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RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/10/2008 8:01:01 PM

Posts: 16
Joined: 3/1/2008
Status: offline

Master and I never have had a safeword. We had been together for 6 years prior to getting into a D/s relationship. So for the most part, we know each other pretty well. He knows about everything there is to know about me. If there is something He does not know about me, I sure as hell don't know about it either. He knows how to read me pretty well. There have been times where He has I guess kind of rape play with me and I will stuggle and say stop, but for the most part, He knows the diffence between stop and STOP. Granted... that did not make much sence in text, hehe.

There have been times where things needed to stop for us. We once were playing an online game together and I was telling with a guy that was pinning me down and having fun with me. And the way he talked to me, he was almost putting words in my mouth. He said one line to me that threw me into a bad bad flash back where I started to just break down crying. (Endded up being so bad, too me about a month to kind of snap out of the flash back.) My Master knew what just happiend and knew if that line had ever been used on me again, to watch me and make sure I was going to be okay. He does always watch out for me and I can scream out at anytime to stop if needed. Granted, if went and said "red" because I needed to go pee....I think I would be in some trouble there.

Personally, I think safewords, whatever they might be (red, flipping someone off, or Aardvark) I think it is for who needs it. If that is what you and your Dom/me decied is needed, by all means use it. If you feel you need it and the Dom/me feel you dont, I personally, would be a little questionable. Like others have said, to each there own, which could not be said any better!

Also, what pyrojody69 wrote on the traffic light, I LOVE IT! I think that is a great idea. I have always heard about being gagged and having a bell to ring or a flag to drop when you need to stop...but flipping you off, thats classic, I love it! I think I will be telling Master this, just as our safe-ness is concerned.

(in reply to Alida)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/11/2008 2:14:54 AM

Posts: 227
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline

I have a safe word but we have found that when we are scening if something is going wrong the only word I tend to be able to get out is no or stop it took us a while to decide that stop or no is enough of a safe word and if I have said them in play for some other reason then I need you to stop right now that I will be in a lot of trouble.

Willow

(in reply to junecleaver)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/13/2008 4:42:02 PM

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

I never think of a safeword as a way to opt out of something that I just don't enjoy, in fact the times that I for a moment thought that I couldn't endure any more of a particular activity because of the sensation, I've kept quiet and gotten over that feeling and enjoyed the entire scene and would do it again.

I think of safewords as just one more way to prevent medical crisis and I would only ever think to use it if I couldn't formulate what was wrong but I knew if we kept going that it would result in a trip to the ER. For me, it's not a lack of trusting him, it's knowing that he's not a mind reader nor omnipotent and more a lack of trust in my communication ability for a given moment. And again, I've never reached a stage that I haven't been able to elucidate a problem, but that's not to say it won't ever happen.

I was trying to think of how to formulate my answer to this thread, and here it is. Thank you OG.

I have a safeword (or rather, I'm allowed to say "safeword" during play). I'm his slave. And I don't, generally, believe in their use. I agree fully with all of the people here who have spoken up for clear communication without codes. And that's what I practice.

Except.

One day, in play, it hurt so badly in a bad, felt-like-real-damage way. And I couldn't clearly communicate that, because it was bad enough, in that moment, that my communication shut down - which never happens to me. I am not a non-verbal "subspace" kind of player. But in this moment, something felt terribly wrong and I couldn't say what it was.

What I *could* say was "please" and "no" over and over, which to us is all part of a good hot time. And, while I usually mean it (in that it fucking hurts and I really am begging him to stop because that took over), this time I meant it in a "I feel like something is wrong" way. But there was no difference in tone, in what I was able to say - nothing that would possibly have clued him in.

He didn't know anything was wrong until later, when I was able to figure it out enough to talk about it. And at that point, he said "next time, you can say "safeword"." We didn't have one until that point - now we do. It's never been used, and it's not to be used except in that type of emergency - but his promise was that he would stop long enough for me to communicate - and then he would decide whether or not to continue, and how.

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/13/2008 5:21:48 PM

Posts: 195
Joined: 3/23/2008
From: Maine, and SLC, UT
Status: offline

I would use one if I needed to. However, I would prefer to just use my words to communicate my discomfort. Haven't had to yet, hope not to. Realize it's a possibility. I also try to be really mindful of other people's comfort levels when I'm doing the topping - I don't want them to have to use a safeword. I'd prefer to just adjust what I'm doing before it ever becomes an issue.

