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RE: trying to understand sadism - 7/4/2007 9:04:37 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pussinbootz

So, I'm really interested in hearing from other sadists... do you love infliciting pain for pain's sake, or is it because you know your sub/bottom enjoys it?

Both have a pleasure affect for me... However.. I like best when they don't like it *G*

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RE: trying to understand sadism - 7/4/2007 9:06:44 PM

LadyPact

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Both.

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RE: trying to understand sadism - 7/4/2007 9:11:37 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear happypervert, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In stating that both individuals must 'enjoy' pain play --I am not excluding techniques that the masochist hates/dislikes, etc. It is part of the interaction in which negotiations will cover as to limits and boundaries.

One thing that the masochists I inter-act with; they do not avoid things they hate, dislike and such as far as pain techniques and styles. Most off limit activities are due to physical reasons.
In using a 'super dooper ripper zipper' on one of my favorite masochists--he hates it so much he loves it.

The distinction should be made that S&M is something that must be enjoyed as well as understood--it isn't 'abuse' by it's intention--it is an artful skill.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: trying to understand sadism - 7/5/2007 2:36:47 AM

chellekitty

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i still hold that the most sadistic thing a Top can do to a masochist is to play gently with them...ugh...

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RE: trying to understand sadism - 7/5/2007 2:40:51 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

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The most sadistic thing you can do with a pain slut is to tie them to the rack and leave them there..bounty

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RE: trying to understand sadism - 7/5/2007 2:50:15 AM

chellekitty

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not for this pain slut...cause i also happen to be a bondage slut...

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RE: trying to understand sadism - 7/5/2007 7:19:08 AM

SimplyMichael

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LadyHugs,

I don't hate you at all and certainly not because you a woman. I have an issue because you attempt to post here as an authority figure and you don't even have the decency to admit when you are wrong. The ability to admit mistakes is a rather important part of being a healthy dominant. You even have the gall to to edit your post to fix the issues I pointed out and then pretend you knew all along.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear happypervert, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In stating that both individuals must 'enjoy' pain play --I am not excluding techniques that the masochist hates/dislikes, etc. It is part of the interaction in which negotiations will cover as to limits and boundaries.

One thing that the masochists I inter-act with; they do not avoid things they hate, dislike and such as far as pain techniques and styles. Most off limit activities are due to physical reasons.
In using a 'super dooper ripper zipper' on one of my favorite masochists--he hates it so much he loves it.

The distinction should be made that S&M is something that must be enjoyed as well as understood--it isn't 'abuse' by it's intention--it is an artful skill.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: trying to understand sadism - 7/5/2007 7:45:29 AM

Bella1965

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G'morning all:

(Fast Reply)

I identify as a sadist. I do so because it pleases me to no end to inflict cruelty upon a subject, whether or not they enjoy it. I don't define my sadism on the sliding ruler of the subject. I'm a heavy handed player and anyone who's watched a scene of mine usually cringes, even other sadists. I believe the best scenes reduce the subject to tears and having blood drawn. I keep first aid products in my toy bag, always.

I balance my cruelty with humor. During a scene, I'll use some instrument to mind fuck the subject and we both end up giggling our asses off. I've been known to laugh so hard that I fall to my knees behind a bound subject. I require pulling myself up by digging my nails into the submissive/bottom and literally clawing my way back up from the floor. Which elicits gasps and screeches from the subject while making me just tickled pink.

My boy is NOT a masochist. He adores the gleeful, wicked, impish smile that plays across my face when he takes a good beating. It makes him feel pleased to see that cruel smile light my face like a burning midnight nova. I've been told that smile rivals the heat of Hell and the gleam of evil joy in my eyes has made grown people retreat. He does this for my enjoyment, thereby serving his own. After I've cared for him, dressed any cuts, iced any major bruises, he has the most self satisfied glow. Then I get my aftercare by snuggling with him. For us, it's harmony. The icing on the cake is that what was once just f.w.b. has grown into something exclusive, warm, comforting, and has potential for long term commitment.

Just F.Y.I. - the Webster's references; 1 : a sexual perversion in which gratification is obtained by the infliction of physical or mental pain on others (as on a love object) 2 a : delight in cruelty b : excessive cruelty.

Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...

Bella

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RE: Trying to understand sadism - 7/5/2007 8:23:04 AM

amayos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pussinbootz

So, I'm really interested in hearing from other sadists... do you love inflicting pain for pain's sake, or is it because you know your sub/bottom enjoys it?

