RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 8/15/2007 12:09:42 PM

MastersMaiden

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jolielaide: thank you for your post :)
It brings a more personal view to the table than just the article we had to go on :p
i thought that you had some good points.

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 8/26/2007 4:22:54 PM

SlaveSoul

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greetings all,

mia and her Master sat and watched said news report the night it was aired. These women are surrendered wives, in a taken in hand relationship, which is quite different from the BDSM/Ds/Ms dynamic that people in the lifestyle all enjoy.

Trying to compare taken in hand with BDSM (or any other power exchange relationship) is like trying to say that consentual BDSM/Ds/Ms relationships are abusive. An abusive relationship and a consentual relationship are both very different things, and each one has certain "qualities" that make it what it is.

mia personally sees nothing wrong with "taken in hand" if that suits the couple, but it is definitely not to her taste. The woman in a taken in hand relationship exercises far too many personal rights in the relationship for her liking. It seems too much like "play acting" to her M/s attuned senses, but, like anything, if it suits a certain couple, then who is anyone else to judge?.

here are a couple of links to taken in hand relationships for anyone who is interested:

http://www.takeninhand.com
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taken_in_hand

girl wishes all well,

mia{L}
Property of Logos.

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 9/16/2007 9:02:55 AM

PetTeacher

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Please, no one pass out... but I think the book has a few great ideas, just as Dr. Laura Schlessinger's books has great ideas. I have never felt like I lost one ounce or drop of power as a female by using some of the tactics listed in this type of reference book. In fact, many of the ideas I have learned about being a femdom is learned from books such as these.

A co-worker gave me a book on loan after I got married and said it was his marriage gift to me and was a must read. It was some 50's book on being the "proper wife". Of course it had many funny attributes that gave me a tickle but I did learn a few things that was not taught by my mother or anyone else. I had little to go on as a reference guide other than failed relationships of others, miserable relationships of others, and what I seen on TV. I embraced ideas from all sources to develop who I wanted to become. I will never forget this, the main lesson I learned from my co-workers book was,"groom yourself before your husband sees you after he comes home from work (brush hair, makeup, perfume, straighten up your clothing) and NEVER start a negative conversation until at least an hour upon his arrival". Not word from word, but the spirit of the text. Look, peace at least one hour of the day.. guaranteed.

I've tested the theory multiple times, and the damn book was right in areas... so yes I "surrendered" to the part that works. I'm not going to be stubborn to my own detriment, or to the detriment of my marriage just for the sake of being "right", "the top", "chief decision maker", "femdom", or anything of the nature. There is a lot of room for give and take..many ideas are a win-win. That's a good thing.

As far as subs in the past, I've used the same skills from these books with them as well as taught a few of them. If it works... it works.

These ideas that seem archaic are just tools some people can use to better their life if they so choose to. Skim the cream and toss the rest.

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 9/16/2007 9:52:31 AM

PetTeacher

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[/quote] Referring to the parent by name would be taken as odd, however, with the formality being taken as indicating a very distant and detached relationship between the parents and the child, and a "cold" family. [/quote]

My very vanilla parents would look at me as if I had lost my mind and would see it as very disrespectful if I called them anything other than Mom/Dad, Mother/Father, Mommy/Daddy. I find nothing odd about it as well.

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 9/25/2007 2:43:10 AM

slaveLodger

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If it upsets anyone they can try the opposite view at: www.frocks.nu/surrenderedhusbands.htm

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 10/7/2007 9:23:52 AM

PetTeacher

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Great link. Thank you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveLodger

If it upsets anyone they can try the opposite view at: www.frocks.nu/surrenderedhusbands.htm

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 10/8/2007 3:39:46 PM

MistressDollysub

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Hello. Actually ,I believe it is Bruce Springsteen who wrote and still performs "Because the Night" Dont have any idea if he is kinky but he sure can write a song.. the lyrics are easier to understand in the Patti Smith version.

Thank you

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 10/8/2007 10:17:17 PM

DarlingDeviant

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Hahah Lotus.. If I could find a man who could do me 4 times a day I may just consider this surrendering thing... hahah joking....kinda

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 10/9/2007 1:13:08 AM

SixFootMaster

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

Actually, none of the criticisms were directed at luci, but at the women in the 'surrendered wife' movement. That's how the whole little fracas happened: a misunderstanding which I attempted to clear up from the very beginning, in my own awkward way. Needless to say, it failed.

I dared say I found Boyle's work ugly; some people took it as a personal insult - it's called conflict arousal. If you read carefully you will find the whole thing got out of hand when the submissive troops decided to erect a barrage against those that disagreed with them!

Poppycock.

