RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch.

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RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/21/2007 6:50:07 PM

Posts: 145
Joined: 11/17/2007
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when i switch it is usually a state of mind and happens for a couple of years at a time with me being completely in my chosen role...during that time i am completely submissive or dominant and don't sway from that...at least what my personal idea is of a sub/dom....if i am with one person that i am being dominant to, then i will NEVER ask that person to top me or dominate me...the dynamic in that relationship stays that way..same if i am submissive to someone at a time i will not require them to submit to me nor would it cross my mind...

but the only time i would actually switch in my given role is if i was in a submissive role and felt extremely threatened, betrayed, or insulted, than i would instantly switch to being domme to protect myself from that harmful situation...it really does come in handy

(in reply to twistedwillow)

RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/21/2007 10:45:18 PM

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From: BFE ohio
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i agree with summerblossom... i dont ask the ppl in a sub with to sub to me and it goes the same with the ppl i dom to.. it dosent work in most cases. there r.. 2 ppl i know of at the moment i can be both a sub and a dom to. but never at the same time.. perhaps int he same day but that is rare. im a sub one time.. dom the next.. either that or im neither and we just talk... ppl who think switches are both a sub and a dom to the same ppl have there facts wrong. thought id clear that up if anyone was wondering.

H >:)

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(in reply to summerblossom)

RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/22/2007 5:56:06 PM

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I listed myself as a switch because I want to explore both sides, I want to know what its like to be able to submit to someone and also to be able to be the recipiant. Usually I feel I lean more then one way then the other but then th other way pulls back at me. So I have to agree with whatever way the winds blowing. I do believe that if i become involved with someone either way, that I will probably be primarily that way and not necessarily switch unless it is something that she wants to do. Its not something that I would want to flip a coin in the morning or high card tops tonight. It would be whatever feels right at the time.

(in reply to colligocarus)

RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/22/2007 10:20:30 PM

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(fast reply)

I couldn't help but respond. I don't consider switches when I'm looking because I like my men purely dominant. The thought of a submissive man or a man in a submissive position is a complete and utter turnoff. It isn't something I could forget just because I didn't have to watch. A female switch might be acceptable; there is no instantaneous turnoff there for me.

I am, however, surprised to hear of how many advertise themselves as one or the other and not as a switch. If I were to start a relationship with someone who outed themselves as a switch only after we had gotten invested in the relationship, I would show them the door for lying regardless of how much I cared for the image they projected. The image never existed in all reality, and so the relationship has to end.

To sum it up, if I don't want a switch, I don't want a switch. It's my right to have that preference, just as I can choose not to date blondes, fat men, or short people.

(in reply to KnOcala)

RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/24/2007 12:58:40 AM

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This has been a fascinating thread to read. As a female switch, with 12 years experience on both sides of the whip and a successful past professional career as a pro-domme, I have encountered all of the close minded attitudes that have been described and discussed here. So, I'm not going to reiterate.

However, it occurs to me that many of the women who have posted and said they could never submit to a man who is a switch, are stuck on gender stereotypes of masculinity, as consistantly dominant, non-passive, always in a state of control and emotionally static. Which, in my opinion, is rather oppressive and sexist. It also suggests that submission is 'less than' and/or a sign of weakness.

My experiences as a submissive have contributed to my skill, knowledge and intuition as a Dominant. And I am an extraordinary Dominant and sadist. By the same token, submitting to a Dominant who switches, assures me they have first hand knowledge of both the submissive headspace and an accurate understanding of erotic pain and intense stimulation.

Orchid

(in reply to smilingjaguar)

RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/24/2007 2:40:49 AM

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From: The Netherlands
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I whole heartedly agree with BotanicalMiss.

I also consider Myself a switch, but I don't go and seek

Dominants. If it's ment to happen, it will happen, and no way else.

I'm stated as a Dominant, and switching with My sub is a No no..

Been there done that.. didn't like it.

The other thing I get with switches, and try to train them is

that they are the most difficultest of them all.

When they submit they can be great, but for example I love

My subs to be in chastity, and then when the switch feels like it

It will go off and do thier own thing, in which ever role..

so I can never get far, untill now, this is My experiance.

They did tend to top from the bottom allot too..

So I'll have to think very hard, and 3 times before

I would ever take on another switch.

Because of what My experiances are.

So why not write Yourself as a Dominant,

and tell the once whom You want to let them know You're a switch?

Also because it seems that loads don't take you seriously.

Maybe that's an option.

I wish You enough & a Merry Xmas

Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`

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(in reply to BotanicalMiss)

RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/24/2007 5:50:02 AM

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Topping from the bottom is disrespectful to the Top.
That needs to be addressed in initial negotiations.
Perhaps punishment should be in order for it.
Up to release from the collar.

I think ultimatly, I would rather find me another switch.

With all do respect, LTP

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/24/2007 5:55:14 AM

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I don't think you can say anything is true of all of any one class of people in a role. Oddly however, people that have been with a switch and had a negative experience often tend to wholesale say switches are confused or not good at x role instead of saying that person didn't work for me or that person needs more time to develop their role as x. They of course, are entitled to their opinions, however, when I find a Dom who is lacking in his ability to lead or lacking in technical skill, I don't assume all Doms are.

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(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/24/2007 12:19:29 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3
They of course, are entitled to their opinions, however, when I find a Dom who is lacking in his ability to lead or lacking in technical skill, I don't assume all Doms are.

It still takes 2 , to tango miss laurell.

Merry Xmas to you

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/24/2007 12:22:08 PM

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From: The Netherlands
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I didn't look for switches,

nor do I look for subs.

They come on My path, and these things happend looktophoto.

