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RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 10/11/2008 6:29:10 AM

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quote:

Sex isn't what makes a realationship..but its a large part of Any healthy relationship for most Humans I know of

Why do people always assume that for two or more people to have a healthy, happy, growing relationship...that sex must be involved?

Not everyone cares about sex within a relationship; some can even happily go without it for all their lives...and still be happy, healthy, contributing members of relationships...and not all of them have some physical issue that stops them from having sex.

Stop making wild assumptions that everyone needs the same thing from a relationship...it's close minded and arrogant at best.

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RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 10/11/2008 6:33:15 AM

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My first reaction was that I was going to say that he is probably married or otherwise committed to someone. Remember Bill Clinton in regards to Monica. He said he didn't have sex with her. I know that in the mind of a great many men with women on the side, they don't consider it sex if they don't use their cock to penetrate the woman in her most private area. Some don't even consider it sex if they only use her anally. In this way, they can feel that they aren't cheating. And they can have as many submissive women as they want to use, & if they are penetrating her vaginally with their cocks, they still can go home to their wives or most significant other & say they aren't having sex with anyone other than her.

From the looks of what a few of the posters on here, have said, that may not always be the case. That may be true, but what I said would most certainly be what I would be thinking of the guy.

If penetrating you in this manner is important to you, & to lots of women, it is, there may come a day when you resent that you aren't getting this from him. Have you tried going to him & asking him if he has a friend he trusts that can fuck you vaginally? That way, he will still be providing that need for you, & if he tells you to do it, then you are following his orders, & will still be pleasing him. Just a thought.

(in reply to Barelily)

RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 10/11/2008 6:41:26 AM

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this reminds me of a book i read called submission by Marthe Blau.
It was very interesting, her master never fucks her either..might be worth giving it a read?

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RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 10/11/2008 9:49:28 AM

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I must apologize to the Masters.
I know better then to come in here and not pay due respect before posting. I messed up and humbly ask to be forgiven.

(in reply to teensub)

RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 10/11/2008 2:08:39 PM

Usako

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Barelily

I must apologize to the Masters.
I know better then to come in here and not pay due respect before posting. I messed up and humbly ask to be forgiven.

This isn't the Gor message board, I don't think anyone expects "due respect" other than sounding polite.

(in reply to Barelily)

RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 10/11/2008 3:16:30 PM

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I've read and re-read this thread top to bottom twice. The OP says clearly that she is not asking us to solve it, but instead to help her find a way to accept it and be happy. Accepting it can be done. Being happy depends far more on your emotional makeup. The fact that she feels so 'off center' and out of touch with herself in a way, is because for many of us subs, sex is how we MOST feel our very basic, primal, no walls, no societal dictates, expression of self, of submission, and of being controlled.

OP says she spoke to her Master and his reply was that he simply does not need to fuck. Perhaps, like many, he was conditioned to believe it lessens his control to give in to those needs. Or perhaps one or more of the other options that have been mentioned are true. The bottom line is that she needs to say clearly...."you do not need it Master, but I do....I feel like less than a woman without it, and undesirable to you without it, especially when you make me beg for it and deny it." If he hears and understands that it is causing her emotional pain, and some would agree harm, and makes no changes, nor provides an avenue for her to understand and truly accept both herself, and his choices, then I agree he is torturing her and she needs out of this relationship. If he makes the positive moves, then both can grow in the experience.

We could all speculate for days on his motives, errors by both parties, and solutions. In the end, it will take a lot of soul searching on her part...understanding why sexual fucking is such a core of her need and perhaps identity (perhaps that is what he is trying to wean her from?) Understanding that service is service, whether it is washing his feet, washing his stained undies, or letting him fuck her like a battering ram. Then deciding if she can feel fulfilled with service that does not include sex. I have done both, and for me the fulfillment was there, but in very different ways. It was easier for me to accept because it was a matter of a physical impairment, so it was simple to accept as something that is NOT anything to do with a girl's being desirable, or good enough, demons many of us fight in our journey to be owned.

Being good enough...means do you meet HIS needs...not a checklist that society has planted in your head...and only HE can decide if you are good enough or not...and from what he has said yes, you are. BUT...he needs to find ways to affirm, validate,` and encourage your sense of self...your sense of worthiness...your sense of being special to him...in the ways he does find you pleasing...so that those things can help balance what your mind says is the measuring stick (fucking) while you slowly make adjustments. If he is not, and can not do that, he is not meeting YOUR NEEDS and you need to accept that and move on.

