Collarchat.com

Join Our Community
Collarchat.com

Home  Login  Search 

RE: Why are we wrong?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Switch >> RE: Why are we wrong? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Why are we wrong? - 6/30/2007 6:22:48 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:


quote:


BTW, the group I started with was approximately 80% switch.  I was totally saturated with the concept for 3 years.  I was not for me.  Plain and simple.  If it's for you- be happy and stop being so damned defensive people.

Who's being defensive here? 

If you want to decide that switches aren't for you, that's fine.  You don't have to defend your position.  I think the main issue is that people inherently feel the need to be accepted by others and you swearing off an entire pseudoclassification makes them feel unwanted.  That and some of us just hate being packed into a neat little box based on a word that we use only for lack of a more accurate term...

Ultimately, you're the one that has to decide what's best for you.  As long as you're happy with what you're doing, who really cares if some people lump you in with a group and question your motives for the choices you make about your own life?  The positive side to that is, all you have to do to prove that you're more mature than them is to not do the same in return.


The reason why I stated that little piice of additional info was to dissuade the notion that perhaps I hadn't known ENOUGH switch's.  Also for those who feel those who feel the mono-focused "CAN'T" switch, please be assured that its not "can't" , it's simply not an interest or had been done and found wanting.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Tenebrious)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Why are we wrong? - 6/30/2007 6:27:22 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

  Could she bear watching her Master be on his knees and humiliated by a Domme or drinking her piss or even simply begging for a beating?



This pretty much explains why I would not enter a relationship with a switch, I have nothing against them and indeed, I am sexually sadistic with women but i could never maintain a dynamic with my master after watching him that way or indeed, knowing that he was being that way even if i didnt have to see it.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Why are we wrong? - 6/30/2007 6:38:00 PM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline
Is there a delete thread button? I didn't start this thread thinking that it could the the all out pissing contest that it has become.

I was simply corious why others thought that switches were so wrong. Personaly I cannot see how anyone could be strictly dominate or submissive, but I attempt not to judge a person by their kinks

_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to amaidiamond)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Why are we wrong? - 6/30/2007 6:56:52 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline
If you really want it deleted mail a mod and request it's removal

(in reply to Phin)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Why are we wrong? - 6/30/2007 8:48:30 PM   
Tenebrious


Posts: 101
Joined: 2/28/2005
From: right behind you
Status: offline
Have you ever known a thread not to turn into a pissing contest? 

As threads go, this one isn't that bad.  I say leave it up.

(in reply to Phin)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Why are we wrong? - 6/30/2007 9:59:46 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amaidiamond

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

  Could she bear watching her Master be on his knees and humiliated by a Domme or drinking her piss or even simply begging for a beating?



This pretty much explains why I would not enter a relationship with a switch, I have nothing against them and indeed, I am sexually sadistic with women but i could never maintain a dynamic with my master after watching him that way or indeed, knowing that he was being that way even if i didnt have to see it.


That's kind of interesting. I have played to both sides, though my orientation is widely and overwhelmingly D. When I say I've played to both sides I mean I can happily go YEARS without being on the bottom/submitting and be perfectly OK with it. But whenever someone has elicited the response in me, they have *always* been switches and always been people willing to switch with me. I have a complete lack of trust around people who don't or won't or never have never will.


(in reply to amaidiamond)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Why are we wrong? - 6/30/2007 10:06:19 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline
As for "why are we wrong" there's no shortage of people who will tell me I'm wrong for being a Dominant femme. Or a submissive femme were I one. There's no shortage of people telling Dominant males they are wrong, submissive males they're wrong and transgender people that they don't actually exist at all.

Why switches would listen to them is beyond me.

If my enjoyment of being rope suspended makes someone else think I'm just fucking around and not actually dominating my slave, am I going to base my self image off of HIM or off of that person who is so horribly misinformed?


(in reply to Grlwithboy)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Why are we wrong? - 6/30/2007 10:06:56 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
And for me it just delights and turns me on to see my partner getting dominated by another.  I guess because my ultimate priority and what love means to me is him being himself and experiencing good things.  From who or what is fairly irrelevant.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Grlwithboy)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Why are we wrong? - 6/30/2007 10:09:07 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

And for me it just delights and turns me on to see my partner getting dominated by another.  I guess because my ultimate priority and what love means to me is him being himself and experiencing good things.  From who or what is fairly irrelevant.


