why people would insist that We need to be self centered- greedy--selfish---that is it always OUR happiness, OUR needs that must be considered-----am I alone in this thinking?

Bravo! I could not of said it better. This is how I think as well. My subs happiness and wellbeing is more important than my own. I tend to go out of my way to make sure he is taken care of. So no...you are not alone.=]

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Explain nothing, your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe you.

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 7:57:48 AM

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I agree wholeheartedly. The "Bitch Domme" might be a great fantasy, but I could not sustain it very long. I tend to be loving, nurturing, and protective. When I see them happy, I am very happy (tired, but happy - LOL)

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Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 8:01:07 AM

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No, you are not alone.

A little look into Lady Pact's life.......

Last night, My husband and I were having a disagreement on a totally unrelated subject. (Couples do have disagreements from time to time. No one is perfect.) Out of the blue, he tells Me, "If one of your boys was having the problem, you wouldn't hesitate".

Thing is, he's probably right and I probably owe him an apology.

Back to the point.... No, you're not alone. I consider any submissive of Mine to be in My care. That means his well being is My responsibility. It doesn't mean he's going to be exhilleratingly happy every second of his exisitance, but he should always have quiet assurance of knowing that he is secure with Me.

(in reply to Majik)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 8:20:04 AM

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No you are not alone in that thinking at all.

quote:

The "Bitch Domme" might be a great fantasy, but I could not sustain it very long

Funny I just recently blogged about that very thing. I am not so much selfish as self aware as it is me who must deal with the responsibility and consequences of my relationships. So, I know what I like and what I want. I choose compatible partners. It is then a power exchange where both our needs are being met. I feel a sense of responsibility to my partner and care for them. They do the same for me.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 8:27:05 AM

Red82

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Its good to see that you are most certainly not alone on this one.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 8:32:29 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

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Yes and no.

My personal belief is that we are responsible for our own happiness and finding our own joy in life - no one else can do that for you. You have to have your own joy in order to be happy with one another once the first flush of infatuation is over.

That said - when in a relationship - vanilla, BDSM, or other - we're equally responsible for maintaining an atmosphere that is beneficial to each other's well-being.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 6/1/2007 8:42:10 AM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to Red82)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 8:39:01 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
...
---I feel a great responsibility for My submissives--for their health, for the well being--for their happiness---even to the extent that it may not make Me happy---however if it is in the best interest of the submissive, then it is what it is----
...
--I do not understand nor can I comprehend why people would insist that We need to be self centered- greedy--selfish---that is it always OUR happiness, OUR needs that must be considered-----am I alone in this thinking?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

I agree wholeheartedly. The "Bitch Domme" might be a great fantasy, but I could not sustain it very long. I tend to be loving, nurturing, and protective. ...

I couldn't agree more with this type of thinking. The 'Ubber Dom' is another great fantasy (On yer knees, bitch/boy!), but in my experience all r/t Dominants, male and female, strongly embrace a nurturing, growth-based, supportive relationship with their submissives.

It would be the fantasy, in my opinion, that gets in the way of 24/7 lifestylers.

Beverly

(in reply to Red82)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 8:47:20 AM

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Surely if two people decide to have a relationship where the Dominants simply doesnt care, then this is okay. There must be many Dominants AND submissives who enjoy this dynamic.

For myself i expect to be treated okay and have my needs met but not if its making Her unhappy. The reason for that is i would see it totally as my fault, and that, makes me miserable. i know this is a contradiction that being made happy makes me miserable but its truly how i feel. As for being made happy when it makes Mistress happy too.... Bring it on..... <grins>

Just like any relationship i guess its a case of making sure you are fairly compatible before getting over involved.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 8:55:52 AM

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You are not alone, as my way of thinking and handling relationships is quite similar.

So it would be just my opinion that the fact the room is not more crowded is a shame. There do exist d-types who feel that the world does revolve around them and their needs. If we talk about what the roles 'mean', you can see why they take the letter of the law very directly.

But in the end, these are (to some) relationships we are talking about, and there needs to be 'enough' give and take such that the s-types wish to continue to pursue that type of relationship, or that relationship with us specifically.

Recently in response to a post I made it was contended that there is a middle ground. Those d-types who feel selfish 'enough' to ensure that their needs are met, but open-minded enough to make certain that the care and feeding of the s-type is met as well. I understand that the world isn't totally black and white, but I would put this class of person in the same room with 'us' and just consider their selfish side a veneer so others don't find their dominance lacking.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 9:02:36 AM

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Since the OP mentioned that her post isn't only for Mistresses to respond to, here goes...

I think there's a bit of a divide between people who only session together and don't have a deep relationship outside of the scene, and those who do have a committed relationship or live together 24/7.

At some point the submissive's needs must be met (since they're "needs" it's by definition that they must be met). If they are in a committed or live-in relationship with an uncaring Dom/me then that relationship will seriously suffer as the submissive will not be taken care of. If on the other hand the submissive is only seeing an uncaring Dom/me sporadically for scening then I'd assume that they are taking care of their own needs in a separate relationship or on their own. So I can see it working out in a case like that, if it's a fantasy that both enjoy playing out.

