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RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/24/2008 10:26:33 AM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		No, I don't have a safeword.  I don't -need- one.  My Owner can tell when she doesn't like my reactions far quicker than I can.  I'd be too stubborn to use it.

DV's Fox

(in reply to rubberpet)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/24/2008 12:28:38 PM   
dragon2760


Posts: 114
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline 		i consider myself a submissive although my Mistress likes to call me Her slave and yes i do have a safeword.  i don't think i will ever need to use it though as my Mistress has and is taking the time to really get to know me and how i will react to certain things.  i think safewords are very common and are a very good idea to have in the beginnings of a relationship and for casual play.  For me any Dom/me who refuses to allow safewords is showing a lack of respect toward their sub/slave as a person.  i give my submission out of respect, i don't see why i shouldn't expect respect in return.  i sure that last comment will get me flamed but oh well.

(in reply to Shawn1066)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/24/2008 12:46:37 PM   
Siesumi


Posts: 33
Joined: 4/24/2008
Status: offline 		This is a no-think answer for me, because I've always believed in safe, sane and consensual...so yes, I have a safeword...it has nothing to do with trusting Master or not trusting Him...He knows I trust Him...it has to do with the fact that sometimes W/we can get so into the play, that W/we get past that point of being able to speak...Master is very careful of His girls in regards to not damaging them during play ~smiles~  And I find that knowing when the pain (I have chronic pain I deal with on a daily basis) gets intolerable and I say my safe word, Master will stop play, and depending on whether I said "yellow" or "red" make sure I'm ok to continue or not...if I'm not then the play stops and the scene is over...personally, I would never play with someone who doesn't believe safe words are necessary, but that's just my opinion ~smiles~  Hope this helped

_____________________________

sumi
sg of the Home of Siean
Master's lil brat
mori's beta/sister


"Free don't get involved in the squabbles of slaves!" ~Direct quote from this girl's Master~

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/24/2008 12:47:45 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dragon2760
For me any Dom/me who refuses to allow safewords is showing a lack of respect toward their sub/slave as a person.  i give my submission out of respect, i don't see why i shouldn't expect respect in return.  i sure that last comment will get me flamed but oh well.


A question for you and not a flame...

Is it actually having a safeword that you think is mandatory or is it allowing the bottom the ability to communicate in some manner with the top during a scene? 

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to dragon2760)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/24/2008 6:34:41 PM   
dragon2760


Posts: 114
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: dragon2760
For me any Dom/me who refuses to allow safewords is showing a lack of respect toward their sub/slave as a person.  i give my submission out of respect, i don't see why i shouldn't expect respect in return.  i sure that last comment will get me flamed but oh well.


A question for you and not a flame...

Is it actually having a safeword that you think is mandatory or is it allowing the bottom the ability to communicate in some manner with the top during a scene? 

Knight's Kyra


i have talked to quite a few ppl about this, dom and sub alike, and the majority agree that yes safewords are mandatory in the very beginings of a relationship and especially for casual play.  Of course communications should be allowed too.  Why should someone else have total control over determining when something doesn't feel right to me?  Who better to know than me?? 

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/24/2008 7:45:02 PM   
chaah


Posts: 10
Joined: 10/24/2007
Status: offline 		I have been given a safety word previously, and told I must use it if I feel something is becoming too much for me to handle. However, I have never used it though play has had to be stopped for the reason of it becoming too much in her opinion. I am quite a painslut, and when I am very deeply involved I often do not realise when it may be getting too much, my body and mind's signals get so confused. Furthermore, she has taken me so far that I have lost all ability to speak, or when I can speak, sometimes I seem to forget English (as it is my fourth language) and usually can only manage one or two words in my first tongue which she does not understand, thus it is not terribly helpful.

When she could tell I was being taken so far, she has learned to pause and ask me how I am, and how it is, if we need to stop though I have never been pushed so far that I felt we needed to stop. So, needless to say I do not use a safety word, less I am playing with someone new and they insist upon it for their own comfort, as they serve no purpose for me. As one told me previously, this model (myself) does not come with "airbags".

(Edited to correct typoes only)


< Message edited by chaah -- 5/24/2008 7:46:09 PM >

(in reply to dragon2760)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/24/2008 8:04:49 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dragon2760

i have talked to quite a few ppl about this, dom and sub alike, and the majority agree that yes safewords are mandatory in the very beginings of a relationship and especially for casual play.  Of course communications should be allowed too.  Why should someone else have total control over determining when something doesn't feel right to me?  Who better to know than me?? 


