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Going dutch - 12/4/2007 3:16:44 AM

kails

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Joined: 11/7/2007
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I can see arguments happening on both sides for this one.

Ok, Im playing with this Dom. He's been fed several meals by me, out of my cupboard. Fine, cosy in fact.

Then he tells me we are going to a pub. We get there, he gives me the amount for his drink and tells me to get it.

I purchase the drink, take it over to him, give him his 5 cents change, turn around, leave the pub and do the 1 1/2 hour walk home. He states later that he does not believe paying for my drink is part of D/s.

Im interested to see what others views are on this. My view is ... I did not have a choice about going to a pub, i give full control over to the Dom. But damned if Im gonna go dutch when we go out. Especially considering control is expected and happily given at all times, no matter where we are.

Opinions ????

RE: Going dutch - 12/4/2007 3:59:43 AM

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From: SoCal aka Hell
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I think that you'll find everyone has a different take on this. Obviously your take and this potential Dom's take did not mesh well. You did what you felt was right. If it would have been a bone of contention between you two I think that you've probably spared yourself a lot of emotional investment, time, etc... oh... and money. Let's not forget that.

Find someone who will appreciate that you're more than willing to cook for them when they're in your home... but who has an old-fashioned mentality when it comes to dating. If you can get all of the other fun particulars to work out (politics, religion, kink, etc.) all the better.

Best of luck to you with your search.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to kails)

RE: Going dutch - 12/4/2007 4:00:39 AM

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To me, saying that you are playing with a dominant is not the same thing as being in a D/s relationship with a dominant where you have transferred authority to them.

It would depend on what type of relationship you actually have and what you want out of it.

In my relationship, all the money belongs to him whether it comes from my work, Alandra's or his. He has authority over how that money is spent. If he wants the money to come out of the bank account in my name, then it does. He uses the money in the best way possible for the family as a whole.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to kails)

RE: Going dutch - 12/4/2007 4:01:19 AM

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Geez he could have at least argued that he didn't want you to have a drink which is why he only gave you enough money for one LOL I would have done exactly as you did, walked the walk.

(in reply to kails)

RE: Going dutch - 12/4/2007 4:32:13 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kails

Then he tells me we are going to a pub. We get there, he gives me the amount for his drink and tells me to get it.

I purchase the drink, take it over to him, give him his 5 cents change, turn around, leave the pub and do the 1 1/2 hour walk home.

Hi kails
So, what I got from your post is that he's the one that invited you to go to the pub with him. That said, he should have offered to pay for your drink IMO. When my Sir invites me to dinner he pays. When we meet for lunch or dinner on occasion we'll go dutch, and there are times when I pay as well. It just depends on the situation and circumstances.

I gotta tell ya, when I read that you left the pub and walked home I got the biggest grin on my face.... wooo hooo you go girl! If anything, you made a clear statement that his actions were rude and not acceptable!

girly

(in reply to kails)

RE: Going dutch - 12/4/2007 4:34:21 AM

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quote:

Opinions ????

He's cheap.

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- Albert Einstein

(in reply to kails)

RE: Going dutch - 12/4/2007 4:44:19 AM

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Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
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Even I'm Dutch, but I'll never be so cheap.
A real Gent would've payed for you hon.

Way to go !!! ( on your sollution)

goodluck in finding someone worthy of your time

Warm Greetings

GoddezzT`

< Message edited by GoddessTeaze -- 12/4/2007 4:45:07 AM >

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

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(in reply to kails)

RE: Going dutch - 12/4/2007 5:00:39 AM

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We got a thing in the states, I'll buy if you fly........(you flew he should have...well, bought)

It is said, once you go black you'll never go back....

But this seems to be more the case of:
If you're going Dutch, he ain't worth much.

Master Van Der Hooven

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

RE: Going dutch - 12/4/2007 5:02:56 AM

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hmmmm....wonders what it means if you go Irish?

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~erin~

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(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: Going dutch - 12/4/2007 5:06:10 AM

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erin go braless?

cornbeef and cornhole?

dunno.

Ron

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Going dutch - 12/4/2007 5:13:44 AM

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From: Atlanta, GA
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It seems to me that you have found another Master of the mentality that just because they can bark orders at you, throw some leather at you, pontificate endlessly, that you will be his benefactor and money pig. Is it not possible to be a gentleman, demonstrate some chivalry and still be a Master?