Anyone reading through this thread with even a modicum of intelligence can see that you turned downright nasty at the end. Whatever your issues are, keep them in your own baggage. Slaveluci remained entirely civil, her comments were insightful, intelligent, and well thought out, she debated while you insulted. She refuted your points, while you denigrated her lifestyle and her choices. Twice at least you accused her and others of the 'sins' you committed while refusing to acknowledge your own guilt in the matter. I suggest you take a couple of days to cool your head, reread the thread, and then write a nicely worded apology to slaveluci and the other girls who held their ground and defended their beliefs against your invective.

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 10/11/2007 2:06:27 AM

Aheeb

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well I read about 5 pages and I don't think i have the energy to read 10 more pages lol. Here is my 2 cents.
1) how is this so different then domestic servants? sure its female orianted but you can apply the same thing to both sexes its not a Strick Male Supremecy or Female Supremecy thing. It more seems to me that the people involved tried the vanila way and it didn't work and they are more naturaly D/s or kinky but would rather lable them selves differently. so it was Sane.
2) the females said that they read the book and decided to give it a try and love it. I don't remember hearing a case where it was either "read the book and follow it or I am leaving" from the husbands so it was Consentual.
3) the people seem to not be abusive either mentaly, physicly, verbely, or sexualy. the idea of them telling the young daughter "we are doing this for daddy since it makes him happy and it shows him respect" is a bad thing how? I don't hear of any one going Your Daddy, Your Father, Your other parantial guardian to a kid unless they arn't in the family. I am sure they keep the sexual daddy talk away from the kid. the whole training her to be only a submissive sex object dosn't hold up. The mother was trying to keep her busy, teach her how to keep a good home and honor and respect a member of the house hold. at a girl that age would wouldn't want to take "you can take your own path to find your self". so it seems like a Safe relationship.
4) so far this way of life seems to be Safe, Sane, and Consentual so I ask what is the wrong thing in this? Sure it might have seen one sided but that is becouse the author only had experience in it and it gets really annoying to read a whole book going "he/she" or "she/he".
In the end i find nothing wrong with this and I personaly like it since I am drawn to domestic servatude, its not for every one but I can;t think of one thing in this life style every one likes and agrees apon and as we say, as long as its Safe, Sane and Consentual we should respect it and not pass judgement on the people doing it.
P.S. i had my wosdom teeth removed today and I have deslexia so there will be some spelling and grammer errors and I hope you can read past that.

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 10/11/2007 6:43:14 AM

Sabella

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:looks dazed: I read all of this thread a few days ago, and the transcript posted on page 1 (can't get the video to load, extremely laggy) And I gotta say - the transcript & the enraged views posted on this thread are nothing - I repeat NOTHING like anything in Laura Doyle's most excellent book. The entire transcript "interviews" with people supposedly following her instructions are something they came up with on their own, perhaps after reading some BDSM websites afterwards

Her book in a nutshell is about mutual respect - giving and getting it and how to get it back if you've lost it. Asking for help when you need it. How to deal with disagreements in a non-hostile manner. How to relay when you need help or desire something in a manner that he will completely understand. How to become aware (and apologize) when you have been disrespectful in manner or deed by insulting him or his possibly foolish choices. Relenquishing "control" of things you shouldn't have control of to begin with! Stop hen pecking your spouse to the point where he feels he can't win and always defers to your opinion to avoid an arguement or stops making decisions for himself because his ideas are always shot down or belittled. It's about giving him back HIS side of life and responsibility (without you mommy'ing him to death) and in return all that time you spent telling him what to wear, how to drive, what to do with his money, how to do his job, how to load the dishwasher - is now your time by not worrying about it.

There is a valuable area she dedicates to self care, making time to make sure your batteries are charged so you can have the energy and serenity to handle things on your plate before you reach the snapping point. How to work to ensure you have this time and care, and how to express in a non-hostile way "I'm tired/stressed/overwhelmed, I need help" instead of screeching about something that has absolutely nothing to do with the real problem as you express your frustration. I recommend that EVERYONE no matter who you are should read/listen to this.

Nowhere in her book or audio set (I have both) does she talk about servitude, following lists, being "dommed" or keeping your mouth shut when you disagree with him.

The riding while blindfolded *rolls eyes* was a twisted spin off of a conversation she had with a wife at some point who complained that she absolutely could NOT stop nagging her husband because he was such a terrible driver and they had two small children. She was afraid he was going to kill them all if she didn't harp on him constantly to slow down, watch where he was going, take XYZ route instead, ect. Laura asked her how long they had been together & how many accidents he had had? They'd been together over 10 years, he'd never had an accident or even a parking ticket. Hmmm.

