rwmbk
Posts: 43
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quote:
ORIGINAL: neosub11
I've been reading all the responses in this thread with great interest, and wanted to chime in with my own experience. Personally, I feel that I'm always making a very honest effort to not only reach out to Dommes, but to be engaging, and not just sound like a drone. I've changed/refined my profile numerous times, and while I'm sure there's probably still things I could do better (or that you guys will discover I could do better), I certainly made a great effort to write it and to have some depth in it. Granted I'm young (turning 21 in less than a month), but there are also quite a few Dommes on this site in their late teens/early 20's, so age shouldn't be a factor (especially when considering that I also am attempting to contact Dommes around my age).
The bottom line is...I just don't know what to do anymore...I've been searching for a few years and for all but three months, haven't been able to find anyone to serve (the one Domme I was lucky enough to serve moved out of state, and I met her off a different website). I don't know what it is. I'm always polite and respectful in my letters. I don't make demands. I don't send one liners. I always include a picture or two. I don't say things like "yo" or "wassup." I don't copy and paste the same e-mail to every Domme. I make an effort to get to know everybody as an individual, as well as a Domme, and likewise, I include information about me other than what fetishes I like (and if I do include that information, I make it clear that I understand that in a D/s relationship, my needs are secondary to those of who I am serving). I read all profiles from top to bottom and respond appropriately (i.e. if the Domme is seeking only women, I don't write to Her...if she does not want to be addressed as Mistress, I don't, etc...in other words, I follow directions!). I don't send naked or otherwise vulgar pictures. I don't ask for a phone number, address or meeting from the very first (or even second or third) e-mail or chat. If a Domme brings up the possibility of a real-time meeting, I don't shy away (I am not a fake), and I am not looking for "cyber," in fact, cyber turns me off. I do enjoy talking about the lifestyle and the respective interests I and the Domme may have, but I don't ask for, or seek, cyber.
Unfortunately though it seems that most new Dommes joining this site (and other similar sites) are either:
-Purely into money (especially hard for me as a student on a limited income)
-Will talk to you for a few days, even say that they would be interested in having me serve them, then promptly disappear 1-2 days later with no warning (has happened to me at least 3 times)
-Will make no effort to have an engaging conversation of any kind and make it impossible to get to know each other
-Are seeking only women, or men that are much older than me (I can't change one's sexuality and respect their boundaries, but it reduces the pool of possible Dommes even more, and there's also at least one Domme on this site that I know of that was seeking both males and females one day, and the very next day changed her profile, claiming that she was now a "lesbian." Somehow I doubt significant decisions like that are made on a whim.)
-Change their minds constantly (decide they are really switches, or are "not ready" to Domme, or at least...that's what they tell me)
-Just don't respond at all, positively or negatively, even if I am certain that I have included in my letter everything they may be looking for and fit their requirements.
-Stand you up at a meeting (there's so much talk about subs talking the talk online, but not walking the walk, but what about the Dommes that say they will meet, and do not? Has happened to me twice.)
-I especially love the Dommes that seem to change locations and/or their age every few days, or who age three years in one day mysteriously, or who overnight "become" lesbians.
Honestly, I'm at a loss. I have absolutely no problem being proactive and contacting a Domme (though obviously I wouldn't mind at all if a Domme contacts me, though that has only happened twice for me). I am honestly, sincerely looking to serve a Dominant Woman and develop a relationship that will encompass more than just D/s, but it's been nothing but heartbreak and disappointment for four years. Obviously, constructive criticism of my profile is welcome, but my problem hasn't necessarily been not getting replies...I've gotten many, it's everything that comes afterwards that hasn't worked.
All I can say is that I can relate to this so well. I've been looking for about 10 years now.
<rant>
In addition to what you mention, the misguided notion that all men seeking to serve need to be humiliated and have their uselessness proved really bothers me. I think and submissive/slave whose beyond online games would want to feel useful... and I think any dom who is beyond games realises that it takes more than a loud voice and expletives. It may work for the wormboys/etc...but it won't illicit submission from a slave who wants to serve... Then some people confuse laziness and greed with dominance. They seek someone to exploit, preying on those who feel that "real" submissives never question anything or have an independent thought. Of course, "real" Dommes never smile, always have a bitchy tone of voice, wear leather and latex 24/7, never do their own housework, despise anybody with a cock, and constantly ask where all the "true" subs are. Lead by example. If you are in debt yourself or have money problems, then surely you cannot expect someone to give you financial control. If you are to lazy to do your own housework then surely you cannot expect someone to do it for you.This lifestyle needs a sound foundation of trust, as submission can be scary; the more power you surrender, the more you need to believe you've placed it in the hands of someone you can trust to not endanger your future.
</rant>
After the first 3 years or so I was so frustrated with what you have described, and told myself I'd adjust to that lack fulfillment. Anyway after a sort stint with vanilla dating I realised that is more frustating, and I was only lying to myself. So here I am still lurking but I guess I've come to the realization that I'll probably never find her. I don't seem to do very well where I'm located either and that seems to be the problem too. And since that 10 year period, landing stable job and buying a house I've become pretty independant, and have noticed that desire for that sense of control really has grown.
Anyway I think you know how to spot the garbage from what you describe. I remember it took me a while, but it sure savesa a lot of time and disappointments. A lot of people on this site will come and go. Be here one month and not the next. Pay no attention to them, rather the ones that stick with it month after month, year after year. Other than that all I can say is hang in there.
< Message edited by rwmbk -- 1/1/2006 5:14:38 PM >
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RE: Finding A Mistress - 
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