RE: Is she too young for you?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: Is she too young for you?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Is she too young for you?

Page: << < prev 5 6 [7] 8 9 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/25/2007 7:39:41 PM

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I don't think I was clear, women regardless of age can be hot or not, grounded or not, interesting or not.

I tend to find women nearer my age to be the ones I want to form long term relationships with, doesn't hurt if they are bit younger, smart, and hot as hell.

Its good to be me...

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/25/2007 8:06:40 PM

Posts: 2370
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: New Jersey
Status: offline

I'm a little late, but I just wanted to chime in as another couple with a significant age difference that's in a successful relationship. I'm 28, he's 51. We've been together nine years, married for three. I was very young when I met him, but never felt like he took advantage of me. If anything, I was the one who pursued him. Like Caitlyn said, there are advantages to dating an older man.

In some ways, yes, we have very little in common and he's had life experiences that I haven't yet had. In other ways, we have just as much--if not more--in common as I might have with a man my age. One of the things that has made our relationship successful is that we equally embrace and explore each other's differences and similarities. We complement each other and, in the end, that's all that matters.

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/25/2007 8:08:27 PM

Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline

OT : Nice new pic, SimplyMichael.

mbmbn

_____________________________

Tolerance of evil is suicide.- NYC Firefighter

When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

(in reply to acissej)

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/25/2007 8:50:26 PM

Posts: 125
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline

My Master is 15 years my senior - at the time (9 years ago), some viewed it as a 'big deal'... Now, no one even blinks at us.

I think that although sometimes these relationships can be exploitive, we shouldn't judge what we don't know. At 15, I dated a man who was 48... It was very tender and I was very lost. Although he had his reservations, I was confident that it was what I needed. In the end, I realized it was a whole father/daughter thing and it was my issue, not his. Perhaps he should've known better, but it takes two to tango.

(in reply to xBullx)

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/25/2007 9:06:48 PM

Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bellaballanda

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

This is actually something that has bothered me a little bit. A local munch group I would like to go to is 21+. I was told by one of their board chairs (who was someone that despite that opinion I still have respect for) that people under 21 are not mature enough to be into BDSM or D/s.

That seems prety weird.... I know that there are munches that are held at bars and hence they need a 21+ limit. The munch I used to go to in DC was at a bar and they got a special deal with the bar tender to let 19 and 20 year olds in as long as we vouched that they weren't going to drink anything....

We run play parties. We used to have an age limit of 18 but had to change it to 21 after two unpleasant incidents when the parties were nearly "outed" by the angry families of young women who had been brought along by older men. One had lied about her age and was actually 17. So now the age limit is 18 for munches, which is the legal age in our State, and 21 for the parties, because we cannot afford to put everyone else at risk for the sake of the few. That's the "Reader's Digest" version - but anyone with a grain of imagination can imagine the anxiety we experienced, with the threat of all this trouble about to descend upon our heads....
:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to bellaballanda)

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/25/2007 9:10:12 PM

obis

Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline

I'm still crossing my fingers for caitlyn to come to UT for grad school :)

I think an interesting way to turn around the question would be to ask about other important learning experiences -- would we want a young, inexperienced firefighter to be partnered with one his own age and experience, or one with decades of experience? Does the fact that he might have a better rapport with a peer negate the likelihood that he will simply learn more from the old pro?

Why is it considered basic common sense in every aspect of life that we should learn from those who already know what they're doing, but when it comes to relationships most take it for granted that everyone should be forced to fumble through the same problems with equally clueless partners that others have already solved?

Some of the things we do in BDSM are dangerous physically, and all romantic relationships are dangerous emotionally. Having one person in the room who doesn't need training wheels can be very handy, particularly when they're the one holding the bullwhip and the key to the handcuffs :)

I know that in the relationships I've had with younger women, one of the best things I did for them was teach them how they should (and could) expect to be treated -- that they don't have to take for granted that guys are frat-style jerks or that doms are abusers or any of the other common mistakes that young guys make while fumbling around finding their own identity.