The "no control date" which the transcript twisted into a scene where the husband told her what to wear, asked her where she wanted to go & then took her somewhere else *laughs* is a spin off of something she talked about. Allowing yourself to be wooed, like you were when you were dating. And if you never really dated your SO, then it's high time you did! How many times have you had the endless conversation of "where do you want to go eat?" to which you replied "oh I don't care" and this goes on for 15 minutes? Your SO WANTS to please you, let him! By saying "I'm really in the mood for a steak salad" you've voiced your opinion but left the choice of destination up to him. You have dinner, you're both happy. He's happy he got to woo his wife and make her happy. She's happy she didn't have to "control" the situation and just got to simply enjoy it. How is this bad?

The bottom line is it's about trust and respect. Trusting that the person you are with is STILL the wonderful, capable person you knew way back when - they haven't changed. Have you? The inability to release control - to let another person make their own decisions for good or bad can and will spill over into other areas of your life. With kids, co-workers, family. It's exhausting why do it? When most of the time the person being controlled is aware of it and resentful and just fights back.

Luci I wish I had seen this thread months ago, you've done a marvelous job in the face of alot of unwarranted hostility. Maybe we can talk sometime about our squashed and oppressive surrendered stance between scurrying away to scrub our brutish SO's backs.

< Message edited by Sabella -- 10/11/2007 6:46:34 AM >

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 10/11/2007 7:42:31 AM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDollysub

Hello. Actually ,I believe it is Bruce Springsteen who wrote and still performs "Because the Night" Dont have any idea if he is kinky but he sure can write a song.. the lyrics are easier to understand in the Patti Smith version.

To quote Johnny Carson "I did not know that."

Thanks for the info. I love Springsteen and honestly did not know he wrote/performs that song. I have always loved Smith's version and it seems so real coming from her. Can't imagine Bruce singing the lyrics from my sig line and me feeling they were authentic, but her.....oh yeah

...............luci

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 10/11/2007 7:45:31 AM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SixFootMaster

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

Actually, none of the criticisms were directed at luci, but at the women in the 'surrendered wife' movement. That's how the whole little fracas happened: a misunderstanding which I attempted to clear up from the very beginning, in my own awkward way. Needless to say, it failed.

I dared say I found Boyle's work ugly; some people took it as a personal insult - it's called conflict arousal. If you read carefully you will find the whole thing got out of hand when the submissive troops decided to erect a barrage against those that disagreed with them!

Poppycock.

Anyone reading through this thread with even a modicum of intelligence can see that you turned downright nasty at the end. Whatever your issues are, keep them in your own baggage. Slaveluci remained entirely civil, her comments were insightful, intelligent, and well thought out, she debated while you insulted. She refuted your points, while you denigrated her lifestyle and her choices. Twice at least you accused her and others of the 'sins' you committed while refusing to acknowledge your own guilt in the matter. I suggest you take a couple of days to cool your head, reread the thread, and then write a nicely worded apology to slaveluci and the other girls who held their ground and defended their beliefs against your invective.

. Wow, SixFootMaster. That's the nicest thing to say. I happen to totally agree with you. (I'll send your check out today, ok?)

. Seriously, thank you for saying what you did. I'm not worried about any apology but thank you for noticing who was and was not "attacking."

luci

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 10/11/2007 7:47:39 AM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sabella
Luci I wish I had seen this thread months ago, you've done a marvelous job in the face of alot of unwarranted hostility. Maybe we can talk sometime about our squashed and oppressive surrendered stance between scurrying away to scrub our brutish SO's backs.

sure thing, Sabella. Thank you much for your kind words. I have to say that "squashed and oppressed" is the farthest thing from what I am and I'm sure you feel the same. "Surrendering" to Him is the greatest thing in my life...............luci

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 10/11/2007 9:21:40 AM

velvetears

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Hey luci :-)

This should be renamed the boogy man thread - it never dies lol. Hope all is well

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 10/11/2007 8:19:44 PM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Hey luci :-)

This should be renamed the boogy man thread - it never dies lol. Hope all is well

No kidding, velvet. All is very well. Hope you can say the same

..........luci

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 1/1/2008 6:19:31 PM

PetTeacher

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RE: FOLLOW UP FROM 2 MONTHS AGO

I have not made a 360 degree turn and became a submissive. I have aways used good ideas from any type of self help book(s).

