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RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 9:39:50 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi
6 months of dating and doing kinky stuff before committing to a 'collar' or committed relationship?
  This is what the rule is. Don't make a commitment for the first six months.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 2:21:24 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

D/s relationships start on a sexual nature. People get wrapped up inthe D/s dynamic without taking the time to see if they actually like that person beyond the D/s dynamic. The D/s dynamic produces powerful emotions that tend to get attached to the other person, whether they belong there or not. For a new submissive, this is even more pronounced because it's a new, heady experience.

Six months gives you a time to stop and look at the other person outside of the new relationship frenzy, to judge if you really like who that person is as a person.


Unless someone is so transparent and fearless of loss that they actually show thier true face immediately. Not many will do that.

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 2:24:06 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline 		Well it's an interesting rule, can't say I completely agree or completely disagree.

Don't make a lifetime commitment for the first six months?  To me a 'lifetime commitment' is marriage, and I would hope someone knows their potential fiance for at least six months before promising til death do you part.

Don't commit to a relationship for 6 months?  Hmm.  I once had someone tell me he wouldn't sleep with someone he hadn't known a year...he was very big on the 'friends first' and wanted to be absolutely sure he was with the right person before engaging in a physical relationship.  Ironically enough he and I slept together like a year and a month after meeting.  I wonder if that was on purpose

It usually takes me a month or two to commit to someone - depending on how often we see each other and stuff.   I do think it's a bit presumptuous to say that as soon as someone discovers they are 'submissive' all common sense goes out the door.  I mean nobody told me that when I first had sex, and I think adding physical intimacy to relationships is about as important as adding power exchange.  Nobody said "ok you're not a virgin anymore, wait 6 months before you start seeing someone so you don't just date him for the sex" because I would be able to tell if I liked the person himself or just the sex.  Or just the power exchange, for that matter.

Meh.  To each their own.  I'm guessing the people who make lifetime commitments after a month of email would do so whether or not there was any power exchange or BDSM involved.  So I would say they just need to take their time period.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 2:25:48 PM   
xoxi


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

Unless someone is so transparent and fearless of loss that they actually show thier true face immediately. Not many will do that.


Actually its fear of loss that makes me want to expose all my dirty secrets when I first start getting feelings.  I would rather be rejected by a man I've known for a month than by a man I've loved for a year.

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 2:26:43 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		the 6 months rule does not apply to every time you meet a new person...its for when you first enter the lifestyle....
i think....


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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 2:33:54 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		That's my understanding of it. It makes a lot of sense to me.

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(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 2:53:34 PM   
agirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

the 6 months rule does not apply to every time you meet a new person...its for when you first enter the lifestyle....
i think....



......and thereafter it's fine to leap headlong? I think this personal *six month rule* has taken on a life of it's own.

agirl



(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 3:09:20 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		no, thereafter, be reasonable, because after that you typically have some sense in you and one would hope you're not going to jump into the lap of every dude who calls himself Dominant Master or just plain cap's his screen name and devote your life to him because you have finally found your one true calling...which is what sub-frenzy typically is...

do i really have to spell out assume in three words...i would think after oooh i don't know somewhere around 1500 posts you would have figured that one out....

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 9/23/2007 3:10:16 PM >

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 4:01:47 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Fast Reply

For me, personally, its 3 months of consistently being able to see someone and have contact with them regularly. Its not really a rule, but just how things go. I have yet to be in a committed M/S relationship and all the people I have dated have not gotten past 3 months before I realized it wasnt meant to be.

I figure when I meet someone who can get past the 3 month marker with me, then its time to start thinking about things more seriously.

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(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 4:10:59 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl


......and thereafter it's fine to leap headlong? I think this personal *six month rule* has taken on a life of it's own.

agirl





At least you'll have some idea of where you will land. As I said before, considering that a decent percentage of people entering into d/s or m/s relationships believe that the submissive or slave will never be allowed to leave unless allowed... it's not a bad idea to get some experience before commiting.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 4:31:56 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

the 6 months rule does not apply to every time you meet a new person...its for when you first enter the lifestyle....
i think....



No I know, that's why I used the comparison of when you decide to be sexually active.  Maybe it wasn't the best comparison because I lost my v in a casual sex type situation and most people are in relationships when they lose theirs...but I'm just saying that if a person has lived 30 years and made common sense decisions about compatibility, it's unfair to assume that just because they add a submissive component to their relationships that they will lose all perspective and judgement.

Besides that, I would think that a person doesn't become submissive overnight...I know that even before I identified as a 'submissive' I still had been with guys who liked to pull my hair a bit or push me over a bed and go at it doggy style without 'asking' - in fact if a guy was the type who had to ask every time he wanted to sleep with me he wouldn't be sleeping with me for long.  Even before I was a bona fide 'submissive'

I'm not entirely discrediting the rule but I have never been a fan of arbitrary rules like that.  They depend entirely on the person.

< Message edited by xoxi -- 9/23/2007 4:32:46 PM >

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 4:37:58 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		the rule is more for people who, like you suggested, all of a sudden "discover" their sexuallity is not unique...and when you discover there are all these people out the world who do what you *want* to do, don't tie yourself down to the first person you come across...explore this world, after all if the first person you come across is your perfect match....won't they still be around in six months when you can think about getting into a relationship?

