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Solutions for sissies - 1/10/2008 11:05:59 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		I'm directing this post more toward men who have feminization at their core - they crossdress for their own pleasure, they have a sissy name or feminized picture on their profile, they are fixated on sissification and all things feminine more than anything else. 

Perhaps a new approach that may work better as you search for a femdom is to try to show her how your crossdressing or feminine side can be fun or rewarding for her.  One of the challenges I see with sissies is that they can be high maintenance and fixated as submissives (or bottoms), and it is limiting and can be incredibly non erotic to me. It certainly doesn't push many of my femdom buttons when it's 100% voluntarily and with glee that a man dresses and adopts feminity, I am more drawn to the type that have to be put into panties kicking and screaming.

But if that's not what you are, you have to think about what would make your kink fun for a femdom.  I was talking with a kinky girlfriend of mine about a CD we used to know, and "she" was a riot.  The approach that was different is that this person made was to bring us into his sissy circle, so to speak, by purchasing fun lingerie for us, shoes, make up, etc.  Now, purists will get agitated perhaps that this "spending money on the femdom" approach is basically pay-for-play, and in a sense, it is.  But sissies spend a tremendous amount of money on their OWN clothes, shoes and accessories as is.  They know what it costs.  Why not share in those costs and celebrate feminity with your femdom -- in a sense that you can form a playful bond, and then the play is integrated from there, whether it be shopping trips or dress up nights with a little roleplay added in.

A sissy that states in their profile they like to make their feminization FUN for a femdom may get a second look - propose shopping at Sephora together or getting a pedicure.  State that you want to celebrate feminity, and in doing so, your femdom partner will enjoy being pampered and sharing in those shopping experiences. 

Sissies, by the nature of their fetish, are locked into having to invest in their kink.  I propose they carve out part of that budget and turn it into a pleasurable experience for both.  With our "sissy friend," it was only a matter of time before we were including "her" in our girls'shopping trips.  The other great thing about this sissy is her taste was fabulous and she could be a personal shopper.  What a joy to have during a shopping quest for a perfect outfit. 

If you have a fetish, find a way to make it *useful* to your femdom partner, if she is not directly aroused by it.  The desire to dominate, to share passion and lust, will come from the friendship and affection built around it.  Then the sissy fetish won't seem so selfish and focused on self; instead, it will be seen as something that two people can share.

Akasha


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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/10/2008 12:49:15 PM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline 		Akasha,

quote:

If you have a fetish, find a way to make it *useful* to your femdom partner, if she is not directly aroused by it.  The desire to dominate, to share passion and lust, will come from the friendship and affection built around it.  Then the sissy fetish won't seem so selfish and focused on self; instead, it will be seen as something that two people can share.


This is brilliant advice (for sissies and non-sissies alike).

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 1/10/2008 12:50:13 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/10/2008 12:57:16 PM   
joriboy


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I am more drawn to the type that have to be put into panties kicking and screaming


but... deep in his heart he will enjoy it... or not? he IS a sub...

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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/10/2008 1:05:12 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		You know, that whole spending money on himself only thing is one of the many offputting things about sissies.  There is one in the Ontario area who has gone through half a dozen dominants that I know personally.  Each ditched him because of his inordinate selfishness---he could spend hundreds of dollars on his own frills, but never had the budget for a bunch of daisies for the dominant!  This kind of thing wears thin fast.



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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/10/2008 1:38:24 PM   
solvr70


Posts: 425
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		I'm not sure if this is the same thing, as "sissie" does bring images of loving to wear frilly feminine things.

For myself, it's more slutty/feminine things like made to wear thigh-high black leather boots, black leather corset (with matching nipple clamps). And do agree that it being insisted that i do so, and the Woman being very aroused by it are key things.

All this typically being part of some other sort of use, not standalone, as well

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/10/2008 1:56:44 PM   
Baaric


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/26/2005
Status: offline 		Hi Akasha,

I'm not really sure how to respond to what you're saying. You've obviously has some bad  "sissies" in your life, but is this really any different from bad subs in general? Why does me liking to wear women's clothes fit me in a different ilk then the rest of the subs out there? I'm honestly curious not trying to be snarky.

