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RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/16/2005 7:03:15 AM

Niran

Posts: 70
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

To date my favorite was:

X-Please Mistress, may I worship your whateveritwas.
Me-My name is Niran, please call me that.
X-Yes, Goddess. May I please...
Me-I said my name is Niran. Address me as such.
X-If you were a real Domme, you would want me to call you Mistress.
Me-Fine. The real Domme says Dont contact me again, and go do 15 pushups for annoying me so.
X-Yes, Mistress.
M-Block...

N

(in reply to UtopianRanger)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/16/2005 9:00:26 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

Ok, so I'm not a top and I have one of these.

Him: Mistress, may I worship u
Me: No titles, friend, I'm not allowed to accept them.
Him: Huh?
Me: My partner prefers people address me by my handle.
Him: RU a slave
Me: No, but I belong to my parnter.
Him: Can I be ur slave?
Me: *grin* My owner might have some trouble with that.
Him: If he loved u he'd let u have slaves.
Me: Perhaps, but it's his choice, no?
Him: He doesnt' have to know.
Him: I could be ur cam slave.
Me: Looking at the amount of respect you give my relationship, I don't think I'd want you to belong to me, for fear you'd treat my ownership with so little respect/
Him: Huh? I'd do wat u say.
Him: I'd fuk my ass for u.
Him: On cam.
Me: I'm sorry friend, I can't view cams, and while I appreciate the offer, I have to decline.
Him: Ur a bitch!
Him: Ur a slave bitch who couldn't order a dog to sit.
Him: Get down on ur knees and suck me off bich.
Him: Ur probably ugly anyway.
Him: Bitch.

Me *wanders away from the computer, and lets him spew. THere was quite a bit there when I got back :)

Anyway, people are silly.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to Niran)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/16/2005 9:30:11 AM

TiNeedsHouseboy

Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline

Forgot a category: Lost-in-LaLa-Land-Game-Playing-Bizarro-Flaming-Wonders.

Received on Alt in June from someone named ********

> Subject: Hi

> "The soul cries because it is hungry..."

<Visualize the eye roll that induced!> I was not in the mood for nonsense and fired back:

> Did you need something? I don't need a quote-of-the-day service, and if I did, I'd be sure the service knows how to create attributions.

I'm guessing the following was intended as a zinger for my failure to be enthralled by his fabulous quote.

He replied:

> We find McCorporate's lack of depth both sorrowful and amusing.

Doncha hate it when someone is playing a game, but forgot to reveal the rules? He got blocked after that.

~ Ti ~

Edited by Mod7 -

Note that this thread will remain fine as long as you are exchanging a bit of a chuckle with no direct flaming or naming.

Ti's Note to Mod7: I included the USER name -- not the person's name -- because:

It was an example from Alt. I clearly stated that it was from Alt. No one on CollarMe has that user name. (I checked.)

Allowing people to view it was IMPERATIVE for context: the contrast between user name vs. the content of his e-mails. His user name reflected that he is a novice. His user name reflected that he kneels.

Only a novice would kneel to someone who has not agreed to accept his submission. Only a kneeling novice would send outrageously inappropriate e-mails, as he did.

As I've discussed previously on these boards, choice of user name says a great deal about the person's motives.

There is nothing about my reaction to guys like him that merits chuckling. I find him pathetic and I feel very sorry for him. That's not a flame. That's a 100% accurate reflection of my gut reaction.

< Message edited by TiNeedsHouseboy -- 8/17/2005 3:12:47 AM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/17/2005 11:44:08 AM

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/20/2005
Status: offline

I would never say any of those things you listed. We are not six years old. There are alot of reasons you could be rejected. The person at the other end could have had a bad day,etc. My personal feeling on this matter is, it's their lost (AND PLEASE DON'T TAKE THAT THE WRONG WAY). My final thought is, it's hard to size someone up on his/her profile. Some of these profiles could be on the NYTimes best seller list. You can't be all things to all people.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/17/2005 6:30:50 PM

sheep

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/12/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Subs, have you ever responded less than gracefully to rejection? Ever said anything you regretted?

Hmmmmm...Have I ever said anything I regretted? Unfortunately I have said many things I've later regretted. Haven't we all at some time? I will try to be honest here:

When a potential sub is rejected, he:

quote:

1. Says something like, "Oh, ok. Do you have any female friends I can contact or submit to?" (this is especially annoying if you barely know the guy -- he's just looking for someone, anyone -- and it's obvious.)

