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RE: Switches Finding Partners - 9/15/2006 12:55:00 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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Thank you :)
 
We have an odd set up also.  It's not really a poly.. but he's (Slave)
part of our life.
 
However,  My vanilla life and my D/s do not intertwine... but we do get together for movies and football...Ah.. that's it.. we do vanilla things as a group..not D/s.

So that's my situation:)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Switches Finding Partners - 9/22/2006 8:17:14 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadeDiva


Out of curiousity - have you tried co-topping together yet?


Or co-subbing for that matter ;-)

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to ShadeDiva)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Switches Finding Partners - 9/23/2006 7:57:35 AM   
WCjimmy


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/19/2006
Status: offline
I respect other peoples ways of expressing there sexuality. I don’t judge if your interests are different than mine. I have been addressed in a condescending way because I enjoy the power control exchange more than which role I play. This is supposed to be “fun”. I don’t need a “mask”or title to be happy. I don’t have to fix into anyone’s box. This is, to me, more about freely expressing your sexuality than what box can you fit people into.
Jim

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Switches Finding Partners - 9/23/2006 8:33:41 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura
But, men seem to expect to be in charge whether they claim to be sub or not. They want to make all the rules and expect I will scurry along and perform for them. Whether they write to me looking for a sub or a Domme it really makes no difference.


My last boy was like this. He was a newbie and had some rather strange ideas that had to be worked through. The relationship came to an end when he DEMANDED to be equals "like other couples". He didn't seem to understand that this dominant did things around the house either when it really needed a team effort, something was really bugging me or I felt like it (cleaned his house top to bottom while he was out of town so that there wasn't a bunch of cleaning waiting when he got home). These things were "his job" as negotiated in the beginning (I cook you clean) but it always seemed to circle back to his wanting to be in charge. While I explained what a switch was in the beginning and told him that I would only be dominant in our relationship he was always trying to push the switch the other direction. Things ended in frustration because no means no was too difficult a concept..."but I thought switch means that I get to be in charge sometimes". He then went out and found not only another dominant but also a sub, WHILE STILL SEEING ME! Announcing that he too is a switch and is going to try both sides. When I ask if these 2 women know about each other (since my finding out was a suprise) he replies that it shouldn't matter because "they understand he's in charge and I can join them if I remember my place". This conversation basically ended with OH HEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLL NO and his punt to the curb. Boy's they'll never learn. Newsflash to me as it turns out I knew the dominant and no pro I've ever met would put up with this kind of deception from their personal slaves. He got dumped by the dominant he'd applied to for lying, dumped by me for being an idiot, and chastized and turned into a bitch by the sub he'd tried to con. She humiliated him and never spoke to him again... I think that was the most impressive part of the whole situation. He came back crying that his sub made him her bitch and would I take him back as a mentor? I'm not sure if I hung up on him because I was laughing so hard or if he finally got the point he'd screwed up.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Switches Finding Partners - 10/1/2006 8:47:01 AM   
teamnoir


Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
Status: offline
A lot depends on whether you insist on finding all of your interests in a single partner. If you're willing to play different ways with different people, it's much easier.

The hard part, then, is finding a single way to present yourself in personals ads.

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Switches Finding Partners - 10/2/2006 8:27:38 PM   
prefer2sub


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/24/2004
Status: offline
Thank you for saying this! I agree. Maybe this is why I'm also having problems meeting someone new to have a long term relationship. Any man that I'm with whether i sub to Him or he subs to Me is going to have to realize that BDSM is only a part of who I am as a person.

Any help in finding a mate would be MOST welcome. --jenn/Miss Jenn

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Switches Finding Partners - 10/4/2006 2:34:49 PM   
Chatt22nooga


Posts: 44
Joined: 9/25/2006
Status: offline
switches..r-for the most part very complex individuals...most have run the gammet as a sub then for reasons known only to them do they start to search out their other side or for a fact dwelve deeper into their true heart of hearts....they are a unique form and if you should incounter one and the sparks fly...you will have the best of both worlds....as me i am one and would not change for anything...most girl subs change for the love of money in the professional arena and start to worry about their skin tone on their ass after several years of getting beaten...so they opt to dish out rather than take and then their tenure is extended....
Master Decker

(in reply to prefer2sub)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Switches Finding Partners - 10/4/2006 2:52:28 PM   
Argentopal


Posts: 379
Joined: 12/12/2005
From: Central Texas / Hill Country
Status: offline
HI,
I just found this thread and thought I'd add my 2 cents.  I have been sub to my hisband-Master-Daddy 24 7 for almost 10 years now.  We were married long before we admitted our "fantasies" to each other and thankfully we were on opposite and corresponding sides of the whip!  A few years ago I began to want to "top" someone and Master gracefully allowed me to experiemtn under his or others guidance.  He ahd I have since co-topped several friends, male and female, and have even been "auctioned off" as co-tops!  We work very well together, mostly when we top together it is with knives or electricity.  We have even co-topped along with the "owner" of the person we were topping - that was fun!

