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RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/11/2005 11:15:42 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress
I will tell you that reading your profile put me off. I can't put my finger on exactly what it is, but I'd not have given you a second glance when I was seeking.

I thought it was just me that his profile also rubbed the wrong way. M

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a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to BeachMystress)

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Post #: 21

RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/11/2005 11:20:01 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger
The profile may just get one foot in the door. The real art form is when you can ''bring it'' up close and personal.
- The Ranger

Absolutely! Without a profile/way to run into one another, many of us never would have known about the other's existence.
Of course, the only reason a profile matters, in my view, is if it becomes a catalyst for real human contact. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to UtopianRanger)

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Post #: 22

RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/11/2005 11:26:32 AM

BalletBob

Posts: 1645
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

Hi Ti and all...I now understand what you were saying, and stand..(well really sit....I am of today and want to relax).......CORRECTED! As for the profile colors, I'll give that some thought....If I can get this brain-a-working. It's tough getting old.

BalletBob

And I am not in any hurry to find a Mistress....I am having "SOME" fun on my own, for now......Tee Hee Hee

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"I get my kicks above the Waistline, Sunshine"

(in reply to TiNeedsHouseboy)

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Post #: 23

RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/11/2005 11:58:07 AM

Oumae

Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

I'm with LadyAngelika on this one I think posts are more likely to get a sub attention than a profile.

I don't tend to browse profiles much, though I will read one of someone's whose post has interested me, as has been iterated before Dommes get plenty of mail without having to initiate it.

Profiles can be very well written with help from others etc. but they can easily become either like a shopping list or too much of what a Domme may be thought to want to hear. I prefer to get to know the person through "talking" as I personally get a better feel for them that way. In saying that I do like to see a few lines written as it shows some intent.

Oumae

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Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to SlaveR1)

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Post #: 24

RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/11/2005 2:43:41 PM

saret

Posts: 71
Joined: 4/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: onceburned

If you really prefer to sit back and wait for the dommes to come to you... well, I think you will be very lonely. You might consider reading How Nice Guys Can Stop Finishing Last

Oh my gosh! Thats an AWESOME article!! It eloquently explains what I've been telling guys for years -"To meet girls, you have go outside, go somewhere where girls are, and actually MEET them." Its just as true for kinky as for vanilla boys.

I'm going to promptly forward that to every single one of my male friends who's every bitched to me about not getting laid, or who's ever angsted about being a "Nice Guy".

-S-

(in reply to onceburned)

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Post #: 25

RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/11/2005 5:45:07 PM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No doubt there's a whole lot of validity in what your saying regards the posts. But at the same time, I would have to ask you, how many people posting do you see on this board that you might be possibly compatible with that are from Dublin, or close to it? Even if you were in Southern California your choices would be severely limited.

There's quite a few Women on this board who's posts and profiles look good to me, but the sheer nature of their geographic location ends the game before the ninth inning. I still say the profile has it's merits, but the real magik comes after you are able to walk through the door.

- The Ranger

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton

(in reply to Oumae)

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Post #: 26

RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/11/2005 9:42:58 PM

TiNeedsHouseboy

Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
I have found (as have many research studies) that it is easier to read a computer screen that is a darker background with a lighter text color - thus our profile has a darker background with a softer, lighter text. They are different intensities, different shades, and not glaring or obnoxious

It depends on the color combination used, plus individual idiosyncrasies. Not all people find dark backgrounds improve perceptual limitations.

In all honesty, I would rethink the pairing you selected. Granted, I have light sensitivity that's beyond what most people experience, but just looking at your profile colors for three seconds literally hurt my eyes. It precipitated a headache that necessitated heading for the kitchen to get something to intercept the pain.

I work on droves of graphics. I've been involved with graphic design and layout (among other talents) for decades. I urge you to rethink your font color.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
(I still don't understand why everyone is infatuated with that horrid lime green color).

Not sure what horrid lime green that is. I don't think I've fallen over that yet. I'm noticing more male profiles with bright pinks. Then, there are the yellow/brown “symbolic” combos.

~ Ti ~

(in reply to SweetDommes)

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Post #: 27

RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/11/2005 10:09:36 PM

TiNeedsHouseboy

Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Oumae
I'm with LadyAngelika on this one I think posts are more likely to get a sub attention than a profile.