Yes but never in those exact terms or that directly, and not if I didn't have some kind of relationship with that person already, or if we've had a few dates and things were not working out. And yes, I was looking for someone. And I've met many Dommes who have had friends in the scene that I was introduced to later. The dating pool in the bdsm scene is small.

If it's an immediate response to a brush off, then it's a really tacky question. But under other circumstances I don't see anything wrong with it. I've also encountered an attitude of "I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you either"

Have to admit I have bungled this one badly and stupidly in the past. I chalk it up to youth (with a healthy dose of stupidity)

quote:

2. Says, "Your LOSS!" or something negative in a huff. Or "You don't know what you're missing."

I've snivelled that to myself consoling wounded feelings but never expressed that sentiment to a Domme on rejection.

quote:

3. Does not take no for an answer.

I always take no for an answer. Sometimes convince myself the answer is going to be "no" anyways so why bother and don't even approach. Not good either.

quote:

4 Says something totally insulting -- like "You're ugly anyway" -- the guy just previously slobbering all over your photos.

Never. That's terribly tacky and ignorant. Real lack of class.

quote:

5. Claims that you must not be a REAL femdom then. Or says, "I knew you were a fake."

Never said anything to that effect. But have snivelled that to myself, again, more wounded feelings. This was when someone who was very into it online turned and ran after an initial meeting.

quote:

6. Tries the, "Well, it's obvious you think you can't handle me, then. Admit it, you can't handle a real man!" and/or insults those that submit to you already.

Of course that was the reason I was being rejected. What else could it be? She couldn't handle a true sub like me...someone who is into it for real, and not as just some kinky game!

Nah, never felt this ever had anything to do with it. Never said anything like that.

I've handled rejection very badly my distant past and am not terribly proud of it, but I've never done anything mean or creepy (I hope!). I do blame it upon youth, naivitey, and confusion and self esteem issues around growing up "different" and a perv. I doubt I'm alone but if one can learn from their mistakes and do better the next time then some good can come of it. Reading most of the Domme's experiences in this thread makes me doubt that many of these idiots will ever get a clue though. It pains me to think of what the Dommes have to put up with!

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/17/2005 7:38:27 PM

Posts: 121
Joined: 4/10/2005
From: Kansas City, Missouri
Status: offline

I can definitely say that recently I got the reaction of a lifetime on here from a "True slave"...
Him and I had only been talking for around a week. He was looking for total slavery, no rights, no opinions, giving all of his posessions up, ect. The only problem is that he was very impatient. If it took me too long to type, he would get huffy, and say "Well, I guess you're not interested then."
I finally had enough, and told him that it wasn't going to work because he was rude, arrogant, and obviously not something I wanted living in my home. He exploded! "I can't believe I've wasted so much time on someone who doesn't even want to learn from me!" and "You're not even real" and "You just can't handle how close we're getting to you accepting me" and, finally, when I asked him to remove me from his messenger, "Gladly, you pretentious bitch!"
Oh, how unlucky I am to not have something that valuable as mine...lmao

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/17/2005 9:18:12 PM

Posts: 1645
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

Hi Aakasha and all...WOW I think that was my reply, "You don't know what your missing"...a real classic.

Still Goofy, BalletBob

_____________________________

"I get my kicks above the Waistline, Sunshine"

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/31/2005 9:48:12 AM

Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline

Well.. to be COMPLETELY honest.. I've never really worked up the nerve to approach a Domme

Thats not to say i havent approached a Domme before..but (and this may seem seriously off topic.. but im hoping it isn't)

If a Domme basically told me "No thank you.. im not interested" I would just email her back with something simple like " Thank you for your time" simply because.... I'd MUCH rather her remember me as a respectful sub, than some brat.. who for all intents and purposes, is throwing a tantrum because he/she didnt get what they wanted.. a response from said Domme

These are just my thoughts... i hope I've been able to give a little bit of insight from a novice's p.o.v

~Bp~

quote:

2. Says, "Your LOSS!" or something negative in a huff. Or "You don't know what you're missing."

Like anyone would miss a whiny brat?? *lol*

**Of all the things I miss.. I miss my mind the most**

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/31/2005 4:51:24 PM

Posts: 66
Joined: 3/22/2004
Status: offline

Re: AAkasha's initial post--

Perhaps online chat is something that causes such rude responses from someone "rejected". However, it seems to me that such responses reveal the true character of the one who sent the response to the rejection. In which case, all the better to be rejected. True colors were revealed.