It is also true that in all this soul searching you do...and in the growing...that you honestly look at the need to be fucked...you may be a person who truly does need that from time to time...As I said, I have lived in both variations of submission...and found fulfillment in each...but it was not the same fulfillment, and I did miss the fucking, and it did take a toll on me, but that was minimized by a loving Master who made sure I felt wanted, desired, appreciated, loved, and certainly far more than good enough, with or without his cock inside me. He NEVER, EVER used it as a mind game, nor did he deny sexual activity as a punishment, because for me those things would have been more harm than good, and he understood that.

I am concerned about his response...about her pain...and most of all that it is just a mind game...to see how far he can push her until she does 'break' whatever that means to him. More communication is essential here, clearly, and in the end, we hope they find their way to a happy ending...though it may be true that for happiness, the relationship itself must have the ending.

May you find your way through this painful time, and may you find courage and strength and clarity when you need them most.
xen

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(in reply to Usako)

RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 10/11/2008 4:51:22 PM

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On reflection, I can't say I blame him.

(in reply to ownedandnotused)

RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 10/12/2008 6:06:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Huntertn

ok brain check...How any Masters/Doms' or dommie's have never fucked their slaves not even once..anyone??????Anyone at all????Rr if you have a medical problemand cann't do the deed, havn't wanted to fuck them?????Anyone at all???I know this is a littel raw..but Anyone at all????

Yep. Strange though it seems to you, there are some of us with no interest in sex, at least the sort that involves a penis. And reading this thread, you'll see why there are so few of us posting an affirmative reply to your question. People have come up with everything from ED to closet homosexuality with lots of accusations of cheating behind her back thrown in as explanations of why a guy wouldn't want sex, very few have been able to accept that her Master is simply telling the truth about what works for him.
And I've had to deal with the same issues that the OP's Master needs to deal with, how to keep subs from feeling that you don't really like them, and they are ugly or worthless if you don't use them sexually. It's a pretty widely held belief that if a guy is attracted to a gal, the only way to really prove it is to have sex with her, flowers just don't cut it.

(in reply to Huntertn)

RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 10/16/2008 9:16:51 PM

intrainingformas

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Steele;

"The Order in which a Master sets priority is as thuss:
First a slaves NEEDS are met
Then a Masters NEEDS are met
Then the Masters WANTS are met
Finally the slaves WANTS are met

This is a bird walk off of the original post, but your clarification on a Master's priority has helped me understand a little more. Thank you.

(in reply to ownedandnotused)

RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 10/17/2008 4:48:05 PM

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Ironbear..thats still a type f sex...Low key perhaps...but still sex..where as she says no sex...two different things.

(in reply to Barelily)

RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 10/20/2008 12:33:08 PM

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While I can't assume my experience is the same as yours, I did train a submissive for over 4 years in a non-sexual manner.
Speicifically to her, it was obvious that issues underlying her desire to serve, would only be complicated by a sexual relationship. I cared for her in all facets of her life, and even brought her into the social circles of the lifestyle community, so she could learn even more, from different perspectives.
If the Dominant sees things that either the submissive can't see or worse, won't see, then perhaps his non-sexual dominance is to protect the submissive and the relationship.

(in reply to ownedandnotused)

RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 10/20/2008 12:35:00 PM

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owned

Although i agree with most of what has been posted in replies to your original post, i wanted to add a thought. And that is the question, is it enough for you, the no sexual use.

i was in a similar situation where the Dominant involved was very pleased with me and i was fulfilled by the relationship for quite some time. There came a point in time where it became clear to me that i could not foresee a long term relationship with someone who did not or would not use me sexually. i said as much to the Dominant involved. It was not a threat, it was just a statement of fact. i did not say that to be in any way manipulative, nor was i issuing some sort of ultimatum. i just knew that eventually i would ask to leave the relationship because it became clear to me that as much as i was getting out of the relationship as it currently existed (ie no sex), i knew that eventually it would no longer meet my needs and i would ask to leave.