That's true -- IF and only if the person is reading the Message Boards. Many people do not.... and of the people reading these boards, many never post. I can tell from the user names of people trolling the Message Boards. That's simply the nature of online groups. Most people lurk.

On Alt, I've been to their Message Boards once, and have never posted. I was invited to join one of the groups there when it was forming, but when I took a look at the woman's profile who was its moderator/owner/whatever, I wanted nothing to do with it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Oumae
I don't tend to browse profiles much, though I will read one of someone's whose post has interested me,

That's you. I know of plenty of people who ONLY read profiles. That's why one must be a good Girl Scout/Boy Scout and BE PREPARED! Clearly, playing all the odds by creating a nifty profile, while networking on the boards, is always the best laid (no pun intended) plan.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Oumae
as has been iterated before Dommes get plenty of mail without having to initiate it.

May I tweak that statement? We get plenty of JUNKY, INAPPROPRIATE MAIL that wastes our time. A well thought out e-mail that's worth our time is as rare as hen's teeth!

~ Ti ~

(in reply to Oumae)

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Post #: 28

RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/11/2005 10:27:58 PM

TiNeedsHouseboy

Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
I have a well written profile because I don't do anything half ass.

You sound like me!!!!!
If only we could get that ethic implanted into the mindset of all male profile writers!

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
To be honest, I'd say over 80% of the men who email me haven't read it anyways because they do everything in it that I tell them not to, that is call me Mistress, tell me their fantasies and ask to be my slave...

Are you sure you're not getting MY mail??? LMAO.

~ Ti ~

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

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Post #: 29

RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/11/2005 10:37:19 PM

TiNeedsHouseboy

Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BalletBob
And I am not in any hurry to find a Mistress....I am having "SOME" fun on my own, for now......Tee Hee Hee

Ahem, Bob! You do realize you just opened up a can of worms with that remark, don't you?

Go put on your tutu and keep both hands firmly planted ON the keyboard at all times, no matter what!

On a serious note: Would one be correct if one guessed that your desire for cyber is related to the reality that you're with a vanilla partner?
If so, why are you not attempting to "dance" for your partner?

~ Ti ~

(in reply to BalletBob)

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Post #: 30

RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/12/2005 2:55:53 AM

TiNeedsHouseboy

Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress
I will tell you that reading your profile put me off. I can't put my finger on exactly what it is, but I'd not have given you a second glance when I was seeking.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
I thought it was just me that his profile also rubbed the wrong way.

It's not just you. Some very "unusual" (to be kind) content spills from his fingertips. Have you seen, for example, his post dated 8/7/2005 at 12:09:59 PM under the "Femdoms can't find a decent male partner" thread? It includes the statement, "You can hoist anyone up on the ceiling and electrocute them." ELECTROCUTE??? When did BDSM incorporate play that's designed to injure and murder?

~ Ti ~

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

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Post #: 31

RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/12/2005 4:00:18 AM

LdyAuburn

Posts: 179
Joined: 5/9/2004
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Probable on a ratio there is far more male ads than female ads in F/s roles. Taking into account the daily emails well written female ads receive it probable isnt worth it. For me the idea someone has read the profile and taken the time to write an email makes them at least worth perhaps a 1st glance. Please note I did say an email not a sentence.
Having said all that the only ones I have emailed here have been people whom I have enjoyed their posts. Only a couple of males, the rest have been females

(in reply to SlaveR1)

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Post #: 32

RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/12/2005 5:15:39 AM

Oumae

Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No doubt there's a whole lot of validity in what your saying regards the posts. But at the same time, I would have to ask you, how many people posting do you see on this board that you might be possibly compatible with that are from Dublin, or close to it? Even if you were in Southern California your choices would be severely limited.

There's quite a few Women on this board who's posts and profiles look good to me, but the sheer nature of their geographic location ends the game before the ninth inning. I still say the profile has it's merits, but the real magik comes after you are able to walk through the door.

- The Ranger

So true, its a shame more males didnt realise the benefits of posting and showing what they are like as they may have better luck finding someone.

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to UtopianRanger)

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Post #: 33

RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/12/2005 5:22:12 AM

Oumae

Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

Ti, I fully understand that most dont read the boards, its a shame that more don't.
I find munches the best way to get to know people here.