Merry Xmas

to you

GoddezzT`

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~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to liketophoto)

RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/24/2007 2:41:10 PM

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Joined: 9/28/2007
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What gets me is why all the fuss, if a dom wants to switch then fine, why create such a song and dance over it. As far as I can see if a dominant wants to switch, then make sure it with another dominant and not a sub.

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/24/2007 3:28:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Orchid63
However, it occurs to me that many of the women who have posted and said they could never submit to a man who is a switch, are stuck on gender stereotypes of masculinity, as consistantly dominant, non-passive, always in a state of control and emotionally static. Which, in my opinion, is rather oppressive and sexist. It also suggests that submission is 'less than' and/or a sign of weakness.

You're quite good at passive aggressiveness, aren't you? That's a lot of words to put in someone's mouth when you know next to nothing about them.

It says a lot about you that you chose not to actually contribute something thoughtful and considered and instead hopped up on your high horse about other people's closed-minded attitudes because you cannot accept someone else's preference not to engage with your particular BDSM alignment. Chosing not to consider switches is no more oppressive, closed-minded, or gender stereotypical than my refusal to date submissives of either gender. However, sometimes to protect their own ego people must nail themselves to the proverbial cross and play the martyr. Nice nail gun, BTW.

I am only sexually and romantically attracted to strong, dominant, decisive, sadistic men. In men in general they can choose to be however they wish without my thinking anything derogatory about them. If they are submissive, passive, or feminized I just won't consider them as possible mates.

As for the submission being "less than" or a sign of weakness, that's just too ignorant to be taken seriously.

(in reply to Orchid63)

RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/25/2007 3:22:03 AM

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godezzt,

I have no doubt these things happened to you.
respect is a two way path.

liketophoto

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/25/2007 6:59:45 AM

tanna

Posts: 51
Joined: 6/29/2004
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Yes, I would have to agree with the other posters that the one you contacted was just closed minded..

On the other side of that coin.. I am a submissive, yet I get emails almost daily from subbie boys who want me to Top them. Have often wondered what's up with that.. perhaps I should post a different thread on that subject.

(in reply to twistedwillow)

RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/25/2007 1:37:33 PM

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Joined: 11/19/2007
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quote:

Now my question is how many switches on here have had similar experiences where they have been seen as 'less than' Dom or sub because they are switches?

Yep. Doesn't bother me on the bottom side because I'm persnickety as all hell about being bossed. It makes me silently snicker lots on the topside... before I send 'em off to fetch stuff for me. One poor thing ended up running all night before he figured out what I was doing. And he was a twue dominate.

(in reply to twistedwillow)

RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/26/2007 11:05:32 AM

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Joined: 10/4/2007
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I have to agree with you. I have been known to tell people that I am straight but not narrow, because I am primarily attracted to men, but some few women have attracted me strongly, as well - it is the person, not their gender. By the same token, there are individuals I happily bottom for and others I feel quite dominant towards. Happily this is the case in a triad I am involved in: He has primary partner/pet, but as she puts it, I feel the same way he does in her head, so both of us top her - in very different ways. He is more into impact play where I am more into sensation and sensual touch. He tends to be more 'toppy' with me, but is it an ongoing negotiation at this point.

Basically for me it all depends on my partner and my mood, but generally, I have partners I top and others for whom I bottom.

(in reply to colligocarus)

RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/26/2007 11:17:14 AM

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Has nothing to do with what I believe. Has to do with what I *feel* when I am with someone.

(in reply to hermione83)

RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/26/2007 11:25:47 AM

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I understand this quite thoroughly. I am also a domininant woman as you describe. I am the dominant member of my marriage but at the same time I have been lucky enough to find someone I feel is worthy of my submission.

(in reply to BloodLuna)

RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/27/2007 10:26:48 AM

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I wrote my first response to this thread on 11/20/2007...

all i can say is damn...

i have learned a lot in this last month and a lot of my previous perceptions have been severely altered. I am now considering a relationship with a man who doesn't fit any of the requirements i thought i had. He is an older bisexual switch and not the younger Alpha D-type i thought i was seeking. He is also brilliant, funny, wise and intuitive....

Ya know.. it really is about the person and the chemistry and not labels...

Yes Sir.. i can be educated and trained.. lol

pam

(in reply to BlackWolfSwitch)

RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. - 12/27/2007 2:48:09 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Orchid63

I have encountered all of the close minded attitudes that have been described and discussed here.

However, it occurs to me that many of the women who have posted and said they could never submit to a man who is a switch, are stuck on gender stereotypes of masculinity, as consistantly dominant, non-passive, always in a state of control and emotionally static. Which, in my opinion, is rather oppressive and sexist. It also suggests that submission is 'less than' and/or a sign of weakness.

By assuming that anyone who doesn't want to be with a switch is closed minded, you are showing your own biases.

You are also entirely incorrect when you assume that we believe we as submissives are lesser than dominants.

I'm a straight, sub, monogamous female only interested in long-term, till death do us part, relationships. If I got involved with someone who felt the need to switch every few years, then the relationship would break up when that need arose. Which means that I would have deliberately gotten into a relationship with someone I couldn't fulfill, and who couldn't fulfill me.

You might as well say I am closed minded for not getting into a relationship with another female even though I am not bisexual. Or for not becoming a third to a married couple when I am seeking that state myself. All of which is absolute nonsense.

My need to not switch is based in my own insecurities, my own need to not have to lead in times of stress. It's as much a matter of mental health as is hard limiting phobias which set off panic attacks. If I sought out something which I know doesn't work for me, I'd be stupid, plain and simple.

People have preferences and they are not obligated to give the reasons why. But running someone down for knowing what they want is sour grapes, pure and simple. Perhaps you ought to reread your Aesop.

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(in reply to Orchid63)

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