(in reply to ImpGrrl)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/13/2008 11:24:37 PM

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline

Safe words are different depending on your situation. When playing casually I feel a safe word is necessary as each does not know the other as well as one might when you are together for a period of time.

Personally I have never used a safe word, when I am in subspace I can barely bring my own name to my lips never mind a word. However I understand my movements make it very clear where I am and what I am able to take at any particular time.

This I feel it is so important to know who you are playing with and their knowledge. In extreme scenes I have been asked if I want more, after what seems like forever I am able to respond - this is an alternative to the sub/bottom/slave needing to exercise their safe word.

Most slaves get the most pleasure from taking whatever their Owner wishes to give them, this can be at their own detriment. Alternatively slaves are also expected to take care of their Owner's property- which is them. Therefore if something is going to cause permanent harm it is their responsibility to speak up.

Personally I feel the long and short of it is - to each their own, Know who you are playing with- ensure limits are clear- play ssc.

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to midgetmafiosa)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/24/2008 4:30:16 PM

meandmymistress

Posts: 19
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline

My slave and I always had a safeword until now. He has finally given up that safeword which makes things a bit more difficult for me. I never know when I've gone too far or not far enough...I mean, the last time he served me, he was in a great deal of pain - which he only later told me about. The gesture of giving up the safeword is priceless, however, to be safe...I think one is needed. Just my opinion.

(in reply to underhisthumb)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/24/2008 5:12:08 PM

MistressMiracle

Posts: 56
Joined: 9/23/2007
Status: offline

Safewords are important. However, I do feel that a Mistress should be able to know her sub well, and, be able to read his/her eyes. The Mistress should be aware when she is pushing the sub too far. I have found that subs want to please the Mistress, and will try to please me by taking more pain than they can truly handle. The Mistress should be compassionate and aware of how the play is going. However, I am not a sadist, so, that also does affect my judgement.

(in reply to junecleaver)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/24/2008 5:49:31 PM

Posts: 17
Joined: 8/5/2007
Status: offline

We use a safeword only to indicate extreme distress such as a medical condition or immenent loss of conciousness. That's it. Using the safeword because it "hurts" too much or because he is overwhelmed is a big violation of our dynamic. Extreme displeasure would follow. If it happened during a punishment session there would be hell to pay.

We use it for safety only not for comfort.

(in reply to DavidsGem)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 4/29/2008 9:11:54 PM

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Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

I haven't used one in a long time. I trust my Dom to "no limits", he may hurt me, but never harm me. He promised.

_____________________________

>^._.^< jen

princessj on cm

(in reply to underhisthumb)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/1/2008 5:54:08 PM

Posts: 167
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline

it does not mean you are not a sub or slave if you have an understanding of a safe word between the two of you.....and this may be one used for all situations not just in play.....
in the beginning....pain levels are explored and found. It is not a given thing in the beginning because you do not know where someone stands. But being with One that is experienced can judge and will not take another to the limit in the beginning....

(in reply to junecleaver)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/1/2008 7:46:47 PM

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: underhisthumb

Do you use a safeword with your Master/Mistress? Or do you feel because you are a slave, safewords are not a necessity? Im mainly referring, of course to scening.

i have never used a safeword. Not once, in almost 31 years of enjoying B&D/SM activities, within my long term, intimate relationships. i had never even heard the term, safeword, until my 3rd D/s relationship, in 1994. There has never been a time that i had any reason to use a safeword. There has never been a time that i had any desire to say, "Stop".

It's not because i am a slave to my Master. It's because of the fine, intelligent, reasonable, watchful, sadistic, men that i have been involved with and my confidence in their ability to know how far to go with me and to know when to stop, slow down, speed up, take me higher, bring me down, make me cry, make me scream, make me wet myself. When i made the choice to put myself in my Master's hands and to trust Him to do what He said He would do, i let go of control and let Him take over. Fortunately, i have no serious health issues to be concerned about.

joy
Owned servant of Master David

(in reply to underhisthumb)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/2/2008 6:57:48 PM

Posts: 47
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline

If there is total trust built up through time then safe words really aren't needed. my owner can tell by my body language what i'm feeling. She will then push me past my limits and back off at the correct time.

