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RE: Married Conundrum - 11/19/2007 10:16:08 PM

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From: in the palms of His hands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

No, the most unacceptable thing a person can confess to on here is to say that they are married, looking outside the marriage, and their spouse does not know.

I respect your opinion Irish. I on the other hand can think of a few other things that are far worse than this. There are those topics of which are not discussed and those I can say are "unacceptable"

You know what they say about opinions.... Opinions are like assholes... everyone has one and they all stink.

Please, I mean no disrespect towards you or anyone else that shares different opinions. I'm one of those silly sluts that actually think diversity in this lifestyle is acceptable.

To the OP, I don't know the details of your situation, but I applaud your willingness to put yourself out here for some of the "meanies" to rip ya a new one! I hope everyone involved finds their true happiness.

girly

(in reply to IrishMist)

RE: Married Conundrum - 11/19/2007 10:22:49 PM

mya75

Posts: 300
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

Not my cup of tea to talk to men who proclaim to be Dominant yet wish to hide me from their spouse......regardless of the situation....and if its an open relationship where she knows about the sub.. I wouldnt be involved in that either because I dont feel the need to play second fiddle.....being married and your wife ok with you messing around within the stipulations she has set doesnt make it a Poly lifestyle......

_____________________________

~**Mya Papaya**~

"A fool learns from his own mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others."

(in reply to toservez)

RE: Married Conundrum - 11/19/2007 10:27:49 PM

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quote:

being married and your wife ok with you messing around within the stipulations she has set doesnt make it a Poly lifestyle......

Agreed, I am in a similar circumstance and I don't consider myself poly by any stretch.

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to mya75)

RE: Married Conundrum - 11/19/2007 10:33:10 PM

Posts: 144
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Virginia
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i know how you are feeling, from personal experience!

i was trapped in a fruitless 'vanilla' marriage for five years, it was so hard for me to keep my wedding vows fresh in my mind... i desired so much more than he was able to offer me.

i had thought about trying to explain myself to him just to get it out in the open and then wondered how that would help? i couldn't help but feel that he would never be able to understand my desire.

after some time, i met a Man on CM and moved 1,000 miles away with him, it felt so right to be with Him and to serve Him... it was as if it were my destiny! i had left my marriage (we were separated at the time i left), my career, my vehicle and basically left my identity behind.

it went well for some time and soon after moving in with Him things crumbled quickly. i lost all respect for Him and i knew that it was best that we ended things, i moved back home.

i find myself with the very same desire as before, only this time i am much mroe cautious in who i 'run away' with!

getting involved with someone that is in a marriage is not a wise decision, even with my situation... although, i was truthful to all and i was the best i was able to be to Him, it was never enough to Him. He simply could not get over the fact that i was married and with Him.

if a married man were to commit to You that would be somewhat different, that at least shows that they are not just 'pulling your leg' about the way they feel and what it is that they want from you.

you may just be seeking awesome sex and find it nearly impossible to enjoy 'vanilla' sex... if that is the case then the married person could be on the side and you could also do Your thing... i will be the first to tell you that your conscience will eat you alive! as for a married man approaching me... i would not bother with another woman's husband, that is something i am totally against! it would be best top simply divorce Your husband, out of repsect for him!

i wish you the best in whatever you decide!

_____________________________

"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one." -Malcolm Forbes

(in reply to breastbonder)

RE: Married Conundrum - 11/19/2007 10:38:50 PM

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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It's usualy reviled. not always but usualy, and for me I don't care why their cheating and how they got into that situation, married men huge hard limit.

quote:

ORIGINAL: breastbonder

I'm married to a vanilla and feel trapped in the relationship. Basically made a wrong choice then and now am paying for it.

My question is, how do subs feel when they're approached by a married man? If I'm open and honest about it I'd have thought it would not be a problem but it's not turning out that way. In many cases there seems to be instant hatred eminating from them without knowing who I am or how or why I got into the situation I find myself in.