Shouldn't all subs makes things interesting to their potential partners regardless of whether it's crossdressing or not? Isn't a selfish sub a selfish sub? Doesn't changing my profile to lead you to believe I'm something I'm not, just as bad, if not worse, than being that self centered sissy?

I think I fall somewhere between the extremes you talk about. I like dressing up, yes like it, and do it willingly, but I also share my affection and appreciation to the Domme's in my life. I like women's clothes, on me or on my partner, it doesn't really matter, I just like them. Personally I'd spend the money a nice dress for my partner before I bought me another maid uniform, but ideally I'd do both. I do enjoy dressing up at home, but have no inclination to go out in public dressed up. So I'd probably be kicking and screaming (or is that begging and whining) before going into public. And while crossdressing is far from a "do it everyday" thing for me, it's also something I have to have in my partner. I want her to enjoy seeing me dressed.

Shouldn't I look for something who likes me as I am? Would a sadist be happy with someone who didn't like pain? Would someone into heavy bondage be happy with someone who's only into scarfs?

I know BDSM is all about negotiating and any relationship is about compromise. Maybe I'm not the one you're talking to, I can't imagine not involving and sharing my fetishes/kinks with my partner. I would be just as happy going to the store with my partner and shopping for her, and then grab a thing or two for me, as I would with just shopping for me. For me it's really all about the clothes, women just have the damn coolest clothes Guess that's part of why I'm drawn toward fashion photography as well. Plus i know there's a lot of things I can't wear that would look sooo much better on her

I read the boards from time to time, I'm mostly a lurker, I know there's a lot of resentment for sissies out there, some of it stems from the selfishness aspect, some of it is for general dislike, some of it is from the find it degrading side of things. I've also seen the profiles on here that are looking for 24/7 sissies, I've even seen a profile that wanted to completely transform their males sub,  they were looking for a wife. So I know there are people out there who like them.

I don't know if I had a real point to make here or not, sorry ... I just felt I had to respond.

Owen

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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/10/2008 2:31:07 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baaric

Hi Akasha,

I'm not really sure how to respond to what you're saying. You've obviously has some bad  "sissies" in your life, but is this really any different from bad subs in general? Why does me liking to wear women's clothes fit me in a different ilk then the rest of the subs out there? I'm honestly curious not trying to be snarky.

Shouldn't all subs makes things interesting to their potential partners regardless of whether it's crossdressing or not? Isn't a selfish sub a selfish sub? Doesn't changing my profile to lead you to believe I'm something I'm not, just as bad, if not worse, than being that self centered sissy?

I think I fall somewhere between the extremes you talk about. I like dressing up, yes like it, and do it willingly, but I also share my affection and appreciation to the Domme's in my life. I like women's clothes, on me or on my partner, it doesn't really matter, I just like them. Personally I'd spend the money a nice dress for my partner before I bought me another maid uniform, but ideally I'd do both. I do enjoy dressing up at home, but have no inclination to go out in public dressed up. So I'd probably be kicking and screaming (or is that begging and whining) before going into public. And while crossdressing is far from a "do it everyday" thing for me, it's also something I have to have in my partner. I want her to enjoy seeing me dressed.

Shouldn't I look for something who likes me as I am? Would a sadist be happy with someone who didn't like pain? Would someone into heavy bondage be happy with someone who's only into scarfs?

I know BDSM is all about negotiating and any relationship is about compromise. Maybe I'm not the one you're talking to, I can't imagine not involving and sharing my fetishes/kinks with my partner. I would be just as happy going to the store with my partner and shopping for her, and then grab a thing or two for me, as I would with just shopping for me. For me it's really all about the clothes, women just have the damn coolest clothes Guess that's part of why I'm drawn toward fashion photography as well. Plus i know there's a lot of things I can't wear that would look sooo much better on her

I read the boards from time to time, I'm mostly a lurker, I know there's a lot of resentment for sissies out there, some of it stems from the selfishness aspect, some of it is for general dislike, some of it is from the find it degrading side of things. I've also seen the profiles on here that are looking for 24/7 sissies, I've even seen a profile that wanted to completely transform their males sub,  they were looking for a wife. So I know there are people out there who like them.

