propercelticknot
Posts: 1
Joined: 10/16/2007 Status: offline
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Can't unring a bell is very true... i have had a pretty rough time when it came to the folks knowing about my interests. My mom found out by finding some links to these sites on my laptop (not porn or anything extreme, just some bdsm research i was doing for myself at the time). Needless to say, it didn't go over very well, she flipped (very conservative catholic, same as how i was raised, i just always was a little more openminded about things) and told my dad. he took it a little better, said it was just a "phase" and that it was simply a lack of experience in life that made me think i was interested in all of this (i'm 22, and was 21 when they found out about it). I've managed to convince my family that i'm not active in the lifestyle, and have stopped all research, and sadly it is necessary for the time being for them to believe so, since i am not quite ready to lose them completely. i've been informed that i will be thrown out and disowned should they find out that i have continued any of this "wicked, abusive nonsense." My mom lost a whole lot of her respect for me in finding out, she seems to think that it changes me from the person she's always known me to be to someone untrustworthy, trashy and irresponsible. i'm in the process of very slowly trying to rebuild what was lost, but i doubt we will ever be anywhere near as close as we used to be... be careful who you tell, their responses can be cruel... some people have no interest in learning about us and our interests, and will simply judge you harshly for your openness. Fortunately i was able to tell a few of my friends, and they've been great about it, even asking for some of my research since they were too embarrassed to look into it themselves. I am comfortable with knowing what i am, and have accepted it, i don't need my family's acceptance to be happy in this. I have a favorite quote from Laurell K Hamilton, that isn't about the lifestyle but fits it so very well that i've sorta taken it as my own personal morale booster when i need it. It was the dedication in one of her books... "To Jonathan, who never freaks about my choice of research. He took away my serial killer books, at my request. When i was ready he gave them back. He's helping me understand that just because someone else thinks you're a monster doesn't mean you are. Even if that person says they love you. Here's to finding love that builds you up, instead of breaking you down." - Laurell K Hamilton rosered
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