I made sure they understood that ours was unlikely to be a lifetime romance, just because they were growing and their life was changing so fast it was impossible to know if we'd still be compatible in 5 years, but that it is sometimes okay just to enjoy your time with someone for what it is and afterwards have a loving, caring person in the world who will always be there if you need them.

(in reply to caitlyn)

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/25/2007 9:21:19 PM

Posts: 15
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

We all know that at that time most women are further up the maturity ladder than their male counterparts. I would think that if would be a much healthier, and mature relationship with an older man who (hopefully) has had the time and experience to know who he is, what he wants, and how to be responsible. The younger ones are all driving hormones, which can lead to very unwanted outcomes.

I hate how everyone repeats this as fact. In my experience, it's just not true - for the "frat-style jerks," there are their "sorority-style" counterparts. There are intelligent, "mature," 20-something men out there for us like-minded 20-something gals. I can't help but feel that this ubiquitous assertion of women's maturity relative to the men their own age is just an excuse we use to justify our male-dominated culture's obsession with younger women.

(in reply to obis)

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/25/2007 9:29:33 PM

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

"I hate how everyone repeats this as fact. In my experience, it's just not true - for the "frat-style jerks," there are their "sorority-style" counterparts. There are intelligent, "mature," 20-something men out there for us like-minded 20-something gals. I can't help but feel that this ubiquitous assertion of women's maturity relative to the men their own age is just an excuse we use to justify our male-dominated culture's obsession with younger women."

WELL perhaps the young women likes the fact that a mature man has made his thing,settle,affluent in most cases while men her age is struggling to find his self,an entry level job and maybe not any worldly savy..of courses just the opinion of this ol' master

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to naomifai)

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/25/2007 10:54:07 PM

Posts: 62
Joined: 9/1/2006
Status: offline

I totally understand your need to make is 21+ for your play parties. Not to be too off topic, but are your parties held at private houses or at a public dungeon? At the public dungeons I've been to, they check ID at the door and are legal businesses. I don't know what an angry parent of a legal adult could do to a business (but I'm sure I can imagine what they could do to a private individual).

I know that Black Rose (the BDSM group in DC) has a 19 year old minnimum limit so that a)they're definately over 18 amd b) most likely not in high school anymore in order to protect the high school teachers in the community...

Another way to help with outing, have and enforce a privacy rule. At a lot of dungeons what goes on at the dungeon is not allowed to be discussed outside of the dungeon. That way, the parents of the 18 year old wouldn't be told of what happened and thus couldn't out people....

It's a catch 22... as someone who is young and in the scene, I recognize how difficult it is for younger people, but I also recognize how having young people around can sometimes negatively affect everyone else.....

_____________________________

~Shelly

The lifestyle comes to each differently... always remember that....

(in reply to LadyHeart)

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/26/2007 12:08:13 AM

Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bellaballanda

I totally understand your need to make is 21+ for your play parties. Not to be too off topic, but are your parties held at private houses or at a public dungeon? At the public dungeons I've been to, they check ID at the door and are legal businesses. I don't know what an angry parent of a legal adult could do to a business (but I'm sure I can imagine what they could do to a private individual).

I know that Black Rose (the BDSM group in DC) has a 19 year old minnimum limit so that a)they're definately over 18 amd b) most likely not in high school anymore in order to protect the high school teachers in the community...

Another way to help with outing, have and enforce a privacy rule. At a lot of dungeons what goes on at the dungeon is not allowed to be discussed outside of the dungeon. That way, the parents of the 18 year old wouldn't be told of what happened and thus couldn't out people....

It's a catch 22... as someone who is young and in the scene, I recognize how difficult it is for younger people, but I also recognize how having young people around can sometimes negatively affect everyone else.....

