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RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/7/2007 8:27:25 PM   
msindigomontoya


Posts: 28
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aceton

*sigh* when will you people understand that switches are third or fourth class citizens, trusted by no-one because of the capricious tendency to switch from one side to the other. A switch can barely get out of bed without deciding to fall asleep again, a switch will attend Greenpeace rallies and then go stab baby seals afterwards, a switch can't even do the simplest of chores, like washing the dishes, without dirtying them again... what good is a switch to anyone?

Give me a true Dominant anyday, preferably one that messages me and tells me how he would like me to make him my sub bitch...


I only stab baby seals on Thursday's.  The rest of the time I spend Whaling and littering while a Native American cries one tear. 

Indigo

(in reply to Aceton)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/8/2007 11:43:56 AM   
lipstickbitch


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		THANK GOD! I was getting worried I'd be stoned...there's too many 'non-believers' of switches...thank you, thank you, thank you..to those of you that posted...I don't feel...alone and green! LOL
And just cause you don't believe in a male switch but you believe in female, don't contact me and ask me to play subby with you...sheeeesh! :)

< Message edited by lipstickbitch -- 11/8/2007 11:45:02 AM >

(in reply to twistedwillow)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/9/2007 3:56:10 AM   
liketophoto


Posts: 763
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline 		Me too. I was told "I don't normally talk to switches" .
Then was given the example of how a "Dom" turned on them.
If someone proclaims to be a "Dom" and is not there lays the issue, not with people who are open and honest with their feelings.
LTP 

(in reply to twistedwillow)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/10/2007 5:37:09 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

There's nothing in the OP's post to indicate she wouldn't be fulfilled in only one role.  In my opinion, this assumption causes alot of misunderstanding along with the assumption that a switch would require their partner to switch.
In a submissive role, I personally have no need to switch and would be fulfilled in that role.  I have found that often to be the case with switches in their primary role. 


I'm curious about how many switches are in long term, meaning over 20 years, relationships that do not permit them to fulfill the other side of their nature.

The op is 32, and presently has no need to switch. Can she confidently say she will not need to switch at anytime in the next 50 or 60 years? Because by long term, I don't mean 2 years, I mean till death do us part. And since nobody can know how they will change, and when they might again feel the need to fulfill that part of them, it seemed safer for me not to get into a relationship with someone who couldn't promise me he wouldn't need to.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/10/2007 2:48:16 PM   
twistedwillow


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		Hi celeste, good point. And I can't confidently say no I won't need the other side of my nature fullfilled. My point is, that while in 'Domme mode' why is that any less 'true' than a Dom\me who isn't a switch.

twisted

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/10/2007 4:28:17 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: twistedwillow

Hi celeste, good point. And I can't confidently say no I won't need the other side of my nature fullfilled. My point is, that while in 'Domme mode' why is that any less 'true' than a Dom\me who isn't a switch.

twisted


It doesn't mean you're not true, it does mean that you aren't a good candidate for a monogamous sub who wants a long term relationship as opposed to one that will end when you do feel the need to switch again.

I would feel as if there was a sword over me, worrying every day if this were the day that need would come over my partner all the time knowing this relationship couldn't last.

(in reply to twistedwillow)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/11/2007 12:09:30 AM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		I tend to discount the opinions of people who use terms like "true dom" or "true sub."  What I am is a "true me."  What I prefer in friends and partners is people who are true to themselves, whatever they may be.

People who want other people to fit into neat little catagories, in my opinion, simply have no appreciation for the uniqueness of human beings.

(in reply to twistedwillow)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/11/2007 4:11:04 PM   
BotanicalMiss


Posts: 82
Joined: 11/19/2006
Status: offline 		If you want to get technical, I am a switch; but since I have no desire to find a Dom, I list Myself simply as a Domme here.  It saves a lot on the "I don't deal with switches" attitude, and unless things come to a point where I really think someone may become part of My life, I don't feel that they need to know about that side of Me since I have never had the desire to switch with any person who has been submissive to Me. When I know that we are compatible on other levels i.e. interests outside bdsm, interests within bdsm and D/s, poly, etc. and I feel there is a chance that this person wants to know Me as a person and not just a once a month scening partner, I'll let them in on that one with the assurance that it doesn't effect what I want from them in any way. For those who are seeking a monogamous relationship, I'm not compatible with them anyway, so I don't have to worry about being able to promise that I won't need someone else in My life at some point. In fact, with the way My desires and interests have changed in the 5 1/2 years I've been in this lifestyle, I can't even promise that My hard limits won't change!