In my case, that statement changed the situation, W/we started having sex the next day. So although i agree that your Master has the "right" to not use you sexually, you will have to determine if such a relationship is one that you can find fulfillment in long term.

heartfelt

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RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 11/12/2008 6:40:12 PM

compassionatedad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xensuous

I've read and re-read this thread top to bottom twice. The OP says clearly that she is not asking us to solve it, but instead to help her find a way to accept it and be happy.

Correct... And from the perspective of this particular Dom, I am not a big fan of intercourse, and have always felt this way since becoming sexual. I prefer oral, even mutual oral over intercourse. To fulfill a sub's need for penetration, I very much enjoy the use of toys. This is not the same as intercourse, but a sub should be reassured that she is providing me MORE pleasure by engaging in these "alternate" activities. Tim

(in reply to xensuous)

RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 11/12/2008 9:35:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bound4more

A duck is a duck no matter what angle we look at it from. Any desire on your part for your Master to be other than exactly who he is, or to act exactly as he does, can only result in your unhappiness and frustration. You want a Master who uses you sexually? Sounds like the one you're with ain't the one for you, no matter how much you love him.

I agree.

ownedandnotused,

You want one thing, he obviously wants another. He is not going to change. If this leaves you feeling unsettled, the best decision may be to move on to a situation that's better suited for your emotional well being.

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RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 11/14/2008 11:38:40 AM

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While this is uncommon, it isn't abnormal.

There are many in the community who don't use their slaves in that way, and many more who specifically attach chastity devices so you won't be able to get any gratification.

It is his taste and preferance, and since you are his property you must do as he bids. If you wish to change masters, you situation may change. Or maybe you just need to beg him.

Beg to touch him, get him in the mood, get him aroused, then beg him to penetrate you. Tell him you need it badly and that you'll do ANYTHING. (Most master's love that).

If you have any more trouble, write back - but only if this will not violate your relationship with your master.

(in reply to ownedandnotused)

RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 11/15/2008 6:30:45 PM

sirslittleredass

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I don't know about this. Being sub does not mean you don't have emotions. This is obviously something that really affects you. I think a compassionate Dom would hear how much this is affecting you and spend a little more time and energy resolving it.

It's a real gift to be able to just accept things, like in this situation being able to simply accept that your Dom doesn't want to have sex. But that level of acceptance is something we subs aspire toward and that we work on cultivating - it isn't something we are necessarily just born with. So there is no reason to beat yourself up for not simply accepting it. You're a human, on a path.

I find it very interesting that your Dom says he doesn't "need" sex. It isn't about "need", it's about "want". His interesting word choice tells me one of two things....

1) He really does need it. He needs it so badly he has completely repressed it. He's hung up on something.

2) Or, in some way he thinks intercourse is something weak people have. They just need it, they can't help themselves. But in his mind he's strong, he doesn't need it.

It's just a very interesting word choice.

I first tuned into thsi odd use of the word "need" with pot. Occasionally friends would tell me they didn't "need pot to have a good time". It isn't about need, it's about want.

(in reply to ownedandnotused)

RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 11/15/2008 6:46:20 PM

greeneyedreamer

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quote:

nd I ask the same thing as always.
Have you asked him? Have you told him?

Have to totally agree... Ask HIM!

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I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

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RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 11/16/2008 8:31:01 AM

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quote:

i don't pee without His permission

And you drink his. The only thing I can think of is that he is impotent, and compensates with other stuff - men who don't need sex have not been invented, it is a biological function, regardless of the "some of us don't need sex" comments I read here. That's bull. If a man (or a woman) really has no desire for sex at all, ever, they need to see a doctor, because they're not functioning within their design parameters.

Nothing is going to change unless he wants it to, and you give clear indications that it bothers you. So you need to either change masters, or get over it.

(in reply to ownedandnotused)

RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 11/16/2008 8:35:01 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Barelily

I must apologize to the Masters.
I know better then to come in here and not pay due respect before posting. I messed up and humbly ask to be forgiven.

Allright....remove your clothing, pour me a double Crown on the rocks and dance for me suggestively.

(Oh wait....I'm not a Master....oh fuck it all....dance for me anyway dammit!!!!)

(in reply to Barelily)

RE: my Master doesn't fuck me. - 11/16/2008 5:13:47 PM

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Been there, done that with the impotent man. I know how you feel, you don't feel useful in that sense. I couldn't take it, dumped him, I need that physical action and others more than I beleived possible.

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