I don't know if I had a real point to make here or not, sorry ... I just felt I had to respond.

Owen



You don't really sound like the type of submissive that I am addressing in this thread.  There are so many threads where femdoms have talked about what the frustrations they have with sissies are, so I don't want to turn this into that kind of thread.  I've encountered many types of subs in my years enjoying domination, and while there are varying levels of selfishiness, it happens most commonly with sissies.  Sure, there are selfish subs of all kinds, but an unselfish sissy seems to be the exception rather than the norm.    This is addressed in many other threads.


Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/10/2008 2:38:41 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baaric

Shouldn't all subs makes things interesting to their potential partners regardless of whether it's crossdressing or not? Isn't a selfish sub a selfish sub? Doesn't changing my profile to lead you to believe I'm something I'm not, just as bad, if not worse, than being that self centered sissy?



You must be pinch-hitting for Domiguy.

The core issue with sissies and CDs regarding women is how women are TURNED OFF by the interest itself.

Having an interest in something that *** at-its-core turns your partner off *** by nature of the universe makes that interest "self-centered." What's funny is how a FEMDOM's lack of interest in a sissy becomes "the sissy is self-centered." This characterization is off base entirely, and sadly promotes a dumb, uniformed stereotype of what sissies are.

I agree with you 100%, a guy needs to find a woman who genuinely shares an interest in his kink, so that there is no tug-of-war at play. Masking one's own interests and pandering to another's, is, as you point out, pointlessly misleading.

I must say its tiresome to see FEMDOMs, uninterested in sissies themselves, offering them advice on how to find a partner. On some core level what's at play here is: "go away and don't bother me," and "the problem lies with you, not me."

Their advice has all the soulful insight of, "'try this and that' maybe some other woman will take you in."

Aakasha is right, tho, in how a Sissy must pay careful attention to how he pitches his ball over the plate, but regardless of the pitch --- recipient women will either be into his kink or not ---- in the end. Most, as a matter of hardwired nature, are hostile, derisive, and negative towards sissies.

Even in Aakasha's positive example, she has nothing more than a superficial relationship with the sissy she references (the lingerie buyer). Why? Because she's really not interested.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 1/10/2008 2:46:16 PM >

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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/10/2008 6:12:47 PM   
boywannabe


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

..... It certainly doesn't push many of my femdom buttons when it's 100% voluntarily and with glee that a man dresses and adopts feminity, I am more drawn to the type that have to be put into panties kicking and screaming.

.....

Akasha



I had one Mistress.. We used a code word on when I meant to really stop. Normally chosen a word that we don't use every day. One word was "Checkmate". So it didn't matter on how much I said "no" or "stop". She kept on going till I said "Checkmate".



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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/10/2008 7:36:31 PM   
iwearpanties


Posts: 509
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline 		i totaly agree about the spending yes but im not sure if i realy do that i dont by clothes or make up or shoes i like the soft fabrics panties and nylon , garterbelts, sating bras i will wear the dress if asked or told but i do not go out of my way too buy them ..that said any Mistress / Dommes ive been with ive bent over back word for giveing and makeing sure they are taken care of long before my needs ever come into play

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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/11/2008 7:57:28 PM   
tasha_tart


Posts: 385
Joined: 2/20/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		A few of things come to mind after reading this post.
  • A selfish sub is a selfish sub -- male, female, sissy, whatever.  If the sub is fixated on his or her needs, whatever they may be, to the exclusion of any other's needs they are going to be basically unattractive to most people.
  • The "sissy" seems to be an incredibly polarizing issue on CM.  It seems that most threads that touch on this subject get most of their posts from two camps: those who just can't seem to accept that many people are just not into their "thing", and those who hate them with a passion and want to make sure the world knows it.  This thread, so far at least, sees to be free of that.
  • In my experience, people who are secure in themselves, no matter their kink, understand that not everyone (perhaps hardly anyone) shares their interests and understands that we are all responsible for our own happiness.
  • If a male had started a thread suggesting that women who wear having trouble finding a master should start taking groups of men out shopping for leather chaps and toys, I can only imagine the flame war that would have started.
  • Anyone who can only find acceptance within a group by financing the group's activities, needs to find a different group to hang out with.  This applies right from, oh...grade school on up, I'd say.
  • Finally, in a bit of nit-picking, I have to say that "sissies" are only a subset of males who crossdress.  Over the last several years, I've met a good number of CDs, almost none of whom would categorize themselves as "sissies".  With few exceptions, these are people who function quite well socially, en femme or not, and don't lack for friends.  Not one of them needed to be told they needed to rent friends.