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to TiNeedsHouseboy)

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Post #: 34

RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/12/2005 6:25:20 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

So true, its a shame more males didnt realise the benefits of posting and showing what they are like as they may have better luck finding someone.

To the boys... Hint! Hint! Nudge! Nudge!

Truer words were not written today.

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Oumae)

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Post #: 35

RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/12/2005 8:34:44 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

I've been thinking about this, trying to figure out my take on who should approach whom (who? argh!)

I've come to the conculsion that I don't think it's better/worse for either side to innitate contact, but what -is- important is the manner of contact.

For example--
I think that when the dominant person contacts the submissive, it shows that he/she is willing and able to take the steps necessary to get his/her pleasure.
However, often this first contact comes accross as self-absorbed and...well...arrogant "Kneel bitch" and "send me 500$ to get my attention, worm."

I think that when the submissive person contacts the dominant person it shows that he/she is willing to be proactive in service, and go after what he/she wants. It shows that he/she will not be passive.
However, often it comes accross as needy, demanding, and pathetic. "I am -dying- to serve you Master/Mistress" "I can relocate tomorrow."

To say that the top should contact the bottom in order to show s/he will "take controll" negates the idea that soemtimes it is the bottom that needs to show innitiative.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

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Post #: 36

RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/12/2005 9:34:07 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TiNeedsHouseboy

In all honesty, I would rethink the pairing you selected. Granted, I have light sensitivity that's beyond what most people experience, but just looking at your profile colors for three seconds literally hurt my eyes. It precipitated a headache that necessitated heading for the kitchen to get something to intercept the pain.

I work on droves of graphics. I've been involved with graphic design and layout (among other talents) for decades. I urge you to rethink your font color

No offense intended, but I don't have the profile up for you. I'm sorry that it gives you trouble, but other people who's advice I have requested on the topic (web-designers, and just random people) have had no trouble with it. I have had multiple versions, this one is the one that we have stuck with as we have (up until now) had no complaints of any kind about it's readablility.

(in reply to TiNeedsHouseboy)

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Post #: 37

RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/12/2005 10:25:44 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

This is just my opinion, but I feel the Mistresses should be contacting the subs/slaves. Now I realize this isn't a perfect world and most of these profiles are bullshit. But personally I have a deep admiration for Mistresses who contact/e-mail me. I feel when a Mistress contacts you she is telling you that she is willing and able to take charge. Now not to say I'm going to jump at any of these offers, but I will give them more consideration then when I contact a Mistress. I can't stress this enough, it's very important to have your profile as accurate as can, because that's all Mistresses have to go by. To contact a sub/slave is a show of good faith. Just my opinion and was wondering what others thought about this matter.

It is indeed important to have your profile as accurate as possible.

Just an observation: One thing that would turn me off about yours is that you say up front that you have no limits, and further down that you are "disease free and want to stay that way", which to me would be a (albeit reasonable) limit.

When a sub says "no limits" or "I'll do anything", I have to wonder if they truly believe that and if so, how honest are they being with themselves...and if you can't be honest with yourself, you can't be honest with me.

For when I am actively looking (I am not right now) - while I do occasionally contact subs, it's rare that I see an ad or profile that really stands out, as well as meeting my basic requirements of local, single, experienced. I also ultimately expect a sub to take an active role in courting me; if I have to hunt him down to try to get his attention, it's just not going to happen.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 8/12/2005 1:27:26 PM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to SlaveR1)

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Post #: 38

RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/12/2005 7:48:45 PM

neosub11

Posts: 10
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

I've been reading all the responses in this thread with great interest, and wanted to chime in with my own experience. Personally, I feel that I'm always making a very honest effort to not only reach out to Dommes, but to be engaging, and not just sound like a drone. I've changed/refined my profile numerous times, and while I'm sure there's probably still things I could do better (or that you guys will discover I could do better), I certainly made a great effort to write it and to have some depth in it. Granted I'm young (turning 21 in less than a month), but there are also quite a few Dommes on this site in their late teens/early 20's, so age shouldn't be a factor (especially when considering that I also am attempting to contact Dommes around my age).