I was playing around with theSurrendered Wives book from my last post on here and decided to try a few ideas. Many of the ideas in the book were just basic respect for one another. Which was a no brainer for me to follow. One idea was to state what you want and allow your man to figure out how to make it happen/pay for it. Basiclly you state what you want and don't bring up the topic again or "nag" your spouse. Well being I don't tend to rag/nag my spouse anyway, this was an easy thing to test out. So I asked one day, "When do you think we can move into a larger house?" We lived in a 1,400 sq foot home at the time. This was our starter home and my husband and I both work hard and make good money. Long story very short, a month and a half later I am getting lost in our over 5,500 square foot home in a exceptionally nice neighborhood.

So the damn book does work in some respects. Just don't ask for something you don't really want. Now I have this huge house to clean. Oh, and that was NOT a hint that I want/need a slave/sub. I will do it myself or hire a maid. Just wanted to share a little funny story and how it bit me in the ass.

< Message edited by PetTeacher -- 1/1/2008 6:30:10 PM >

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 1/11/2008 7:51:06 PM

wildnwanton

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Having lived a very similar life for 8 years, I can say that it has both its good points, and its bad.
My last husband and I were not in any specific LS. We were as vanilla as vanilla gets.
I stayed at home and took care of the rearing of the children, the upkeep of the house, errands that needed to be ran, I dressed in ways that he found pleasing, cooked the dinners he enjoyed, I shaved him, washed his back, and massaged him every evening. I also helped him with his business by doing the books and taking care of the payroll. I did not do this because I felt that he was stronger, better, bigger, or more important than me. I did it simply because I loved him. I felt it was my duty since he was out earning a living for us all, and bearing the stresses of the outside world, to see to it that when he came home he would find peace and comfort. I wished for him to be in all respects the man of the house, to bear the burden of making the decisions. We rarely argued, our home was peaceful, our lives were quiet, and for a time, extremely happy, or so I thought.
But in the course of things, I did lose sight of who I was. I put a lot of my own personal goals on the back burner, and it made me a little bitter after the divorce, to realize that in all the years that I was taking care of his desires, I completely forgot all of my own.
But, as with most things in life, things that are given freely out of love are rarely appreciated, they are taken for granted by the person who receives them. He left me for someone much younger.
It took me a long time to come to terms with it, but on the whole I have worked through the anger and bitterness.
I am not sure if I would be able to give up so much of myself again. I still have trust issues, still get a little bitter when I think about all the things I did to see to his comfort when he cared naught about mine.
But I think for the most part, it boils down to allowing everyone to live as they choose. If these women are happy in that life, if this is the way they wish to live, it's not my place to tell them otherwise. Kind of like respecting other's kink, isn't it? We all have the freedom to choose how we wish to live.

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 2/12/2008 9:43:31 PM

kittykat86

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There's a difference between submission and cooperation. These wives don't even come close to the former, and do a painfully bad job at the latter. What I found most troubling was not that they wanted to please and obey their hubands, personally in the right circomstance I think that's totally hot. My problem was that these men were demanding respect instead of commanding it. You don't get respect just because you're biologically male and married. They were getting everything in return for nothing. And these women were struggling to keep their their mouthy comments and eye rolling in check. Submission isn't a struggle. It's a struggle to get there, but it's something you want to do. These women don't want to submit. These women aren't submissives. These women aren't enjoying this. I like to obey because I truly enjoy being pleasing, not to avoid another arguement. I don't even want to argue. I'm so bad at giving up a fight, because it's just so much better to submit. However, these women are going through the motions but their heart's not in it.

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RE: Surrendered Wives on "60 minutes" Austrailia - 2/13/2008 5:21:00 PM

subkristine

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I have spent most of my day looking at this thread and trying to read over it. I may have misread some posts, but think I get a general idea of what most people have to say about this.

I must agree I was floored by the lack of tollerisim for how these families chose to live their lives. I also think it was nothing like the site regarding "The Surrerened Wife".
When I first started exploring what I wanted in life, I came across the site (never bought the book). I personally feel happiest in a male HoH home. I have a wonderful Dominate Husband, whom fortunatly has a job where I have been able to start being a stay at home mom to our 3 children. We live a Ds DD lifestyle and are happier than we have ever been!

I do have to say one thing though, that was not brought up. In todays society, the type of lifestyle the familes on the video clip is rare. It is frowned upon for a man to let his dominate side show, and I think that is why there are not more Dominate Men in the world today. I know that some men are not dominate and some women are not submissive.... but unfortunatly todays society has forced men to ignore their dominate side because it's not "socially acceptable". What is so unfortuante about this is there are women who yearn for their man to dominate them, though some might not openly admit it like some of us here do. That is what I like about the book/site. It gives these women a way to work on their submissiveness, and now their husband know this is what they want they can (if they have it in them) quit repressing their dominate feelings.

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