Suleiman
Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LotusSong Dear Suleiman. What you should have noted and taken from my initial post was this taht I wrote: Everyone has needs and desires.. and some needs and desires just don't mesh with other's. I don't feel that one should NOT switch, by all means, switch you little hearts out, but please be upfront about it. I say this because, what if you are in "dom" mode one evening and a submissive (who is not a switch) you are playing with falls hard for you and you decide you want a collared slave. Then she might see you (whom she believed to be a Dom) subbing to a Mistress, would she be entitled to be disillusioned? Can she depend on you to perform as her dominant outside of play activities? Could she bear watching her Master be on his knees and humiliated by a Domme or drinking her piss or even simply begging for a beating? Dear Lotussong - I apologise for missing that point in your initial post (there is an awful lot of material to keep track of in this thread now), but it does return us to our original topic, does it not? Again, I can only speak from my own personal perspective, just as you yourself can only speak from your own experience. I never had a problem, when I was an owned and collared slave, seeing my Mistress being beaten, or knowing that she was going to some party and would be subbing for the majority of the evening. I did gleek a little when she asked me to top her, but that was more from inexperience and the insecurity that comes with it than an unwillingness to make the attempt. Even so, I happen to have the rate good fortune to have come into my own in a small subset of the SF community that actively embraced switching as a lifestyle choice. Many people do not. While it is true that one needs a thick skin in life, one also needs to feel as if there is some community to offer support. Many switches find that if they are open about their preference, they are marginalized. This is at the core of a great many of the gripe threads that crop up on this particular forum. The OP wanted to know why we are looked upon in such a negative light. You did your best to shed light on how switches are viewed, and the rest of this debate came up from that. The difficulty comes in the second part of his question - why does this happen in a community that makes such a big deal about open-mindedness? In your second post, you made the comment (which of course drew immediate inflammatory ire from others in the forum) about how switches take so much offense that they are not everyone's cup of tea. Once again, I submit, that is not actually the source of the ire. I have never taken umbrage at not being considered a suitable partner or bedfellow. I take umbrage at the idea that, because I am a switch, I am somehow incapable of having a meaningful relationship. That is, and remains, the center of my argument, and I believe it is indicitive of a great many other's outrage as well. You decry the "obvious" 'it's all about me' attitude that you percieve switches to have. Frankly, "Its all about me" covers the vast majority of the human race. As Sadomasokisti points out, there is just as much egotism coming from the monosexual viewpoints, but they are not immediately decried for it. In fact, when a submissive is upbraided by some would-be dominant for acknowledging that they have needs, including needs of the ego, which need to be met (A terribly un-submissive stance, in some people's books), the rest of the forum promptly shouts down the offending dominant, and tells the poor little frail that it is okay to have wants and needs. I have thus far never seen the same opinionated troll get told off for telling a switch that he or she is deluded, that they are running from their true nature, or that their prior dominant was weak (or else the submissive would never have acquired delusions of beind dominant themselves) - save, of course, by any switches in the room. It is this rampant marginalization to which I object, to which I have objected, and to which a great many of us object. If you find your insights arousing ire from others on this forum, it comes from the fact that you seem to suggest, in a most reasonable voice, that perhaps the troll in question was right. You seem to suggest that perhaps we are wrong, that we can not have a stable relationship, that we are only in this for a quick fling, a little party time, and nothing more. I know that I am not unique. I have had rare good fortune to have found a community which not only pays lip service to diversity, but actually embraces it. My rare fortune comes only from an accident of providence - My family moved to the bay area, and so I came of age within spitting distance of San Francisco. If my family had remained in New Mexico or Oklahoma, where I spent my childhood, I would most likely have blown my brains out years ago. How many switches have been forced to live a lie because of this social marginalization? How many left the leather scene behind because, despite their deep-seated need for dominance AND submission, they were convinced by some opinionated ass that they could never have a stable relationship until they pick a side and stick with it? How many have given up in disgust and just walked away? This outrage has a point. So long as switches remain silent, we remain marginalized. Every time some ass opines sagaciously on the inherent inferiority of switching, we are honor-bound to stand up and defend ourselves, if for no other reason than to remain a visible presence, so that other switches know that they are not alone. The human being is an inherently social animal. We instinctively form tribes. Ostracism and isolation are two of the most devestating punishments that can be leveled against any human being. I'll keep flying me freak flag proudly, and occasionally make an ass of myself in the doing, so that other switches don't succumb to the despair of solitude.
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Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.
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