Are married men seeking d/s relationships with others, possibly also married, that universally reviled, or have I just been extremely :) unlucky so far?

(in reply to breastbonder)

RE: Married Conundrum - 11/19/2007 10:47:25 PM

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does it really matter? arent we all consenting adults? or have i missed something? why judge? to each his/her/ their own. why assert your standards on someone else?

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i used to care.....now i take a pill for that
i said shush girl, shush your lips, do the hellen keller and talk with your hips!!!!

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

RE: Married Conundrum - 11/19/2007 10:51:10 PM

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Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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I know you're being sarcastic, however, Actually while I would reject a cheater, cheating's not the most sleazy thing someone can do, I find far more sleazy than cheating. Molesting children raping someone killing someone ect ect.

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

You will find the sleaziest, most low down, unacceptable thing you can confess to on these boards is being married and having sex/relationship outside of it. All else is acceptable. This apparently never is. Just a tip.............luci

(in reply to slaveluci)

RE: Married Conundrum - 11/19/2007 11:01:07 PM

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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My Daddy dom is 2 hours from me, he's not cheating, and he's not married but he wouldn't be able to rush me to the hospital should something happen to me while he's in Petaluma. He's to far away and it'd take forever for him to get here, and I could of been in the hospital getting help by time he got here.

However he's still my dom, we're still in a D/s D/ lg relationshipand I still love him to bits.

You can have a Master who can't drop everything for you ALL the time, when you're in serious trouble, just don't have the reason be cause he can't have any one find out about you. It's unrealistic to think that to have a Master they have to be able to rush to your aid at any given moment.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilsubl

...how can one have a Master who isn't available to take one to the hospital when needed?

(in reply to lilsubl)

RE: Married Conundrum - 11/20/2007 4:14:57 AM

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Joined: 9/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra
All I'm saying is that there are many choices, the least of which is divorce. You might consider exploring some other options. Just in case.

Well that was a pretty succinct summation of the choices, adding in that someone will be hurt no matter what I do. She and I have our issues, they may not be our faults but they are there. But there are also innocents involved, and given the choice between hurting her or them I chose the lesser of two evils.

I'm pretty sure I know what the response will be but I'm beginning to see now it still needs to be confronted. Maybe I'll be surprised.

(in reply to julietsierra)

RE: Married Conundrum - 11/20/2007 4:16:37 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: secretagentgirl
I think part of your problem is that you are looking for a women who has to meet VERY specific criteria. There may be some women who are open to a married guy, but you are looking for a needle in a haystack. And frankly, that is going to make it tougher.

You may be right. The reason I am so specific is because if I am going to do this it needs to be for a good set of reasons. If just wanted to get laid on the side, I've had plenty of opps and over 14 years have never acted on any of them.

(in reply to secretagentgirl)

RE: Married Conundrum - 11/20/2007 4:19:48 AM

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Joined: 9/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: girlygurl
To the OP, I don't know the details of your situation, but I applaud your willingness to put yourself out here for some of the "meanies" to rip ya a new one! I hope everyone involved finds their true happiness.

Thank you. I knew I was opening myself up but I did get the information I was after plus some things to think about that I hadn't considered before. So, worth it even if I did have to get ripped to learn it.

(in reply to girlygurl)

RE: Married Conundrum - 11/20/2007 4:38:02 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
What pisses me and I think some other posters off, is the ridiculous way the OP stated his shock and awe that wow, some subs might not be ok with him cheating and how he was oh, so specific about said sub fitting into his little fantasy ideal.

Hi. I'm not sure how you read that into my original post. I'm not shocked or awed that people find this reprehensible. I didn't say that _at all_ let alone in a ridiculous way. Review my original post.

My question was whether or not I was going to continue to find near universal revulsion. The answer I seem to have gotten was no.