If I'm guilty of violating my second point, my apologies.
 
Tasha

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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/12/2008 12:14:25 PM   
SubmissiveAK


Posts: 94
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline 		Hello AAkasha,

*curtseys*

What I want to know is are there any Domme's who want sissies? If one were to go by these forums alone one would assume sissies have little hope of ever finding anyone since so few domme's enjoy it. It seems there are more Doms who want sissies than FemDoms. Granted, sissification (and feminization) is in itself oriented on the submissive's needs, not the dominants. If anything, I think the dominant would enjoy pushing an unwilling sissy into something humiliating and making them more vulnerable/weak in the eyes of thier dominant... and as a result makes the trust they put in thier domme that much more complete.

Forgive my assumptions, but I would venture to say that there are few if any times a domme will sissify a male who doesnt want to be sissified. For the male sub's POV it is either a really kinky fetish, or it isn't going to do anything for them. A lot of things a sub will do for the dominant, but if being a sissy doesnt excite them then there isn't going to be a lot of fun for the domme. You can put a guy in a dress and take him to town, but thats more humiliation than sissification IMHO. A sissy is a man who struggles against it, fights it but secretly wants it and gives into thier dominant. They want it, but they want to be forced and pushed.

I am a woman, for me I want to be feminized. Its similar, same kind of pushing, forcing, getting me to go past my comfort zones... but its different than being a sissy. I take pride in appearing feminine, I take pride in the work my dominant would do. A sissy is humiliated by it more than taking pride in it. Aside from the permanence of feminization and the angle of what your going for (looking passably female instead of humiliatingly sissy) the two fantasies have a lot in common.

This is how I see things. Forgive me if my assumptions do not apply to you specifically, I am not a domme nor am I really a sissy (though I could get into it).

~submissiveAK~

P.S> For all you sissies out there... I would be interested in hearing your opinions on the differences between sissification by a Female dom and a male dom.

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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/12/2008 1:44:23 PM   
vampchick88


Posts: 346
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline 		  Thats their personal thing, its their kink, everyone here has one. I've met many c/d, sissies, etc. I've gotten along with them on a chatting basis. Is it for me? no, my personality loves a manly man. One with a deep voice, high testosterone, and muscles to nibble upon. A man to over throw and to master, to get to wimper at my very look. But thats only my viewpoint.

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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/12/2008 3:44:57 PM   
MistressFaye1


Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		Once again a topic has come up right when I'm in the middle of something that I need insight on.  I have been approached by a bi/tv/cd submissive(his self description) member of the club I belong to. It was his first even with us and since he looked like a lost puppy in his little black dress, I took him under my wing for rhe evening.  Not only that, he is new to BDSM. We spent a lot of time talking about things in general. 

A few days after the event he emailed me and eventually made it known that he wanted to come under my wing to learn about the lifestyle and explore in his submission.  My intital reaction was to reject him because it is not a turn-on for me and to be frankly honest I didn't have any experience because of it. I was upfront with him and compassionatly told him how I felt about it.  He expressed his understanding as if he knew that would be my response.  We continued the conversation and at some point it dawned on me, how difficult it must be for him.  I was reminded of the times I had difficulites especially living in a vanilla world.

I told him we would meet face to face and talk more about his life and get to know each other.  I have decided to take him under my wing because I am the one that needs to learn something here more so than he needs to learn about the lifestyle. 

I've been a hypocrite and have downed vanilla men that put BDSM down even when I made attempts to educate them.  I was still judged for who I am as were the beautiful and giving men that submit to their Mistresses.  I realized that I am no different than they are.  Though I haven't put anyone down for who they are, I was unwilling to give any tv/cd a chance. 

