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RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/20/2008 4:48:48 AM

Posts: 42360
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From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: IvyMorgan

I have an "issue" over the word Master, and yes, if it was a case of "call me this or walk" I'd probably walk, because it would show very little understanding of *me* on the part of whoever was "owning" me.

"the master" could make the exact same point! You made a "choice to submit" to him so you should respect his wish to be called Mister dickbrain if that is his desire. What part of that equation don't you understand.

BadOne

The relationship has to work for both, Sailingbum. There has to be give and take on both sides. I am not comfortable with "Master". If that is a deal breaker on his part and he is not willing to work around the issue then i too would walk. And if he thinks so little of me that he would end the relationship over it...fine. I hope the door does not slam him in the ass on his way out.

Any Master who views things as black and white with no flexability is not for me.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
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(in reply to SailingBum)

RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/20/2008 5:05:54 AM

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Paulnz

Just an observation... but Sarah called Abraham her master. Out of respect due a husband by his wife.

1 Peter 3:6

http://teachings.joyintheworld.info/sarahsmaster.html

You do realize that isn't factual, that Peter lived about 4000 years after Sarah and Abraham? It's his view on how he wanted his relationships to go, imputed to Abraham to give it a false sense of being law.

Oh, and Sailing Bum, I should hope that these kinds of conversations would occur way before the agreeing to dominate/submit stage. And if it didn't, then the people involved deserve what they get for not talking enough to know if they were compatible beforehand.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 8/20/2008 5:07:46 AM >

(in reply to Paulnz)

RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/20/2008 10:10:39 AM

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They can either call me "Sir" or my real name.

(in reply to Sandyshores29718)

RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/20/2008 10:40:46 AM

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Im not into titles except for Sir. I use Sir or Maam for most everyone. Ivy seeing that you have issue's I would tell you to walk. You come across as combative not communicative.

(in reply to Sandyshores29718)

RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/20/2008 11:04:27 AM

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Joined: 4/4/2007
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All depends upon the dynamic and headspace. I've enjoyed being called Daddy just as much as being Called Master. Also, I've enjoyed hearing Honey or Babe.

Again it all depends.

When I was younger it Squicked me out when somebody called me Daddy. Think I was like 22 years old at the time. Now days, Daddy sits perfectly great with me for a Daddy/little girl relationship. Also, hearing Master sits great with me, even more so if the Dynamic goal is a TPE M/s relationship.

All depends upon the Dynamics and headspace..

(in reply to Sandyshores29718)

RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/20/2008 3:08:38 PM

Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: IvyMorgan

I have an "issue" over the word Master, and yes, if it was a case of "call me this or walk" I'd probably walk, because it would show very little understanding of *me* on the part of whoever was "owning" me.

"the master" could make the exact same point! You made a "choice to submit" to him so you should respect his wish to be called Mister dickbrain if that is his desire. What part of that equation don't you understand.

BadOne

True, he/she could.

I also understand that some things are gradual, and others are demanded off the bat.

Read my second post, I hope that clarifies some.

(in reply to SailingBum)

RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/20/2008 3:11:59 PM

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From: Midlands, UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: Paulnz

Just an observation... but Sarah called Abraham her master. Out of respect due a husband by his wife.

1 Peter 3:6

http://teachings.joyintheworld.info/sarahsmaster.html

You do realize that isn't factual, that Peter lived about 4000 years after Sarah and Abraham? It's his view on how he wanted his relationships to go, imputed to Abraham to give it a false sense of being law.

Am I going to get in trouble for adding, "And Abraham was a created character to serve a primarily aetological purpose, and so *not a real person*"?

I really hope not. I hate it when the Christians stop liking me.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/20/2008 3:40:53 PM

Posts: 411
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: Paulnz

Just an observation... but Sarah called Abraham her master. Out of respect due a husband by his wife.

1 Peter 3:6

http://teachings.joyintheworld.info/sarahsmaster.html

You do realize that isn't factual, that Peter lived about 4000 years after Sarah and Abraham? It's his view on how he wanted his relationships to go, imputed to Abraham to give it a false sense of being law.

