quote:

ORIGINAL: MidnightMaiden

quote:

The question I have for those of you who do not use any type of safe word is this. Let's not call it a safeword at all. Let's call it communication. Let's assume you are in a situation where your face cannot be seen, you are gagged and you realize your breath is restricted to the point that you are unable to breathe at all and you believe it is contrary to your Master/Owner/Dom's intent with the scene and he may not know. Is it appropriate to communicate this to your Dom/me?

Of course but how would I signal him?  Thrash about, kick, stamp my feet, wave my arms... I do all that anyway, how would he know the difference unless we both learn and remember a complex form of sign language.  If I didn't trust Master enough to keep an eye on my breathing (which would be readily apparent from the heaving of my chest whether he can see my face or not) then I wouldn't be wearing his collar.

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ORIGINAL: MidnightMaiden

If you don't trust your top to pay attention to your breathing in a dangerous scene what on earth are you doing letting him tie you up like that for? 

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ORIGINAL: IrishMist

~~ FR ~~

/sigh

Let’s try this.

Leaving my own personal thoughts about safe words out; and using the pretense that I am speaking with those who are brand new to the concept of BDSM , this would be my advice.

A safe word is a wonderful tool to have. When used with a partner who is honest, and shows a willingness to help you evolve. If you are going to play with someone for the first time; HAVE A SAFE WORD that will stop play if things become too intense for you.
 
Over time your mutual understanding of a safeword may evolve to become a source of information requiring immediate attention, rather than something that stops play.  Make sure that you both have the same understanding of what a safeword means in your relationship or with your play partners.
 
However; you must also realize that not everyone is going to care about what you want. Not everyone is honest, safe, and wants to keep you safe. In these cases, a safe word will mean NOTHING because they will continue no matter what you say, how you act, if you are injured, hurt…etc. That is why it is important that you only play with someone WHO YOU KNOW AND TRUST with your life.
 
Now, for some, playing in a dungeon or at a play party with others present, it might not be that important that you get to know the person because there are others present. However, if you plan to be alone with someone… remember that you are placing your own life in the hands of this person.
 
This whole thread has gone on and on with the same people saying the same thing…and yet, the only thing that they are saying is pretty much what I just said above. I find it amusing that everyone is arguing about this; yet saying the same thing.

edited for spelling

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ORIGINAL: mnottertail

The very thought of it makes you wet, don't it baby?

RonnieHeartthrob

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
We have talked about having "taps"

My Daddy teaches women's self defense as a mock assailant, and they have a system of safety taps in place in case they get into trouble

quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer


xoxi,

I think the problem you keep running into is that you keep saying it IS a command and it is being read as if that is the only logical viewpoint. (quite possibly an encode decode mixup)
Rather than I see it as a command but can see how you might not.
I'm seeing how you can see it as a command, but here is how I'm viewing it and in this context it is not a command but rather the fulfillment of a duty.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer


xoxi,

I think the problem you keep running into is that you keep saying it IS a command and it is being read as if that is the only logical viewpoint. (quite possibly an encode decode mixup)
Rather than I see it as a command but can see how you might not.
I'm seeing how you can see it as a command, but here is how I'm viewing it and in this context it is not a command but rather the fulfillment of a duty.

At the risk of opening up the debate again, here's what I'm saying:

I see it as a command.  I appreciate the fact that you don't see it as one...but in the context you describe I still see it as a command.  Like I said before, I can't *not* see it as a command any more than you *can* see it as one.  It *is* the only logical viewpoint FOR ME - because it's the one that I arrived at logically and see the opposing argument to hold less logical weight.  Same way you think your argument holds more logical weight than mine.

When I say "it is a command, you might see it differently and that's fine, but in my eyes it's still a command" that's what I mean.  It's not doublespeak...it's saying that you have the right to have your view - it just makes NO sense to me.  Just like my view makes NO sense to you.  When I say "yes it is a command, you can see it differently if you want" it's the same as if you were to say "no it's not a command, you can see it differently if you want."

I respect the rights of others to have their own opinion - no matter how wrong I think they are for it   As long as you don't make me say "you're right" then I won't make you say "I'm wrong" - and vice versa.  Deal?

quote:

You need to trust the person you are playing with, and you trust yourself.  Safewords don't replace trust, and only have value when trust has been established.

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really the only reason I kept debating was because I don't like words being put in my mouth, and I certainly don't like snarky nihilist types insulting me because of the words that he put in my mouth that bear no relation to what I actually said

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ORIGINAL: xoxi

Why are your beliefs about my feelings valid, yet my beliefs about yours are invalid?

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ORIGINAL: xoxi

Why are your beliefs about my feelings valid, yet my beliefs about yours are invalid?

Edited to add - my beliefs are about a safeword. An inanimate, intangible concept.  Not your relationship.  Not you.  Just about a concept - I think the concept implies "x" and you think the concept implies "y" - I'm not telling you that you have to view it as x, I'm just saying that I do view it as x.  Your relationship is not my concern.