I do not get a sexual thrill out of it, as many sadists do.  but I love doing it.  I love seeing and hearing different reactions, I love watching someone squirm and wriggle around, but I do not get sexually excited at all.  I am finding that I love to give lomg spankings (two weeks ago I had to sit with an ice pack in my hands after an hour long bare hand spanking!)  I will never top my Daddy and he will never switch for anything or anyone.  I am fulfilled being his girl, but something deep inside now almost craves "doing unto others ...".  I have been called a "service top" but thats ot true, while I want the bottom to have fun, it is really about ME having fun! well, to me it is.  As a bottom-sub I know things like exactly where to hit or drag my fingernails or a knife blade, I know about aftercare, I know about checking in during play.  If my goal of being a "good top" makes me a service top, then perhaps I am that as well.

I have a boy now, who stays with us on weekends, there is no sexual contact and never will be.  He does service like doing the dishes and helping me if I in the middle of a project like cleaning out the garage.  He sits at my feet and I stroke his head as I snuggle with Daddy on the couch.  It all comes together to make me feel good.

I could live without topping, but I could not live without my Daddy.

MsOpal aka Daddy Argent's babygirl

(in reply to Chatt22nooga)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Switches Finding Partners - 10/5/2006 9:29:42 AM   
Chatt22nooga


Posts: 44
Joined: 9/25/2006
Status: offline
Well for you the rose with no thorns...what did you exspect..you played with a newbie...The truth of the matter is when you take on the responsibility of a person looking for their inner soul and as we all no for the male the sexual threads come with the package ...hormonial patterns change as we evolve as human biproducts and i am sure he was looking for someplace to land his psychic plane...for you to not understand the trauma of a craft out of control leads to disaster...and for you to laugh at his stumbling and farting around searching for a connection that would preserve his manhood,I find that appauling on your part...If you say you are totaly dominate in your relationships with lovers or clients.again i think you must read to much of gore or ann rice or the story of O...and are in a fantasy world of your own...fantasy is just that...reality is costly and suffering on both partners,and when in a relationship of control you MUST provide 24/7 and nothing less to let him tell you he wanted something more makes him a SAM.."amart assed Masochist" and needed your undivided attention which you failed to port...So most likely you were mostlikely looking at the art work of Borris Valio or Olivia and missed the cry for attention,and direction...
MasterDECKER...ON THIS SITE ..Chatt22nooga

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Switches Finding Partners - 10/5/2006 9:44:08 AM   
Chatt22nooga


Posts: 44
Joined: 9/25/2006
Status: offline
Well Jimmy boy....as i can see you just think with your dick..freedom comes with a price and i don't like to pay for real estate twice....To PERSUE HAPPINESS IS A PRIVILIAGE..Which you seem to think is free for the taking...well boy your in for a surprise in my dungeon chains and all....MasterDecker Esq.

(in reply to WCjimmy)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Switches Finding Partners - 10/5/2006 9:49:44 AM   
Chatt22nooga


Posts: 44
Joined: 9/25/2006
Status: offline
Well now opal...your self esteme is shot...you can live without your daddy...you are fooling yourself,never loose your freedom to self. the peacock you share you cage with is a closet sub..I would bet your ass on it....MasterDecker Esq. 

(in reply to Argentopal)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Switches Finding Partners - 11/10/2006 8:00:08 PM   
mindtraveller


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/9/2006
Status: offline
Switches. I think it's also hard for us to figure out what we are, hard to experiment and figure it out because its hard for us to find and meet the right kind of partner.

For now I've figured that I'm a feisty sub/switch. I don't want to be owned, my submission is kind hearted tolerance of anothers sadistic tendancies. I'm secure with myself, with my intelligence and physcial strength. For that reason it's exciting and uplifting to be dominated.

She can be in pole position and I'll support her there. As long as I respect her and she respects me, disrepectful domanating behaviour is fine. In the bedroom I'll do what she makes me do. I guess the switch part is when she doesn't deserve any of that but tries to take it.

A lot of girls who try to dom me are just weak girls. Most of them are subs who attack men because they have a need to find an alpha male. They can dom most of the men around them, but with me they end up in an aikido pin on the table with me sarcastically spanking them on the arse. Weird thing is that they always seem into me after that.......? Go figure....

(in reply to Chatt22nooga)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Switches Finding Partners - 11/22/2006 1:22:53 AM   
ScienceBoy


Posts: 114
Joined: 11/21/2006
From: Bristol, UK
Status: offline
I did try being a 'twue' subby.

