"Just lower your standards"

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

"Just lower your standards"

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> "Just lower your standards"

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

"Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:13:38 PM

Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline

I'm going a little out of it lately. I can't seem to find *anyone* who's interested in the sorts of things I am, with me. However, I have found:

* 4 people who are exactly the body type and skills that I want, and into some of the same things I am, and kinky, and in committed non-poly relationships.
* 7 people who are exactly the body type and skills that I want, and into some of the same things I am, and kinky, and UTTERLY NOT INTERESTED EW EW EW.
* 20 or so people who are into the same things I am, and kinky, but I do not find them attractive.
* 5 people who are exactly the body type and skills that I want, and kinky, but not at ALL interested in the sort of things that I am.
* who knows how many hundreds of people who aren't into the skills that I want or kinky.
* who knows how many hundreds of people who I am not interested in for any reason.

Many people have given me the advice to "lower my standards". However, I'm not sure which of my standards I'm supposed to be lowering, here, or even how to go about that 'lowering' process. If they mean "find more people attractive", I'm not sure how to do that - I'm attracted to what I'm attracted to. If they mean "find more common kinks and skills and turn-ons", I'm not sure how to do that - my turn-ons are my turn-ons. If they mean "settle for something that you aren't attracted to or doesn't satisfy your kinks just so you can get your dick wet", then fuck them.

What is meant by 'lower your standards' and how do you even do that?

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:21:07 PM

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

You are either willing to wait for 'the one' or not. Having said that, having view your profile, I can see exacly why you are getting litte interest. Fore example:

"I want someone who's able and willing to become thin, young-looking, and flexible, and I'm willing to commit a pretty serious investment of time and training into making that happen. I've done it before, and am actually rather successful at it"

So sucessful that you now have no one? BUT...

"I DON'T want a healthy long-term relationship. I DON'T want a deep communion of souls."

Thus this person has tobe willing to turn her whole life upside down for YOUR kinks so that she has the honor of being...a plaything?

Yes, I am judging, my bad...but, serious, as human being (regardless of kink etc) that is all very hard to see as desirable.

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:24:12 PM

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

I'm going a little out of it lately. I can't seem to find *anyone* who's interested in the sorts of things I am, with me. However, I have found:

* 4 people who are exactly the body type and skills that I want, and into some of the same things I am, and kinky, and in committed non-poly relationships.
* 7 people who are exactly the body type and skills that I want, and into some of the same things I am, and kinky, and UTTERLY NOT INTERESTED EW EW EW.
* 20 or so people who are into the same things I am, and kinky, but I do not find them attractive.
* 5 people who are exactly the body type and skills that I want, and kinky, but not at ALL interested in the sort of things that I am.
* who knows how many hundreds of people who aren't into the skills that I want or kinky.
* who knows how many hundreds of people who I am not interested in for any reason.

Many people have given me the advice to "lower my standards". However, I'm not sure which of my standards I'm supposed to be lowering, here, or even how to go about that 'lowering' process. If they mean "find more people attractive", I'm not sure how to do that - I'm attracted to what I'm attracted to. If they mean "find more common kinks and skills and turn-ons", I'm not sure how to do that - my turn-ons are my turn-ons. If they mean "settle for something that you aren't attracted to or doesn't satisfy your kinks just so you can get your dick wet", then fuck them.

What is meant by 'lower your standards' and how do you even do that?

Lol When i here someone say that i hear your never gonna get what you want so you might as well settle.

Or

If you ever feel like getting laid again close your eyes and take the first thing that comes along.

Something along those lines. I'll stay single until i get what i want.

I have done that in the past to some degree and just like you would expect. It never really works because it's not what i really want. So both sides have their pro's and con's. Stick to your guns.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:24:52 PM

MistressIvyanna

Posts: 4
Joined: 9/17/2008
Status: offline

I guess it means you just take what you can get and settle for second ,third or even fourth best....yes it is as crappy as it sounds...so screw that..I'd rather be alone than settle for someone or something I didn't want...keep fighting you will find what you are looking for...eventually..

_____________________________

MS. IVYANNA

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:25:37 PM

Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline

quote:

So sucessful that you now have no one? BUT...

Yes, so successful that I now have no one. Hence my lack of interest in the sort of "deep communion of souls" that has led to me having no one. I'm burnt out on that.

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:26:13 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

The only real concession that I've made in regards to what I want and what I like is to do casual play with bottoms for some of the things that are too edgy for most folks.

I have a slew of offers from people in Europe and a couple in Australia who are interested in what I'm interested in, but it seems that most of the males in Texas just don't have the stomach for the kind of play that trips my trigger. Fortunately, my Darling has a different set of tastes, and it is MUCH easier to find boys willing and able to take care of her needs, which is -something-, right?

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:26:35 PM

Posts: 1378
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

I cannot further lower my standards, they are abjectly subsumed as it is.

6

_____________________________

"Who are you?"
"The new Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You are Number Six.".
"I am not a number — I am a free man!"

