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RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/15/2005 2:55:03 PM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirSix72

Are they holding onto some vanilla morals within the community?


What are "vanilla morals"?



(in reply to SirSix72)
Profile   Post #: 121
RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/15/2005 3:47:55 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Don't know about vanilla, but...


quote:

''Morals are a acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them.
Mark Twain''

quote:

''Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it."
Lewis Carrol


quote:

"A man's moral worth is not measured by what his religious beliefs are but rather by what emotional impulses he has received from Nature during his lifetime"
Einstein

quote:

"Wisdom, compassion, and courage are the three universally recognized moral qualities of men."
Confucius

And my personal favourite...


quote:

"It is curious - curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare"
MarkTwain


_____________________________


.dark.




...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to ImpGrrl)
Profile   Post #: 122
RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/15/2005 4:14:03 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ImpGrrl


quote:

ORIGINAL: SirSix72

Are they holding onto some vanilla morals within the community?


What are "vanilla morals"?





I have no idea. I am not a moral person by any set of commonly accepted standards, but I am amoral. I and I alone define my morality and my moral standards. I am consistant in these. I will not allow others to set my standards and dictate what is acceptable or not acceptable for me to do or think or agree with. If I allow others to do this, I dishonour myself.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to ImpGrrl)
Profile   Post #: 123
RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/15/2005 5:32:13 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper


i laughed when i read this; i visualised tigers jumping through hoops of flames, LOL.

candystripper



lmao candy...

When my Lord and I were getting to know each other He accused me of taunting the tiger in the cage and that one day I would be crawling into the cage with the tiger... so you have no idea how appropriate that vision is. When I became His, He made a cage so I could be played in the "tiger's cage" *g*

Wonder if my Lord will now be making hoops too... oh, and the thoughts of fire play...

Knight's kyra

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 124
RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/15/2005 5:56:33 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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LMAO


quote:

ORIGINAL: SirSix72


quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Thirdly, this is a not a M/s or D/s thing.... this just basic relationship building with ourselves and others that exist in any intimate relationship.


While I can appericiate your interest in this thread and what bella had to say, you are trying to take this out of context. The context is that THIS IS a M/s, D/'s thing...this is a website dedicated to it. Im a bit confused as to why I see so may trying to apply this statement. Are they holding onto some vanilla morals within the community? I think that its a known factor that you must learn and earn trust..you went off the deep end with what she had to say...I beleive that each of already knows that we must learn to trust the one we are with....I think bella is speaking about after the fact that trust is established. Do not make her out to be someone preaching that a sub/slave should blindly trust the first Dom/Master/Mistress that he/she runs across...maybe you should reformulate you answer into something a little more pratical

Master Six



_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to SirSix72)
Profile   Post #: 125
RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/15/2005 6:51:18 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear


quote:

ORIGINAL: ImpGrrl


quote:

ORIGINAL: SirSix72

Are they holding onto some vanilla morals within the community?


What are "vanilla morals"?





I have no idea. I am not a moral person by any set of commonly accepted standards, but I am amoral. I and I alone define my morality and my moral standards. I am consistant in these. I will not allow others to set my standards and dictate what is acceptable or not acceptable for me to do or think or agree with. If I allow others to do this, I dishonour myself.




I agree with you... we each are empowered to establish and set our one standards of morality. Indeed many within the BDSM subcultures moral standards are different that the commonly accepted ideals of the general society at large. But, yet we all incorporate them in some degree. We as humans identify many characteristics as a moral person, while other characteristics as being immoral. The seperatist attitude of BDSM vrs Vanilla to me is a destructive approach. The fact we are humans first and foremost... we live in societies that have a broad range of interests, ideals, opinions, beliefs. No one Lifestyle choice is the best for the human race over any other, different lifestyles choices will result in difference in moral choices and standards.

However, in the end... we are a society of humans. We must learn to live in a contructive and safe manner with one another. Individuals freedoms of choice measured against the Common good of society. It is often the moralites of people that come to the front when we are making these choices of the Individuals vrs Society!

Seeking the broadest of moralities that unite us as humans is frankly a constructive approach in my opinion, but we also must recognize the individuality that we bring to our moral code. Research done by two researchers examine the various cultures of humans... both past and present. They found six virtuous qualites that was viewed across all cultural boundaries in the past and the present. These virtous qualities are often defined by different behaviors and are demonstrated throu various character strengths. Our individual moral choices and beliefs are a reflection of us as a human beings attempting to live a virtous/moral life. These virtues that Dr. Peterson and Dr Segliman identify were. Wisdom, Courage, Humanity, Transendence, Justice and Temperance.

The importance is to understand that these terms are not to be considered in a specific context or That there is only "one" way to demonstrate or exhibit these virtous/moral qualities. But from a ideal or intangible perspective. It is our various codes/rules/beliefs that can be seen to reflect particular aspects of these virtous ideals. "I shall not Kill", "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth" Our individual moral codes will reflect all or some of these aspects and not just one particular virtue.

When I consider a person in the view if they are a moral person or an immoral person... I watch for the behaviours and learn the beliefs that reflect these virtuous qualities. We all struggle from time to time... But, in the end, we largely strive to be a moral person. I personally find more respect and appreciation for the person who has dramatically different beliefs than my own, but also exhibits tremendous behaviours that exemplify the six virtues as compared to the one that shares my beliefs but is weak in demonstratable behaviours that reflect the six virtues. It is not the our similar beliefs and ideals that unit us... but the struggle to live our personal choosen lifestlyle well.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 126
RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/15/2005 7:07:38 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirSix72


quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Thus, when you discuss an issue, it's not a "M/s" issue, but a "relationship" issue.


This is a M's issues. This isnt a vanilla relationship issue. If you try and mix the two you get an unbalanced or bias opinion based upon a vanilla relationship issue. This is an M's, D's thing. You are trying to achieve TPE then leave the morals your mama raised you with at the door is the way I see it.

Master Six


well considering I am not trying to have a TPE.... "I am living it" after alot of years with alandra... and have faced many of the issues that come with "living this relationship choice" and have come to discover that this choice has evolved into a Power Enhancing Relationship well beyond a simple narrow perspective that TPE gives for both Myself as well as my girls and that leaving our moralities at the door of the relationship would be foolish and relationship sucide.


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to SirSix72)
Profile   Post #: 127
RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/15/2005 7:11:24 PM   
SirSix72


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Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Seeking the broadest of moralities that unite us as humans is frankly a constructive approach in my opinion, but we also must recognize the individuality that we bring to our moral code. .

I agree with you here KOM. The thing I see happeing is that the use of ones personal morality has over-ridden the power of a Master/Mistress/Dom. we are now plauged with the personal morality of such an individual that we place under consideration. Such as using the "my Dom" thing to describe in a jealous attitude as being the boyfreind or girlfriend ina given dynamic. I personally think by losing this attitude that we could all learn much more from one another and possibly open new avenues of interest within any personal dynamic.

Master Six

_____________________________

I wish you well

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 128
RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/15/2005 11:19:18 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirSix72


quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Seeking the broadest of moralities that unite us as humans is frankly a constructive approach in my opinion, but we also must recognize the individuality that we bring to our moral code. .

I agree with you here KOM. The thing I see happeing is that the use of ones personal morality has over-ridden the power of a Master/Mistress/Dom. we are now plauged with the personal morality of such an individual that we place under consideration. Such as using the "my Dom" thing to describe in a jealous attitude as being the boyfreind or girlfriend ina given dynamic. I personally think by losing this attitude that we could all learn much more from one another and possibly open new avenues of interest within any personal dynamic.

Master Six


I guess I'm the odd man out here. I live and have lived by a code of conduct which includes morality and ethics which is not generally part of the "norm" for society. However there are some similarities. Other that the advantage or going shopping when I want, I have no great need for society as such, jusy a group of like minded friends for company. But then I have and do live so far out of the squate that I probably wouldn't know the square if I fell over it. As much as this may annoy some, I deal with "problems" with out the recourse to the authorities, police or courts.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to SirSix72)
Profile   Post #: 129
RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/15/2005 11:56:26 PM   
SirSix72


Posts: 347
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline
I agree with you completly Mate. I live by a code of ethics and morality that is far from the norm of relationships. I personally think by trying to place vanilla relationship dynamic into a BDSM or Gorean lifestyle is as impossible as trying to hammer a round peg into a square hole. One or the other of the relationship dynamics has to go. I personally have never seen a sucessful meshing of the two different dynamics. I have however seen most BDSM relationships explode within a matter of months because of trying to mesh the two.For you out there that have been sucessful my hats off to you frot he effort it must take.

Master Six

_____________________________

I wish you well

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 130
RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/16/2005 5:57:14 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirSix72

. I personally think by trying to place vanilla relationship dynamic into a BDSM or Gorean lifestyle is as impossible as trying to hammer a round peg into a square hole.

Ahhh well we're not talking about placing a "vanilla relationships dynamic" into bdsm.

We're talking about using universal values and morals and methods in all types of relationships.

A lot of problems you face in bdsm, you also face in the vanilla world. A lot of problem solving methods you use in bdsm, you also use in the vanilla world. The same values and morals you hold in the vanilla world you also have in the bdsm world.

The DYNAMIC is different, HOW we work within those values and morals and methods is different.

But the values and morals and methods remain the same.

(in reply to SirSix72)
Profile   Post #: 131
RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/16/2005 7:19:26 AM   
SirSix72


Posts: 347
Joined: 7/14/2005
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I agree with you as well LA. However I have seen and experienced the effects of applying these in places they dont belong..ie trying to drive the infallable round peg througha square hole.


Master Six

_____________________________

I wish you well

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 132
RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/16/2005 11:11:18 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

While I can appericiate your interest in this thread and what bella had to say, you are trying to take this out of context. The context is that THIS IS a M/s, D/'s thing...this is a website dedicated to it. Im a bit confused as to why I see so may trying to apply this statement. Are they holding onto some vanilla morals within the community? I think that its a known factor that you must learn and earn trust..you went off the deep end with what she had to say...I beleive that each of already knows that we must learn to trust the one we are with....I think bella is speaking about after the fact that trust is established. Do not make her out to be someone preaching that a sub/slave should blindly trust the first Dom/Master/Mistress that he/she runs across...maybe you should reformulate you answer into something a little more pratical

Master Six


i don't believe KoM was trying to put words into bella's mouth. Nor do i disagree with Him; no adult can fully suspend judgment and lay their entire lives in another's hands, regardless of the M/s or D/s bond. There are things i would not tolerate from my One; things that would make me leave Him; and people change over time. He might be totally compatible with me in the beginning and become incompatible in years to come.

candystripper


< Message edited by candystripper -- 11/16/2005 11:39:27 AM >

(in reply to SirSix72)
Profile   Post #: 133
RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/16/2005 11:14:47 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
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quote:

Hmmmmmmm as long as it isn't Grizzlies jumping through hoops (Unless they are darned big ones and held at ground level so we can sedately step through them on our way to hibernating ..... Now where is that delectable slave I want to hibernate with????????

IronBear


i have a different standard for Bears, LOL. They must be male and willing to dance -- at least slow dance. ~bats eyelashes at IB~

candystripper


< Message edited by candystripper -- 11/16/2005 11:15:16 AM >

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 134
RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/16/2005 11:20:59 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

While it may be nice to be a no limits slave or submissive, i think that not many are, even those that claim to be, order them to put a gun to their heads and pull the trigger, i dont think that there is so many of them that would meekly go to their deaths, some might, but not many. What many mean when they say they are a no limits slave is that they have no safeword, no way to stop or control play, however some mean what they say, that they truly have no limits.