Our parties are held at private homes. No one needs all that stress when they are doing a favour for the community by providing a place to play in a not-for-profit situation. We do have the rule that what happens in the Dungeon stays in the Dungeon, but that didn't stop these two. They both had issues with their families and were using BDSM as an act of attention getting/rebellion. They both left diaries or on line logs for their parents to find with all the info that had them hot on our trail. These little treasures had no thought for the consequences of their actions for other people - it was all about them. In Western Australia, some people stand to lose their jobs over BDSM involvement. Nurses, for example, have it written into their contracts that they may not participate in "alternate lifestyles" - yes, it's archaic, but that's the way it is. To have it happen once was unfortunate, but we trusted that it was a one off. it wasn't. It happened again only weeks later. That was it as far as we are concerned. The munches occur in public venues, so 18 years olds are welcome. It doesn't threaten anyone. But 21 is now the rule for the parties.
:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to bellaballanda)

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/26/2007 2:08:55 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greeting to all

now i have a son who is 26 and the thought of some domme making him her slave would make me want to harm her. my son know that i ama domme oh i made a big mistake in telling him. he know already but hearing it from my mouth was a shock/. but no i would not want him to have that eexperince unless she is like me kind and not a bully , wait never mind i do not want him to be in this llifstlye at all his my baby

mons hello mizmia thank so ( someone tell me how this letter sound please was it written right ?)

(in reply to eyesopened)

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/26/2007 4:06:43 AM

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Maturity is more important than 'age'. I have met some VERY mature 19 or 20 year olds and some very immature people who are considerably older than I am.

I knew what I wanted back when I was that age, I certainly don't rule out someone of 19 or 20. I don't often find they are suitable once we get into discussion but I don't rule them out just because of age.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to MzMia)

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/26/2007 6:41:40 AM

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

Bounty I'd love to know where your finding them because the only guys my age that seem to want to talk are the ones that only think with their dicks.

As far as those who dont get the age difference thing goes being with someone older doesn't matter to me, my Owner is the same as He was 4 years ago when I met Him. If someone makes you happy, and if your making each other happy isn't that all that really matters?

To be honest I am getting really sick of these threads, they do pop up out of nowhere on average about once a week and I'm sick of defending what to me is a perfectly good relationship with my Owner. Sex isn't everything at least to Us, there are ways to serve a Dominant that do not include sexual service and I'm really trying to understand where the other forms of servitude got lost and when sex became the main aspect of the BDSM Lifestyle.

Would someone like to enlighten me?

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/26/2007 9:28:55 AM

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

We all know that at that time most women are further up the maturity ladder than their male counterparts. I would think that if would be a much healthier, and mature relationship with an older man who (hopefully) has had the time and experience to know who he is, what he wants, and how to be responsible. The younger ones are all driving hormones, which can lead to very unwanted outcomes.

reply:
I hate how everyone repeats this as fact. In my experience, it's just not true

Hi naomifai,
Actually that was me who made that statement. Whether it is true in your personal experience or not, when it comes to generalizing men and women of that age, the reality is that it is true. Just ask anyone who has to pay car insurance how much they pay for a young woman than a young man. Insurance companies have done serious stastistical research into who is more responsible, more mature, and that is why rates for men this age are always higher.

You also just quoted part of my post. I also said "Of course, this is not saying there are not responsible young men, any more than saying being older equates to being more responsible. We all know screwups of all ages."

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to naomifai)

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/26/2007 9:59:51 AM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

My mother caused a lot of damage to our relationship with her backlash against my being with older men when I was 18 and as I grew up.

She's still not happy about it, but she accepts it for me and we've come a long way since then.

I understand parents having trouble seeing their children as actual people and not clones they selfishly decided to bring into the world and try to remake in their own image- but if you haven't done your job by 18 to have them be reasonably decent people with ok judgement skills, well take the blame on yourself, apologize to your kids for your own failings and hope life doesn't fuck them over too terribly much.

If you have done your job, then trust them, pray that life doesn't fuck them over too terribly and be good in the knowledge that they are their own independent people and ready to start making those decisions as well as they can.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SirDominic)

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/26/2007 11:02:30 AM

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline

Hello all!

This is tough because no doubt I have double standards. I have lived as a lifestyle mistress 20 plus years and throughout that time I have had many slaves, part time and live-in that were young. I believe in old souls and reincarnation. I also believe that some people are born into a certain destiny and that there are people that “need” to fulfill this as theirs.

