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RE: Advice for New Dominants - 10/13/2008 12:47:44 PM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Understand duality
This is perhaps the hardest for some people to learn.  Understand that people can want to be one thing AND another.  She might want to be the classy woman at one point and a cum drenched heap another.  Yes she loves to be used but not all the time.  Yes she loves to be surprised but not all the time.  Learn how and why those buttons work because the better you can manipulate them the better time you will both have and the easier it is to turn the classy woman into your greedy little slut begging you to use her tongue.  You are in essence feeding portions of her personality, ignore one and she goes hungry, take care of all of them and she will reward you in ways you can't yet imagine.  People so struggle with this and it causes so many problems.  Yes, she will do "that" for you once or twice when you order it but if you are not feeding her at other times, it is going to go from "serving" to "drudgery" and that isn't going to last.


Yes, that.

Real humans have a great many facets and they all need varying levels of care and attention.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Advice for New Dominants - 10/13/2008 1:39:59 PM   
Aestia


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Beyond a shadow of a doubt awesome post.  

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Advice for New Dominants - 10/14/2008 12:28:35 PM   
littlemisssnarf


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i've posted the link to a dear friend of mine who is just starting out on his journey - and he is looking very concentrated as he reads.... and says thank you!

so in turn thank you for posting so i may pass this on!

_____________________________

let the sun shine on your soul and smile...

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Advice for New Dominants - 11/15/2008 7:59:12 AM   
KnightofMists


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I thought this tidbit would be good for this thread....

DOMS = SUCCESS

D - Direction.  It is critical that each and every expectation to obey is clearly understood by the slave/submissive.  If it is not clearly understood, the slave/sub will be fortuanate to reach an expectation of the Master/Doms.  of course this is where communication is so critical.  My girls are instructed to always ask... What, Where, When & How in understanding clearly what I want.  They are not to take action to fulfill my instructions unless they feel confident that they understand what I want.  I in turn will do my best to ensure they clearly understand.  Often times when the expectation is not met, I have found that poor Direction was the fault.  We have come away thinking that they eveyone understood.  But, with some communicating.. there was a miscommunication that create a situation that lacked Clear Direction and thus it was doomed to fail.  Yes, there is faults to be laid.. sometimes it's the girls fault and sometimes it's mine.  However, what is more important is not laying blame but fixing the problem so that Direction is Clear!

O - Opportunity.  It is critical that any expectation/instruction given that they slave/sub has a reasonable opportunity to achieve it.  It is pointless to tell a slave/sub to paint the outside of the house in the next two weeks and it rains every day of those two weeks.  It's clear that the slave/sub doesn't have an chance to succeed.  When failure occurs... it's important for the Master/Dom to consider if the slave/sub had a reasonable opportunity to achieve success.  Keep in mind, that a sub/slave will also have there own opinion in this regard.  It's important to peel back the onion of failure and get to the heart.  Discard the excuses and accept the Reasons for failed opportunity to succeed.

M - Motivation.  Generally speaking this likely the hardest to establish.  However, unless a person is truly motivated to want to do the job it will not likely be achieved.  Putting half efforts extra are often times a question of motivation.  It could be a slave/sub doesn't agree with the decision etc.  and they are allowing their own judgement to affect their performance.  When it's a motivation problem, I consider it to be the most serious of the failures to success.  Poor motivation can make a relationship completely disfunctional.

S - Skill.  It is without question that the slave/sub needs to have the required ability to achieve the task at hand.  Sometimes judging the skill is more subjective than objective.  One must be honest with the skills one has.  A Master/Dom that attempts to have slave/sub perform a task or duty that is beyond their skill can do alot of Damage to the slave/subs esteem and the relationship in the long-term.  A slave/sub must be reasonable in what they think they can do. 

Success in my mind is depend on Direction, Opportunity, Motivation & Skill.   Consider carefully where you think you are failing.  Discuss it with your Master.  Do not focus on "YOU" but focus on the equation. 

D O M S  =  S U C C E S S


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MadRabbit)
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RE: Advice for New Dominants - 12/8/2008 5:26:36 PM   
sirmarks


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being a new dom i found this to be most informative and very insight full i dont claim to know very much and know that we all learn something everyday that is new. i hope that others with as much knowledge and interest in seeing others succeed will post more. iam willing to hear any point of view or opinion it is up to me to decide what works in my situation. so any input is greatfully accepted and appriciated.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Advice for New Dominants - 12/9/2008 10:07:44 PM   
loveandlight87


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MadRabbit, DomDolf, Racquelle, KnightofMists, MrRodgers, Padriag, CruelDesires, Steel, kidwithknife, SimplyMichael, Missokyst

THANK YOU!! Thank you for taking the time to share.  I have thoroughly enjoyed this thread!  While I am not a Dominant OR Master, there are many insights that inspire one to be the best person one can be.  In addition, it has helped me clarify those qualities that a good Dominant for me would have.  Thank you again.  You all ROCK! 

love

(in reply to sirmarks)
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RE: Advice for New Dominants - 2/26/2016 3:25:38 PM   
cwolfe825


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As a Dom with only a couple years of experience I appreciate the advice any fellow Dom gives, this is some good stuff that may seem obvious but are important to be aware of. I do believe in the end both partners needs are served the Dominant gets the control and the sub is able to submit within their respected hard and soft limits even if there are none. I have found a lot of communication is vital before even meeting, those limits need to be hammered out, A Dom/Domme want what they want and a sub has needs that are there whether we like it or not. I have a hard time with a sub personally that messages me and doesn't give me an idea of what makes them tick or what their limits may be. Introduction is great but I need to know who you are. Very Dom/Domme is different and this is an important distinction. The worst thing that can ruin a interaction is scaring a sub so bad they never want to see you again, that's normally not the goal, in the end the sub or slave should be begging to to see their Dom/Domme and want to worship them as their Sir/Madam. Get your limits out there and interests that's what will attract a person.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Advice for New Dominants - 4/19/2016 8:52:53 AM   
Eleftherios


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What we have here is a concise opinion filled with good advice that very few so-called dominants care to read because it is far too based on the realities of human relationship...as in real life relationships. I think most others would probably need advice on how to lower the risk of typing the wrong bullshit mean for another one of the several private chats in progress...or something of that nature...

