julietsierra
Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub
quote:
ORIGINAL: breastbonder
I'm married to a vanilla and feel trapped in the relationship. Basically made a wrong choice then and now am paying for it.
My question is, how do subs feel when they're approached by a married man? If I'm open and honest about it I'd have thought it would not be a problem but it's not turning out that way. In many cases there seems to be instant hatred eminating from them without knowing who I am or how or why I got into the situation I find myself in.
Are married men seeking d/s relationships with others, possibly also married, that universally reviled, or have I just been extremely :) unlucky so far?
Why not divorce Your wife and then be free to seek any type relationship You want? Why would You stay if it's such a bad decision?
i won't date married Men; i want a Dom of my own. i don't treat Anyone with revulsion or derision but i won't budge on this either.
pinksugarsub
Or how about this?
When you decide to cheat on your wife, you do significant damage to her, to you and to your relationship. No matter what the reason, there is always this "thing" in your head that you cheated.
If you divorce your wife, you do significant damage to her and to you. And you're going to have to tell her why - unless you opt to leave her in the dark (hurting her even more) and not tell her your real reasons for wanting the divorce. If you tell her, while divorcing her, you never give her the opportunity to hear you - the real you and rise to the occasion if she's able. You lose and she loses and that's just wrong too.
So, since you'd have to avoid the truth and pay a price for cheating or tell her the truth while she pays the price when you divorce, how about simply stepping up and telling her the truth now? Give her the opportunity to surprise you with her acceptance of it if she can.
I know people who have been married for many many years. Their wives know what they do. Their submissives and slaves know that they are married. They don't pull punches with anyone. They've always kept their marriages together, promised and then kept their promises about making sure that their wives were never publically embarrassed or humiliated by their actions. They've paid attention to their submissives and slaves and never missed a family function where their presence would be noticed. And when they go out, they pick up their bag of toys, kiss their wives good night and go do what makes them happy.
They respect their wives enough to never embarrass them or humiliate them. They keep their families together and are good parents. They make good neighbors and good community members and their slaves admire/respect/love them because they're honest and take their vows seriously. Their wives love and respect them because they have learned that they can trust in their husbands. And they can be comfortable with themselves because they've been honest all the way around and maintain the integrity that is important to them.
Being that you're married, it's going to be a tough row to hoe, but it IS possible to have the best of both worlds, maintain your integrity AND earn/keep the respect of others who may be interested in you all the while while loving your wife.
Most of all, it takes the courage to have the conversation and the compassion to do it correctly.
Besides, if you're going to have to tell her anyway in order to divorce her, wouldn't it be better to just be upfront and deal with the consequences, whatever they may be than to not give her the opportunity to accept you the way you are? You may be absolutely right. She may go ballistic on you. Or, she may take a hard look at what you're saying and be ready to understand that just as her inability to submit may mean she's unhappy with your choices, so too do her choices to not do these things make you unhappy with her choices. Just maybe, you'll find out that you have a much stronger marriage than you think you do...and who knows? Just possibly, you will discover a marriage filled with acceptance and that the both of you can be dominant and have someone else for the both of you.
All I'm saying is that there are many choices, the least of which is divorce. You might consider exploring some other options. Just in case.
juliet
|
RE: Married Conundrum - 
Profile
. Kind of like I wonder how millions of disco records were sold but no one ever admits to buying a Bee Gees album. Somebody is doing it yet it can't be rationally discussed on these forums. Too much tongue clucking and finger wagging. It's a shame.............luci
Him Maybe? 
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread