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RE: Switches Finding Partners - 12/1/2004 6:56:58 PM

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/19/2004
Status: offline

I am in a committedly open relationship...lol. He is my Master and yet we have switched roles, co-topped together, etc. We have a great relationship and it's pemanent. We talked long and deep about all of this over the last 5 years and have developed a great understanding that we won't always *be* what the other wants all the time...which is why we have an open relationship. This arrangement isn't always the answer for all couples because there is alot of trust and respect involved. Plus it helps if the people involved are not the *jealous type*.
My Master, thankfully, understands my need to be a top once in a while. However finding this Master took alot (huge amounts) of patience and time!!!
~Tressa~

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Switches Finding Partners - 12/1/2004 8:35:07 PM

Posts: 180
Joined: 8/10/2004
Status: offline

I too find it difficult....I consider myself a submissive/switch, because I am totally submissive in the relationship as a whole, but do like to switch and be aggressive sometimes sexually. Besides that I am a Lesbian which really narrows it down.
So i need to find a Mistress who is lesbian, and dominant in all aspects, and is willing at times to allow me or better yet order me(so as to keep the dynamic) to be agressive with her and top and please her sexually on occasion.
Long stretch, but I am willing to wait to find Her.

_____________________________

Who Let the Dommes Out?? (I'd like to Thank them).
~Wink

Peace Out...Sterlingsweet

I finally got my cuffs,
I hope to use them soon ~wink

(in reply to oneidadoll)

RE: Switches Finding Partners - 12/3/2004 3:19:33 PM

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/28/2004
Status: offline

I think I am a switch. I enjoy cbt, footworship and ass play/ worship, but I also enjoy doing nipple torture and genital torture to my play partners. It all depends on the mood and atmosphere. I think it is an exchange between both of us to help us explore and excite each other. On here, I am listed as sub since I can't list in my favorites what I want to do to my partner. This more closely matches me. But, I find it hard to find someone that will enjoy what can mutually be fulfilling. Am i wrong???

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Switches Finding Partners - 12/4/2004 10:12:53 AM

Posts: 2
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

I,snt it obvious that free fun loving people are switches.It takes true inteligence to not get hooked on something that can be so destructive.We are the elite the few the un-brainwashable.
No,not the marines

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Switches Finding Partners - 12/8/2004 6:57:34 AM

DomButNotForgotn

Posts: 108
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline

I had a switch as my last partner, but she was more sub with me than anything else, and that was fine with me, because I am very fond of being in a Dom role. She topped me a few times, and I didn't mind, because I trusted her to not go crazy and flog me raw while tied up, or do anything too out of bounds!

I have found that I enjoy switching a bit, but I have to be in the right mood for it, or I am just not happy with it. I suppose it is a particular mindset, and I am most comfortable as a Dom. I think we play out roes we grew to see as role behavior based on our childhood. I have always enjoyed being in control, so relinquishing that is hard for me.

For somebody who is really able to fully SWITCH, and take a strong Dom or sub role, I think it would be a bit hard to find a really compatible partner, but patience will reward you. Keep on your quest!

I wish you the very best. Take care.

Mark
aka DomButNot Forgotn

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Switches Finding Partners - 12/28/2004 10:26:09 AM

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/6/2004
From: England
Status: offline

Hurray for all of you whose life comes first and BDSM is just part of it - rather than this adopting "the lifestyle" thing... YUK!

Looking throught the very limited list of switches.... perhaps there are more switches in the "vanilla" community than in the BDSM one... I can't believe that so few people who claim to be sexually open cannot switch!

Why do Dommes and subs put themselves into tiny boxes?

I definately agree with:
bigbdlvr Date 12/4/2004 10:12:53 AM
Isn't it obvious that free fun loving people are switches.It takes true inteligence to not get hooked on something that can be so destructive.We are the elite the few the un-brainwashable.
No,not the marines

I'm keeping my mind open, alert and continuing to seek education for it!

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Switches Finding Partners - 12/29/2004 4:31:12 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

I think it's interesting how often someone will tell you they also switch, after introducing (or listing) themselves as a Dom or sub. Some people make it seem like a dirty little secret. Others just aren't sure they are 'allowed' to switch. To me it seems they are repressing themselves.

Anyway, it's almost a new year. Good luck to us all. Keep on doing it your way.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to ropeadventures)

RE: Switches Finding Partners - 1/5/2005 3:41:21 PM

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/6/2004
From: England
Status: offline

Bravo!

