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Body Imperfections - 11/28/2007 6:57:12 PM

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Has there ever been a situation with anyone where you thought you liked them, until you saw them naked, and then that was a dealbreaker?

A vanilla friend, who had a major surgery for cancer years ago and has a huge scar on her stomach, but is also thin (a size 4) was telling me she never lets her husband see her naked except in candlelight because she doesn't want him to see her ugly scar and flabby (her word) stomach.

I'm not a size 4--more like a size 14/16 and I had never really thought about it. The people I've been with have seen me naked in pretty much all light other than klieg lights or search lights. I figure most men would rather be with someone who has fun with her body and is confident, regardless of the size, but the conversation got me really weirded out. Is that an issue that women blow out of proportion, or is it an issue for some guys?

RE: Body Imperfections - 11/28/2007 7:06:31 PM

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If I had some major body flaw that I knew would make me uncomfortable without my clothes on, but was not apparent until I was naked (like your friend) I would let whomever I was intimate with know about this problem before I had sex with them.

I think men are far more forgiving of imperfections that you mention than we give them credit for if they are in love with the woman, and frankly I would not want to be with a man that was shallow enough to reject me for scars that I could not help having. I have some stretch marks that I used to be sensitive about after the birth of my son, Im not so much caring anymore. I do not feel self conscious over any of my body parts. I did let my Daddy know what I felt could be better about my body though.

I think as we get older most of us change our expectations for ourselves and our mates. I find my Daddy to be one the the sexiest men I have ever known, and I can't think of anything that could change my mind about that.

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RE: Body Imperfections - 11/28/2007 7:27:51 PM

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I have insecurities as well, but I think it can depend on how comfortable you feel with the person. If it's that much an issue to her, it's going to be hard for her to overcome with anyone's help, but it has to be something she can come to grips with on her own. Some women are just at more ease with their bodies than others.

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RE: Body Imperfections - 11/28/2007 8:05:22 PM

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My ex-husband's body naked did not attract me because he was too skinny. i overlooked it, because i loved him my Owner's body is perfect to me and i not only love seeing him naked, but when i'm around him i can't keep my hands off his sexy hot body.

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RE: Body Imperfections - 11/28/2007 10:20:43 PM

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I've always found slight body imperfections to be somewhat endearing. they make the person unique, add to their character. But, then again, I'm a bit of an oddity.

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RE: Body Imperfections - 11/28/2007 10:38:07 PM

deliciousmorsel

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But that's such a nice thing to hear, that "imperfections" make us unique. Women really get whaled on about body image. The thinner and supposedly better looking, the more you measure up, the worse you feel about yourself- when I was a world ranked georgeous young athlete I would NEVER take my clothes off. Now I'm old, fat, scarred from the athlete thing, and I'll just whip it all off in the dungeon- or wherever- in front of anybody... I don't know why.
Leonard Nimoy did a photographic series of very large women in the nude and was amazed at how comfortable they were with themselves. Maybe if you don't play the body game you don't have it's imposed neuroses.
They can do amazing things to fix ugly scars now. Maybe your freind should look into that liminal, even if it doesn't get her gardening in a bikini she'd feel better.

(in reply to TwiztdErotic)

RE: Body Imperfections - 11/28/2007 10:40:45 PM

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Scars are tattoos with better stories.

It's trite but it's true.

I'll take an imperfect woman with a lifetime of stories to tell over a perfect specimen who's devoid of life experience.

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RE: Body Imperfections - 11/28/2007 11:16:18 PM

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I once was with a slave who when she undressed revealed a half formed twin sticking out of her abdomen. The problem was, her twin was a Domme, and she refused to obey me. Needless to say, a dealbreaker.

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RE: Body Imperfections - 11/28/2007 11:38:41 PM

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Now those are the words of a REAL MAN

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RE: Body Imperfections - 11/28/2007 11:41:44 PM

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I actually ask this very question quite often when i teach body image lectures and i have NEVER come across an individual who has had their partner leave them after seeing them naked. Lets be realistic, you have a basic idea of whats underneath even the baggiest of outfits. Once someone is naked, generally their partner is thinking "woo hoo I'm gonna get laid" and not "oh my god look at that horrible scar".

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RE: Body Imperfections - 11/29/2007 12:02:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have some stretch marks that I used to be sensitive about after the birth of my son, Im not so much caring anymore. I do not feel self conscious over any of my body parts. I did let my Daddy know what I felt could be better about my body though.