Whether factual or not, is the New Testament the word of God or not ? If you're a Christian, the answer to that would seem obvious, so it would appear God thinks it OK to call someone not him, Master.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/20/2008 3:58:15 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

Protocol, like submission, develops with time and trust. Would i practice "BDSM protocol" or submit to someone i have never met? No, certainly not. If the dom sees this as disrespect then that speaks volumes about his understanding of me as well as an overblown ego. Until we meet he will be treated politely. Respect will develop later.
As to calling him Master..i am not comfortable with that. Sir is as far as i go and even that has its time and place. Again i question the ego of one who demands a title.

dear holly...
i don't see this as matters of the ego, as much as i see it as different ways that others express themselves in the lifestyle. i don't need to meet someone in person to communicate with them in protocol. i identify as a slave and find addressing a Dominant as Sir a simple pleasure allowed me by those who enjoy a higher protocol. there are Dominants that by a seconed e-mail i am addressing them as Sir and some i never do.

may we all find our bliss.

< Message edited by everhope -- 8/20/2008 3:59:11 PM >

_____________________________

may we all find our bliss

Resident VWB

We all die.
The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/20/2008 5:07:06 PM

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Left to my own devices, I will address *my* Dom by his first name; possibly calling him 'Dom' (and equally possibly, calling him "Sailor') in a scene.

In order to be *my* Dom, I would need to feel a sense of craving to please him..a sort of adolation, if ya know what I mean.

Only time will tell whether *I* can overcome my aversion to substituting '"Mike' for Dom, Master, Daddy or any other form of "D/s' label.. Maybe. One unknowable is...does he even care?

candystripper

(in reply to Sandyshores29718)

RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/20/2008 5:58:24 PM

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Joined: 1/20/2007
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I personally hate it when someone calls me Ma'am when I am topping. I prefer Mistress or Miss. Ma'am makes me feel like an old woman lol. I think everyone has their own preference when it comes to titles. Mister, Master, Sir, name... Whatever it is I think its between you and the Dom you are with. There is no set rule saying that you MUST call your Dom Master in order to be a sub/slave. You do what is right for the both of you, thats a relationship. If master is something you arent comfortable with than find a Dom that is acceptant to that.

(in reply to candystripper)

RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/20/2008 6:17:31 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IvyMorgan

Am I going to get in trouble for adding, "And Abraham was a created character to serve a primarily aetological purpose, and so *not a real person*"?

Source please.

I don't know about you and Christians, since I'm not one.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to IvyMorgan)

RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/20/2008 10:25:39 PM

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

I met a nice masochist and she has a very feminine demeanor. A real nice chic with no real control issues. But she has no BDSM protocol. It is stressful for me to speak with her because we have high interest in each other but her protocol is one I am not used to. She calls when she cannot pay me her full attention like girls do to each other. When we talk she treats me with the most relaxed protocols vanilla lovers use… not even a Sir like most vanillas call me. I get a little stressed because it sorta’ makes me feel like some weird female potential lesbian lover friend type of thing. It doesn’t make me feel like a man. It has totally changed my approach to her. We plan on meeting soon. When we do, I can’t see being anything other than a vanilla gentleman sadist with her. The Master in me would never tolerate the disrespect of no protocol.

Protocol, like submission, develops with time and trust. Would i practice "BDSM protocol" or submit to someone i have never met? No, certainly not. If the dom sees this as disrespect then that speaks volumes about his understanding of me as well as an overblown ego. Until we meet he will be treated politely. Respect will develop later.
As to calling him Master..i am not comfortable with that. Sir is as far as i go and even that has its time and place. Again i question the ego of one who demands a title.

Here is where I disagree! Some lifestyles (e.g. Gorean and Victorian), have a set basic protocol and people who wish to mingle with those who follow such lifestyles should make some attempt to learn the basic protocols and required manners. of course there are times such as mumches where everything is relaxed but in all cases people who refuse or do not even attempt to meet the basics of address protocols show themselvces to be either ignorant or, rude and arogant. In any case, whilst they may well be treated with civility they are less likely to be on a function invitation list. I've experiejnced this when standing for the seating of a lady or even opening doors for ladies and have been castegated for such and when I kiss a lady's hand I watch some of the ignorant snigger and refer to my courtesies as "Sleaze Material" Needless to say, those people remain near the top of my shit list to be broken at my pleasure.

IB
(The incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent Bear)

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/21/2008 4:13:17 AM

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From: Quietville
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I disagree with that which you disagree. Protocol does develop with time and trust. If it did not then every sub would be refering to each and every doofus who calls himself a Dom/Master by the title he chooses for himself? I think not.
I do practice common courtesy with everyone i meet until given cause not to, as you do, per your post. But to fall into BDSM protocol with no hint as to the person i am dealing with? Not happening.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to IronBear)

RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/21/2008 5:17:48 AM

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You can disagree all you like, but Ironbear is quite correct. Some lifestyles have set protocol and rituals, and one of those is calling males Master and females Mistress, for a couple of them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

I disagree with that which you disagree. Protocol does develop with time and trust. If it did not then every sub would be refering to each and every doofus who calls himself a Dom/Master by the title he chooses for himself? I think not.
I do practice common courtesy with everyone i meet until given cause not to, as you do, per your post. But to fall into BDSM protocol with no hint as to the person i am dealing with? Not happening.

