RE: Why are we wrong?

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RE: Why are we wrong? - 9/8/2007 6:40:37 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dharkeclipse

I am a bi, pagan, switch.
In my 14 years of experiance I have run across many who say they are switches but few who are switches (meaning true switches). I came into this life as a sub and only a sub but after my first Dom basically order me to top one of his other subs I found I liked Domming females. So now i'm a sub to Dominant males and a Domme to submissive females. I occassionally want to play hard and my female sub isn't into that so I find a male sub to Top. Takes care of both my sadistic and masochist sides <EG>.
Its like a computer some are programmed to be Doms/Dommes, some subs/slaves and others switches don't ask me why because i have no idea why it just is.

So what do you mean by "true switch"? What does that mean to you?

(in reply to Dharkeclipse)

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Post #: 81

RE: Why are we wrong? - 9/13/2007 5:21:03 PM

MichaelHunter

Posts: 14
Joined: 6/1/2006
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I call myself a switch be4cause, not being that experienced and willing to meet many, It'd be arrogant to say I am Domiant or submissive. I lean very heavily on the sub side, but I don't believe that I'm sub to everyone-hence, I can't be a complete sub. Now, when I meet a dom who is true, then I will be a true sub.

(in reply to LotusSong)

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Post #: 82

RE: Why are we wrong? - 9/14/2007 1:58:53 AM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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i have zero amount of experience. i dont like the labels really. me, personally i aim to find someone who fits with me really well. i am not sure about topping/bottoming, sub/Dom, Domme/sub, and whatever else. i know i want to get really close to him and if that means something we do falls under one of these headings i think i will be okay with it.

for the people who have said they believe everyone can switch, i dont think so. that is like saying everyone is gay. i am pretty sure i could work a clit but at this point i dont want to. my preference. it seems to me we are all unique and that is good and each of us has our spot that feels really good to us. as long as no one is getting abused or exploited against their will it is cool.

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

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(in reply to MichaelHunter)

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Post #: 83

RE: Why are we wrong? - 10/20/2007 4:24:13 PM

CelticPrince

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Joined: 4/15/2005
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Phin,

switches are largely looked down upon by many, not all, because they do not fit the classic sub persona.

CP

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Post #: 84

RE: Why are we wrong? - 10/21/2007 8:56:08 PM

LadyLynx

Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
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I think that switches in a class of their own. everyone of them having different levels of 'switchyness' and different activities that they enjoy. Sometimes people have a hard time understanding something that is not a part of them.

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Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

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Post #: 85

RE: Why are we wrong? - 10/22/2007 7:50:41 AM

TakenPet

Posts: 147
Joined: 1/12/2007
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It is as most of you have said human nature to be resistant to the those ideas to which we dont' understand. A community as a whole we are generally openminded but stated earlier and so eloquently we are all human. The human aspect of things is the downfall in every argument, debate, discussion anything you choose to have. Everyone will develop feelings, tendancies and bias toward things they do not fully understand, things that have offered them bad experiences and things that have been a source of contention in their lives. This whole concept of "being wrong" is someone elses bad experience brought to light. That is not to say that their opinion is right or wrong. The human emotional aspect is so very important when you think about what people say and what people mean. When someone is hurt over something they tend to lash out at those they feel hurt them the most, or completely disengage from and sometimes they will just completely disengage from society. We as people can only go as far as our minds and experiences are willing to allow our person to go.
Are switches really wrong? Not in my opinion, it is perhaps unwise to not share this information with someone, and perhaps a little hurtful and deceitful in the end, but like any human we have free will and non of us are conformists. Where would we be without diversity really?
There is nothing wrong with switches just as there is nothing wrong with slaves or subs or Dom/mes. The point is we are all consenting adults and it would seem that those with such closed minds on topics have been hurt in some way by the very topic to which they are discussing to which end they often choose to avoid the subject or share their less than objective opinion.

(in reply to LotusSong)

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Post #: 86

RE: Why are we wrong? - 10/22/2007 10:39:21 AM

LightHeartedMaam

Posts: 296
Joined: 5/12/2007
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I know Lotus Song personally. From what I read here, she has not said anyone was wrong nor has she said that switches are substandard in any way. She just prefers another mindset. If she wasn't open minded, she would not have ever played with switches (however, her doing so is what formed her opinion).

(in reply to TakenPet)

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Post #: 87

RE: Why are we wrong? - 10/22/2007 6:47:52 PM

MiladyJade

Posts: 13
Joined: 10/21/2007
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I have left more than one "Lifestyle" community because I was treated so poorly for my lifestyle decisions. I am proudly switch- different people inspire me in different ways- and I am skilled at both ends of the whip. I have always found that my experience as a submissive has helped me when I am in the Dominant role, and that my experience as a Domme has helped me in a submissive role- it has helped me to understand the power dynamics, the techniques, the frustrations, concerns, questions, desires, needs, etc.

I don't see how this is a negative thing.