My enjoyment of inflicting pain derives solely from my own pleasure in meting it out. It may be sexual, or to simply imbibe suffering. It might even be to feed mere morbid curiosity. I don't partake in a cruel act because someone enjoys it; that would take away from my pleasure, in fact.

< Message edited by amayos -- 7/5/2007 8:25:10 AM >

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RE: trying to understand sadism - 7/5/2007 8:24:48 AM

jaunty1

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I am a sadist; but not on the 'inflicting physical pain' side. I enjoy the mental aspects much more. My girl does enjoy this aspect of my personality, but I will be honest. It would not matter if she enjoyed it or not; she knew this about me before we ever got together and accepted it. If she disliked it, chances are I would be much more cruel than I am.

Live well

Alex

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RE: trying to understand sadism - 7/5/2007 8:26:20 AM

happypervert

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quote:

Dear happypervert, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In stating that both individuals must 'enjoy' pain play --I am not excluding techniques that the masochist hates/dislikes, etc. It is part of the interaction in which negotiations will cover as to limits and boundaries.

Sorry, but I find your explanation to be just a lot of disingenuous double talk in an attempt to weasel out of being called on some bs, and your persistent references to bottoms as masochists seems rather clueless to me. I'm sure I'm not the only one around here who has hurt someone who isn't a masochist at all; it is surprising to me that someone claiming as vast experience as yours has not encountered it too.

So you'll get little sympathy from me with your complaints that Michael is picking on you because you look like a fraud to me. I'd suggest that instead of trying to clarify your gibberish when called on it, that you try to take the high road and not respond at all; that will prevent you from talking yourself further into a hole and making a bigger fool of yourself.

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RE: trying to understand sadism - 7/5/2007 8:54:09 AM

MstrssPassion

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pussinbootz

Hiya..

I was discussing with MM last night about the fact that he may be finding the sadistic side in him... he is finding that he is beginning to enjoy inflicting pain on me... but, I'm pretty sure it's purely because he knows I love it....

So, I'm really interested in hearing from other sadists... do you love infliciting pain for pain's sake, or is it because you know your sub/bottom enjoys it?

Coming from the sub side of things it would be really interesting to hear from the other side of things to hear how people feel.

Puss

as in everything... it really depends on the mood, the person, the reason said activity is taking place

Most often I prefer that my sadistic tendencies be well received/enjoyed by those who I would inflict them upon... I would never engage in an activity where a bottom would be made to feel they had to endure for my benefit... this is going to produce an energy that I find distasteful.

But there have been times where I have been approached by a cocky bottom at a play party with a real 'for shit' attitude that pretty much laid it out there that they could take whatever I dished out... in those cases, I wasn't seeking mutual satisfaction, I wanted the fucktard to yell out a safeword.

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RE: trying to understand sadism - 7/5/2007 9:08:17 AM

yieldingcontrol

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I think a lot of the criticism of Lady Hugs comes from people that are put off by a person (particularly a woman) with strong opinions. I'm like that. I don't really mean to sound that way, but sometimes I come across as a know-it-all, when really I am just very opinionated. I have had to learn to precede most opinions with, "it just my opinion, but......" I for one appreciated her contribution and so was a little surprised when someone felt it necessary to call her down on expressing her opinion as unequivocably as she did. Know what I mean? (jmo)

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RE: trying to understand sadism - 7/5/2007 9:23:27 AM

KatyLied

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quote:

I think a lot of the criticism of Lady Hugs comes from people that are put off by a person (particularly a woman) with strong opinions.

How many eyes does your mind have? One or two?

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RE: trying to understand sadism - 7/5/2007 9:24:08 AM

mynded

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I agree with yieldingcontrol but then again I don't claim to be all-knowing.

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RE: trying to understand sadism - 7/5/2007 9:37:30 AM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yieldingcontrol

I think a lot of the criticism of Lady Hugs comes from people that are put off by a person (particularly a woman) with strong opinions.

No, most of the criticism is because more often than not, she's either just plain wrong or talking out of her ass. Couching it in her grandmotherly tone doesn't change that fact. She goes to great pains to come across as some sort of "community" elder and oracle, but the plain truth is that she's neither one.

Don't even get me started on her "mind's eyes" or the endless references to her salad-tossing days.

