MissMorrigan
Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005 Status: offline
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It is truly wretched that you are going through this at the moment. You recently played and are now processing the 'come down' time while dealing with work-related stress and possible illness... those, alone, will magnify any problem there may be. Are you able to call your Master and have a heart-to-heart with him, explaining how down you presently feel and that you need some support? You have written your post at the height of emotion, negative emotions which are understandable presently and said that while you feel love and adoration, you perceive your Master to feel nothing in return and there's a concern regarding perceived lack of after-care/emotional intimacy, if this really is the case and you aren't simply speaking out b/c you feel down, why have you placed so little value on YOUR needs for love and affection? You are a woman first and foremost, with your own set of needs for you to maintain an emotionally healthy balance, yet it seems you have placed your submissiveness above your emotional wellbeing. I am, by no means, criticising your Master, that is not for me to do. I question why a person would forge a relationship with another and yet place so little value on themselves. You have previously asked your Master to release you, which has been denied and yet state you feel abandoned. This tells me that your Master isn't into making rash decisions and I am hoping that many questions were asked/and answered as a result. At which point will you accept that you actually do matter and that, inspite of your M/s relationship, you still maintain the basic human right to leave. You choose to remain, why? You leave out a lot of detail and I can only assume that your choice to remain was b/c you felt a. duty bound to remain, and possibly b. you both had discussed the situation and you gained reassurances. I understand submissives/slaves reacting adversely to their situation and asking for release, especially during the 'teething' phase. What you do need is to openly discuss any abandonment issues you may feel. Sometimes we go through life wondering "Why don't they care?" In reality, they do care but we often have a lousy way of conveying that we are struggling. It seems as though the groundwork wasn't prepared prior to entering into an M/s relationship with your Master - this is both persons' responsibility. Presently you are at the phase where you feel you want 'out'... While this clearly indicates something is seriously wrong, it doesn't necessarily mean the dissolution of this relationship, so I can only suggest the problems are diagnosed and dealt with, and that can only come about through communication.
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