(in reply to pixieunleashed)

RE: Switches Finding Partners - 1/6/2005 10:23:03 PM

Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

I think it's interesting how often someone will tell you they also switch, after introducing (or listing) themselves as a Dom or sub. Some people make it seem like a dirty little secret. Others just aren't sure they are 'allowed' to switch. To me it seems they are repressing themselves.

Many people are convincd that they are not allowed to switch. As I and a great many others have commented on in various topics pertaining to the subject, there is a great deal of prejudicial misinformation out there. Others are unwilling to admit to being a switch, while others switch so rarely that it is essentially a non-issue to them. I find it rather difficult to comprehend, but then I have difficulty with any sort of monofocus. I'm polyfidelitous, polytheistic, and polymorphously perverse. I simply won't limit my range of expreiences to one menu item when there's a whole banquet to be experienced.

I will note that, so far as this specific cyber-community is concerned, there is a pair of standards in the world of sexual politics which seem to hold back many people's admission of switchiness.

Men, for the most part, are actively discouraged from being switches. I've seen it time and again, profiles which specifically state that men can not switch, or that male switches need not apply. The running theme seems to be that switching in a dom is considered a form of weakness, and thus unmanly. Contrariwise, in a sub it is considered rebellious, and thus uppity.

Women, on the other hand, are frequently encouraged to switch - by which the subtext is that a person - frequently a trollish sort - wants you to be dominant with everyone except THEM. They also want you to be bisexual, and to bring a friend, so they can enjoy the spectacle of you dominating another person, typically female as well, before submitting to him (or her, but 90% or more likeley to be a guy). This often convinces women not to admit to being switches simply because it seems to be troll bait, and who needs to conjure up MORE trolls?

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Switches Finding Partners - 1/9/2005 11:54:22 AM

Posts: 113
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline

Thank you for the information posted by others here on this subject......

_____________________________

One has to respect the thorns to have a Rose

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Switches Finding Partners - 2/2/2005 2:32:03 PM

Posts: 9
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline

When I first met PainMaster I was a complete slave or thought I was but He saw the potential Dominant in Me. He took Me as His slave and not only nurtured My needs as a slave but started slowly swhowing Me My other side that had layed dormant within My soul. It is possible to find that special One

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Switches Finding Partners - 2/4/2005 7:36:30 PM

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/13/2004
From: Wheaton, IL
Status: offline

So far I've found that to be true, even when just communicating with people on the site. The fact that I am listed as a switch does not ring any bells, and I am expected to act as a full sub might. Lately, I've been feeling more dominant.
I have a good play partner who is a switch. I love going to S/M clubs with him, and taunt him as he gets whipped by the Pro Dommes, and then he does the same for me.

I agree, it seems that only switches can fully understand what its like to be a switch. My top and bottom preferences are on a continuum. I can't just pick one off the bat. I'm sure that its not like that for everyone, but in my experience, I've found that I much enjoy the company of like minded people.

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Switches Finding Partners - 2/16/2005 11:49:36 AM

Posts: 10
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline

I am Domme but that doesn't mean that I can't allow my partner to do say be who they are. If they do something dominant or need to be dominant in a certain situation then as long as I feel comfortable with it who cares. What I won't do is to allow them to make me feel uncomfortable. Just like I expect them to tell me if I am making it hard for them to feel good about me. It rarely happens as I am very good at picking up the signs especially with someone I know well and love. This takes time, patience and practice. I just let it happen or not as the case may be. If it doesn't well I have probably found another friend.

(in reply to iiinterstate)

RE: Switches Finding Partners - 2/16/2005 2:33:06 PM

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline

I'm quite interested in someone who identifies as a switch. I've introduced to him the idea of a poly relationship in which he submits to me but takes on a sub of his own. Though never having contemplated this idea before he seems rather taken with it... -grins- And I think with me.

-purrs-

I'll miss you when I'm at work, sweetie.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to lateralist)