And then one day I thought "Bugger this! Biting people is fun too!" (And slapping them, and having them kneel at your feet with your boot on their neck ).

I don't do anything casually when it comes to relationships anyway.. so I've no idea about how switchiness impacts on finding play partners.. But then, I gave up looking for a partner a while back anyway :)

(in reply to mindtraveller)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Switches Finding Partners - 11/22/2006 5:16:17 AM   
rheta


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline
Now, add being a Crossdresser on top of being a switch. That is almost insurmountable.
I am very sub when in fem, but a light dom, when not. Most look at us as leppers, because, they think we can not make up our mind. I think, we have the best of both worlds. I feel the same as to my crossdressing. Somebody, someday that they can have it both ways, Girl friend, and boyfriend. But, I feel like I am alone with these thoughts. People say , Ok yes, I understand, but no one seems to say, ok, I like that, lets get to know each other better.
Oh well.
Thansk for letting me rant.
rheta (say like rita)

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Switches Finding Partners - 11/22/2006 11:00:03 AM   
DigitBox


Posts: 154
Joined: 3/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

My first thought was that it's about the same for everyone. But, then I thought that each time I contact someone (with the idea of getting together) it's really only other Switches that seem to get it. Guys who are sub or Dom seem to expect me to fall into whatever role they choose. As if it's something I plan ahead.



Finding a partner is a difficult task for anyone but being switch just adds an extra complication to the search.

It's why I tend to only seek other switches and I don't take an interest in someone who is only on one side of things.

Anyhow I tried being poly and playing with others but it wasn't much of what I wanted.  So it's more difficult that I'm trying to find my "one and only".

I tend to be one of those people who have both strong inclinations towards dominant behavior and submissive behavior, and not everyone gets that.




(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Switches Finding Partners - 11/22/2006 12:18:55 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mindtraveller


A lot of girls who try to dom me are just weak girls. Most of them are subs who attack men because they have a need to find an alpha male. They can dom most of the men around them, but with me they end up in an aikido pin on the table with me sarcastically spanking them on the arse. Weird thing is that they always seem into me after that.......? Go figure....


Now be careful there.  Ever see the moving the "Burning Bed"?  Ya gotta sleep sometime..muuuuahahahahahahah  :)
 
Women do not dominate like a man.  I think that's what you are misinterpreting as "weakness".  When actually, they may have just gotten tired of you constantly "fighting" it off.  I'm a "submit or forget it" type anyhow.
 
Just offering some thoughts on your situation.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to mindtraveller)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Switches Finding Partners - 11/22/2006 6:43:38 PM   
fergus


Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
You'd think a forum like this would help, but this board is so damn quiet!

fergus

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Switches Finding Partners - 11/22/2006 7:50:06 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
You'd think so, wouldn't ya.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to fergus)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Switches Finding Partners - 11/22/2006 7:55:27 PM   
fergus


Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
lol, well ... I guess some folk just don't want to get involved ;)  Anyway, it is nice to some at least a FEW people posting!

fergus

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Switches Finding Partners - 11/23/2006 5:10:42 PM   
Lieren


Posts: 29
Joined: 11/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

Hoping for inspiration and ideas. I've been asked to write about Switches finding partners, the difficulties which are particular to us.

My first thought was that it's about the same for everyone. But, then I thought that each time I contact someone (with the idea of getting together) it's really only other Switches that seem to get it. Guys who are sub or Dom seem to expect me to fall into whatever role they choose. As if it's something I plan ahead.

Anyway, I don't want to be one hand clapping. Hope to hear from some of you.

Thanks for any help. :)


It seems like it would be easier to choose sides... but I can't seem to choose *grin*  Hell, I don't want to.  I've always been drawn to sub men, which meant that I never got a chance to be submissive, until one night when my husband said, "I want to try that!".  I didn't think twice... I said, "Sure!"  I don't define myself by my preferences... I bask in them

But on the subject of finding a partner/partners, I think it's tricky.  I think it's intimidating to someone who doesn't switch to consider that the person they're considering getting involved with can enjoy both sides.  In my experience, it's always started out as me topping my lovers.  On rare occasions I discover that they can switch, which is nothing short of scintillating *purr* 

My problem is that I've never met a Dom in real life that I could tolerate... I have little use for arrogance, and I haven't met one who didn't ooze it (although I've met very few in real life, so please don't think that I'm implying all Doms are arrogant).  Online, however, I've met two who understood the way my mind works and enjoyed the version of submission I offer them, but it's never worked out for us to meet in real life.  Who knows, maybe it wouldn't work in real life


_____________________________

~Lieren~ -- Happy in my Perceived Indecision :P

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 80
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