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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 11/16/2009 8:30:26 PM

Scotty306134

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Ms Alexandra I love You! I cant wait for the fun to begin when I hand Ms Debby a cold Coke wrapped in one of Our dirty socks!! Thank You for a great idea, Scotty

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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 11/17/2009 3:33:42 AM

superman14312

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Thanks so much to everyone for the advice. I will take it. I have talked to her several times. I will not piggy back to the old threads. I figured that was more respectful then starting a new one, as it seems like people get upset and mention the old threads whenever some one starts a new one that is along the same lines.Take Care.

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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 11/17/2009 6:42:33 AM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Irished

I need to make my desire to serve a domme real and want to tell my wife.....has anyone done this, what did they say and how did the wife react??
thanks so much

Better to err on the side of reality as the chances are you will not get a positive response. Be prepared to chose betweem the two.

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Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 11/17/2009 9:11:48 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Irished

I need to make my desire to serve a domme real and want to tell my wife.....has anyone done this, what did they say and how did the wife react??
thanks so much

So....you're married, you want to serve a Domme (presumably not your wife...as you've indicated) and you want to know if anyone has done this.

(I think that's what you just asked).

And you want to know (if any other man has been foolish enough to do this) how she reacted.

Are you on MIND ALTERING SUBSTANCES!!!!!??????

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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 11/18/2009 3:09:18 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Irished

I need to make my desire to serve a domme real and want to tell my wife.....has anyone done this, what did they say and how did the wife react??
thanks so much

So....you're married, you want to serve a Domme (presumably not your wife...as you've indicated) and you want to know if anyone has done this.

(I think that's what you just asked).

And you want to know (if any other man has been foolish enough to do this) how she reacted.

Are you on MIND ALTERING SUBSTANCES!!!!!??????

Read the entire thread before you jump to such conclusions. He wants to serve a Domme but he would much rather this Domme be his wife. I wanted to know how to go about this.

He's obviously very conflicted and is asking for help, like many do on these message boards. Why know show a little maturity. compassion and understanding rather than go off insulting him.

- LA

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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 12/5/2009 11:39:53 PM

MasterK13

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Irished

I need to make my desire to serve a domme real and want to tell my wife.....has anyone done this, what did they say and how did the wife react??
thanks so much

So....you're married, you want to serve a Domme (presumably not your wife...as you've indicated) and you want to know if anyone has done this.

(I think that's what you just asked).

And you want to know (if any other man has been foolish enough to do this) how she reacted.

Are you on MIND ALTERING SUBSTANCES!!!!!??????

Read the entire thread before you jump to such conclusions. He wants to serve a Domme but he would much rather this Domme be his wife. I wanted to know how to go about this.

He's obviously very conflicted and is asking for help, like many do on these message boards. Why know show a little maturity. compassion and understanding rather than go off insulting him.

- LA

LadyAngelika thats very true.
Look below Thread Starter if you choose to do this behind you wife's back...

Are you on MIND ALTERING SUBSTANCES!!!!!??????

Not an insult just a warning such an act could destroy your life!!!

< Message edited by MasterK13 -- 12/5/2009 11:43:10 PM >

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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 12/6/2009 8:15:23 AM

LPslittleclip

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op
be open and honest with your wife communicate the feelings that you have and the desires. try to learn more on what it is to be submisisve, find a discussion group discussing things on submission. show your wife what you have learned and discuss with her how it makes you feel. try some role play where you are the captive or similar. but rember to always comunicat with you wife.

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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 12/7/2009 1:34:22 PM

MissDita

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Joined: 4/13/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: superman14312

I will not piggy back to the old threads. I figured that was more respectful then starting a new one, as it seems like people get upset and mention the old threads whenever some one starts a new one that is along the same lines.Take Care.

He paid attention and he's right :-), We always tell subs to look at the older threads. If I would have been a sub with a question I would probably have done the same.

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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 12/7/2009 1:49:08 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I would think that would be a matter of opinion.

The deal on the old thread thing, at least to Me, is the fact that there is already a lot of information here on a multitude of subjects. There's not really any point in adding to an old OP who may not even be here to read it. If after reading old threads on a particular subject (some would call that research) and a person can't find what they are looking for, they tend to get a lot more response if they start a new thread. Many won't address the current person's question if it's mixed into the middle of a thread that they already know they have answered a year ago.

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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 12/7/2009 2:58:49 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Irished

I need to make my desire to serve a domme real and want to tell my wife.....has anyone done this, what did they say and how did the wife react??
thanks so much

Well first you need to tell your wife of your desires. Hopefully she will be your Domme, If not, then you tell he this is a need that must be met and if she is unable then you need to have one. If she can accept great, if not say you are going to need a divorce. Do not, under ant circumstance, attempt to decieve either the Domme or your wife.

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Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 12/7/2009 3:52:32 PM

AlexandraLynch

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That rule exists because I have a peripheral vascular disorder that is triggered by cold. Therefore, cold cans of soda get a CLEAN terry sock around them before I touch them, as we always have stray socks, and the can coolers always seem to get lost. The sock serves as insulation so that I can hold the can.

Don't be a jerk to your wife.

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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 12/8/2009 3:01:36 PM

azjojoba

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I think you are better off finding a pro domme first. See if you really like it before talking to your wife. The problem with letting the wifey know first is that it's hard to go back if your desire to be a sub is more fantasy than real.