As to whatever or not that is healthy? i dont know, but it is a lifestyle choice like any other, what i however disagree whit is that said no limits slaves is more or less worth than me that do have limits, submission is not a contest, who can dive deepest, it is aboute finding the level where one is comfortable and build a relationship there

i somtimes wish i could become a slave, give myself over completly, but i have other obligations in my life i will not give up, and even if i trust my Master whit my life, i will not trust anyone but myself whit the wellbeing of my soul.

nephandi


i completely agree. When i see a person describing themselves as a "no limits slave" i generally think they probably think this will attract more Doms/Masters/Dommes but it is insensible on its face. Everyone has limits; not suiciding is likely universal.

i hope someday to have a Dom or Master -- my One -- for whom i would try (most) anything He enjoyed -- things that truely repelled me He would not require of me; things that were strange and disconcerting He would teach me. i don't see how anyone can possibly offer more.

candystripper

(in reply to nephandi)
Profile   Post #: 135
RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/16/2005 11:24:23 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

This is a M's issues. This isnt a vanilla relationship issue. If you try and mix the two you get an unbalanced or bias opinion based upon a vanilla relationship issue. This is an M's, D's thing. You are trying to achieve TPE then leave the morals your mama raised you with at the door is the way I see it.

Master Six


Once again, i respectfully disagree. i want/need/desire a Man with Great Character and Honor...presumably arising from His upbringing. Without these qualities, a Man is not attractive to me, period.

candystripper

(in reply to SirSix72)
Profile   Post #: 136
RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/16/2005 11:28:57 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I have no idea. I am not a moral person by any set of commonly accepted standards, but I am amoral. I and I alone define my morality and my moral standards. I am consistant in these. I will not allow others to set my standards and dictate what is acceptable or not acceptable for me to do or think or agree with. If I allow others to do this, I dishonour myself.

IronBear


Forgive me Sir, but i do not think You are using "amoral" properly. It is (to me) a complete absence of morality; whether that morality is situational ethics or a fixed point on the landscape. My own morality is an outgrowth of my life experience, my religous beliefs, and my pondering. While Your religious upbringing may or may not be an influence in Your life; i know You to be a Man of Great Character and Honor.

candystripper

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 137
RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/16/2005 11:31:23 AM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline
What is wrong whit using the prase my Dom Sir Six, it is so mutch more easy to say than the Dominant man that i am whit.

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 138
RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/16/2005 11:35:38 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I agree with you here KOM. The thing I see happeing is that the use of ones personal morality has over-ridden the power of a Master/Mistress/Dom. we are now plauged with the personal morality of such an individual that we place under consideration. Such as using the "my Dom" thing to describe in a jealous attitude as being the boyfreind or girlfriend ina given dynamic. I personally think by losing this attitude that we could all learn much more from one another and possibly open new avenues of interest within any personal dynamic.

Master Six


Au contra; i want/need/desire a faithful Man; an intimate relationship with no room for a 3rd party. If tested on this i'd be extremely jealous and if not accomodated, i'd leave, period. i have no derth of Men offering me this quality. Most people seem to want/need/desire a one-on-one relationship and recognise that a truely healthy poly family is a rare bird, and not for them. None of the Men i have chosen to speak with have any "voyeurisitic" need to see me with another Man. i wish You'd just speak for Yourself.

candystripper

(in reply to SirSix72)
Profile   Post #: 139
RE: Limits/No Limits - 11/16/2005 11:37:35 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

As much as this may annoy some, I deal with "problems" with out the recourse to the authorities, police or courts.

IronBear


Doesn't bother me. i have attended a few "midnite burials" myself.

candystripper

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 140
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