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RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 11/9/2007 2:36:47 AM

Posts: 79
Joined: 10/14/2007
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So let's recap-Why can't a dom/me have a sub/slave who 1-can pay thier own bills so the dom/me doesn't have to support a freeloader, 2-someone whom they find attractive (whatever that means to THEM), 3-Doesn't have a rap sheet 2feet long, 4-Hasn't been in and out the looney bin, 5-Submissive and I'll use the term KINKY to encompass all aspects of BDSM, 6-Isn't already married and sneaking around? I didnt think we were asking for too much.

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(in reply to Honsoku)

RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 11/9/2007 2:46:33 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

We're not all looking for a sub as a husband.

We're just not looking for someone ELSE'S husband as a sub.

Well, either way, you are looking for a traditional relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. All I'm saying is that guys that come here looking for liberated women who can handle NSA fun are going to be disappointed.

My bet is that most of the mistresses are hypocrits because they want the freedom to have multiple slaves. Oh well, I guess goddesses have that right. Us guys just have to accept that.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 11/9/2007 4:52:52 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

We're not all looking for a sub as a husband.

We're just not looking for someone ELSE'S husband as a sub.

Well, either way, you are looking for a traditional relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. All I'm saying is that guys that come here looking for liberated women who can handle NSA fun are going to be disappointed.

My bet is that most of the mistresses are hypocrits because they want the freedom to have multiple slaves. Oh well, I guess goddesses have that right. Us guys just have to accept that.

It's not hypocritical, it's just the way it is in a D/s based relationship. The D has the authority to make decisions like this and the s does not. This is for relationships lead by women AND men. The thing to consider is that the Dom/me also has the responsibility to make sure it works well for all involved. I've also known of many relationship in which the s IS permitted to engage in other outside relationships. I know of many men who permit their sub/slaves to take on a sub/slave of their own.

(in reply to azjojoba)

RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 11/9/2007 5:03:54 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

We're not all looking for a sub as a husband.

We're just not looking for someone ELSE'S husband as a sub.

Well, either way, you are looking for a traditional relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. All I'm saying is that guys that come here looking for liberated women who can handle NSA fun are going to be disappointed.

My bet is that most of the mistresses are hypocrits because they want the freedom to have multiple slaves. Oh well, I guess goddesses have that right. Us guys just have to accept that.

Here's the thing - you only think it's hypocritical because it excludes yourself, since you are in the "traditional marriage where you're following tradition and instead of being open with your wife, looking for a mistress - in the very traditional sense of the word - on the side".

You also only very narrowly define "liberated" as a woman who's willing to do what you want with no expectations on you. You're not actually looking for liberated (which would imply that she's a strong, self aware woman who knows what she wants and goes after it), but rather a more traditional "whore" concept role - a woman who has no boundaries and is willing to take whatever you give her while giving you whatever you want.

I think the problem is that you're own views of women are so traditional - she can only be madonna (wife) or whore - that you're not able to get your mind around the fact that alot of women really do know what they want and not only are able to demand relationships that we find fulfilling and satisfying AND find such relationships, but that we don't have to bow down to the rantings of men who get pissed because we're not interested in rolling over and giving them what they want on their terms.

It's ok - there's no need to explain further. I'm familiar with your previous posts about how horrible Dommes are because we're not interested in providing you no-strings-attached kink on your demands. Go figure.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 11/9/2007 5:17:30 AM >

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(in reply to azjojoba)

RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 11/9/2007 9:42:50 AM

Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
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quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

We're not all looking for a sub as a husband.

We're just not looking for someone ELSE'S husband as a sub.

Well, either way, you are looking for a traditional relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. All I'm saying is that guys that come here looking for liberated women who can handle NSA fun are going to be disappointed.

My bet is that most of the mistresses are hypocrits because they want the freedom to have multiple slaves. Oh well, I guess goddesses have that right. Us guys just have to accept that.

Sometimes I hear a "BUZZZZZZZZ" go off when people start to generalize. It has even gotten ME in trouble with some on here... I have found that throwing a "most" or "not all" in there doesn't always do the trick.

On that note, I will try NOT to generalize here.

MOST of the poly relationships in my circle of friends.. (NOTE: Obviously NOT necessarily indicative of everyone in this lifestyle!!!!) have been men.... Doms wanting a harem of women to serve their needs. Yes, I know of a couple of Mistress's with multiple subs/slaves, but few have them all living under the same roof as is the case in the poly houses I know where the man is the Dominant.

PLEASE don't jump on me for this, Ladies... I have tried to make it clear that it is within MY personal circle of friends and within the community I associate with.

Use that as an example for how we can ALL generalize... and be wrong in so many other's eyes.

I, personally, won't get involved with a married man. I won't take a back seat to anyone in my slave/sub's life, and I believe a wife should always come first. I have played casually with a couple of married men, but only because their wives were not only aware of it, but that they had met me and we had talked about it. Anyone who uses this "lifestyle" as a means to cheat on a spouse needs to look that their marriage and decide if it is worth staying in. Cheating is cheating, as far as I am concerned.

