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Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 2:46:23 PM

Posts: 13
Joined: 1/15/2007
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Hello Masters and Dominants,

Im asking for some advice for a friend of mine. No, Silly..it really isnt for me..!

A friend of mine is collared by a Dominant. She had been dating this Dominant for almost a year before He collared her. Everything seemed great but then she calls me to say He just had a big fight with her over the phone.
She has asked numerous times to visit His home. He refuses and always goes to her house for the weekends. Nothing has ever seemed out of the ordinary and she has always just assumed that as time went on He would eventually have her come to His home. She apparently brought up the subject on the phone for the fourth time since they are together in a year. He went thru the roof screaming at her to the point she was in tears and was afraid to answer His questions on the phone. He said to her that "If you come here and meet my father it will be the end of us. When I want to get rid of you then you can come here and meet Him. Do you want to meet Him?" She was in shock...and didnt know what to say.
He lives in the next city from her. She owns her home. He owns His home.
He is taking care of His father fulltime (who is paralyzed and argumentative and "a fucking bastard" )and His father has a hard time dealing with visitors who come to see the Dom and takes it out on the Dom all week. The Dom lives to see my friend on the weekends. He tells her His life begins when they are together on weekends and holidays. He spent Christmas and Thanksgiving with her at her home for two weeks.. The Dom's Father went to stay with relatives.
She has never seen His home..or met His family or co-workers although the Dom HAS met her family etc..and had dinner..etc..and spent considerable time with her family and friends.
She is confused about things. Shouldnt she SEE where He lives and works..etc after its been a whole freaking year?!!
The Dom told her that His father has ruined his relationships in the past and doesnt want him to interefere with what they have.
What should she do please? As far as I know He has never raised His voice to her about anything else besides coming to His home. He has never "hit" her or abused her......why all the secrets?..He is "a very private person"...

uh....okay..

_____________________________

All well-raised Southern girls know it's far easier to get forgiveness than permission.
-- Virginia Darmer

RE: Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 2:51:54 PM

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having have friends deal with parents who's temperment changed when they became older, I can say that this man's story sounds plausible.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to omegafemale)

RE: Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 2:53:07 PM

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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Personally, I'd do a background check on him. (if you get in touch with me on the other side there is one very small thing I can do to help)
Yeah, I know *if* you trust him, you shouldn't check up on him...blah blah blah...
Anyway, that's what I would do.
After he came up clear, I'd sit him down and let him know that I support what he is doing, and that what ever his father is would not change my opinion of him (in fact, it might make it even higher), and that whenever he is ready, I am ready to take that step.

p.s. has she met any of his friends, co-workers or family?...

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to omegafemale)

RE: Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 2:53:51 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: omegafemale

\What should she do please? As far as I know He has never raised His voice to her about anything else besides coming to His home. He has never "hit" her or abused her......why all the secrets?..He is "a very private person"...
uh....okay..

In my opinion, she should respect his boundary and stop insisting on going to his home. If he doesn't want his father involved in his affairs, why is she continuing to push him about it? I'm wondering if she had a "hard limit" that he kept pushing her on, how she would respond.

(in reply to omegafemale)

RE: Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 3:05:21 PM

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Joined: 1/15/2007
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I dont think she has ever met His family. She did tell me that He said "we'll see" when she asked if she could meet His son, who is 25.
He has met all her family, friends..etc..
I hadnt thought about the hard limit..thank you...I'll add it to my notes for her. THAT is really something to think about.
But how does she KNOW that His Dad is really there?..that He lives where He says..etc..that kind of thing is what she is after I believe..and it kinda has some of us (friends) wondering why too...Just looking out for her..But I really steer clear of asking stuff..SHE called ME!..
I really appreciate y'all taking the time to answer this forum...

_____________________________

All well-raised Southern girls know it's far easier to get forgiveness than permission.
-- Virginia Darmer

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

RE: Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 3:09:29 PM

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What should she do?

Honor his wishes in this respect.

geeze

He's made it clear he does not want her in his house...let it go already

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(in reply to omegafemale)

RE: Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 3:09:52 PM

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From: Apple County NY
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I can understand him not wanting to expose her to his father. I cannot understand not meeting his friends and family outside of his home. Especially since he says he lives to spend time with her, yet won't introduce her to his son.