_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/21/2008 5:28:07 AM

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Thank you for this post. I also am very reluctant to call any dom of mine "Master" though I have in the past on rare occasion. In my opinion, one of the points at where my previous D/s relationship began to degenerate is when he demanded I call him Sir or Master when I prefer to only do it of my own volition. I am touchy about the Master thing as well for religious reasons.

(in reply to Sandyshores29718)

RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/21/2008 5:30:37 AM

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

I disagree with that which you disagree. Protocol does develop with time and trust. If it did not then every sub would be refering to each and every doofus who calls himself a Dom/Master by the title he chooses for himself? I think not.
I do practice common courtesy with everyone i meet until given cause not to, as you do, per your post. But to fall into BDSM protocol with no hint as to the person i am dealing with? Not happening.

Master IronBear is quite correct. There are instances where protocal is expected AND DEMANDED whether you know the person or not.
Now, it's all fine and dandy if YOU don't follow such a strict rule in this area; but do not assume that just because you don't that others are the same.

I always called my late husband Master; I had trouble saying his name when we got marred. The first time I met HIS friends, I called them Master and Mistress and I knew nothing about them. I meet people on the street, complete strangers and always address them as Sir or Maam; I go to a house where I know the people only through others and I address them as Master or Mistress...even now, 10 years after he is gone...I still do it. I do it out of courtesy and respect for those who I am visiting.

There are very few people on these boards who I will address with the Master/Mistress/Sir/Maam label...but there are a few that I do it with. I don't know them. I have never met them in real life. Yet, their words alone have brought about some respect; and I show that respect by following protocal and addressing them appropriatly.

It has nothing to do with knowing a person well enough or 'showing submission to someone who does not own me'...and everything to do with what I have come to understand and learn over the years.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/21/2008 5:53:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

You can disagree all you like, but Ironbear is quite correct. Some lifestyles have set protocol and rituals, and one of those is calling males Master and females Mistress, for a couple of them.

Absolutely, I run a TPE Dynamic, it is made quite clear from the get go that obedience is not optional, not negotiable but mandatory. The girl can inform Me if she has a problem but if *I* decide she is capable of doing something then she WILL give 100% attempting to do so.... else she can get her ass out the door.

I come from a mental health background, I know all about trigger words etc. and do NOT see them as an excuse, I won't accept them as such and one who wants to cling to them as that best look elsewhere. Same with any "ethical" issues, a girl giving herself to Me is placing those issues under MY control.... if she can't do that then again, go look elsewhere.

That is quite different than a girl who simply gives Me information on what she finds difficult and Me helping her over those issues... either way, what she actualy CAN do, she WILL do.... the choises and decisions are MINE to make. Point blank refusal is likely to cause a point blank DISMISSAL!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)

RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/21/2008 6:02:05 AM

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

You can disagree all you like, but Ironbear is quite correct. Some lifestyles have set protocol and rituals, and one of those is calling males Master and females Mistress, for a couple of them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

I disagree with that which you disagree. Protocol does develop with time and trust. If it did not then every sub would be refering to each and every doofus who calls himself a Dom/Master by the title he chooses for himself? I think not.
I do practice common courtesy with everyone i meet until given cause not to, as you do, per your post. But to fall into BDSM protocol with no hint as to the person i am dealing with? Not happening.

i am not Gorean...nor am i Victorian. And i do NOT live a "style"...i live a life in which titles of respect are earned.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)

RE: Your thoughts on a sub not calling you Master - 8/21/2008 6:09:26 AM

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

i am not Gorean...nor am i Victorian. And i do NOT live a "style"...i live a life in which titles of respect are earned.

I do so love a closed mind.

No one has said that they believed you to be Gorean or Victorian...and no one has attempted to belittle your life.

They HAVE SAID, however, that your blanket statements of

quote:

Protocol, like submission, develops with time and trust

and this one

quote:

If it did not then every sub would be refering to each and every doofus who calls himself a Dom/Master by the title he chooses for himself? I think not

do NOT apply to EVERYONE. They apply to YOU and only YOU; but your statements state that they apply to EVERYONE. Try understanding what you are reading with a clear mind instead of letting emotion cloud your comprehension.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to sirsholly)

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