From: St George Utah
Please forgive my being more than fashionably late but after reading in on this thread and then re reading it I have a few things to say.
First to quote my Grandfather "People used to living in Glass Houses are accustomed to throwing stones, you see they know exactly where to throw them."
Took me awhile to understand that little gem of wisdom. In the BDSM lifestyle, or Life in General, or the Melting Pot Party Bus or whatever you wanna call it there are always people who want to see the broken pane rather then the glass house. FrankAr pointed out the generic tone of the post (I disagree MadRabbit is far from generic) rather than address the post itself. Sure we can speculate that perhaps it is the Gorean Philosophy that brought Frank to make the comment he did or maybe it's just Frank is assustomed to living in glass houses and so he knows where to throw the stones. The Places the windows are already broken. Either way the point remains on a regular basis people ask the question, how in the holy hell do I do this?
Truth is most of us don't know. The reason that these questions get ignored or unanswered is because of the things that MR points out. Most of this takes getting a hold of yourself and refraining from the desire to be a letch.
Lets be honest even if this lifestyle doesn't involve sex for everyone this is a VERY SEXUALLY PROVOCATIVE Lifestyle and if I am to be completely honest it was one of the drawing factors I encountered when I discovered it at 16. Oddly enough I hear similar stories from those who discover it at 40 and 50.
MadRabbit hits the proverbial nail on the head when he points out that one should not treat them like fuck toys, this is good advice. In MY PERSONAL OPINION (Everyone saw that right?) female slaves don't really want to be JUST a fuck toy, No I haven't forgotten about those that do and you know who you are, but there is something deeper that that as well, I find that many submissive women really want to be appreciated for what they do, even knowing that no matter thier Masters command they will comply, there is this need for them to know that thier Master actually WANTS them there.
I had it explaind to me this way when I was coming into my own. Women are NOT dogs, A dog can be beaten and feared into submission and with something as simple as a belly rub all is forgotten and the dog will forgive, a mistreated dog will fear it's Master's Wrath and attempt obedience out of fear of retaliation. A woman on the other hand, she gets to choose who she is with and if you don't offer her a good situation then what desire dows she have to stay or even start a relationship in the first place.
I am Demanding as a Dominant. I know this. So why does andi stay? I hope it is because what I give back to her is worth as much or more than what she gives to me in her surrender, and no I don't mean in Bed or with a whip I mean the other 85% of the time when it is just us, no toys, no expressed power dynamic when it is just me and just her and she continues to surrender to me and I continue to be worth her surrender.
What advice do I think New Dominants need? Stop, Sit Back, and Discover Yourself. Learn the kind of person you and and discover the kind of Dominant you want to be, and when you have done that then try to understand what being submissive to you would be like. I OFTEN ask myself, if I were a submissive ... would I want to be with Me?
MadRabbit I wish I could offer more but it would only be repeating your already well spoken words, I only hope that what I said added to it and not destracted from it.
If you are new to this lifestyle I suggest you take a little stock into the OP as it is factual and true in all that it is.
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
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For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term