Good read.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Advice for New Dominants - 5/20/2016 5:06:01 PM   
mrsexxychocolate


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From: another planet I am not a human
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I have to admit this post was enlightening. You hit on so many key points that most people I feel take for granted. Great posts for the people who actually take the lifestyle seriously.

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google me for more pics or visit my free webcam chat

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RE: Advice for New Dominants - 7/24/2016 6:30:10 PM   
OldAK55


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I have searched over different sites for the past several years, but this single thread here has given me a thousand times more information.
It helped clear my thoughts and goals.
Thank you for your efforts gentlemen!!!

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Advice for New Dominants - 7/24/2016 9:33:23 PM   
Spiritedsub2


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The people you are thanking made their posts 8 years ago on that thread.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

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Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Advice for New Dominants - 9/19/2016 3:12:51 PM   
NippleWhisperer


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I enjoyed your post. So many times I've heard women complaining about wannabe dominants trying to order around a sub who is not theirs. They think that because she has stated she is a sub that she is a sub to the world at large. They do not understand (or don't care) that her submissiveness is a gift, and a gift that only she can give.

One doesn't become a dominant be declaring oneself one. One learns and earns! As someone once said, "There is no free lunch!"

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Advice for New Dominants - 9/19/2016 3:25:27 PM   
OsideGirl


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This post is over 3 years old.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to NippleWhisperer)
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RE: Advice for New Dominants - 9/19/2016 3:27:44 PM   
WickedsDesire


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Joined: 11/4/2015
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i am eternal
there are no genuine women on here looking only mad trollops propagating shite mythology


have you considered cats

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Advice for New Dominants - 9/19/2016 3:54:22 PM   
DaddyKiss


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Lmao

(in reply to WickedsDesire)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Advice for New Dominants - 9/19/2016 4:15:47 PM   
WickedsDesire


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There are no women on these forums looking only trolops and bad information- observe -the men are a wee bit better by 10% v 0.1%

(in reply to DaddyKiss)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Advice for New Dominants - 9/19/2016 6:44:59 PM   
WickedsDesire


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I have to do a metamathematical correction
women~0.1%
and about ~10% men but they are factor of 100 higher

Do you know all readers I do not understand why both numbers are so low?

OsideGirl 3 years I totality missed that...but to be fair i am a factor of 4 and will best you on cat cunt.....I think is inadvertently still valid I wonder how her got on here - oh wait hes a man so he got shag all from here....wry are those number so low


< Message edited by WickedsDesire -- 9/19/2016 6:49:45 PM >

(in reply to WickedsDesire)
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RE: Advice for New Dominants - 9/20/2016 4:21:13 AM   
verchae


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Nice post, although started long back still relevant...

many have agreed to the Writer and many have not. My conclusion is that its a guide for those who are new to being a Dominant.

What i believe is a submissive is looking out for a Dominant coz deep inside he knows he is not capable of anything unless he is guided by some one.
Sadly most of the BDSM is centered around sex, hence it mostly seems Dominants r looking for sex toy.

a slave means total submission and giving up total control, yet it takes time to reach there... Rome was not built in a day.
Initially slave may have some reservations but its up to u how u handle the situation.

Communication is very important, there are no fixed rules or path... like every human is different same way every slave requires a different procedure.

Usually we think of spanking as a punishment, but many slaves get excited and hard when spanked... so is it really a punishment for the slave?

wanted to write a lot more but this damm mobile keeps breaking my chain of thoughts.

(in reply to WickedsDesire)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Advice for New Dominants - 9/20/2016 9:03:54 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14373
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From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: verchae


What i believe is a submissive is looking out for a Dominant coz deep inside he knows he is not capable of anything unless he is guided by some one.
So, you believe that submissives are too stupid and weak to make decisions and survive on their own.

quote:

Sadly most of the BDSM is centered around sex, hence it mostly seems Dominants r looking for sex toy.
Well, since BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sado-Masochism - it is centered around sex, kinky sex to be specific. D/s is Dominance and submission. You can engage in BDSM and never engage in D/s. You can engage in D/s and never engage in BDSM.

quote:

a slave means total submission and giving up total control
That might be your definition, but it's not mine and it varies from person to person and relationship to relationship.

quote:

Usually we think of spanking as a punishment
And many don't engage in punishment dynamics at all.




_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to verchae)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Advice for New Dominants - 9/20/2016 5:15:15 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: verchae



Usually we think of spanking as a punishment, but many slaves get excited and hard when spanked... so is it really a punishment for the slave?




In my dynamic with [my] Master, spanking is definitely a reward.
While we do have a punishment dynamic a punishment spanking is not at all enjoyable.


_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

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(in reply to verchae)
Profile   Post #: 100
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