Fair enough; I am not part of that majority.  We don't play casually, at least not casually by our definition.  We never had safewords, even in the beginning.  Our preference is direct communication and not a code word that may be forgotten when things start going bad.  For us, it isn't about him being omniscient and knowing when something doesn't feel right to me, though he does a damn good job of reading my body language, it is about effective communication and code words are not our preference.  Of course, in play, I am there for his pleasure most times and the less I am enjoying things, the more enjoyment he gets out of it.

Knight's Kyra 

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to dragon2760)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/24/2008 9:26:46 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dragon2760

i have talked to quite a few ppl about this, dom and sub alike, and the majority agree that yes safewords are mandatory in the very beginings of a relationship and especially for casual play.  Of course communications should be allowed too.  Why should someone else have total control over determining when something doesn't feel right to me?  Who better to know than me?? 


It is an irrelevant point that many people consider safewords as mandatory from a universal prespective.  In fact, the opinion of having safewords or not is only relevant for the individuals in the dynamic.

Secondly, Even if we had some universal Law that eveyone had Safewords and failure would get you bumped from the club.  It still doesn't mean that a person will beable to excercise the safeword.  I can think of many occassions/situations that a person having a safeword would be pointless, because their is a lack of ability to use them. 

"Who better to know than me?"  This might be true most of the time... but not all the time given the right circumstances.  I have been in many scenes with individuals that was incapable of making a decision of whata was best for them.  In many cases, I would agree that most people that play, the bottom is very capable of deciding what is best for them in a given moment.  But, their is always exceptions to the rule.  This is not just long-term partners as well.. it can be casual experience.  But in general, it will be individuals that have alot of experience in the scene.. but maybe not with each other. 

I accept and appreciate that for YOU.. safewords are a requirement for YOU... but safewords and even communication is not a requirement for everyone.   There are individuals that have played with them for years and done very well thank you very much.

Not having safewords is not a disrespect to anyone,  anymore than having them shows respect.   It is just a tool in the toolbox... some use it and some do not.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to dragon2760)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/25/2008 9:29:09 AM   
dragon2760


Posts: 114
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Not having safewords is not a disrespect to anyone,  anymore than having them shows respect.   It is just a tool in the toolbox... some use it and some do not.



No disrespect intended and i did quantify that statement as my opinion by saying "For me".  i am entitled to an opinion, right??  i'm mainly referring to those that insist that because someone is a slave or calls themselves a slave that they are not entitled to any rights whatsoever.  And yes i see safewords and hard limits as rights.  Still my opinion.  But as they say to each his own. 

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/25/2008 9:56:59 AM   
cutefreckles


Posts: 16
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotteS

When I am focusing on "when should I call this off" I am less likely to relax. 

charlotte


That is so true charlotte! (I realize you posted that almost 2 months ago). You have me really rethinking my safe word use because it just dawned on me that when we are playing I tend to focus on "how much more can I take?", rather than "how far can he take me?".

Good discussion.

...freckles

(in reply to charlotteS)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/26/2008 6:54:02 PM   
JAS61


Posts: 14
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline 		If you have diabetes can test your sugar for you. It can be done and you can have no control and the insulin can be given or a break to drink some choc. milk or what ever you need. Does not have to interrupt much but you have to know the sub. I have had experience with this issue and do not want safe-words but will listen and watch and in the beginning I do use them but after I have learned her body and reactions and what to look for I rarely need to use them with her.

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/28/2008 4:23:47 PM   
Obsidiansnamaste


Posts: 266
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: underhisthumb

I am curious as to the opinion of those here who are slaves.  Do you use a safeword with your Master/Mistress?  Or do you feel because you are a slave, safewords are not a necessity?  Im mainly referring, of course to scening.



Greetings,

i do not have a safeword. 

Safewords normally exist for one of 3 reasons:
1.an indicator of  a desire to stop the scene 
2. to indicate to the Dominant/Master that something injurious is occuring.
3. To allow the bottom to "resist" during a scene and for the purpose of knowing when such resistance is for play and when it is genuine.

As Master and i are in a long term dynamic i do not need to rely on a safeword to communicate with Master.
In situation #1, the scene/session is not mine to stop.
In situation#2, i would simply tell Master what was wrong
In situation#3, if i were to resist it would be genuine. If i were resisting for situation #2 i'd tell Master, if it was due to situation #1...again that is not mine to determine.

i do not make judgement about what a "real" slave would or would not do. i can only speak that a safeword has not been a needful means of communication for Master and i.