JUST MY OPINION..... <smile>

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(in reply to azjojoba)

RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 11/9/2007 3:52:10 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba

All I'm saying is that guys that come here looking for liberated women who can handle NSA fun are going to be disappointed.

Are you kidding me?

Just go to your nearest brothel for some No Strings Attached fun and pay a fair price for service! Or a commercial dungeon if you want BDSM with that.

Collarme is FULL of Dommes who will give you completely NSA fun in return for fair compensation

Your problem is that you are cheap and want something very valuable for free!

Well, some Dommes are dopey enough (at first) to hand out "NSA fun" without payment or a mutual relationship. But after enough one night stands, weekend visitors who never return and subs that go "poof", they wake up that they are being used.

Maybe stick to the brand new (wet behind the ears) Dommes.

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 11/9/2007 3:54:09 PM >

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(in reply to azjojoba)

RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 11/9/2007 5:01:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

Maybe stick to the brand new (wet behind the ears) Dommes.

Just not this one.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 11/9/2007 5:03:48 PM

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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You may be new Ma`am...... But wet behind the ears ......Nah

(in reply to TNstepsout)

RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 11/9/2007 5:12:56 PM

Posts: 2479
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne
Collarme is FULL of Dommes who will give you completely NSA fun in return for fair compensation

Your problem is that you are cheap and want something very valuable for free!

Fun isn't its own reward anymore?

How sad

i guess being a Domme really is a lot tougher than it looks

< Message edited by petdave -- 11/9/2007 5:27:56 PM >

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 11/9/2007 7:05:24 PM

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

i guess being a Domme really is a lot tougher than it looks

Yes, it's a lot of work keeping a boy in line.

(in reply to petdave)

RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 11/10/2007 7:59:41 AM

Posts: 329
Joined: 3/5/2006
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The Dom's he mention say what kinda man they want in their profiles.

Nothing wrong with that.

Better to state what kinda person your looking for to avoid any problems with one who may not fit that.

That happened to me a few years ago, i wasn't quite what a Dom i was meeting was looking for as far as appearance goes and it failed.(and she then wrote on her ad exactly what she was looking for shortly after)

Disheartning? Yes. But that's life.

Just like in a vanilla situtation your not tickle the fancy of everybody.

Your not going to in this scene.

Just my thoughts.

(in reply to Honsoku)

RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 11/10/2007 9:43:41 AM

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hammerthrower

Jesus Christ.

A man "should be" financically stable? Are you reading from the same outdated, dusty rulebook that also says women "should" do the dishes and change all the diapers?

Really, the question is: what is your definition of "financially stable?' In my opinion, financially stable means you can pay the bills and survive. What women really want is a man who can pay his bills AND her bills. She wants to live comfortably, which is as much a sin as a man wanting to live comfortably--with a woman who cooks and cleans and blah blah blah.

Im not saying *I* want that, but if you're going to set certain limits for the opposite sex, be prepared to accept some. Oh what? Only women are allowed to set standards? If a man sets a standard it's sexist? Oh, okay...

I think most women would pursue a "successful" or "rich" man over a man who's merely "financially stable" any day.

It's a ruse.

I totally understood what she was saying by "financially stable". I take issue with a guy who can't go see a movie because he can't even make ends meet. That's someone who has more base things he needs to be dealing with than conquering a D/s relationship with all of the trappings.

_____________________________

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Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to hammerthrower)

RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 11/10/2007 10:01:00 AM

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

i guess being a Domme really is a lot tougher than it looks

Yes, it's a lot of work keeping a boy in line.

Maybe you should try being a sub, then... i hear it's so much fun, people even pay for the privilege!

Maybe that's why those Male Dominants write to FemDoms trying to "turn" them... they're just trying to help ease your burden in life

(in reply to TNstepsout)

RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 11/10/2007 2:40:44 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne
Collarme is FULL of Dommes who will give you completely NSA fun in return for fair compensation

Your problem is that you are cheap and want something very valuable for free!

Fun isn't its own reward anymore?

How sad

i guess being a Domme really is a lot tougher than it looks

Interesting question dave

I guess its a topic for another thread - how many Dommes like having No Strings Attached fun with subs that give absolutely nothing in return but "fun"

Actually that was a thread recently - how many Dommes do "hit and run" one night stands with strangers. Quite a few actually. So maybe azjojoba's optimism for NSA is not misplaced...........as long as he is drop dead gorgeous looking compared to the Domme. You want shallow, you get shallow!!!

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to petdave)

RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 11/10/2007 3:09:18 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hammerthrower

What women really want is a man who can pay his bills AND her bills. She wants to live comfortably.....

I think most women would pursue a "successful" or "rich" man over a man who's merely "financially stable" any day.

It's a ruse.

