quote:

ORIGINAL: OneMoreWaste

quote:

ORIGINAL: PsyVamp
Who said anything about sex period?

Umm... Akasha did... in the original post... which I then quoted in the little box two lines above the sentence you took issue with...
I know I've breathed in a lot of fumes today, but that's not the kind of thing I normally hallucinate... the rest of y'all see it, right?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wickad
As men are always sexually motivated (tongue in cheek here, going on what is a societal norm) and if dominant, always sexually aggressive, it would seem (to those who don't take the time to really think about it) that a Dominant woman would also be sexually aggressive.  On the flipside, it would also mean that a submissive man is passive and as such expected to not pursue the Dominant woman or the relationship itself.

Of course, most of us on this board see this to be rather silly but ... I think it's a simple case of inexperienced submissive men putting their societal assumptions and extrapolations off on Dominant women.

So it's silly to think that a FemDom would be sexually aggressive, because aggression is strictly linked to gender, never D/s orientation?

So does that mean that I'm actually female, and can start chasing all of the Lesbian Dommes on CM?

quote:

ORIGINAL: PsyVamp

It takes a lot more to date a dominant woman than just doing what they want.
you have to match them on all levels.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I think there's a bit of a misconception coming from the other direction as well because of inexperience as an actual male submissive. Yeah, I said that. There is a misconception from dominant women because they exist in this paradigm (that is very self-fulfilling) of where they are constantly being contacted by submissive men. Therefore, we see posts that come through that indicate that if a submissive male is going to have any chance in hell at making a connection, he pretty much has to do all the pursuing, just as in a vanilla relationship.

I don't really agree with that. My personal experience has been that if a woman is interested in me and the type of service submission that I have to offer, she's going to contact and pursue me, and then we pretty much take it from there. It doesn't mean it's always one sided pursuing, but once she's established the opening parameters of the relationship, then the two of us are free to pursue it further from there (and no, playing the doormat is a stupid option always on a submissive's part).

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


Everyone knows the most obvious misconceptions about femdoms - like they all hate men, or they dominate based on revenge issues or whatnot.

But there's a more subtle misconception that comes from unrealistic femdom porn and is reinforced by male fantasy, and I think it's just as damaging because it's not as obvious.

I think it's the perception that dominant women dominate indiscriminately, or they get their satisfaction and pleasure purely from the act, not really the connection with the man.  As a result, a submissive man just merely must make contact with a dominant woman and state his availability, and she'll surely be interested in having her way with him, because not all men are willing to submit. 

The perception is that it is easier to find, connect, court a dominant woman than a vanilla woman - because she's going to be the one in charge.  She's the dominant, after all.  Once again, if a submissive makes contact and she's even remotely interested, she'll begin the pursuit, and his job is to simply surrender to her advances.

I think this perception is what attracts many submissive men, because they want to be freed from the pressure of the pursuit - the couting, dating, initiating first kisses, saying the right thing, making sexual advances.  The fantasy is very attractive:  after all, dominant women take charge - so once her "femdom radar" tells her he is submissive, he's going to be pursued. 

The reality, as we ladies know, is that we are probably just as hard if not harder to court than a "vanilla" woman.  We want all the things a vanilla woman wants (connection, empathy, mutual interests, passion, sexual chemistry) PLUS an additional connection based on BDSM desires. 

I'm not the only femdom, I'm sure, who has men coming to her and simply stating his availability, and wondering why I am not pursuing him. And then when I state I must be attracted to a man to want to dominate him, he asks me what I want to know about him - again, essentially just waiting for me to do the work of courting, for me to pursue him aggressively simply because he's willing to submit.  He, and the 45 guys behind him.

It's a more subtle misconception than, "Dominant women do NOT hate all men," but it's there; it's the idea that dominant women pursue aggressively before there's any real chemistry, and there is no expectation for the man to initiate, court, pursue, flirt, or romance. I'm the first to admit that I am very predatory, and I LOVE to be the one to pursue - however, it's after there's chemistry, not merely availability.

This perception cannot be blamed on male porn entirely, but maybe to some degree.  My question is this: How many submissive men would still be interested in the idea of BDSM if they knew that it's just as difficult, if not more, to court and romance a woman who will dominate him?  How many would fail this simple "True or False" test:

True or False:

Dominant women prefer to be in charge, so once they know you are a potential submissive for them, they will make all the advances and your role is to be obedient and follow her lead.  They will determine if they are interested.

Dominant women are easier to date because they are in charge. You just need to know how to follow instructions.

Dominant women have many options for partners, including introducing vanilla boyfriends to S&M; that said, submissive men need to be courting them just as aggressively as vanilla men.





Akasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I cheerfully write to men that interest me, and have no problem expressing interest, but I DO expect to get a reasonable response in return.  If he doesn't show much enthusiasm, doesn't agree to set a meeting, I figure he's just not that into me and move on.  I know that the fantasy says that I should dictate the time and place of our meeting, and I should expect that command to be obeyed, but I live in the shadowy world of consensus reality, where people have lives, and can't drop everything for a hookup. 

It IS very hard to get and keep my attention, not because I am a dominant, just because I am a damn picky woman.  It takes a lot to keep me interested, and I am very high maintenance in that I need attention.  Not sycophancy, not expensive gifts, ATTENTION.  Not too many men out there with large brains, interesting personalities, AND five minutes a day to check in with me.  Who are also masochists. 

And, what Shakti said.  The chain of command starts with me, but I am not doing all the work on my own. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett
Seems like the uber hot subs just want to skate by on their looks - and occasionally their 'servitude' - but they only want to serve as sex slaves.  I haven't found one yet with a personality.