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RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 8:50:02 AM

Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
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So true.

I think that since all people ever "see" of BDSM is porn, they take all that stuff to be true. It's like, "Hey, you like to dominate! I want to be dominated! Make it happen!" And there's not a lick of regard for me and my desires.

Not to be conceited... but I'm 25 and attractive. Yet, I get men all the time, who are way older and not taking care of themselves, expecting me to take them and ravish them because they say they're submissive. As if I was just a Dommebot with no wants, doomed to dominate whatever throws itself at my feet.

I think that this misconception really informs the way that many submissives relate to Professionals as well. It seems that many think that the domme, wowed by their total passivity, will have no choice but to insist upon taking them on as a houseboy or lover or whatever. As if the normal rules of attraction do not apply to BDSM. Then they are angered when the relationship does not escalate to the level they were expecting.

_____________________________

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm6JgZ35w8w

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 9:21:20 AM

Chi

Posts: 68
Joined: 1/31/2005
Status: offline

Shitted: I am not following you or anyone, I am responding to your comments. If addressing my comments to your specifically has made you fell uncomfortable I sincerely apologize.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 9:23:11 AM

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

Coupleofwhats, I love that - Dommebot.

_____________________________

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RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 9:24:49 AM

Posts: 169
Joined: 7/28/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chi
Shitted:

Tempting, ain't it? :)

_____________________________

codename: ********

(in reply to Chi)

RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 9:32:12 AM

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
True or False:

Dominant women prefer to be in charge, so once they know you are a potential submissive for them, they will make all the advances and your role is to be obedient and follow her lead. They will determine if they are interested.
True for this particular dominant woman. The thing most miss is that I am the one to determine if they are a potetial submissive for me, and that potential comes from a lot ore than siply being an unattached submissive.

Dominant women are easier to date because they are in charge. You just need to know how to follow instructions.
This is also true for some people. I know for Fox, at least, it is far easier to date a Dominant woman who makes all the decisions. He would be lost trying to share the responsability and make the decisions for himself and someone else on a regular basis.

Dominant women have many options for partners, including introducing vanilla boyfriends to S&M; that said, submissive men need to be courting them just as aggressively as vanilla men.
True again, though I do not think that introducing the vanillas to submissive S&M works nearly as well as most think.

I personally think the most pervasive subtle misconsception I have run into is that FemDommes do not say please and thank you. That somehow being polite is being less dominant. I ask Fox to do things, I do not bark orders. Obviously, this translates to some as weakness. It isnt as if I think Fox will actually say no, he understands how responsability as much as I do. However, I say please and thank you bceasue he is my partner and my friend as well as my slave.
Porn dictates I should be yelling orders and stomping my foot and the like. Sorry, but that doenst work for me.

DV

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 10:37:59 AM

Chi

Posts: 68
Joined: 1/31/2005
Status: offline

Sillyslavbeboy: You have me at a loss, but thank you for commenting.

(in reply to sillyslaveboy)

RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 11:20:00 AM

Posts: 59
Joined: 5/20/2008
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleofwhats
... Yet, I get men all the time, who are way older and not taking care of themselves, expecting me to take them and ravish them because they say they're submissive.

If I had a nickel for every guy who thought he was submissive just because he "likes to please in bed"...

_____________________________

~ Mistress Lexi Tempest ~

I'm Magically Sadistic! ;)

http://www.mistresslexitempest.com

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)

RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 1:12:46 PM

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Or that other prizewinner, "I'm great at oral worship".

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LexiTempest)

RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 1:41:18 PM

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chi

Shitted: I am not following you or anyone, I am responding to your comments. If addressing my comments to your specifically has made you fell uncomfortable I sincerely apologize.

See.... ^that is precisely why I prefer "Jewel".... lmao. Some pretty imaginative typos in "Shifted"... you think?

Or was that freudian?

Jewel

edited to add... yes, it is tempting so thank you for not jumping on that bandwagon.... lol

< Message edited by ShiftedJewel -- 10/1/2008 1:42:48 PM >

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to Chi)

RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 1:48:12 PM

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

Damn, you beat me to it Miss Jewel.

chia* (the pet)

< Message edited by chiaThePet -- 10/1/2008 1:49:59 PM >

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to Chi)

RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 1:49:29 PM

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
True or False:

Dominant women prefer to be in charge, so once they know you are a potential submissive for them, they will make all the advances and your role is to be obedient and follow her lead. They will determine if they are interested.
True for this particular dominant woman. The thing most miss is that I am the one to determine if they are a potetial submissive for me, and that potential comes from a lot ore than siply being an unattached submissive.

Dominant women are easier to date because they are in charge. You just need to know how to follow instructions.
This is also true for some people. I know for Fox, at least, it is far easier to date a Dominant woman who makes all the decisions. He would be lost trying to share the responsability and make the decisions for himself and someone else on a regular basis.

Dominant women have many options for partners, including introducing vanilla boyfriends to S&M; that said, submissive men need to be courting them just as aggressively as vanilla men.
True again, though I do not think that introducing the vanillas to submissive S&M works nearly as well as most think.

I personally think the most pervasive subtle misconsception I have run into is that FemDommes do not say please and thank you. That somehow being polite is being less dominant. I ask Fox to do things, I do not bark orders. Obviously, this translates to some as weakness. It isnt as if I think Fox will actually say no, he understands how responsability as much as I do. However, I say please and thank you bceasue he is my partner and my friend as well as my slave.
Porn dictates I should be yelling orders and stomping my foot and the like. Sorry, but that doenst work for me.

DV

I absolutely agree DV!! I'm very polite and I use please and thank you and "as soon as you get a chance I need you to ___". Of course, I'm being polite and in reality I make it very clear that I don't mean "when you finish playing that game" or "when you finally decide to get off the puter" or "when you feel like it"... I mean exactly "as soon as you get a chance".

Ok, babbling again. But yeah, I do think of them as a friend and partner as well and I've never been one to bark orders... that just isn't me.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to VampiresLair)

RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 1:50:43 PM

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
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Oh ok... I get it... it's pick on "Shitted" day huh???

rotflmmfao

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 1:52:18 PM

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Or that other prizewinner, "I'm great at oral worship".

Sooooo, reciting War And Peace whilst feeding you pie is out of the question?

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 1:55:03 PM

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Or that other prizewinner, "I'm great at oral worship".

Sooooo, reciting War And Peace whilst feeding you pie is out of the question?

chia* (the pet)

I love pie. And I have War and Peace..... hmmmm

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to chiaThePet)

RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 2:01:16 PM

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Or that other prizewinner, "I'm great at oral worship".

Sooooo, reciting War And Peace whilst feeding you pie is out of the question?

chia* (the pet)

I love pie. And I have War and Peace..... hmmmm

Jewel

Soooo apparently if I take up scat, "Heaven, I'm in heaven."

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 2:04:18 PM

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

All I can say is EEEWwwwwwww

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to chiaThePet)

RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 2:16:08 PM

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

All I can say is EEEWwwwwwww

Jewel

Oh, let's not bring sheep into this.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 4:14:05 PM

Chi

Posts: 68
Joined: 1/31/2005
Status: offline

Jewel, I don’t want to start another shitty subject but are you saying, you eat pie and read war and peace when you undergo oral worship?

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 4:17:08 PM

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

Only if it's boring darlin', only if it's boring....

Ok... one of you two is gonna end up kidnapped in the not so distant future!!

Wait... yeah.... Scooter said I could have two.... hmmmm

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to Chi)

RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants - 10/1/2008 7:22:38 PM

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

No Tolstoy for me, thanks! Gogol or Dostoyevsky are preferred.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

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