Being a cynic, my assumption is that he's in a bad marriage, that they live separate lives but still share the house. I'd want to go drive by the house, check out the cars, maybe park and see who comes in or out.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to omegafemale)

RE: Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 3:12:58 PM

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Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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Ok, here's the deal;

If she only wants playtime with him and less than a full relationship (by full I mean she is not hidden from friends and family) then she should just do as he asks.

If she wants/expects more, she needs to find out what is really going on. It *could* even be what he said, I don't know.
But something doesn't smell right here.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 3:15:12 PM

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Joined: 1/15/2007
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See DesFIP,
THAT'S what Im thinking....Drive around and just see what's going on...show up at His work...etc..but she doesnt want to do that. She's afraid He will leave her and I really think she's in love with Him...and the way they are when you see them together looks like He's in love with her too...
I dont think He's married. He was married 20 years ago..they divorced when their son was small. So, I dont think He's married at all....maybe she should drop it..but would you continue to share your life with a Man that You never know anything about?
I dont think I could do that.

_____________________________

All well-raised Southern girls know it's far easier to get forgiveness than permission.
-- Virginia Darmer

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 3:18:00 PM

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

THAT'S what Im thinking....Drive around and just see what's going on...show up at His work...

fuck, if I found out someone was doing that with me, I would do more than just break the relationship off

as for the rest...if she's ignorant enough to not care one way or another AFTER A FLIPPIN YEAR....then hey....who am I to tell her she's not doing it right.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to omegafemale)

RE: Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 3:19:24 PM

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From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

show up at His work.

yes then the issue is solved.

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~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to omegafemale)

RE: Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 3:20:01 PM

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Joined: 2/2/2007
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Yeah thing is if she goes to his work etc and everything is as he said then he will get mad.

I can understand the dad thing but as others have said not everything else. I mean girlie knows that I will introduce her to my freinds and family but that she will normally be introduced as just a friend of mine because I couldnt tell them what she actually is to me, my father wouldnt be able to cope with that but I would still let her meet everyone. Seems odd that its all of his side thats where I would worry. I mean it depends where she sees the relationship going, obviously they arent going to move in together, and if she is happy about everything else then its up to her to decide if she can live with it or not.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

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(in reply to omegafemale)

RE: Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 3:20:55 PM

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Joined: 1/15/2007
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Maybe I'll tell her to figure it out herself...I dont know.....He's really a great guy. I mean He's really a great guy. At least all the times Ive seen Him He is...
Maybe she's over-reacting?
Any whoooo.....Im off for a little bit but will check in later..gotta go for now...
Thank you all for such wonderful replys..Y'all rock!

Toodles til later
*trots off to run errands before it gets tooo late

_____________________________

All well-raised Southern girls know it's far easier to get forgiveness than permission.
-- Virginia Darmer

(in reply to omegafemale)

RE: Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 3:21:08 PM

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Joined: 11/4/2007
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First opinion..
He is married....

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See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to omegafemale)

RE: Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 3:24:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: omegafemale

....maybe she should drop it..but would you continue to share your life with a Man that You never know anything about?
I dont think I could do that.

She doesn't know anything about him?? She will never know anything about him?? Then why did she give herself to him in the first place? Why is she wearing his collar? Why has this gone on over a year?

Bottom line - she either trusts him or she doesn't. If she does, drop it and accept his boundary. If she doesn't, she should figure out why. If she's reducing herself to sneaking around and watching his house, how is that any different than hacking into his computer and mail? Is this the way she wishes to develop trust?

For what it's worth, I have known of Dominants who simply feel it is inappropriate for a slave or submissive to come to their home. It has nothing to do with anything other than their preference. If this friend of yours accepted his collar, knowing he did not want her in his home, she has no business nagging him about it now, and I don't blame him for his impatience.