I'm the one that needs to stop preaching about what I don't like without having given it a chance.  I'm the one that needs to grow and learn before rejecting.  Some of you  may say it's a matter of what attracts you and I agree.  I didn't have any negative feelings surrounding our meeting and because I did take the time to really talk to him outside of an event, I found out there are quite a few things I find very interesting about him as a person.  His submission is real... his feelings are real...his needs are real. 

The bottom-line here is this:  It's a win-win situation for me.  More than anything else I will learn something about myself during this journey.  Good or bad I will have given myself the opportunity to grow.  Good or bad he will have the opportunity to learn and grow also. 

I've already told him I hate to shop and he's already made the offer to do so.  First on my list is that sexy little black dress he wore the night we met. 

Ms. Faye



 

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You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/12/2008 8:16:38 PM   
Reigna


Posts: 334
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		Careful. They're addictive. 

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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/12/2008 8:34:48 PM   
Reigna


Posts: 334
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tasha_tart
  • The "sissy" seems to be an incredibly polarizing issue on CM.  It seems that most threads that touch on this subject get most of their posts from two camps: those who just can't seem to accept that many people are just not into their "thing", and those who hate them with a passion and want to make sure the world knows it.


As a Domme who likes sissies (crossdressers, whatever), I am quite comfortable with people who don't care for them. Good thing, too, else I'd spend an awful lot of time being uncomfortable, because most people don't care for them. What shreds my last nerve is raw prejudice masquerading as reasoned avoidance. Much better and far more dignified, in my opinion, simply to say, "Don't get it, don't like it" and move on.

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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/12/2008 8:39:44 PM   
Reigna


Posts: 334
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveAK
If one were to go by these forums alone one would assume sissies have little hope of ever finding anyone since so few domme's enjoy it.


Many, many sissies and crossdressers have little hope of ever finding anyone, period--Dommes, Doms, plain vanilla. It's sad.

(in reply to SubmissiveAK)
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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/12/2008 8:42:13 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		I would like to add another idea.  For the Sissy's: Find a partner who shares YOUR same taste in clothes and that is also your same size. The clothes swapping would be an advantage to both then. 
 
While my slave only wears panties as his private fetish..he and I are the same size.  Sometimes he finds something that he knows *I* like too and and gets two :)

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I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/12/2008 9:13:14 PM   
Reigna


Posts: 334
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveAK
Granted, sissification (and feminization) is in itself oriented on the submissive's needs, not the dominants.


It's helpful to avoid thinking of crossdressing as some horrible, polluting weirdness, and to avoid thinking that women's clothing somehow defiles a man. Crossdressing is just another thing to like.

Some people like being tied up, and some people like tying others up. If two such people find each other and bondage ensues, would you say that the bondage is oriented toward the sub's needs? Some people like being spanked, and some people like spanking others. If two such people find each other and spanking ensues, would you say that the spanking is oriented toward the sub's needs?

It's the same with crossies (love that term!). Some men like dressing in women's clothes. Some women like men dressed in women's clothes. (Hard to believe, I know, but work with me here.) If two such people find each other, would you say that the crossdressing is oriented toward the sub's needs?

See how that works?

< Message edited by Reigna -- 1/12/2008 9:30:33 PM >

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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/13/2008 3:22:32 AM   
iwearpanties


Posts: 509
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline 		Reigna

frist off id like to thank you for being here and for  understanding we panties boi , cds, tvs. Your so so rite not many of us even get a second look nor a an email if once we've let the cat out of the bag that were sub-males who  1.we enjoy and are willing too wear panties .  2. like too sub as cds or seek that of a Mistress/Domme whos into this . What im trying to say is things are ok untill we let the inner subby out to the others we meet or think we've met who are Dommes/Mistress'es .... Finding that person nto the smae likes , wants , needs  is the most difacult journey  to take when it comes to finding a Partner / Mistress/ Domme ... but find one of equal size  a bigger taks espically for me being 6 ' 7  tall not many dommes  or much less females are close too my height  or sure i know there are some out there but there all playing Basketball in the WNBA  lol  .  I 'm not here complaining or bitching but as a sub male i understand not all of us are needed but sure seems when the subject or panty bois , cds ,tv,ts come ups the negative air grows  just scroll back at any posting onthis and you can see

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