quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

But, it does crack me up to read or see the FEMDOM attitude of what a privilege it would be for me to take her trash cans to the curb. This is only exciting for a malesub b/c of the possibility of where it will lead (BDSM experiences.) Once into the relationship, its just putting out the trash. (Love, caring, or straight sense of duty and obligation.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rumtiger

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySeraphina

If I had weeds, I'd love to have my half-nekkid boys on dirty knees picking them, but that's just because it tickles me. Primarily, I enjoy gardening, so I'm not about to give away that task.

(Sorry Rumtiger, I had to reply thoughtfully to your slightly sarcastic comment.)

Appreciate the thoughtful reply, youd be suprised how often thats all one needs.

still...yardwork = hell.

I'm not saying I wouldent help my domme in something if she asked me I would have, and have even done certian things like put on dinner and a movie although I wound up cooking family portions and whatnot. (she never saw the Godfather...you fuckin believe that?), so I wound up eating ravioli and fettuchine alfredo with broccoli for about a week.

I was just a bit put off by anyone saying that because maybe one wants play or whatever else without anything that falls into the service category, that it means said person is not a sub. It isent a matter of not knowing better that I dont have to do it, its just the perceptions of some people is all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySeraphina



I do see what you mean, but it comes down to this: In my life there are endless opportunities to play with people. If all you want to do is play, I think of you as a play partner, possibly a friend, and nothing more. In my house we all help out, and the more you contribute to the house, the more energy I have to play with you, doing the fun stuff.
Lady S

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Yes, it's called power exchange---that implies that there are inequities built right in. Sometimes that bugs me. Mostly, though, I want what I want, with no apologies or explanation. This is NOT a barter system.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Yes, it's called power exchange---that implies that there are inequities built right in. Sometimes that bugs me. Mostly, though, I want what I want, with no apologies or explanation. This is NOT a barter system.

It just cracks me up that some view this power exchange as a vehicle to get a sub/slave to mow the lawn. To me that's low brow BDSM, and FEMDOMs shouldn't be suprised when malesubs prove uninspired by that dynamic.

I'm not here to dispute or dismiss anyone who is making something work in their relationship. More power to you. But, if something is not working (unrealistic expectations of service), then I say do a reevaluation.

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
If one gets right down to it, aren't all relationships then "barter?"

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Yes, it's called power exchange---that implies that there are inequities built right in. Sometimes that bugs me. Mostly, though, I want what I want, with no apologies or explanation. This is NOT a barter system.

It just cracks me up that some view this power exchange as a vehicle to get a sub/slave to mow the lawn. To me that's low brow BDSM, and FEMDOMs shouldn't be suprised when malesubs prove uninspired by that dynamic.

I'm not here to dispute or dismiss anyone who is making something work in their relationship. More power to you. But, if something is not working (unrealistic expectations of service), then I say do a reevaluation.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARealizedDestiny

IMHO.... I believe that those think in that mindset are those who do not understand the true meaning of "service".  I think that service, in it's purest form, is nothing more than SERVING the desires of the TOP.  If in your submissive mind, you think of what YOU want out of service, then IMHO, you are not serving the Top, but yourself.  Service is about forgetting the 'self' and doing only what the Top desires.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Well, to use you as an example, it my impression that you are with FOX b/c you like HIM. That's the driver.

I imagine if you described him to someone else you'd focus on his intrinsic qualities: character, sense of humour, disposition, intellect, accomplishments, and his physical qualites.

Although he may do service for you, you are not together for that reason. Also, if he felt that doing service for you was the only hook to get your attention (which means that his self is secondary), I would see that as a very thin interpersonal connection indeed.

Relationships are mystical and organic at their best. Focusing on wants and needs being met --- that's an intrisically alienating view of relationships -- it reduces people to commodity status in a dating market. Sometimes that dehumanization and objectification is sexy, and there are definite BDSM angles to it, but I would never agree that all relationships are barter based.

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
If one gets right down to it, aren't all relationships then "barter?"

I think all relationships are give and take, which I see to be different than an explicit barter of activities.

While I enjoy service and do see D/s value in it, I sometimes see service presented as a payment one must make to have a domme's attention. Over time I have seen different thoughts to drive such an expectation: a mechanism against feeling sexually used, a sub is thought to otherwise not bring enough to a relationship, more.

Cheers,

Sea

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARealizedDestiny
I think that service, in it's purest form, is nothing more than SERVING the desires of the TOP.  If in your submissive mind, you think of what YOU want out of service, then IMHO, you are not serving the Top, but yourself.  Service is about forgetting the 'self' and doing only what the Top desires.

quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARealizedDestiny
I think that service, in it's purest form, is nothing more than SERVING the desires of the TOP.  If in your submissive mind, you think of what YOU want out of service, then IMHO, you are not serving the Top, but yourself.  Service is about forgetting the 'self' and doing only what the Top desires.

In its "purest form", okay.

But to raise a point i alluded to in my last post: there are millions of people in the world that could use some free labor. The elderly and disabled who can no longer do simple physical things for themselves. Single parents who are overwhelmed by the demands of work and home. The Red Cross, churches, Habitat for Humanity. i'm sure Wal-Mart will take all the free cleaning help they can get. Hell, i could use a bit of service myself. There has to be something to make the submissive choose to serve the individual Top, particularly if She's already got a husband and a couple of play partners
hanging around.

i mean, okay, you want service because you're a Domme. At least sometimes. Fair enough. But there won't be any physical play involved, because it's a service relationship. Okay. And there won't be any micro-managing or verbal discipline because you expect everything to be done perfectly the first time. Okay. And there won't be any payment or other form of reward, because this is just service. Okay. And you won't be dressed in fetishwear, or allow the sub to be dressed up, because this isn't about fetish, it's about service. Okay. And don't expect to become part of your life, because this is just service. Okay. And you're young and healthy and in a relationship, possibly (as with the OP) even serving someone else yourself, so it's not like you can't do the work, you just don't wanna. Okay... So if i really feel that it's important to my inner self to make someone's life better, i can come and serve you. But i drive past a dozen homes on my way to work that have people living in them that are literally falling down where they stand because the owners are infirm and can't do the work or afford someone to do it. And they might actually be grateful for help, rather than copping 'tude about how i'm just doing this out of some ulterior motive.

Now, i suppose that in Twue(tm) BDSM, everything would be settled by the inescapable Tractor Beam O' Domliness that the Top exudes. In practice, though, i think that there either has to be an emotional connection (i.e., serving your wife/husband/other long-term SO that you already have a relationship with encompassing more than just service), or when it comes to short-term/casual service, a quid pro quo.

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I still don't see how this is particular to femdom so I'm not truly understanding the complaints.