That being said, I am also bisexual- and I've received hate from both straight and queer folks, because of my "sitting on the fence".

As I understand it, people who are bisexual, switch, or both sado/maso (like myself), are looked down on because we "refuse to pick a side"... we "take whatever we can get".. we are "easy"... "fake".. and therefore, we are wrong.

I tend to believe that people simply don't understand being outside their own role- many Dominants, in my experience, have felt threatened by a Dom/me that can switch into the submissive role, and therefore better understand the needs of a submissive. Many submissives, in my experience, have felt threatened, and scared by, people who can switch from bottom to top, because one moment, they fear, we can be a sister-sub, and the next, wielding a whip.

It is, largely, and of course not in every case, but largely, a case of insecurity. Of people not having looked outside themselves at the possibilities offered to them. Of people not having looked INSIDE themselves, and not having seen what they can offer themselves.

This is not a criticism- it is simply an observation. Many people who are Dom/me truly ARE solely Dom/me. Many people who are submissive truly ARE submissive- in the very core of their being.. and I give that mad respect.

I am switch. I am happy to be so. I am not switch because I am easy, or will take whatever I can get- because whatever I desire, I will have... no matter if I restrict myself to one or the other. I switch because, to deny myself one or the other side of my personality, is to squelch my own potential- it is to keep me from thriving, from growing, and from blooming. And I refuse to do so.

(in reply to Phin)

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Post #: 88

RE: Why are we wrong? - 10/23/2007 8:58:02 AM

Alumbrado

Posts: 5560
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin

The comment was made at a social I attended that that particular dom did not understand how one could switch. he seemed quite condesinding toward switches. Why are we looked upon with such negitive light in a community where understanding is preached so loudly?

Because denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Consider the common scenario of a powerful domineering Type-A executive, military officer, etc who goes to a Domina to be allowed to crawl around in panties. When they get dressed and leave, are they no longer a 'real' general or CEO?

Same thing goes for any Dom who has the guts to admit what they really want deep down inside...when they take off the Bo Peep outfit, they are still real Doms.... If they were 'real' in the first place.

People are versatile like that.

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Post #: 89

RE: Why are we wrong? - 10/23/2007 10:06:00 PM

LadyLegs

Posts: 176
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OK, I will be the first to admit it. We are actually just jealous that you get twice as many team jerseys as we do.

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Post #: 90

RE: Why are we wrong? - 10/23/2007 10:09:26 PM

SwitchLydia

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Joined: 10/9/2007
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I am total agreement with you. I have posted a lengthy issue of the same topic on Maxfisch, and had quite an overwhelming response of positive and helpful answers!

Switch Lydia

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Post #: 91

RE: Why are we wrong? - 10/24/2007 11:37:28 AM

twelveroundsfan

Posts: 11
Joined: 10/23/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
For those on here that are appalled that the "community" isn't supportive of switches, look around- NO ONE IDENTITY (dom, domme, submissive, slave) has total, 100% acceptance. Being a switch does not guarantee acceptance either.

That's a good insight. It's interesting to see the great number of people in this lifestyle who consider themselves pariahs, who feel that "the community" is a nice homey place for everyone except them. Maybe there are pariahs, but there can't be that many! It reminds me of the song "Message in a Bottle" by The Police: "Seems I'm not so lonely being alone." We ALL have desires that are considered perverse by the standards of mainstream society. The fact that we're perverts should unite us far more than the nature of our particular perversions separates us.

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Post #: 92

RE: Why are we wrong? - 10/26/2007 6:48:22 PM

maclough

Posts: 25
Joined: 7/5/2005
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Hmmn, ok want to know why the community or atleast some of the community looks down on switches? Well, part of that is a switch is looked at as "in the bedroom" not in a D/s relationship. Not saying wrong or right just saying what I have been told and what i see

(in reply to LotusSong)

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Post #: 93

RE: Why are we wrong? - 10/27/2007 9:09:38 PM

paganswitch3

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/1/2006
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Interesting reading. But Paris Hilton ? I prefer to think of us more as Lindsey Lohan maybe, at least she could act at one time ;-) Poor girl needs a spanking and a hug, imho...

So - at one time in my life I was a sub. 100%. No interest in topping or Dom-ing what so ever. The ex wife was also a sub, and we weren't scene players...you might see where this is going...You try new things, and some of them you find you really enjoy, while at the same time the things that used to sing to you might still have their charm - so what do you do ? You grow, hopefully, and incorporate the new with the old and find your balance.

I am fully aware this doesn't work for everyone. It does, however, work for me and many others...and besides, you get to get your partner back for the 50 clothespins you had to writhe in for an hour the next time you switch roles ;-)

Maybe it's more for the S&M then the D&s crowd perhaps ? Maybe some of us are just a little more complex in what we want and need ? I'm not saying anyone that doesn't switch is simple, not at all...

As with anything I ever tell anyone - ymmv, and probably really should.
-t

(in reply to maclough)

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Post #: 94