(in reply to twistedwillow)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/11/2007 6:42:21 PM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43
I'm curious about how many switches are in long term, meaning over 20 years, relationships that do not permit them to fulfill the other side of their nature.

The op is 32, and presently has no need to switch. Can she confidently say she will not need to switch at anytime in the next 50 or 60 years? Because by long term, I don't mean 2 years, I mean till death do us part. And since nobody can know how they will change, and when they might again feel the need to fulfill that part of them, it seemed safer for me not to get into a relationship with someone who couldn't promise me he wouldn't need to.


How does *anyone* know that their relationship - which they originally planned to last forever - will truly last forever?  This is specious. 

If two people are personally compatible - I don't mean if their *labels* are compatible, I mean if *they* are compatible - then their relationship can last...until they are no longer compatible.  For whatever reason.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/11/2007 7:55:43 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		To me that'd be decietful to then change the playing field so to speak once I'm invested in you and you me.
quote:

ORIGINAL: BotanicalMiss

If you want to get technical, I am a switch; but since I have no desire to find a Dom, I list Myself simply as a Domme here.  It saves a lot on the "I don't deal with switches" attitude, and unless things come to a point where I really think someone may become part of My life, I don't feel that they need to know about that side of Me

(in reply to BotanicalMiss)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/13/2007 7:24:52 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ImpGrrl

How does *anyone* know that their relationship - which they originally planned to last forever - will truly last forever?  This is specious. 

If two people are personally compatible - I don't mean if their *labels* are compatible, I mean if *they* are compatible - then their relationship can last...until they are no longer compatible.  For whatever reason.


Not specious. Obviously any relationship could end if the people's needs are not being met. But the odds are less if you don't deliberately pick someone who has needs you already know you can't meet.

And at age 52, I know myself well enough to know which needs have always been with me, and therefore are most likely not to suddenly go poof, and which things are changeable.

At a younger age, you may not know yourself that well simply because you haven't had 35 years of adult experience to draw on.

(in reply to ImpGrrl)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/13/2007 10:17:37 PM   
bruisednbitten


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: twistedwillow

Now my question is how many switches on here have had similar experiences where they have been seen as 'less than'  Dom  or sub because they are switches?



i find that because i was a domme, it's hard to find a dom up to my standards. that, and i tend to get messages from willing subs more than anything else. i'm wondering if i, as a switch, should be seeking out a switch also?

(in reply to twistedwillow)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/13/2007 11:04:59 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		Nevermind, it's like beating one's head against a wall.

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 11/13/2007 11:23:39 PM >

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/15/2007 6:29:14 AM   
deadscout


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		Like bipolarber said, it's really a sliding scale thing. For instance, if you put 10 doms in a room, one will be more dominat than the rest. If you follow the logic of this truth, then there is actually only one true dom in the whole world...lol...
On the whole, I find that so called true doms have the most issues and insecurities while I find that switches tend to be more intelligent and confident, but that's just me.

(in reply to colligocarus)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/15/2007 9:36:42 AM   
hermione83


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		I would want to be someone's everything in every regard. The one and only thing they ever crave, want, fantasize about, dream about. I'm a mono straight sub girl... and if a guy is a switch, that means he wants something else that I can't give him. I don't feel like switches are second class citizens at all. I would think it'd be most fulfilling for two switches to be together. e.g. a primarily sub guy who enjoys being a Dom sometimes, with a primarily dominant woman who enjoys being a sub sometimes, etc.

(in reply to deadscout)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/15/2007 2:32:53 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

Nevermind, it's like beating one's head against a wall.