~stef

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RE: trying to understand sadism - 7/5/2007 9:40:49 AM

KatyLied

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quote:

Don't even get me started on her "mind's eyes"

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RE: trying to understand sadism - 7/5/2007 9:52:57 AM

sadomasokisti

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quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

quote:

There isn't anything wrong with a submissive hating what I am doing to her,

Right. If a submissive likes what I'm doing then really don't get much of a sense of control nor do I consider it sadistic -- in that case I'm being a service top. That's fine sometimes, but other times I'll do things precisely because she doesn't like it so I can see her submit to it

Funny thing is that I don't feel like I'm being sadistic with most pain play I do, though someone on the receiving end of it may think I am; in my mind that is mostly about expressing power instead of enjoying inflicting pain for it's own sake. But occasionally I'll let my inner sadist out to play with the intention to go beyond the norm (for me) to enjoy and be aroused by another's suffering; it is like a primal beast inside me and I'm not entirely comfortable with letting it out unless it is with someone I'm very close to because it is a very intimate and profound exploration of our dynamic. A little of that goes a long way for me.

If I would get too many things done to me that I didn't like, I would seriously look at the compatibility issue.

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RE: trying to understand sadism - 7/5/2007 9:53:18 AM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yieldingcontrol

I think a lot of the criticism of Lady Hugs comes from people that are put off by a person (particularly a woman) with strong opinions. I for one appreciated her contribution and so was a little surprised when someone felt it necessary to call her down on expressing her opinion as unequivocally as she did. Know what I mean? (jmo)

Hold it a second. This statement speaks in absolutes:

quote:

In S&M--the criteria by today's standards, is that we both--TOP and bottom--MUST enjoy it. Otherwise, it is not S&M by modern standards but, abuse, torture and visit back to the Inquisition where S&M wasn't consensual.

Today's "standards"? "not S&M by modern standards? Anyone making such representations should be taken to task, especially in this media. It must be taken to task, because many people come here trying to make sense of what they are feeling about this lifestyle. Seeing a representation that there are "modern standards" to follow implies any other path is "sub-standard". How can you not take this position to task?

There is no verification of qualifications of any poster. Even the published ones should not be used or considered dogma. Here, it's represented that by "modern standards" there must be consensual agreement and desire to feel the sensation inflicted or to be inflicted by the Dominant. That is not a requirement and the associating the alternation with medieval torture, indicates a lack of experience with the mental aspect of what can occur between people even if the individual's only experience is supports his/her position.

Readers beware, nice salutations and proper use of grammar do not reflect ability or experience. Although there is a movement toward interjecting 'Political Correctness' in this lifestyle, many people active in the community do not follow the program. Dominants may or may not be sadists in the eyes of outside observers depending upon the specific activity they are doing at the time, but at their core is a streak of sadism. It may be reflected in the use of a cane or the use of words; but they enjoy inflicting pain whether its emotional or physical.

Submissives may or may not be masochists. They could be, but it isn't required by Dominant. They can deal with a masochist and have fun acting upon their masochism, but the key to a submissive forming a relationship with a Dominant is the submissive puts the Dominant's desires above theirs. They experience the "pain" inflicted by the Dom because it serves the Dom. In turn it serves the relationship - the ultimate power above both the Dom and sub.

There are all levels of this dynamic. None above or below any other, just different. The "sensationalist" on either side of the flogger sees the giving and taking of the sensation in the same terms as any physical activity. The mentalist, needs nothing but words and mental intercourse to achieve the same goal. Everything in between and in every combination occurs. Anyone claiming and judging others by a "standard" and claiming that "standard" represents THE "modern standard" does not represent any community, group, local/national organization, or the six other "lifestyle" people we just spent the weekend. And although all of us would enjoy the use of medieval torture chamber; we don't consider our philosophy or attitude "medieval".

I do what I want with beth because I want to do it. she does it because she committed to being my slave and serving me. There is nothing more to understand.

"Know what I mean?" No - no more than you can know what I mean concerning beth. We don't represent 'dogma'. We are not 'absolute'. Hell - I don't know if we even qualify as 'real'. We always say we 'are'. There is nothing to understand other than when you are with us you are seeing us as we are, as we live, as it is - for us.

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RE: trying to understand sadism - 7/5/2007 9:59:59 AM

KatyLied

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quote:

If I would get too many things done to me that I didn't like, I would seriously look at the compatibility issue.

It can work with someone who is not masochistic. Especially if they understand that they are accepting the pain as an act of submission or as an act of pleasing their partner. In this case submitting to something that is not enjoyable does have rewards.

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