Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch.

Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (Full Version)

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twistedwillow -> Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/2/2007 1:01:18 AM)
Ok, I saw a profile on the flip side of a sub who seemed to want everything I am, and he seemed to be what I was looking for in a sub as well. So I sent him a polite message to that effect and if he was interested would he care to chat on msn to see if we actually clicked ...btw no offense is ment to that person if they happen to read this post, this is just a query post, not a bashing bost... Anyway he replied back saying that he had read my profile and that he saw that I was listed as a switch, which he wasn't interested in because he wanted a 'true' Domme. I replied back wishing him well in his search, and left it at that. Now my question is how many switches on here have had similar experiences where they have been seen as 'less than' Dom or sub because they are switches? twisted

Dnomyar -> RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/2/2007 6:58:30 AM)
I think most of us swtiches have been thru that. I have found that most subs dont want to top or Dom/Domme. It is not in their nature to do so.

laurell3 -> RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/2/2007 7:02:28 AM)
yeah, and given the lack of Dommes out there, the stereotype is really shooting themselves in the foot. But if that's their choice, it is. I'm not personally fond of closeminded people anyway, so I guess it's better it comes out up front. l

MaamJay -> RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/2/2007 7:46:24 AM)
Very common ... and in my mind, misguided statement! Without getting into the old, tired "true" anything debate ... the immediate assumption of such people (and even of some switches as Dnomyar's post indicates) is that you would necessarily want to/expect to switch with THEM! Doesn't have to be the case. Sure, it can work wonderfully when 2 compatible switches flick back and forth between the roles, I've seen that done. It's awesome! But, it can be hard to accomplish and very confusing in the process. Can be much easier to keep those 2 aspects separate, sub to One, Dom the other! That helps keep things straight, your interactions with each person are always within the same persona. I know not everyone can/wants to do both simultaneously (the duality thing) as I do, but other switches work out blocks of time with their Dom and their sub and find techniques and tips to help them move from one role to the next. For example, it's easier for Me to go from Top play space to sub play space than vice versa ... so at a play party, with Master's understanding and permission, I play as Maam Jay first and violet second. It's not that hard to find ways for it to work. If he was really that interesting a sub I might drop another line explaining this approach, but otherwise, too bad. Hopefully you will find one who better appreciates your versatility, the fact that You will only dish out what you already honour as a sub, and the insight into them that you gain by being a sub yourself. Good luck! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

laurell3 -> RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/2/2007 7:48:59 AM)
Maam Jay has a good point. I will add that many times the confusion comes from them thinking you are going to want them to switch for you. I would make sure you explain to them that is not a necessity, in fact, for many not even a possibility.

Aubre -> RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/2/2007 7:51:10 AM)
When someone uses "true" as it relates to scene roles it is a clear sign that it is time to move on to the next person. There is no test anyone can take or certificate one can earn to prove one's "trueness" and the term has no useful value in this context.

bipolarber -> RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/2/2007 8:09:23 AM)
I definitely have. Not just online, but have actually gotten into major arguments with very rude people at munches, play parties, and leather events who have tried to pull that crap on me. It's just amazing how often people fall into the "one end of the spectrum, or the other" mind set. They completely forget that sexuality, and your dominance/submission level is really a sliding scale... it can depend on mood, character, and who you are trying to relate to. I mean, I'm pretty submissive, most of the time... but I know a few folks in the lifestyle that just turn me into DeSade just by virtue of their character. (Yes, "E", I mean you, if you are reading this...LOL )

azropedntied -> RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/2/2007 10:09:30 AM)
Sounds like just a poor choice of words . Define " true" and no not like bill clinton when he said " what is - is ?.." who are they to say you are not a true this or that cuz you checked a box .Kinda like saying i am only 50% as good of a bottom or subbie cuz i have been Switching that much in percentage this month .Just cuz your well rounded does it make you any less either side ? i think not .

fergus -> RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/2/2007 10:32:35 AM)
Seems like a snap judgement on his part. There are all kinds of switches out there. I say have a look about for another sub/switch, as this one seems to have made up his mind already. There are PLENTY of them out there. fergus

PrettyOHDomme -> RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/2/2007 12:03:34 PM)
ARrrggghhh...I hate this. I hate it a lot. Honestly, I think it's helpful for anyone, whatever the role, to have some experience on both sides of the whip (or flogger or paddle or whatever you want). Now, granted, experience on both sides doesn't necessarily make one a switch. Anyway, it would seem to be a plus that a Domme had intimate knowledge of how being on the bottom feels. End rant. I would definitely give up on the guy.

youngsubgeoff -> RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/2/2007 6:00:13 PM)
I definetly dont bother with someone trying to label people as "true" or not. I dislike people who put others in a little box.

twistedwillow -> RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/2/2007 6:46:00 PM)
Thanks for all the replies, and yes I just wished him well and moved on. I have no intention of switching with my sub, when I want or need to be dominated I will look for a Dom. Personally, I think switching with your sub tends to confuse them. And I'm aware that I'm no where near experienced enough as either D or s to handle throwing in those kinds of complexities at the moment. It just bugged me that I was seen as 'less than' because I was a switch, and the whole 'true' thing, don't even get me started. twisted

RRafe -> RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/2/2007 9:11:33 PM)
"True" can only be measured by who you are with-and why.