If you are careful your wife doesn't have to know about your experimentation outside of marriage. Make sure your wife doesn't see your ass until the bruising or redness is gone. Of course depending on how open minded she is, that could be a good way of bringing up the subject. You could tell her that you wanted to know what it's liked to be spanked before you tried it with her. If she is a dom she will probably take control at that point.

Good luck.

< Message edited by azjojoba -- 12/8/2009 3:16:10 PM >

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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 12/8/2009 3:15:28 PM

OttersSwim

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quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba

I think you are better off finding a pro domme first. See if you really like it before talking to your wife. The problem with letting the wifey know first is that it's hard to go back if your desire to be a sub is more fantasy than real.

If you are careful your wife doesn't have to know about your experimentation outside of marriage.

....right...and then you can carry -that- little dirty secret betrayal in your emotional backpack for the rest of your life...right...

Why not tell her you want to "explore it" together?

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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 12/8/2009 3:19:25 PM

azjojoba

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

....right...and then you can carry -that- little dirty secret betrayal in your emotional backpack for the rest of your life...right...

Why not tell her you want to "explore it" together?

You are just putting your own value judgment on things. I don't think hiring a pro is a betrayal, especially if he is doing it to find out what is involved in being a sub. It's a first step. The women on CM are way to hung up on the cheating thing.

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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 12/8/2009 3:26:51 PM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba

The women on CM are way to hung up on the cheating thing.

Funny, lots of cheaters feel that way. What a coincidence.

~stef

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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 12/8/2009 3:37:24 PM

Lockit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

....right...and then you can carry -that- little dirty secret betrayal in your emotional backpack for the rest of your life...right...

Why not tell her you want to "explore it" together?

You are just putting your own value judgment on things. I don't think hiring a pro is a betrayal, especially if he is doing it to find out what is involved in being a sub. It's a first step. The women on CM are way to hung up on the cheating thing.

LOL... even vanilla spouses can get dominant about a guy gettin his fantasy on with marrital funds. I can see a real domiant blow out on that one! lol Wonder if the kids would hear the explosion and what effect it might have on their tender ears... and live's.

See... this is the problem when we think with a cock and not the block on the shoulder's.

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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 12/8/2009 3:38:58 PM

OttersSwim

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quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

....right...and then you can carry -that- little dirty secret betrayal in your emotional backpack for the rest of your life...right...

Why not tell her you want to "explore it" together?

You are just putting your own value judgment on things. I don't think hiring a pro is a betrayal, especially if he is doing it to find out what is involved in being a sub. It's a first step. The women on CM are way to hung up on the cheating thing.

I suspect that the women on CM's position on this subject are a perfect subsection of the overall female population. Not sure you will find a lot of ladies -anywhere- who will agree with this sort of wild rationalization and justification of a clear act of betrayal and honor.

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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 12/8/2009 4:48:38 PM

azjojoba

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

I suspect that the women on CM's position on this subject are a perfect subsection of the overall female population. Not sure you will find a lot of ladies -anywhere- who will agree with this sort of wild rationalization and justification of a clear act of betrayal and honor.

I don't see it as a "wild rationalization". In the case of this thread, I think it's the sensible thing to do. I know quite a few CM women would disagree, but not all of them -- especially the pros that consider what they do as therapy more than erotic.

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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 12/8/2009 9:11:12 PM

OttersSwim

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quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

I suspect that the women on CM's position on this subject are a perfect subsection of the overall female population. Not sure you will find a lot of ladies -anywhere- who will agree with this sort of wild rationalization and justification of a clear act of betrayal and honor.

I don't see it as a "wild rationalization". In the case of this thread, I think it's the sensible thing to do. I know quite a few CM women would disagree, but not all of them -- especially the pros that consider what they do as therapy more than erotic.

Intimate contact with another person without the KNOWLEDGE and CONSENT of the person to whom you have sworn FIDELITY is CHEATING.

It is at the very least committing a lie of OMISSION and at the worst, complete and utter BETRAYAL.

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RE: married sub - how to tell my wife - 12/9/2009 1:20:38 AM

MsMillgrove

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I wish Irished, the original poster, would come back to update. Hate a mystery. There were two generalized sets of advice offered him. One was to take it very slow, research, make a plan, and not pop up one day with a full confession using a hot button word like "slave". The other advice was along the lines of tell all, tell now, open communication, sit down and talk etc. So of course he picked the second choice and it left him miserable.

Re: cheating and betrayal. Is it so impossible to tell the wife you want to see a bdsm expert, that you have no idea if these things are going to be fun between the two of you, that maybe it's not as fun as it seems, that injury is a possibility in experiments with spouses were neither has any experience. Thinking as a vanilla wife, which I was for awhile, I would listen to a reasonable suggestion. I'd ask questions about the person's qualifications that my husband wanted to see. I'd be relieved maybe that he would take this experiment someplace else, and let me know what happened. Some males like to take a ski trip.. or go with friends to an expensive football game--the pro domme fee's about the same as that. Many wives don't object to expenses a male incurs, esp if they don't want to go themselves.

As long as the wife is informed that there is no penetration, no sex acts as she would understand a sex act, I think many wives would think it over and say, ok, just one time and then you tell me about it. I never heard of any guy trying this, the advice is usually to hide the action. Deceit, lying--is what hurts. Not so much the action itself as the deceit involved. Why does no one ever make this suggestion? To get the wife's ok on a one-time visit to a bdsm expert (yeah let's not use terms like dominatrix.. just a therapuetic worker who is an expert in fetishes.)

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