High fives for you walking out on him.

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Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: Going dutch - 12/4/2007 6:49:11 AM

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So basically you're a whore and he needs to pay for your time. Because ultimately that is what you're saying. He needs to shell out the dollars to take you somewhere. LOL. Ironic that you want him to take on an expense that you yourself won't take on. You say that you happily want him to take control but when he does it, you cry foul. And yes, telling you to pay for your own drinks is still controlling the situation. Maybe you should try dating a submissive man if you don't want to pay you own way?

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to kails)

RE: Going dutch - 12/4/2007 6:56:32 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

hmmmm....wonders what it means if you go Irish?

You bust the other person in the head with the bottle after you're done with it.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Going dutch - 12/4/2007 6:58:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

It seems to me that you have found another Master of the mentality that just because they can bark orders at you, throw some leather at you, pontificate endlessly, that you will be his benefactor and money pig. Is it not possible to be a gentleman, demonstrate some chivalry and still be a Master?

High fives for you walking out on him.

Did you even read the OP. Or are you just saying something so you can make some sort of impression? Where did you read he wanted her to pay anything for him? Must be subliminal.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to OldBastardly1)

RE: Going dutch - 12/4/2007 7:12:06 AM

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From: Den Haag
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kails

Opinions ????

Well, we share the costs of our household rather equally (well, relative to our income).

But then again, I'm Dutch

(in reply to kails)

RE: Going dutch - 12/4/2007 7:13:34 AM

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Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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Just another person with personal preferences(issues) in real life justifying them in their personal theory of D/s. Does not mean he is not a dominant just means he is classless, cheap and probably just a selfish user of people.

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(in reply to kails)

RE: Going dutch - 12/4/2007 7:15:35 AM

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Lately, I've had the opposite problem--men spending way more money on me than I'm comfortable with. I want to be able to reciprocate, but when men choose restaurants that are insanely expensive, I can't afford to reciprocate in their league. I think if you are cooking for him, then it is gracious to reciprocate by getting your drink. Cooking costs not only money (on the groceries--they aint cheap) but also time and talent. I blew my entire 'fun' money for a month on groceries for my family's Thanksgiving visit.

I ended up bluntly asking a guy if he was putting things on his expense account at work because otherwise I wanted to go to cheaper places. Finding that right balance is really difficult, whether it is a D/s deal or not.

_____________________________

"Ring the bells that can still ring. Forget your perfect offering. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." Leonard Cohen.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

RE: Going dutch - 12/4/2007 7:20:45 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

So basically you're a whore and he needs to pay for your time. Because ultimately that is what you're saying. He needs to shell out the dollars to take you somewhere. LOL. Ironic that you want him to take on an expense that you yourself won't take on. You say that you happily want him to take control but when he does it, you cry foul. And yes, telling you to pay for your own drinks is still controlling the situation. Maybe you should try dating a submissive man if you don't want to pay you own way?

Is there anything wrong with being a "Dom AND a Gentleman"?

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

RE: Going dutch - 12/4/2007 7:21:15 AM

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Did YOU even read the OP? or does feeding someone from their pantry not count as real money spent? perhaps the shoe elves delivered the groceries and cooked them as well?

Count me with the rude & inconsiderate agreement. If nothing else the manner in which it was done (gives you money to go fetch his drink) just compounded it, IMHO. I wouldn't be against going dutch but damn, that was tacky as hell.

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

RE: Going dutch - 12/4/2007 7:31:48 AM

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The compatibility regarding the issue of finances is no less a consideration than compatibility regarding which end of the flogger preferred.

One person's "cheap" is another's "frugal".

The other consideration is upbringing and social philosophy. There is a generation of men raised to believe that paying for a woman's drink is a sexist insult insinuating, as one person pointed out here, that it is a pre-payment for expected future "services" rendered.

Many talk of "communicating" and exposing personal beliefs; but rare do those discussions include the pragmatic aspects of every day life - like who pays for drinks at a Pub. Maybe it's one of those little discussed issues pointed out in other threads where people expect and use deceit in lieu of honesty. The lesson learned from this experience is if you don't know and would be insulted if the answer isn't what was expected - have taxi fare in your purse. At least wear comfortable shoes for the long walk home.

(in reply to liminalRapture)

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