Lol, of course.  Like anything else in wiitwd, I think finding someone you like and are compatible with is the most important thing.  To think someone that identifies as a switch couldn't and wouldn't work with their partner that they care about just like everyone else does is just plain silly. 

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/15/2007 11:36:03 PM   
RoninTyger


Posts: 33
Joined: 12/12/2006
Status: offline 		just because i can switch doesnt mean i have to or even want too in a relationship they probably believe  you have to vote straight republican or democrate instead of whos best for the job. prejuduce runs to more then just racial charecteristics they think because they are Dom or Sub they are more open minded then most but they only fool them selves.
  Michael


_____________________________

"The truth shall set you free umm if thats what you really want"
"Its the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine" Stipe "Everything chages"

(in reply to twistedwillow)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/17/2007 10:51:21 PM   
hermione83


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		I'm going to try to be open minded here. I really would like to be talked out of my, well, deep belief that someone who has a deep submissive and a deep dominant streak is not a true dominant. I know that's really not popular, and I'm willing to listen - but I just still don't get it. Sorry to those who feel they're beating their head against the wall, I'm just clueless. It's like this to me - Let's say I want to a find a Christian. I find one, he goes to church, loves God, knows everything and we have a great time doing all of this together. THen I find out he goes to a satanist group just as much, and loves satan, and bows down and worships him. Obviously, I would feel betrayed because loving satan is opposed to loving God, according to everything I believe in and everything I thought he did, saying he was a Christian. Or let's say he believes deeply in being a vegan, and yet is a butcher for a living. I can't reconcile it in my head. I can't imagine trusting and submitting to a man who ever desired to submit to someone else. It physically makes me nauseous imagining the guy doing all this stuff to me taking the same from some other person. He's supposed to want to be dominant in every situation and love that. I would be more than insecure and would not be able to believe that he really liked what he was doing if he could go and do the absolute opposite..  It's like thinking a guy is masculine manly manly and then seeing him up on stage shaking his stuff ta-ta's in drag. They'd both do crazy numbers to my head.

(in reply to RoninTyger)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/17/2007 11:03:28 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: twistedwillow
Now my question is how many switches on here have had similar experiences where they have been seen as 'less than'  Dom  or sub because they are switches?


My personal 2 cents,
I know from past experience that switches can sometimes have trouble being in one role or the other exclusively. I personally do not keep switches as pets because I dont feel its fair to them, for one. It would be like me being forced into monogamy as a bisexual, rather than choosing it. Most of the switch males I have played with in the past have had very strong dom streaks... to the point of getting in the way.  Do I think all switches are like this? No, of course not. But I have had enough experiences where it has come up that I prefer to avoid the situation rather than chance finaly finding one who isnt.

I would think, though, that as a Domme, youd have less of a problem with a stereotype like that. Dominant females are in the minority, and I'd tend to agree with laurell. Throwing around the word "true" really does flag someone, anyway.  Even if you were strictly Domme, would you want to associate with a "one twue way" type? 

Just my thoughts, of course. Switches as usual had a bad stigma, because of a few out there that cannot stick to one side. I always equate the switch problem to the bisexual problem. There are more people caling themselves switches tat are just looking for kinky sex however they can get it than there are actual lifetylers who switch. Just like there are scads more "bicurious" girls out there who call themseves that just to look more intriguing to boys. Those of us serious about our ways of life (bisexual for me, switch for others) suffer the backlash of the ones who the stereotypes are based on.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to twistedwillow)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 11/18/2007 12:15:52 AM   
MistressPav


Posts: 350
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline 		What baffles the shit out of me is how each group of people (gays, dom/dommes, TS/TG, lesbians, bi, switch, poly....etc) expects to be tolerated and accepted, yet some people question and bash someone else for what they like.  Why can't everyone just accept everyone else without being judgemental?

For example: when I first came out as bi (been bi all my life, just never openly admitted it)  I got bashed, blasted and treated very rudely by quite a few lesbians.
I found it hypocritical and shocking that I was treated like that.  *sigh*    oh well.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

***************************************************************
"I've got equity in the Karmic Bank.  I've earned my right to be a Bitch!"  ---Mistress Pav

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 40
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