As a sub, i honestly do not believe that i have ever reposnded in such a manner. There are so many diverse aspects to someones primary needs/desires. i respect that. In my case, one cause for not being what a Domme might want/need is certainly my age. Another is my penchant for liking discussion and interchange of thoughts with Her. Although i classify myself as a sub, i am not a "passive" sub (if that makes any sense to You Dominas). [As an afterthought, i don't mean topping-from-the-bottom when i claim to be not a passive one.)

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 9/1/2005 2:15:17 PM

Posts: 23
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

I get 2 through 5 all the time - I'd estimate probably 50%+ of the guys that get my polite "thanks, but no" response reply in one of those ways.

The best one ever, though, was a guy who repeatedly rolled through all four of those (I didn't block him for a while, just to see how deep he was willing to bury himself). He later griped about me to a local scene "celeb," who responded that she knew me and liked me, and that in fact, I was quite happily seeing a friend of hers so she knew for sure I wasn't a fake. I would dearly love to have been there for that conversation!

A turndown response that I struggle with is the plaintive "But WHY???" Frankly, it's usually something not very flattering (not physically attractive to me, utterly unable to converse in his first language, etc.), and unless he does something really appalling, I don't feel any need to hurt his feelings with that unkind truth. Any suggestions on how to handle those?

(in reply to msub4Domme)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 9/1/2005 2:37:47 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: indygirl2

A turndown response that I struggle with is the plaintive "But WHY???" Frankly, it's usually something not very flattering (not physically attractive to me, utterly unable to converse in his first language, etc.), and unless he does something really appalling, I don't feel any need to hurt his feelings with that unkind truth. Any suggestions on how to handle those?

There's no denying that this is hard. Since physical looks truly do not matter to Me, I don't have to worry about that.
I usually try to nip things in the bud, if I decide to reply to something that is not going to be a go for Me. Since there is no "I don't find you attractive" for Me, I can usually find a way to politely give a few pointers, suggest they re-read My profile, or pose a few questions that I am pretty sure they will not bother to answer. (My favorite is, "Why Me?" It is amazing how many boys never respond, because there is no reason. I am a Domina, and they are just throwing out a net!) For the few who take the constructive criticism, I have had some lovely correspondences. For those who are just going to mutter under their breath and ignore Me, anyway, sure as shootin', I will get another email a few weeks later, and it is the same one that I turned down in the first place.
Maybe I don't get a whole lot of pestering emails in My box, because I either will not reply in the first place, or I challenge the boy (in a nice way, of course!) with My brief response and suggestions. I also spent a lot of time on My updated profile, which is too much trouble for many to bother to read.
Either way, it seems everyone is struck in this catch-22. The boys are upset because they don't get a response, or they don't get the response they want. The Dominas are called out for not replying to everyone, and the subs (many of them who are never here reading or learning) continue the cycle of meaningless offers.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to indygirl2)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 9/1/2005 2:47:35 PM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: indygirl2
Any suggestions on how to handle those?

Just say "No, thank you", why should you explain yourself all the time......

I recently had encounter with one of those pushy types. When I told him he was too far he gave me geographical report on distance and km and it was 2 pages long

Actually he was interesting to me for he comes from my country (which I dont state in my profile) and it was amusing to talk with him on English and let him explain to me exactly where is he located. In time I concluded I know him and we already have been chatting for a while on some other site.
Finally he started to bore me and I handed him over to my husband (dont know why for he is really quite polite but he manages to intimidate those men all the time - maybe too real and sure of himself

).

So the guy finally told me "Sorry I wasted your time - we are too far in my opinion".
Made me laugh.

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to indygirl2)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 9/5/2005 9:39:18 AM

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

Perfect timing for me to read this topic. I have received all of the responses listed. The latest this morning. It gives me a chuckle.

Some of the rejected ones think they are actually doing me a favour by offering themselves to me. When I say no thanks and good luck with their search, the real personality seems to come out. If I was half that bitchy..I doubt I'd find anyone to play with.