If I had a daughter and she went to serve a man then I guess I would be a little taken back by this because my views within female domination, HOWEVER I believe that all people must do what completes them and there is no single way, but many roads to get there. If I felt she was being manipulated or she was immature then I would intervene.

If my son went to serve a dominant woman then I would be overjoyed IF she was a true Domina with a spiritual foundation.

Like I said, I have a double standard here and I am sure it is based on my own ignorance.

_____________________________

(in reply to eyesopened)

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/26/2007 11:25:19 AM

Posts: 42
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline

I am 19 and have been in a relationship with a 33 man for a year now- I have dated guys my age in the past, and though they could be responsible, they were cute, cuddly, tons of fun...but I could never take them seriously enough to stop laughing at em... oo and thats not the way you want to feel towards the man who Dominates you.

Well not all the time :P

Also, I recognise the fact that I am impulsive, can be immature on occasion(i'm still just 19), Trust perfect strangers to a dangerous level, and have no self preservation what so ever. Whether it is extreme sports, relationships, flying to another side of the world with a man I just met...I never believe anything bad can happen to me- the world is a perfectly trustworthy place.

And thus added to the other wonderful things about my man, he has the wisdom to know when to tie me up at home so i don't do something a little to impulsive, or figure I can't get into too much trouble from doing something or other. It's nice. And makes me feel safer.
A younger guy just wouldn't give me that feeling I don't think.

_____________________________

I love life.
I love to laugh.
I love to be loved.

(in reply to DiannaVesta)

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/26/2007 11:40:49 AM

Posts: 185
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline

Reading everyone's views and stories has been interesting.
There is no right or wrong answer here, as long as the person is 18 or over.
Every situation is different, as everyone is different.
The best thing you can do is raise your children to make good decisions, and
be there for them whenever they need you.

(in reply to flowered)

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/26/2007 11:46:52 AM

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

WE are in the bible belt but do find them pretty local,Many on line,they come in and out like the breeze,...IT depends on the maturity level and I am light heart man not too cranky, so we do relate on other things besides sex.. a fun couple to be around,WE are up front in our needs and accept no players.While we own slaves,we still seek that fit little cowgirl..A sweet young pleasure slave on a winters night wheeeee..

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to meticulousgirl)

RE: Is she too young for you? - 6/27/2007 11:44:53 AM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

What is too young to be a submissive?
I wonder about men in their 40's/50's/60's taking up with these tender young
women in their early 20's.
They are so young and impressionable, especially if they are only 18.
Would you want your daughter 19, moving in and becoming a slave to a man of 50?
Let's hear it.

I am quoting the above, as I need the reference for some of My comments. Before doing so, however, I'd like to thank everyone who has had input on this thread. Many of the comments were interesting and informative.

MzMia, you actually hit it right on the nose for Me personally. My daughter is just that age, and in fact, is submissive by nature. Where she gets it from, I don't know, but it is what it is. She has yet to take on the lifestyle for herself, but if she choses to follow it, I am very well aware of what her place will be. My saving grace in this scenerio, is that she is not a masochist that I know of. If she is, I'm not especially sure that I want to know. Most parents don't want to know that part, so I think I'm safe.

This may shock some (and I feel the warmth of the flames already) but, if she would get into the lifestyle at this age, I would actually prefer her to find a Dominant older than herself. I would have more faith in someone older, with more experience in the lifestyle, than someone closer to her age, who has relatively none. Knowing she is young and immature (to Me anyway) is one of the reasons I would think the maturity of an older Dominant would do her the most good, if she were serious about living this type of life. Let's face it. Older Dominants tend to have more experience, are more stable, have better control of their own personal lives, than their younger counterparts.

Would it be difficult to accept. Yes, yes, and YES! However, being in the lifestyle Myself, I would hope to think I would have an angle of whether or not he was a worthy Dominant.

(in reply to MzMia)

Page: << < prev 5 6 [7] 8 9 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Is she too young for you?

Page: << < prev 5 6 [7] 8 9 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.160