Be seeing you...

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:26:49 PM

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC

You are either willing to wait for 'the one' or not. Having said that, having view your profile, I can see exacly why you are getting litte interest. Fore example:

"I want someone who's able and willing to become thin, young-looking, and flexible, and I'm willing to commit a pretty serious investment of time and training into making that happen. I've done it before, and am actually rather successful at it"

So sucessful that you now have no one? BUT...

"I DON'T want a healthy long-term relationship. I DON'T want a deep communion of souls."

Thus this person has tobe willing to turn her whole life upside down for YOUR kinks so that she has the honor of being...a plaything?

Yes, I am judging, my bad...but, serious, as human being (regardless of kink etc) that is all very hard to see as desirable.

Okay it might have been better to read the profile lol.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:28:46 PM

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

Many people have given me the advice to "lower my standards".

I wonder if it is actually lower your standards... or have realistic standards.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:30:39 PM

Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Okay it might have been better to read the profile lol.

I get the impression from these two posts the idea that my desires, kinks and goals are the problem, and that if that's what I want then I deserve to have a hard time? Am I completely off-base with that sense?

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:31:02 PM

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

Then I suggest you rethink more than your lack of desire to have a meaningful relationship.

In a more direct answer to your post- I refused to 'settle' and got exactly want I wanted- a real human being whom I can both love dearly and abuse greatly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

quote:

So sucessful that you now have no one? BUT...

Yes, so successful that I now have no one. Hence my lack of interest in the sort of "deep communion of souls" that has led to me having no one. I'm burnt out on that.

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:32:28 PM

Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC

Then I suggest you rethink more than your lack of desire to have a meaningful relationship.

I have. That's what led me to the conclusion that I can't deal with a 'meaningful relationship' right now.

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:33:11 PM

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

Only you know what are within your personal limits. If nothing short of what your profile states is what you desire, then you, you have a ver limited pool to start with, so you either wait or rethink what is REALLY important to you (again, only you can answer this).

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Okay it might have been better to read the profile lol.

I get the impression from these two posts the idea that my desires, kinks and goals are the problem, and that if that's what I want then I deserve to have a hard time? Am I completely off-base with that sense?

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:34:10 PM

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Okay it might have been better to read the profile lol.

I get the impression from these two posts the idea that my desires, kinks and goals are the problem, and that if that's what I want then I deserve to have a hard time? Am I completely off-base with that sense?

I don't know about deserve but you get sometimes what you put out. I've read your posts in the past and you come off as an intelligent person but your profile has way more kink than anything about you personally.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:36:46 PM

Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline

However, other people can get into those relationships, and I find plenty of people who are interested in them - just not with me. So I'm not sure "waiting" is the correct answer; I'm wondering if there's other changes I can make that will make me more like the sorts of people that tend to get what I want.

Or, barring that, whether there actually is a way to change what I want. (And by 'way' I mean a functional process - some sequence of actions that I can perform that will manifest the change in my desires).

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:37:53 PM

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

DING DING DING we have a winner.

Seriously just from some of your posts and the limited knowledge I have from that tells me that your size 0 contortionist touch head to heels and do 5 meter runs in 6 inch ballet shoe submissive might be a tad bit unrealistic, no?

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

Many people have given me the advice to "lower my standards".

I wonder if it is actually lower your standards... or have realistic standards.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:39:46 PM

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

Have you tried asking them? I know how you came off in your profile so I can't say anything more than that about who you are. Again, we are but strangers in your life, you know yourself.

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:41:26 PM

Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

I don't know about deserve but you get sometimes what you put out. I've read your posts in the past and you come off as an intelligent person but your profile has way more kink than anything about you personally.

Yeah; mostly because I care more about the kink right now than about myself personally. What am I supposed to do? Show off my intelligence like a peacock's tail-feathers? Preen and pontificate to attract people that will find my brain sexy?

I can have conversations with people any time. I can have deep communions of minds with people without fucking them. Those needs are being met.

I can't enjoy sex without my particular aesthetics - I've gone from 'kink' well into full-blown fetish. There's a few people who would enjoy sex with me, and I like them and am more than willing to give myself an erection and attempt to please them sexually if that's what they want from me. And a bunch of people think I should "lower my standards" so that I can be pleased, too. But I don't know how.

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:42:12 PM

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88

DING DING DING we have a winner.

WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO.... what did I win?

mmmmmmmm maybe a night of fun with an attractive woman like ummm YOU...

and no my standards are not too high!!!! and I am not lowering them either.

ps... lets not talk about them being realistic or not

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Aynne88)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/21/2008 2:42:13 PM

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Anyone who tells you to lower your standards have standards close to if not in the gutter. NEVER lower you standards for any person, man or God! :Let others raise their standards. Mind you it can be a lonely trip untill you find someone who matches your standards (we'll immagine that you match theirs), but as I ofter say "Better an empty collar then being the wrong collar or collaring the wrong person!"

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> "Just lower your standards"

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.055