(in reply to Kasia)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 9/5/2005 9:50:29 AM

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/8/2005
Status: offline

I wish I could Have reactions from rejection, maybe someday?

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 9/5/2005 10:45:51 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

A turndown response that I struggle with is the plaintive "But WHY???" Frankly, it's usually something not very flattering (not physically attractive to me, utterly unable to converse in his first language, etc.), and unless he does something really appalling, I don't feel any need to hurt his feelings with that unkind truth. Any suggestions on how to handle those?

Alas, I will usually answer the "but WHY?" questions fairly bluntly. I try not to be unkind, but I have found that answering that clearly and simply does the trick. Otherwise there's often even more follow up emails trying to convince me otherwise.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to indygirl2)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 9/6/2005 10:30:55 AM

Posts: 9
Joined: 4/1/2004
Status: offline

I have followed this thread through and notice that there has been no rational analysis of the cause of the negative reaction to your rejection of potential subs.

It is apparent in your description of your emails that there are some subs who are simply not up to your standards and that is valid. What about the sub who has taken the time to write, possibly sent you a photo, made the proper effort yet you brush him off without basic courtesy. Have you responded in an appropriate manner yourself to those who warrant, at the very least, the courtesy of a proper response? In answering this I hope you will not resort to the "if I answered every email...." line.

Please keep in mind my reply to your thread is not a "Domme bash" but simply a reflection of frustration of the times I have made a proper effort in attempting to find a Domme yet I am left wondering "if only this person would make the effort to explore this sub in a more concerted effort". After all, why skim the surface and potentially dismiss an opportunity that could be the person that fulfills their search. I truly believe all too often we blame others and don't take the time to look at our own actions for our lack of success....

When bringing up this endless theme, please include an objective evalution of your own actions if you plan on validating this posting. Without such you are really only ranting and thus robbing yourself of the goal you seek, that being the goal of finding the compatible person you advertise for.

Oh btw, "Good luck in your search"

kisses

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 9/9/2005 5:26:28 AM

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha I'm sure I'm not the only femdom that has turned down a sub who propositioned me, only to have him respond in a really ugly way. Perhaps a few emails have been exchanged -- nothing major -- but once he is told that she doesn't think he's right for her, the way he deals with it often shows his true colors (and ruins any future chances with her, should her situation change).

Irrespective of how much effort has gone into an application to a Mistress, a sub should accept Her rejection immediately and without question or complaint. It is She, and She alone, who can decide what She wants for Her pleasure. Pestering a potential Mistress who is obviously not interested, is the height of discourtesy. To do so to the point where She feels it necessary to block e-mails is nothing less than disgraceful.

< Message edited by collarmee -- 9/9/2005 6:26:38 AM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 9/9/2005 5:38:22 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

It is apparent in your description of your emails that there are some subs who are simply not up to your standards and that is valid. What about the sub who has taken the time to write, possibly sent you a photo, made the proper effort yet you brush him off without basic courtesy. Have you responded in an appropriate manner yourself to those who warrant, at the very least, the courtesy of a proper response? In answering this I hope you will not resort to the "if I answered every email...." line.

Actually, my usual response is something along the lines of "Thank you for your interest but I don't think we'd be compatable" or "Thanks but I don't see married subs" or the like.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to kissmike)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 9/10/2005 9:55:53 AM

Posts: 15
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline

God forbid, Mistress, that (as a sub) I should EVER act disrespectfully at ANY point in a relationship with a Mistress (or Master).
Dommes are a GIFT no matter what personal; foibles or (perceived) flaws They might have.
I was once silently "cast out" for using the "cautionary" safe word while She was administering to me with a dildo and -- having Her permission -- I could not to cum. I understood Her feelings though, and sent her kind & respectful emails, telling Her that I adored Her and would respect Her feelings if She did not wish to reply. She did not, but I still ADORE her, and wish her only happiness.

< Message edited by easyCD -- 9/10/2005 9:59:33 AM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 9/12/2005 2:13:57 AM

Posts: 72
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

Honestly, the only times I have been outright rejected are when I refuse to submit to the dom before meeting him so I can look him in the eye as he gives me an order.

OH, and I had a stalker for a while here too, had to reject five of his profiles before he gave up trying to get back on my good side after I rejected him for lying to me about being married. I almost miss the guy.....

(in reply to AAkasha)

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