I think you are talking about vanilla women, hammerthrower. In fact, the whole original parody by HarryVW strikes me as very vanilla ideals

However, you cannot apply vanilla aspirations to understand the gender -bending, role reversal of Femdom relationships

With one exception*, I have always earned more than my partners and had higher net worth. I always pay for myself and have never taken a cent in rent or other gratuity from a submissive. I view money as power and I don't let them forget it.

BUT I still want a guy that can at least support himself, keep up with my lifestyle and reciprocate my generosity.

I had one slave who cried poor all the time. He could not even afford to come out with me to BDSM events (much less jump on planes for naughty weekends away). I got sick of paying for him, so he got left at home - and of course I met someone new

.

"Financial stability" means "not a leach". No more, no less.

*[rant - that guy earned about USD500k a year as a radiologist and was such a tight-arse, his 75 yo mother made him lunch for work every day and if he forgot, she had to travel an hour on public transport to take it to him!!! He complained I used too much toilet paper when I visited him at his house! And he had a total tantrum if I ate something out of his fridge like a $1.50 carton of yoghurt! Every restaurant bill was split meticulously by what we ate and drank......sheesh......needless to say, money doesnt buy you happiness....or sanity!! That nutter Mummy's Boy didn't last long...]

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 11/10/2007 3:13:10 PM >

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to hammerthrower)

RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 11/11/2007 11:17:59 AM

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
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lololololololol

Your post made Me laugh, harry, most of all because you are so right in what most of Us are looking for!

I have Mine, for now, so I'm not actually trolling, but, it's fair to say that:

Yes, I seek a guy who’s handsome, healthy and successful in vanilla life, yet is absolutely submissive behind closed doors.

Yes, I want him to dedicate his body, mind and soul to My pleasure, comfort and happiness.

However, I hope he'll let me know a few desires of his own.

Nope, I don't want a doormat.

Yes, I want him to be strong, secure in himself, intelligent and have a sense of humor, yet is not a SAM and he knows his place at My feet. And he never "tops from the bottom."

Yes, I want him to be able and eager to support Me in the lifestyle to which I wish to become accustomed.

Now, about the pics: Nope, no pics. Sluts, all.

As for writing " a detailed, non copy/pasted letter of introduction to each domina he contacts, even though most of them never respond... never mentions what his kinks are in this letter, because he knows it’s “all about her” even though he has no clue as to what hers are from her profile...Where he finds the time to do this while being successful and driven in his business life, I don’t know. ", I only expect the letter to be well written and sincere, so you're generalizing. I know that most men who can count and figure aren't all Sophocles, who had a scribe of his own, by the way.

And as for: "I hate to be the one to tell you this, Ladies, but of all the submissive men I know, only one even comes close to this. And he’s already taken."....

I know! He's already MINE!

lololol

; )

TM

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 1/8/2008 9:37:21 AM

erick

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/7/2008
Status: offline

I kinda sorta agree with you, but the truth is, us male subs are a dime a dozen. You have to give it to these girls, because they have to sort through a lot scum bags to find a good sub. I understand your irritation, I feel like I have a lot of those qualities that they are looking for, but it’s hard to sell myself. They may sound bitchy, keep in mind they are femdoms, I find even non-femdom woman are bitchy too. To some it up, I don’t think any of this will change, we just have to sell ourselves better, maybe change our strategy.

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 1/8/2008 9:47:25 AM

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout
It's not hypocritical, it's just the way it is in a D/s based relationship. The D has the authority to make decisions like this and the s does not.

I think this authority varies with the relationship and dynamic negotiated. It is fair for a sub to expect that exclusivity or not be applied similarly to both persons.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to TNstepsout)

RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 1/8/2008 9:47:37 AM

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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hhhmmmm... seems I didn't post in this thread. Wonder why?

Oh, yeah.

Here's a conversation I had with my father once, many years ago.

Dad: You know you can fall in love with a rich man as easily as a poor one.
Me: *blink*
Dad: I want to know that some you'll have someone to take care of you.
Me: *smile* Thanks. (in my head: considering all the times over these years I've taken care of you while mom was in and out of the hospital I think I can manage)
Dad: So look for a rich man.
Me: Is Mom happy, Daddy? (he nods and I smile) I'd like to be happy too.

My father is not now nor has he ever been financially successful and at times not stable. The two of them made some stupid decisions through the years financially. But he almost literally worships the ground she walked/rolls on (she's in a wheelchair now) and while I can't fully grasp it, they are happy, very happy and soon to hit 60 years.

My mother didn't teach me to find a man with money, this was the only conversation I recall with my father that was exclusively about it, but I'll tell you, pop culture sure attempted to drive that message in.

I wanted something a lot more than that: I wanted my best friend for a husband.

I want a lot more than that with a slave: I want someone who fits in our family. That's a much rarer human being than one with riches I believe.

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And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

RE: Dominas all looking for the exact same guy. - 1/8/2008 10:06:20 AM

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

Why not take a look at all the male/sub profiles and see what common themes you come up with in those. I'd be more interested in your observations of your contemporaries. Hey, you might even learn something.

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

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