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RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/2/2008 3:21:34 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

If you mean do I communicate openly using words that already have perfectly good meanings that mean exactly what I say...then yes.

Yes, that is me too. Before our first time scening Scooter asked me "Do you have a safe word?". My reply "If i say oh fuck no stop" that is exactly what i mean. Lmao....

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(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/2/2008 3:31:24 AM

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Fast reply.

Neither. I suppose it could be because I am more the 'bedroom submissive' type, and choose my men accordingly.. but I really don't see the point of having a fancy word that means "Um, OW... stop please!" When "Stop please" or "too rough" works just fine.
It's a little bit silly crying out "RED! RED! NACHOS! HAIRNET!" during a heavy spanking. Kinda kills the mood.

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No-one respects the flame quite like the fool who's badly burned-- Pete Townshend

(in reply to junecleaver)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/2/2008 3:32:57 AM

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Hey, Twice, nice spider!

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No-one respects the flame quite like the fool who's badly burned-- Pete Townshend

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/2/2008 3:43:38 AM

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Lol, why thank you. I am rather fond of spiders. Jewel and Scooter hate them so we have an arrangement. The Orkin man is not allowed in my room, it and the front porch and the flower beds are spider safety zones.

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The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to Indemnis)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/2/2008 3:48:48 AM

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Spiders are not only beautiful, but they remind me of John Entwistle. ^_^ (I'm sure that's really how that poor man wanted to be remembered...) In fact, my first tarantula, Boris (go figure, right? XD) a little rose-knee was my best friend for a good few years!

_____________________________

No-one respects the flame quite like the fool who's badly burned-- Pete Townshend

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/2/2008 5:53:39 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Indemnis

Fast reply.

Neither. I suppose it could be because I am more the 'bedroom submissive' type, and choose my men accordingly.. but I really don't see the point of having a fancy word that means "Um, OW... stop please!" When "Stop please" or "too rough" works just fine.
It's a little bit silly crying out "RED! RED! NACHOS! HAIRNET!" during a heavy spanking. Kinda kills the mood.

I say "ow" "no" and "stop" all the time, I never mean it. And we both dig it when he gets me to a point when I say "that hurts" or "too rough/too much".

< Message edited by OmegaG -- 4/2/2008 5:54:36 AM >

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Indemnis)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/2/2008 6:01:04 AM

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From: Nashville, TN
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Fox has a safeword. Its No or Ow ow ow.
Simple reason, actually, when he is in subspace, he doesnt speak. EVen the usual noises associated with pleasurable sex are rare. So, to expect him to be able to not only remember but say something out of the rdinary is a tad unrealistic for us. However, on the other side, if I have pushed him far enough that he CAN get out No, stop or Ow... I know theres a problem. He has used his "safe words" only twice in our relationship, both times with the same activity and both times simply because we neded more lube, not because we needed to stop.
During the rougher play, he has never once had a problem that has caused him to need them.

Angel does not have a safe word, since he and I do not play in anything that could possibly need one. I doubt he would have to stop a rough powdering, or an overly aggressive diapering... so we never even talked about it.

DV

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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
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(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/2/2008 6:37:13 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
Fairly recently, we have pretty much had to stop all scenes which include inescapable bondage because of 'his' medical issues. It's no longer safe for him to put me in a position that I can't get out of in case something happens and he needs immediate care, so, the safeword isn't just for me, it's for him as well. If he utters it, I'll be right there for him.

This is an important point. Years ago he had Alandra suspended and blind folded while the two of them were playing privately. He stepped back and went completely silent. She called out to him over and over and he didn't respond. She was finally able to remove the blindfold and he was standing there grinning. She broke down in tears because her first thought was that something had happened to him. When they discussed it later, he decided that he would not put someone in inescapable bondage unless someone else was there to assist him.

Mostly people consider this topic from the point of view that the bottom will need to stop or pause play. I rarely see it considered that the top may need to abruptly stop play and may need the bottom's immediate attention.

Knight's Kyra

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(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/2/2008 6:58:13 AM

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the first time we played He asked me what my safeword was. and then He gave me a present, a word to use if i just needed Him to slow down but not stop. i've never used either word for He watches out and protects me.

devra

(in reply to underhisthumb)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/2/2008 7:57:27 AM

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Well it seems I vertainly got more from the side of safewords being unnecessary than I did from those in favor of them. I really appreciate everyone's input, it is interesting to me to see how different people do things.