Safe words are for the casual player and not the R/T Dominant Woman and Her slaves.

_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

humbled males

(in reply to underhisthumb)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/2/2008 7:18:18 PM

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

slave of nearly 8 years here, and there has never and would never be a safeword between my Master and i. in our beliefs, that would be completely contrary to the concept of slavery. selfish thought is also something my Master strongly discourages, so for instance if he had me bound and was beating me, whipping me, whatever, and my leg fell asleep or my back ached or all of a sudden a wave of depression hit, it would not be appropriate or acceptable for me to share such information with him unless he expressly asked me how i was feeling.

(in reply to MistressDollys)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/2/2008 7:20:18 PM

Posts: 66
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline

My Daddy and i dont use safe words persay, we use a slow word. It doesnt stop the scene at all, i am only able to use it when something was peticularly painful or frightening and need a moment to adjust. Once we get further in our bdsm relationship i hope to one day no longer have a need for a slow word, tho i think having a safe word would be good to have if things ever got out of hand.

(in reply to underhisthumb)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/2/2008 7:30:19 PM

Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline

i have a safe word. my Dominant insisted we set it up. Not only words, but motions also. i to go with traffic light and for a motion, i will hit Him on the shoulder or have something in my hand.
He is very aware though of my mind and body and i have not had to use any safe anything at all. He has in the past stopped a scene before i was past a point or even thought about using my safe words/actions.
i am also not allowed to play with anyone who doesn't allow and respect safe words/motions.

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

(in reply to junecleaver)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/2/2008 7:47:01 PM

Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDollys

Safe words are for the casual player and not the R/T Dominant Woman and Her slaves.

This insults me. i know you said for the R/T Dominant Woman and Her slaves. But i also took it as for the R/T Dominant and His slaves.
i am not a casual player, i have a Dominant. We are R/T. We have a safe word, He insisted on it. Granted i have never used it and don't think i will ever have to with Him.
One thing i have learned in this lifestyle is that we each have our thing and just because every one doesn't agree doesn't make it less real.

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

(in reply to MistressDollys)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/2/2008 8:06:08 PM

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I have very weird safewords, I use them because when in distress im not going to remember red or such words. My body somewhat reverts to thinking of things that make me happy, like the characters from Hello Kitty. I go to a safe place in my head that i formed in my childhood. I say Badtz Maru for slow down this is getting to a place where this is problematic. And chococat for when it needs to stop. Yes it might be weird or "Useless" but If i cant get out conventional words I need to get out something to say I cant do this with out it harming me...

Besides it kind of brings an amusing situations with objects that are limits of mine. Seeing a cane and looking at my parnter going NO way in fing hell is that comming anywhere near me, chococat.... Ive always gotten a look and then watched said partner fall over with laughter... He thought I was joking about his pretty cane being a safeworded object when brought near me and that he could push it as a limit as mine...(fear wont allow me to do as such at this point)

I think cutting it into 15 tiny little peices counts as the perfect safeword action though...

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to BBWnNC72)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/3/2008 5:09:07 AM

Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

no safe word. He decides when i've had enough. i've yet to have any bad effects from this treatment.
like Mrs. Merc states, its not about being a slave , its about being His slave.

< Message edited by favesclava -- 5/3/2008 5:10:32 AM >

_____________________________

weird is relative not an absolute term. Baron Frank N. Furter
Resident jingly dancing girl
The Pookie Of Darkness
Okay? Ready? Fine .Here's my hand. We are going now. I know the way. All you have to do is hold on tight ... and believe.SK

(in reply to junecleaver)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/24/2008 4:31:30 AM

Posts: 9
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline

I am blessed that Master is very perceptive and seems to know what I am feeling better than I do some times. Yes... I HAVE a safeword, yet have never needed to use it.

Cinnia

(in reply to underhisthumb)

RE: Slaves and Safewords - 5/24/2008 10:04:33 AM

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

No, I don't have a safe word. Mistress beats and bites me until She gets tired or bored.

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

(in reply to VenerableHouse)

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