I've had the lovely fortune to play with some couples who have that dynamic, the "I'm so happy he/she's so happy" glow. Really fun energy when it happens :)


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Why are we wrong? - 7/1/2007 3:06:40 PM   
beltainefaerie


Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline
I really hope that the OP doesn't take down this thread, because it has had some interesting gems in it.  Although i am not entirely sure what illicited the arguing that has gone on, I have really appreciated the honesty and thought that went into the comments and replies.  I think that Sulieman has had some of the most amazing descriptions, that I truly identify with.  Thank you.

My Master brought the switching out of me by having me top his wife and my sisterslave.  I suppose it statred out still subbing, as I was doing his bidding, but I realized that I really was having fun beating her.  Over time, I have found a dominant side I didn't even know I had and now have one sub of my own.  However, it doesn't lessen my devotion or submission to my Master.  If anything it heightens it, because he found anyother gem inside me to encourage me to polish and hone.  The fact that he sees so clearly what I am and loves me for it makes me treasure and desire to please him all the more.

I would never want to watch my Master dominated, because for him it would be wrong.  If he was a switch, i think i would be one who delighted in watching his happiness, however that manifested.  I believe that would be true for me, because watching my husband with another partner is one of the most sexy, beautiful things I have ever had the pleasure to witness.  

I think that many people can't understand switching just as many clearly straight or gay folks don't like acknowledging the bisexuals.  For many gay folks, they tried to fit society's mold and pretended to be straight until they were ready to come out.  For some straight folks, they engaged in adolescent experimentation that ultimately didn't float their boat, and they veered away from it.  I think that too many people can't fathom experience beyond their own, so if they hid or experimented before they found themselves, they don't understand those of us that found both sides of the coin to be fulfilling. If they have only dominant or only submissive desires, it is difficult to understand why anyone would have both.  Ultimately, i think it is merely a lack of vision for the Otherness in people that makes us think anothers path is less worthy than our own.  However, that said, I think that rejecting a certain kind of partner but still having respect for the group is vastly different than those that distain one group or another.  I don't care who you choose to bring to bed or not, I merely mind when people are condescending or dismissive to those that make choices different than their own.  There is a huge difference between stating, "I wouldn't become involved with a switch, because..." and saying,  "One shouldn't become involved with switches".  One is a preference and the other is a judgement, and the judgement is what feels condescending and obnoxious.

(in reply to Grlwithboy)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Why are we wrong? - 7/1/2007 3:58:02 PM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline
No worries, there are no plans to ask for the thread to be removed  I had an especialy rough day at work and was in a bad mood when I opened the thread

You are quite right there some great things in this thread, I appreciate all the posts that have been added here


_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to beltainefaerie)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Why are we wrong? - 7/3/2007 8:26:13 AM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
We aren't wrong.

We're different.

Not everyone's cup of tea, even if that explanation of the WHY seems rather deluded to those of us that are happy and working just fine in our relationships the way we are.

One thing I can't understand is why people feel the need to be belittling in their views of us and still feel justified to sum it alllllll up to just not being their cup of tea.

If it ain't your bag, it ain't your bag.  No biggie. 

And while I'm sure I'm gonna get pegged as being "defensive", oh well.  I'm making an observation, this is how I see this thing going.  It's an opinion, simple as that. 

Am I angry? No.  Am I upset?  No.  I've learned to not take that kind of offense to statements that I've referenced.  Simply pointing it out so perhaps those who have made them can take another look at what they are saying.


_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Why are we wrong? - 7/3/2007 9:25:48 AM   
Polynikes


Posts: 27
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline
I think that switches are fortunate to be wired in the same way that bisexuals are wired.  Switches immediately double their opportunities within the lifestyle and I think that is a huge advantage over the rest of us.  As far as condescending people are concerned I don't even pay attention to them.  By ignoring those whiners you take away all their power and turn them into screeching, impotent wretches.  Nothing grinds those people more than being ignored.  Living well is the best revenge.  Be happy and smile a lot.  That turns the haters upside down. 

_____________________________

"No beast so fierce but knows some touch of pity."

"But I know none, and therefore am no beast."

Richard III | Act I, Scene 2
William Shakespeare

(in reply to Phin)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Why are we wrong? - 7/3/2007 12:10:11 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin

The comment was made at a social I attended that that particular dom did not understand how one could switch. he seemed quite condesinding toward switches. Why are we looked upon with such negitive light in a community where understanding is preached so loudly?