(in reply to mstrjx)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 9:03:32 AM

lovewithoutfear

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"That said - when in a relationship - vanilla, BDSM, or other - we're equally responsible for the other's well-being. "

This is so true. There have been comments from subs on many threads here about putting Master's/Mistress's happiness first too. It seems to me that if both sides are putting the other first, it is a win-win situation!

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 10:07:53 AM

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Greetings to All - ~bowing slightly~

First of all, it's wonderful to see You on these boards again, MH. ~smiles~.

i for one could NEVER be with a Dominant who did not accept and embrace the mutuality of caring. i will lay down my life for my Master and i expect the same from Him. Anything less than that i would never settle for. Just as there are selfish, self-centered, arrogant SOBs in the vanilla world, there are some in this lifestyle as well. AND i would like to add, the selfishness is not at all unique to Dominants. There are plenty of whining, sniveling so-called subs/slaves who's only real motivation in appearing caring, is to get what they want when and how they want it. So, my dear Friend, You are definitely not alone on either side.

_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 10:23:34 AM

MistressSassy66

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I feel its My responsibility to make sure they are okay.
Being a careing person by nature I cant help Myself,but to make sure they are okay mentally,physically etc.
I dont see it as a bad thing to care for a submissives well being.
To Me it means Your a good person at heart.

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Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 11:21:13 AM

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I'm a firm believer in balance. I'll look after them, but I also expect them to have the same level of consideration for me.

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 12:05:29 PM

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i am a male submissive and a firm believer of Female Supremacy. So i think one factor of the dynamics of a D/s relationship comes from the submissve who considers the needs of his Mistress as superior. Does that mean that a Dominant Female needs to be 'greedy', 'selfish' or 'self centered'? In no way. It just means a submissive must make the effort to learn what the real needs of his Mistress are, and these needs can be very simple or very creative without being 'greedy' etc... And of course the Female Dominant contributes to the relationship too by caring for the submissive. The most intimate thing She can do is caring for the submission of Her slave. That is what Her slave can't find in any other relationship, and that is what She gives him. By caring for his submission the Female Dominant creates space for Her slave to develop his personality in the way he really wants. And as his submission grows, he learns how to care for the Superior Needs of his Mistress. And like a Mistress must carefully select a slave, a submissive must carefully choose his Mistress. i never would choose to serve a Mistress who is 'greedy' and (over) self centered... because it demands so much more devotion to discover the needs of a more subtle Woman...

(in reply to LadyDominaX)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 1:55:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

Yes and no.

My personal belief is that we are responsible for our own happiness and finding our own joy in life - no one else can do that for you. You have to have your own joy in order to be happy with one another once the first flush of infatuation is over.

That said - when in a relationship - vanilla, BDSM, or other - we're equally responsible for maintaining an atmosphere that is beneficial to each other's well-being.

This is exactly what I was thinking...I couldn't agree more. There has to be equal give and take.
With kind regard,
~Kara

_____________________________

"Never eat more than you can lift." ~ Miss Piggy

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 2:07:13 PM

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Believe women are the stronger sex, both emotionally and sexually. Personally I'm hoping for mutual respect with a loving Domme. If I were to put her first then hopefully she'll have the respect to give back to me once in awhile.....give and take? In other words....ladies first!...but if I don't get my needs met on occaision....adios! I can be a rebellious,bull-headed little bastard. If I ever ended up with a Bitch From Hell type I might just use her own paddle on her...lmao!

< Message edited by stockingluvr54 -- 6/1/2007 2:09:02 PM >

(in reply to subiugo)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/1/2007 2:21:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subiugo

i am a male submissive and a firm believer of Female Supremacy. So i think one factor of the dynamics of a D/s relationship comes from the submissve who considers the needs of his Mistress as superior. Does that mean that a Dominant Female needs to be 'greedy', 'selfish' or 'self centered'? In no way. It just means a submissive must make the effort to learn what the real needs of his Mistress are, and these needs can be very simple or very creative without being 'greedy' etc... And of course the Female Dominant contributes to the relationship too by caring for the submissive. The most intimate thing She can do is caring for the submission of Her slave. That is what Her slave can't find in any other relationship, and that is what She gives him. By caring for his submission the Female Dominant creates space for Her slave to develop his personality in the way he really wants. And as his submission grows, he learns how to care for the Superior Needs of his Mistress. And like a Mistress must carefully select a slave, a submissive must carefully choose his Mistress. i never would choose to serve a Mistress who is 'greedy' and (over) self centered... because it demands so much more devotion to discover the needs of a more subtle Woman...

ROTFL!!!

_____________________________

"If we value so highly the dignity of life, how can we not also value the dignity of death? No death may be called futile." - Yukio Mishima

(in reply to subiugo)

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