The bottom line is...I just don't know what to do anymore...I've been searching for a few years and for all but three months, haven't been able to find anyone to serve (the one Domme I was lucky enough to serve moved out of state, and I met her off a different website). I don't know what it is. I'm always polite and respectful in my letters. I don't make demands. I don't send one liners. I always include a picture or two. I don't say things like "yo" or "wassup." I don't copy and paste the same e-mail to every Domme. I make an effort to get to know everybody as an individual, as well as a Domme, and likewise, I include information about me other than what fetishes I like (and if I do include that information, I make it clear that I understand that in a D/s relationship, my needs are secondary to those of who I am serving). I read all profiles from top to bottom and respond appropriately (i.e. if the Domme is seeking only women, I don't write to Her...if she does not want to be addressed as Mistress, I don't, etc...in other words, I follow directions!). I don't send naked or otherwise vulgar pictures. I don't ask for a phone number, address or meeting from the very first (or even second or third) e-mail or chat. If a Domme brings up the possibility of a real-time meeting, I don't shy away (I am not a fake), and I am not looking for "cyber," in fact, cyber turns me off. I do enjoy talking about the lifestyle and the respective interests I and the Domme may have, but I don't ask for, or seek, cyber.

Unfortunately though it seems that most new Dommes joining this site (and other similar sites) are either:
-Purely into money (especially hard for me as a student on a limited income)
-Will talk to you for a few days, even say that they would be interested in having me serve them, then promptly disappear 1-2 days later with no warning (has happened to me at least 3 times)
-Will make no effort to have an engaging conversation of any kind and make it impossible to get to know each other
-Are seeking only women, or men that are much older than me (I can't change one's sexuality and respect their boundaries, but it reduces the pool of possible Dommes even more, and there's also at least one Domme on this site that I know of that was seeking both males and females one day, and the very next day changed her profile, claiming that she was now a "lesbian." Somehow I doubt significant decisions like that are made on a whim.)
-Change their minds constantly (decide they are really switches, or are "not ready" to Domme, or at least...that's what they tell me)
-Just don't respond at all, positively or negatively, even if I am certain that I have included in my letter everything they may be looking for and fit their requirements.
-Stand you up at a meeting (there's so much talk about subs talking the talk online, but not walking the walk, but what about the Dommes that say they will meet, and do not? Has happened to me twice.)
-I especially love the Dommes that seem to change locations and/or their age every few days, or who age three years in one day mysteriously, or who overnight "become" lesbians.

Honestly, I'm at a loss. I have absolutely no problem being proactive and contacting a Domme (though obviously I wouldn't mind at all if a Domme contacts me, though that has only happened twice for me). I am honestly, sincerely looking to serve a Dominant Woman and develop a relationship that will encompass more than just D/s, but it's been nothing but heartbreak and disappointment for four years. Obviously, constructive criticism of my profile is welcome, but my problem hasn't necessarily been not getting replies...I've gotten many, it's everything that comes afterwards that hasn't worked.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

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Post #: 39

RE: Finding A Mistress - 8/12/2005 8:22:21 PM

sarbonn

Posts: 203
Joined: 3/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

So true, its a shame more males didnt realise the benefits of posting and showing what they are like as they may have better luck finding someone.

To the boys... Hint! Hint! Nudge! Nudge!

Truer words were not written today.

- LA

I used to post all the time. Didn't help much. I agree with the geographical response. I don't seem to do very well where I'm located.

I've also discovered another problem that I've run into and that is the whole "getting to know someone on the Internet" part of the paradigm. Honestly, the back and forth rarely goes anywhere. Maybe it's me. I don't know. I've never really been good with small talk, and that's what the back and forth of email tends to be like for me. I really suck at small talk situations. I understand this is probably automatically unattractive to a number of women, but I have to be honest because just talking around it doesn't seem to make it any better.

For me, I think most potential relationships from online seem to fail because I tend to eventually start thinking that nothing is ever going to develop, and I start to lose interest in months of talking back and forth that doesn't seem to go anywhere.

In an atmosphere where women are extremely judgmental because they can be, it's very hard to maintain a continuous attempting position when any little thing can cause her to drop you and go for one of the many others vying for her attention. Coupled with the realization that even after having made the initial contact, it's not extremely easy for a submissive to lead the conversation to something real when the one who would eventually be the one in charge doesn't seem moving in that general direction.

_____________________________

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day...
...teach a man to fish, he steals your fishing hole and then charges you for the fish.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

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Post #: 40