For now, it is a safety net we agree should be left in place. The way my mind works, when I boil down to a point I need Him to back off or my blood sugar has suddenly gone from 120 to 40, my safeword is an anchor point for me. Perhaps without the health issues I have, I wouldn't feel I need it as much. Master and I have discussed it at length and He feels until He better knows my reactions and has more experience under His belt, it is the best thing for us. After all, we agreed from day 1 we would always play safely and sanely. Cant attest to the consensual, as I like being forced, hehehe.

I was recalling an incident last night when I was having sex one night and my blood sugar dropped. I was still functioning normally, just felt a bit funny. I didn't stop Him, thinking the light headed feeling and sweatiness were from the orgasms in mulltitude, and the next thing I knew I woke up to Him slapping my cheeks and begging me to wake up. A check of my sugar reveaed I was in the mid 30s. . . very dangerous territory. Unfortunately long term Diabetics sometimes get less symptoatic the longer they deal with their disease, and so. . . well, safe words it is!

Come to think of it, Ive never used my safeword as a reaction to the situation being too intense or too painful. Is there sucha thing? Im not sure. I do know a couple of times my claustrophobia has kicked in to the point of panic, and given my past, I have simply told Him what I was experiecing and back off.

While I strive for 24/7 TPE, when it comes to scening and pain and such, there are factors and implications and situations we just aren't ready for me to not have a safety net beneath me in case something happens. Kinda like training wheels on a bike I suppose. I trust Him completely with my life to make the best decisions for me, but He knows his experience and time in scening is limited, so He insists on a safeword (which by the way isnt anything that complicated). I do know, however, that this makes him no less a Master and me no less His slave. As I say in my profile, for me His pleasure is my utmost desire, and until the use of a safeword or just the knowledge it is there displeases Him, nothing else matters. After all, BDSM and all it encompasses are only means to an end, not the center of our relationship dynamic.

You have all brought up great points in favor of, and against, safewords, and Ive definitely some things to ponder now.

Anyway, thanks again all, and blessed be!!

(in reply to subdevra)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/2/2008 8:05:45 AM

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I never think of a safeword as a way to opt out of something that I just don't enjoy, in fact the times that I for a moment thought that I couldn't endure any more of a particular activity because of the sensation, I've kept quiet and gotten over that feeling and enjoyed the entire scene and would do it again.

I think of safewords as just one more way to prevent medical crisis and I would only ever think to use it if I couldn't formulate what was wrong but I knew if we kept going that it would result in a trip to the ER. For me, it's not a lack of trusting him, it's knowing that he's not a mind reader nor omnipotent and more a lack of trust in my communication ability for a given moment. And again, I've never reached a stage that I haven't been able to elucidate a problem, but that's not to say it won't ever happen.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to underhisthumb)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/2/2008 8:07:55 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

I never think of a safeword as a way to opt out of something that I just don't enjoy, in fact the times that I for a moment thought that I couldn't endure any more of a particular activity because of the sensation, I've kept quiet and gotten over that feeling and enjoyed the entire scene and would do it again.

I think of safewords as just one more way to prevent medical crisis and I would only ever think to use it if I couldn't formulate what was wrong but I knew if we kept going that it would result in a trip to the ER. For me, it's not a lack of trusting him, it's knowing that he's not a mind reader nor omnipotent and more a lack of trust in my communication ability for a given moment. And again, I've never reached a stage that I haven't been able to elucidate a problem, but that's not to say it won't ever happen.

Amen and Amen! 'Nuff said!

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/2/2008 8:14:50 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

being one who's injured herself in the past, I know that in the middle of pain I tend to become very basic in my communication abilities. I MIGHT be able to get out "Fuck, shoulder, hurt" but I'm not likely to get out "My shoulder isn't possitioned right and I need to move it."

But I've also notived when we are doing something new and intense he will ask me what my safe word is just to see if I've gone beyond communicative. I can see the logic in that (as one time it took a good 30 seconds to find the right answer).