Because in all walks of life, bigots abound. Forming an opinion of someone based on their sexual orientation, gender, BDSM orientation, the color of the skin or their religion.. it all comes from the same place and it's not going to stop until humans are extinct.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Phin)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Why are we wrong? - 7/3/2007 3:56:02 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
CELESTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hugs and kisses and more kisses!!! I have missed you!!

Now, as for the question. I don't see switches as being wrong at all. In fact I adore switch women! As long as they are submissive with me, I can really enjoy watching them dominate others.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Why are we wrong? - 7/3/2007 4:36:30 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

CELESTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hugs and kisses and more kisses!!! I have missed you!!

Now, as for the question. I don't see switches as being wrong at all. In fact I adore switch women! As long as they are submissive with me, I can really enjoy watching them dominate others.



Heyaz Sexy.. hubba, hubba. ::wipes drool:: Hold those smoochies for one more week.. I'm leaving on a jet plane but I do know exactly when I'll be back again. Next Monday! ::laughs::

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Why are we wrong? - 7/4/2007 7:34:06 AM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline
Some people like boxes.  They like to put others in boxes, it orders their world.  And they can't understand how some don't like them quite so much.  And some people are asses.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to Phin)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Why are we wrong? - 7/4/2007 7:41:58 AM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline
quote:


For me, I do not like to play with switches for one simple reason. I know they are not going to be completely fulfilled with what we share.  If someone is happy switching and can find a partner that does the same, then I am happy for them.

But what you 'know' is not at all true for many or even most switches.  I don't have a need to switch.  I like to do it when the moment, opportunity arises.  If it does.  but under the right circumstances I could also be completely OK surrendering only to Daddy.  The challenge here is that we are really much more flexible than it seems some can imagine.

Hell, for me none of this is a need.   Doesn't mean I haven't been having one helluva a time these past 2.5 years.


_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Why are we wrong? - 7/4/2007 5:09:19 PM   
LycraSteve


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline
I started out 13years ago when I came out as Bi. then i said I was gay, I was sub for 10years, we opened the relationship, I then became very toppy and Dom, I started playing in BDSM circles I realised that I did like girls, so I reclassified as bi- or 80% gay I suppose.... so I'm  a Bi Switch- going by this posting possibly one of the worst classifications in some peoples books.

If theres one thing that you can rely on in this life is the arrogance of some people that they're somehow superior than other people.

Most peoples misconceptions about Bi people and Switch people, must stem, I feel, from their own insecurities about their own sexuality.

They say, "You cant decide what you want, you cant be good at being a Dom/Domme, or a Sub".

Bullshit.

Some Dommes have no idea what its like to be a sub, what buttons to press and when to press them, I feel as a switch I can use my knowledge as a sub to better my Dom role and in turn give my subs a more rewarding/ fulfilling experience. I can be a ruthless bastard but I also feel a duty of care to my subs/ slaves.

Lastly, theres the concept of faithfullness, most people assume that because your bi, that you cant have a long term realtionship, as the bi person will never be satisfied in loving one sex.

the deal is: if you're Bi, you can be 50/50 or any mix in there, but in identifying as bi you're just saying you like guys and girls, if you fall inlove with a guy and have a monogomous relationship or that relationship ends and you fall in love with a girl and have another monogomous relationship. thats what it means. End of the day it is our ability to fall in love that decides what our sexuality is, not sex, not power/ trust exchanges.

Anyway, how about we live and let live?

if your a Dom/Domme, if you're a sub or a slave or if you like to switch roles: and your happy and full filled- good for you

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Why are we wrong? - 7/5/2007 5:18:24 AM   
ExquisiteFeline


Posts: 124
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Polynikes

I think that switches are fortunate to be wired in the same way that bisexuals are wired. Switches immediately double their opportunities within the lifestyle and I think that is a huge advantage over the rest of us. As far as condescending people are concerned I don't even pay attention to them. By ignoring those whiners you take away all their power and turn them into screeching, impotent wretches. Nothing grinds those people more than being ignored. Living well is the best revenge. Be happy and smile a lot. That turns the haters upside down.



Hell yeah!

(in reply to Polynikes)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Switch >> RE: Why are we wrong? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2023
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.156