(in reply to omegafemale)

RE: Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 3:44:55 PM

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My sub lives in a run down old farm house with his aged parents. His Father rants, raves curses etc at people sometimes so he doesn't invite anyone INSIDE the house because of those two reasons. Yes I've seen the outside, I've met his Mother, his sister. But I know it would embarrass him to no end for me to go inside and see how broken down this house is and his Father might go off and he doesn't want me exposed to that. I respect his wishes because I've met his other relatives.

I think its strange that this Dom has not let your friend meet any of his friends or relatives. It almost sounds like he has something else to hide, perhaps a wife? or perhaps his house is in a state of disrepair that he finds embarrassing. Who is to say. But if I were her before I invested a lot more time into this guy I'd at least try to meet some of his close relatives. Even if you have to go to restaurant to hook up it would be worth it for the peace of mind.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to omegafemale)

RE: Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 3:47:34 PM

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From: St George Utah
Status: offline

This is a Fast Reply I have read NOTHING but the OP~~

There are things in a persons life that cannot be helped. Regardless of the situation I do not believe this is much of a secret I think he is simply trying to save himself some aggrevation. Perhaps it hurts him to hear his father say such things about his guests. I don't know and I don't wish to presume to imply.

The point that I saw is that they have a wonderful relationship except for that. Except for That SPECIFIC thing they have had a good and fruitful relationship. Because of what you have said I have some doubt about the way you friend posed the questions and suggestions of her going to his house. For him to Snap like that I would assume there was considerable MORE pressure than the 4th time being asked, however that being said I want to offer you a new way of looking at this.

Perhaps this is the same kind of HARD LIMIT for him as SCAT, BLOOD, and CHILDREN are for others, and if that is the case how unfair of her is it to be unrelenting about her desire to impede on this PREDETERMINED Situation.

Case in point the girl knew that he was not okay with her coming over and without using the words HARD LIMIT it was certainly OFF LIMITS because of this any attempt to do this especially using GUILT about how he may have spent time with her family would certainly be more than a little upsetting, that is to say if it were me.

See I see this from a difdferent point of view. If this girl said that she was Against her Mother ever meeting him and could NEVER allow that then I would see that as a Hard Limit. If the Master DEMANDED or SUGGESTED that he wants to and does not think it is fair that she would deny him this and then possibly suggest secrecy as the reason I am sure we would all be here jumping down his throat.

This is a issue for him and in my opinion sub or not she should respect his wishes on this issue.

As Always

Steel

Edited to add **And it would appear everyone already made my point before me**

< Message edited by SteelofUtah -- 3/12/2008 3:51:20 PM >

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to omegafemale)

RE: Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 3:56:20 PM

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Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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This is the part I am having the hardest time with... he doesn't trust HER with meeting his father. He thinks SHE will break it off. Where is his trust in HER?? Personally this is something that really irks the bejeebers out of me. For instance, someone recently underestimated my integrity, by assuming some gossip about me was true (instead of asking me about it), went off on me, then refused to tell me what it was really all about because they underestimated my maturity regarding how I would handle the situation. Yeah, where was the trust in ME? Okay, rant over. Trust is a two-way street.

Cali

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AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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RE: Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 3:57:48 PM

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Joined: 2/11/2007
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I think as she is asking Him after He has replied to his sub, she needs to learn her Dom has reached a decision and that is the end of it. Of course He got upset, because she has continued to ask a question He feels He has answered, she is lucky He has continued with her, although if she keeps this up things could change.
He is obviously needing to get away from His daily grind of looking after His father, and she needs to understand this and learn to accept His decisions, she is supposed to be His sub I thought.
I would not put up with her questioning My decision either, He is just being what He is, a Dom. It is not as if He is being unreasonable.
Sir K

< Message edited by thefirst121 -- 3/12/2008 4:00:39 PM >

(in reply to omegafemale)

RE: Is everything alright? - 3/12/2008 3:59:15 PM

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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Cali,

I love you to pieces but....

The op never mentions him thinking she will leave him it only says that when he is ready to get rid of her then she can meet his father, and more than anything else that would be the most painful thing to say because it implies that eventually he will want to get rid of her.

I am sorry someone was a dick to you Cali, if you wanna chat later lemme know.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to CalifChick)

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