Ohgod -> RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/2/2007 11:42:28 PM)
I get this crap all the time. I thought you were a dom! I thought you were a sub! My reply is usually "which way is the wind blowing? which side did I sleep on last night?" Certain people bring out certain sides in me and switch is the only word I've found to describe the experience. I've found some doms to be very uncomfortable with the switch concept. maybe they have a sub lurking in their 'sub'concious. LOL!

lilacs -> RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/3/2007 3:19:21 AM)
I happen to be a submissive to someone who identifies as a switch. I actually don't mind this at all. I did make it clear in the beginning that if he was looking for another switch or someone who could occationally dominantate or top for him, that it wouldn't be me. The most I could ever do is go through motions, but it would basically be just going through motions and the emotional and mental connection that can happen in a Top/bottom experience of any kind wouldn't be there. It's just not in me. I also made it clear that I require a lot of attention (grin) and that if he thought it would be a need of his to bottom and have a separate relationship, it wasn't going to be something I would be okay with. I know that doesn't sound dreadfully "sub-like" but hell... I know what I need, what I want, and what I require in a relationship. No need wasting both of our time. In the end, we decided it was worth it to see where things go and now we are both friends and have a great relationship based on a D/s dynamic. Being involved with a switch has it's advantages to a submissive point of view - there's something to say about "been there, done that."

Celeste43 -> RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/6/2007 10:57:43 AM)
I'm one of those who would have refused, just as I would have refused someone who is bisexual. Simply because I'm monogamous and looking for a long term relationship and there is no way that I would want to be with a partner I couldn't fulfill. Being monogamous, it wouldn't work for me if they topped me, and were topped by someone else. Same as I couldn't fulfill a bisexual male's need for man on man sex. Being a monogamous, straight, submissive female I needed a dominant, straight male who was also monogamous. People outside those parameters are not people I am compatible with.

laurell3 -> RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/6/2007 3:51:11 PM)
There's nothing in the OP's post to indicate she wouldn't be fulfilled in only one role. In my opinion, this assumption causes alot of misunderstanding along with the assumption that a switch would require their partner to switch. In a submissive role, I personally have no need to switch and would be fulfilled in that role. I have found that often to be the case with switches in their primary role.

Aceton -> RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/6/2007 8:23:20 PM)
sigh when will you people understand that switches are third or fourth class citizens, trusted by no-one because of the capricious tendency to switch from one side to the other. A switch can barely get out of bed without deciding to fall asleep again, a switch will attend Greenpeace rallies and then go stab baby seals afterwards, a switch can't even do the simplest of chores, like washing the dishes, without dirtying them again... what good is a switch to anyone? Give me a true Dominant anyday, preferably one that messages me and tells me how he would like me to make him my sub bitch...

twistedwillow -> RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/6/2007 8:43:20 PM)
[&o]You've seen right through me Aceton. You're so right. sigh Note to self.. Don't wear leather shoes to PETA rally. Really though, at the moment I have no desire to take on a sub role with anyone. And while that can change, I don't see it changing in the foreseeable future. And I'm quite capable of being monogamous, in fact I've made it to 32 with out cheating on any of my past partners. On the flip side if my sub was open to me being with others, be it cuck or my own Dom, then I may take up that opportunity, but it's not a requirement for me to be happy and fullfilled. twisted

colligocarus -> RE: Not a 'true' Dom\sub because your a switch. (11/7/2007 12:01:58 PM)
Just because you feel fulfilled in either role, doesn't mean you have to have both roles to be fulfilled, firstwise. Secondly, there is an underlying assumption of "Dom/Sub nature" that is reminiscent of the you're not really bisexual you are gay or straight commentary. If you're bisexual, you've probably heard it (ie "I used to be bi, but then I could finally admit that I was just gay, you poor thing"). It's just silly. Sexuality doesn't just arise at puberty. Like other pans of someone's personality, sexuality develops at birth and takes a developmental course through a person's life span. D/S orientations are no different. I am, by the way, a switch. I have just learned through experience never to switch with the same person. The amount of cognitive dissonance that occurs in one's partner tends to mute the experience.

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