Yes, my ridiculous fantasies are very specific. Not knowing what to write I though that if I am going to do this it had better be for a good reason... knowing full well how that would appear. Even now when I read that I think to myself, "Holy shit, that is f'ing ridiculous." But, if I simply wanted to get laid on the side I would have taken one of the chances I have had over the years.

Anyway, If I was sitting where you were, going back 15 years I'd feel exactly the same way you do.

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: Married Conundrum - 11/20/2007 4:51:06 AM

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I am not going to apologize for my words; they were the result of your original post. Your subsequent explanations have helped a bit; however I would still have to ask the same thing that everyone else is asking.

Are you honest with your wife about what you want? If you are honest with her; then chances are that more submissives will be open to your particular situation. If you can't be honest with your own wife though; not many are going to want to have anything to do with you. As stated though, this is not a universal reaction; there are some who don't mind.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to breastbonder)

RE: Married Conundrum - 11/20/2007 4:59:25 AM

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Joined: 9/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
I am not going to apologize for my words; they were the result of your original post. Your subsequent explanations have helped a bit; however I would still have to ask the same thing that everyone else is asking.

Are you honest with your wife about what you want? If you are honest with her; then chances are that more submissives will be open to your particular situation. If you can't be honest with your own wife though; not many are going to want to have anything to do with you. As stated though, this is not a universal reaction; there are some who don't mind.

Hi. I'm not asking for any apologies. I was very vague because when I decided to do this I also decided that I would not come here and bash anyone nor seek to blame anything on anyone but myself.

You have a point of course and thanks to all of you I see that a lot more clearly now. It's not going to be an easy conversation but something I need to consider doing, how to go about doing it and what negatives there could be in doing so. Talking about it a little has helped.

(in reply to IrishMist)

RE: Married Conundrum - 11/20/2007 5:03:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mydomsabstrd

does it really matter? arent we all consenting adults? or have i missed something? why judge? to each his/her/ their own. why assert your standards on someone else?

Somehow I don't think the wife is a "consenting adult", and it seems to me he's willing to play, but not pay the concequences.

(in reply to mydomsabstrd)

RE: Married Conundrum - 11/20/2007 7:31:28 AM

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Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

Hmmm, makes me wonder. Kind of like I wonder how millions of disco records were sold but no one ever admits to buying a Bee Gees album.

Bee Gees?!?!?!?!

Sorry, but it was Donna Summer here all the way... except when it was La Chic and of course Peaches and Herb...

Bee Gees.... OMG...

juliet

<strides to the podium.... hesitates>

Hi my name is Cali and..... I went to a Bee Gees concert once. Wahhhh!

<runs sobbing down the aisle and out the door>

Cali

Yeah, well.....what about KC and the Sunshine Band, girls? Huh? Wanna admit that????

.............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: Married Conundrum - 11/20/2007 7:43:39 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

cheating ............ Molesting children raping someone killing someone ect ect.

Why would you even group these together??

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

RE: Married Conundrum - 11/20/2007 8:45:13 AM

Posts: 11766
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

cheating ............ Molesting children raping someone killing someone ect ect.

Why would you even group these together??

just a guess, but, considering some legal jurisdictions consider adultery a crime against marriage, and that cheating is also considered false representation and a form of fraud...as examples of crimes involving moral turpitude?

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Married Conundrum - 11/20/2007 9:36:31 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

just a guess, but, considering some legal jurisdictions consider adultery a crime against marriage, and that cheating is also considered false representation and a form of fraud...as examples of crimes involving moral turpitude?

Child molestation, rape, and murder are crimes of violence, not moral turpitude. Cheating is not a crime of moral turpitude because its not a crime.

The closest analogy to cheating is breach of contract.

People are just INSANE in this area.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 11/20/2007 9:38:50 AM >

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: Married Conundrum - 11/20/2007 9:38:46 AM

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mydomsabstrd

does it really matter? arent we all consenting adults? or have i missed something? why judge? to each his/her/ their own. why assert your standards on someone else?

The OP did ask for our thoughts when approached by a married man.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to mydomsabstrd)

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