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 4:38:28 PM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi
6 months of dating and doing kinky stuff before committing to a 'collar' or committed relationship?
  This is what the rule is. Don't make a commitment for the first six months.


No offense to anyone, but that is what LA's rule is, and I assume it fits her. When  I looked in the "twue" bdsm handbook, I didn't see a rule, or was aware that there were steadfast rules we should abide by because "someone" decided that every body was the same(and also decided they were the "someone" to decide)  I also would like to know how statistics were arrived at that for very few people 2 months is enough,(or 6 or 8 or 20).  How is "very few" amount calculated?  By the "someone" that decided they know best, and are expert in those matters????

Oside Girl, I am not necessarily replying to you, you just had the quotes and looked like you were wholeheartedly agreeing.  I mean no harshness or disrespect to you, or anyone else, but honestly....

No, noone should rush into anything..does that mean also that the rule applies to nilla, and they should not under any circumstances get engaged until they have played 6 months?  Probably not, but the concept is the same, is it not? Noone should rush into anything, but EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT.  The timetable may vary according to the person you meet, and what your gut says.  I would never presume to put a definite time table on strangers that are meeting each other of whom I have not even met either one.  The one that is audacious enough to think they know unequivocally what is best for people they haven't met, lumped them all into one group, and made a RULE for those people, needs to damn sure be taken with a grain(or 10 grains) of salt.

Just MY humble OPINION.

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This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 4:44:03 PM   
apettiger


Posts: 131
Joined: 1/15/2007
Status: offline 		i have not heard of LA's 6 month rule, but i am in a new relationship (4 months) and i will not make any kind of "committed" move for, at least, another 2 months, just because W/we need to see each other at O/our worst, then decide if it is something W/we can deal with.
if my barking laugh is something that grates on His nerves, then maybe W/we sould reconsider and if He picks His nose in public, and i "think" i can make Him stop, then i need to walk on.
i am not looking for a "playmate" but something to last years, so the physical (although very pleasing) really is nothing more than a cup of liquid in the ocean. i need more from my relationship.


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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 4:44:46 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I gotta second KC, the rule works great for LA.  It would work shitty for me.
Angel and I didnt wait 6 months for anything. 
Kitten and I barely waited a day
While rules are great for an idea... strapping yourself into one is sort of pointless. 
my 2 cents
DV


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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

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VampiresLair

(in reply to kc692)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 4:53:18 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

last time to reply with the same thing....
quote:


i believe its 6 months of discovering her submissiveness before committing herself to a lifetime relationship or someother typical "sub-frenzy" notion

quote:


the 6 months rule does not apply to every time you meet a new person...its for when you first enter the lifestyle....



_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 4:54:37 PM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline 		I agree with LA on a waiting period whether it is 6 months or whatever.  For a brand-new subbie, the Dom should have enough respect for her not to take advantage of her new found addiction.  Even old timers should have a grace period between previous Doms and any potential new ones, a time to relax and find one's self again and then another gentle breaking in period.  I think it should go for Doms too.  If there are Dom-hopper subs, there are also collar-hopper Doms...the ones that can't seem to live without a girl even to the point of taking on a new one before releasing the old just so they won't be without.  6 months is a good even rule of thumb to make sure the relationship is solid enough to withstand a collaring.

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It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 4:55:57 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Of course I have yet to know anyone who ACTUALLY followed this rule at all.  But I'm still sure it would be for the betterment of all in general if they did.


I did!  And that was like eleven years ago before I had heard of your rule.

C~

< Message edited by Wildfleurs -- 9/23/2007 4:56:14 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 5:01:43 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		C, you're special in more ways than I could ever explain. :)  Thanks for being the one!

Did anyone else actually read my own response in this thread?  Or are they just going to keep saying what I think or how I mean it without checking that out first?

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: LA's 6 month rule - 9/23/2007 5:03:53 PM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

What they said :)  Generally it gives the sub enough time to get past the initial frenzy, get past all their infatuation with the IDEA of being collared, forces them to spend SOME significant amount of time getting to know someone rather than leaping into a commitment and then dealing with all the mess of realizing it's not what you thought it was and ending it later.

Plus it gives them a chance to have FUN, explore and just get into it before getting all concerned about being "in a relationship."

For some very few people 2 months is more than enough, and for some 2 years isn't enough.  I found six months to be decent.

Of course I have yet to know anyone who ACTUALLY followed this rule at all.  But I'm still sure it would be for the betterment of all in general if they did.


Just curious here, and then I'll step off this thread, because I truly have no desire to start anything, but I am curious....did you follow this rule when you were a newbie???? I'm remembering posts under your old nick, and I am truly curious...did you? How did it work out for you?


edited to add:  Maybe that would explain why you feel that way, although I think with your stellar judgement, I'm sure it worked out ok. I'm just truly curious how you arrived at your rule.

< Message edited by kc692 -- 9/23/2007 5:06:34 PM >

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 40
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