_____________________________

Always in His service,

~Master Obsidians namaste
http://houseobsidian.wordpress.com
http://his-namaste.livejournal.com

(in reply to underhisthumb)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/28/2008 5:31:16 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

...Do you use a safeword with your Master/Mistress?  Or do you feel because you are a slave, safewords are not a necessity?...


No, and it has nothing to do with being A slave...it has to do with being HIS slave.


Ok so even after a *tiny* amount of time together .... this statement reflects things are going to be for me  ... I dont have a safeword ... I have a safe Owner .. if something is going wrong ...I tell Him .. I dont need a special word to say "Please Sir I think my ass just fell off, could you just check it is still attached?" ... i just say that ... and He decides if my ass can stay on the floor .. or if I need to go fetch it.


_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/28/2008 5:45:34 PM   
Slave2Bob


Posts: 65
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline 		I have a safe word, but never use it. My Master is very observent, and can tell if I'm in trouble or not. He stops whatever he's doing, and asks , if he thinks I should've passed out. I've been with him long enough to know that I can totally trust him.

_____________________________

>^._.^< jen

princessj on cm

(in reply to underhisthumb)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/28/2008 7:33:51 PM   
kalea


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/31/2007
Status: offline 		i do not have a safe word with my Master....however that being said, He reads my body and reactions so well, that He knows when to slow down or even stop. i can trust Him to know, and one time i had such an emotional response that He stopped the scene, and cuddled me while we discussed it. i do have a safe word when serving other Doms unless He is present. If they don't know me as well as He does, (and no way can They) then how can They read me?

(in reply to underhisthumb)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/29/2008 4:38:29 AM   
zet


Posts: 5
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: underhisthumb

I am curious as to the opinion of those here who are slaves.  Do you use a safeword with your Master/Mistress?  Or do you feel because you are a slave, safewords are not a necessity?  Im mainly referring, of course to scening.



When my Master and i met first time, He told me safewords. But i haven't never feel like need to use them. Mostly becouse i trust Him, and i feel He knows my limits even better i do..
But anyway, i feel safe becouse i know any time i can "press stop-button" if i feel like it (mainly if something happend and i have to "get free" instantly).

(in reply to underhisthumb)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Slaves and Safewords - 7/28/2008 1:05:31 AM   
SurrenderForMe


Posts: 229
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

If you mean do I use a word that has been assigned a new meaning for the purpose of a scene that I am supposed to remember in the midst of a scene at a time when I may have difficulty remembering my own name...the answer is no. If you mean do I trust my safety to a pre-determined code word....the answer is no.

If you mean do I communicate openly using words that already have perfectly good meanings that mean exactly what I say...then yes.


Not to interrupt the main theme, but yay, a fellow mindset.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Slaves and Safewords - 7/28/2008 5:14:47 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: underhisthumb

I am curious as to the opinion of those here who are slaves.  Do you use a safeword with your Master/Mistress?  Or do you feel because you are a slave, safewords are not a necessity?  Im mainly referring, of course to scening.

Master and I use one, and for several reasons.  The foremost is my Diabetes, because sometimes, especially during extended scening, my blood sugar can drop.  But it is also there because even as a self confessed pain slut, even I have limits, and for us, the BDSM element is not as essential as the D/s side of our relationship.

Just curious to see what others' arrangements are. . . I had a Domme I was talking to in chat tell me "real slaves" don't use safewords and it sparked a whole debate in the chatroom, as well as between myself and some of my slave and sub friends.


I like it when people say crap like that. Tells me up front not to waste my time on them.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to underhisthumb)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Slaves and Safewords - 7/29/2008 7:18:20 AM   
darkangelslave


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline 		a safeword is not ever needed between me and my master as my masters chosen slave i agreed to give up all free will and trust my master to guide me in me in life,a true master will always know his slaves boundries and limits and although he may train you to explore your limits a master needs the reassuarnce that his slave trusts her master fully,i have never had the need for a safeword with my master as he guides me and reassures me all the way through anything new we try.

(in reply to underhisthumb)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Slaves and Safewords - 7/29/2008 7:29:22 AM   
natasha66


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline 		I have a safeword and would not hestitate in the least to use it if I had to - just common sense.  I want to have fun, not end up seriously hurt.  Although I do have a high pain threshold, like everyone, I DO have my limits.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.



(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 100
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