I find my girls stretch marks (from pregnancy) to be sexy. They are looking sexier every day now that she's been losing all the excess from her waist. The idea of seeing her outside in rather revealing clothes with those 'claw marks' turns me on. grin

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RE: Body Imperfections - 11/29/2007 12:14:25 AM

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Mentally in my head, I'd be like oh my god that scar is ugly and it looks awful the first time I saw it, or if they sprang it on me, but I'd have to say any one who's seen it before or are used to it, or make it a huge deal more than the impending act of sex needs an exmination lol.

quote:

ORIGINAL: curvyslavegirl

I actually ask this very question quite often when i teach body image lectures and i have NEVER come across an individual who has had their partner leave them after seeing them naked. Lets be realistic, you have a basic idea of whats underneath even the baggiest of outfits. Once someone is naked, generally their partner is thinking "woo hoo I'm gonna get laid" and not "oh my god look at that horrible scar".

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 11/29/2007 12:18:28 AM >

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RE: Body Imperfections - 11/29/2007 1:13:43 AM

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well put celticLord ..and just the way i feel aswell .
Imperfection ?LOL i have yet to see perfection ,everyone has a flaw .

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

RE: Body Imperfections - 11/29/2007 2:04:38 AM

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my daughter went to a modelling and personal development school and one of the things she was taught is that model always keeps duct tape in her bag because the photographer will often duct tape their bodies so that the imperfections don't show. Lift the buttocks, pull back the inner thigh, etc. See even the "perfect" isn't perfect. But maybe we have it all wrong.... instead of saying "nobody's perfect" maybe we should say that EVERYbody is perfect because what is perfection anyway?

Pick a flower from the garden and examine it very closely... the stem isn't exactly straight, some of the petals are torn or misshapen or dwarfed or scarred. Yet the flower is still a source of happiness and you would not throw it in the trash for these things but put it in a vase and allow it to bring you joy.

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RE: Body Imperfections - 11/29/2007 2:19:42 AM

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When I became seriously ill many years ago and then put on weight through steroid use, I became thoroughly depressed. I hid myself away; I also had scars from a couple of operations, so I felt no one would want this body.

Then one day my Mother said “Where is my beautiful Daughter”, looking at her confused I said “I am here” and she replied “That’s right, your there and I just needed to remind you”. She explained that people judged you on how you looked then those are the people you don’t want to be with. She was right as all Mothers are and so I got off my butt and got on with my life and sure enough shallow friends disappeared and whole lot of new and improved friends appeared. Life is great now and I learned a great lesson. Life is too short to worry about what others think.

(in reply to eyesopened)

RE: Body Imperfections - 11/29/2007 3:35:55 AM

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A pair of balls where I was expecting something else would be a dealbreaker, but that would be about it.

Looks are nice, Hell I even have a detailed list on what I like in a girl (Decent build - not a stick, 5"2 - 5"10, red hair, large breasts, large hips, attractive eyes) but that doesn't come into play when I evaluate girls. I'm after their personality, skills and her mind. Looks are generally an added bonus.

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RE: Body Imperfections - 11/29/2007 4:22:13 AM

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I've known a couple of men who insisted that they would only bother with a woman who had a perfect body. Strange thing is they were, and still are I think, single.

I get to see lots of naked women in the course of my photography and very, very few are perfect. That includes professional models!
There are some women who I do not find attractive, however I have never thought of someone as attractive then changed my mind when I saw them naked.

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RE: Body Imperfections - 11/29/2007 4:34:29 AM

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There are some women who I do not find attractive, however I have never thought of someone as attractive then changed my mind when I saw them naked.

....See, that's because You're a REAL man...*smiles

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RE: Body Imperfections - 11/29/2007 5:00:54 AM

Yourlittlething

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And what if the bodyimperfection is to have 1 breast? What would the reaction be?. You can tell someone and their reaction could be :"oh well..it doesnt change who you are", but when the time comes that you have to undress and they acutally be confrontated with the view it is very well possible that they change their mind right away

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RE: Body Imperfections - 11/29/2007 5:21:57 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Yourlittlething
And what if the bodyimperfection is to have 1 breast? What would the reaction be?. You can tell someone and their reaction could be :"oh well..it doesnt change who you are", but when the time comes that you have to undress and they acutally be confrontated with the view it is very well possible that they change their mind right away

There's no denying that the first time I saw a woman who only had one breast naked I would be struck by that fact. It might even disrupt the mood of that particular moment..

But noticing a particular physical characteristic the first time one encounters it is not the same as being turned off by it. Reality check: If I'm with a woman and she's taking her clothes off, I've already decided that she's sexually desirable. Any major physical characteristic like missing a breast is going to shock, but it's not going to dissuade.

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