RE: Switches Finding Partners - 2/16/2005 7:03:56 PM

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/7/2005
Status: offline

One thing I have noticed is there appears to be more variety of switches than dominants or submissives. I label myself as a "mood switch", I am not a "true" switch but desire to either dom or sub depending on my mood, sometimes I just have to be dom and others I must be a sub. I find this a difficult existence as I prefer the company of other switches but the wrong time and mood can wreck what could have been some good play or even a good relationship. It seems there are very few "true" switches who can either sub or dom at the drop of a hat and easily and quickly change between the roles. Reading this thread has been enlightening for me, the idea of having poly relationships in which people have multiple relationships depending on the dom/sub connection is new to me. A poly relationship where "John doms Sally and Sally doms Jane" (or whatever) makes a lot of sense. In such a poly relationship switches can simply form different relationships to tend to their different needs without fear of wrecking their current relationship by forcing a role change. The switch can play with the person that suits their needs at that moment. Of course this will only work if one can sustain poly relationships and also can be affected by the availability of the person in need, eg. Jane can't/won't be dommed by Sally when Sally is being dommed by John. The idea of changing roles over a long period of time seems like the easiest type of switching, you know where you've and know where your going. I do feel sorry for some people who try to use the switch role to achive some entirely different purpose, such as where a dom guy might encourage his sub girl to be a dom to other girls, just to satisfy his lesbian s&m fantasy. I think the best chance a switch has is to create or enter an environment where they can be honest about their feelings, convey them truthfully, have a good think about the responses, and then act on it intelligently. This is all theoretical though, no matter what the kink is or isn't, a good relationship is a good relationship.

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Switches Finding Partners - 8/30/2006 1:54:04 AM

Posts: 67
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline

I consider myself a Dom switch. That is, mostly I'm a Dom but I would have moments when I would like to submit myself. But only with that special person I can trust.

(in reply to lickabletoy)

RE: Switches Finding Partners - 8/30/2006 5:04:01 PM

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

I don't know WHY a switch would want a totally dominant or submissive partner anyhow.

I mean... those people are just so 2 dimensional... and close-minded. They aren't "special". And if they expect you to be focused on only them, especially if they knock themselves out to make you happy, then you go on to fulfill your "other" side; they should be fulfilled in a job well done for half your desires. I mean REALLY! What do they want...? Some sort of close-minded, one dimensional Dom/me or submissive living in a little mental box somewhere?

(Presented tongue in cheek – sort of)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Switches Finding Partners - 8/30/2006 6:40:16 PM

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I don't know WHY a switch would want a totally dominant or submissive partner anyhow.

I mean... those people are just so 2 dimensional... and close-minded. They aren't "special". And if they expect you to be focused on only them, especially if they knock themselves out to make you happy, then you go on to fulfill your "other" side; they should be fulfilled in a job well done for half your desires. I mean REALLY! What do they want...? Some sort of close-minded, one dimensional Dom/me or submissive living in a little mental box somewhere?

(Presented tongue in cheek – sort of)

Ok..I've had some supper and feel I can explain myself further (like you asked huh:)

Maybe I can shed some light on this situation you find yourselves in. I’ll speak ONLY for myself. If it strikes a cord with others, please confirm.

Now where Switches shine is in the following:

1. They are great teachers for those new to the lifestyle. They are like “one-stop
     Shopping’ for information and experience.

2. They are STELLAR demo subjects. When presenting a play aspect. They can
    represent both sides thus eliminating the need for a Dom/me and a Submissive/slave

3. They are great for poly households. They can pinch-hit for the dominant or any of the other submissives when needed.

The “problem” I have with switches is the same one I have with Bisexuals.

I never feel that I am enough... or special to that person. What I see is a situation “for the moment”. The Switch may get their ‘needs’ met, but I am left feeling “used”. I am aware that I will never be “enough” for that person and, being a dominant, I have this little possessive thing going on along with a bit of ego. Any investment of my time is just out the window.

In short, there is no payoff for me. It does not feed my ego. I have no ownership. I just passed time.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Switches Finding Partners - 9/4/2006 10:05:00 AM

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

The issue is not just both being switches, it is having the switch up or down when the partner is down or up.

To me, this is the main problem with being switch with another switch. How do you deal with both being up or both being down? I actually had a newbie sub that thought switch meant that he got to be in charge sometimes "like normal people do". I think it took a week and a drum of KY to get my boot out of his arse.
I'm 99% dominant in my life. I do have a trigger that I know exsists but only one special man was able to flip it. I admit the switch because of inner honesty but my boys are told that while I had one that allowed me to feel the other side, I have no confusion about what I am and they shouldn't either.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Switches Finding Partners - 9/4/2006 8:45:43 PM

Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline

I am a dominant-switch, who needs ultimate control. I mostly enjoy
topping and being dominant, but can switch. I fantasize having a
survivor do to me what she would like to do to the perp who hurt
her. I especially like gay females. My first relationship was with
two females who considered themselves strictly gay..

< Message edited by WhipTheHip -- 9/4/2006 8:48:12 PM >

_____________________________

(in reply to Laura)

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