I know that some see safe words as superfluous but also have the ability to communicate if something is amiss. And I've talked with someone who informed me that not only would I not have a safe word, but I was not allowed to talk during play, would always be gagged unless he had other need for my mouth and if something wasn't right I could discuss it with him after. Needless to say that was our last conversation.

i tend to agree here with everything said. Once during a scene, He asked me if i remembered my safeword (red) and i couldnt even answer Him at all. He then asked me to tell him the color of His sheets(red) and i couldnt verbalize that either.
We had to stop until i could answer the question.
When i am gagged i hold a bell and drop it if i need to stop...when the scene is over i have the imprint on my palm to prove how much i wanted to keep going.

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/2/2008 3:34:17 PM

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Not trying to push you one way or another, but have you ever thought about having a safeword that applied to your diabetes only?

(in reply to underhisthumb)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/2/2008 8:10:54 PM

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We don't use safe words, or negotiate scenes. I never know what will happen until it does. It's his call.

I communicate whats going on with me and he decides if he needs to do anything or not. I trust him to do what needs to be done to see to my safety. He knows my body well, understands how my mind and emotions work, and reads me like a book.

We are entering our seventh year together, all and all, it's been a hell of a ride so far.

epiphany

(in reply to SingleRarity)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/2/2008 8:19:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SingleRarity

Not trying to push you one way or another, but have you ever thought about having a safeword that applied to your diabetes only?

You know, maybe that is the point I am arriving at.

I think I shall discuss this with Master at His earliest convenience.

Thank you for the suggestion!

(in reply to SingleRarity)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/8/2008 3:56:06 PM

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From: Derbyshire
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Ceno is my first and only dom since coming into the scene a year ago, and ive nver used a safeword with him, even when i was his sub, not his slave. but that's just him. i guess should i have a different dom, one that i didnt feel so secure and safe with, then yes i may feel i needed a safe word, if i feel the dom didnt know me as well as Ceno does me. i trust his judgement and insticnts to know if and when ive had enough...but so far ive never been pushed to myu limits, we are discovering together that my limits are pretty far out there, and to me i take them as a challenge lol. however i get this is just what works for us, each to their own really and everyone's different.

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(in reply to underhisthumb)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/8/2008 4:24:08 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: underhisthumb

I am curious as to the opinion of those here who are slaves. Do you use a safeword with your Master/Mistress?

I don't have a safeword, no.

quote:

Or do you feel because you are a slave, safewords are not a necessity? Im mainly referring, of course to scening.

That summarizes why I don't have one pretty well. I'm not someone that goes catatonic during a scene so I don't have a problem communicating problems to him or asking for something (or begging) during a scene. Most of the times he grants what I ask for, but not remotely every time... but either way it is his decision to make.

However I don't like the term real or true, so I don't think it has anything to do with "real slavery."

C~

Edited to add: I noticed you asked follow up questions. We've been together for ten years, but really I never had a safeword - I'd like to think its because I'm good at communicating where I'm at and he's good at reading where I'm at. I'm a diabetic and we do breath play. Basically I'm lucky enough that low blood sugar usually comes on gradually so I can tell if its going to happen and I'll mention something - I always keep a tester and insulin nearby (as well as something with sugar in it). And he doesn't believe in choking me to the point of passing out, not to mention with our favorite form of breathplay I just go all stupid and limp, ready to just fade away if he wishes it so, so even if I had a safeword I doubt I'd use it during that particular moment.

< Message edited by Wildfleurs -- 4/8/2008 4:29:35 PM >

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(in reply to underhisthumb)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/8/2008 7:52:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: underhisthumb

quote:

ORIGINAL: SingleRarity

Not trying to push you one way or another, but have you ever thought about having a safeword that applied to your diabetes only?

You know, maybe that is the point I am arriving at.

I think I shall discuss this with Master at His earliest convenience.

Thank you for the suggestion!

the only times i've safeworded have been health related issues...if i'm held in certain positions (mainly flat on my back) for too long, i will stop breathing and not be able to start again. we dont know why. we know its a bad thing if i cant breathe. i also have pseudo-seizures caused by overstimulation....also a bad thing.

those are immediate emergencies. anything else, i've used regular everyday words for.

kitten

(in reply to underhisthumb)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/8/2008 8:23:15 PM

Alida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotteS

Of course, I love when I say "my arm is being crushed" and get "deal with it cunt" so maybe I'm not the best person to take advice from.

charlotte

Which is why we have a safeword.

For most things, I'll say what it is and he has an option to ignore. If I safeword (I've used the same one for 17 years now, and VERY rarely) that's a stop.

(in reply to charlotteS)

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