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High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 4:03:58 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Reading a thread in the "Ask a submissive" section I am once again questioning why so many place such a high priority to pain tolerance. I've run into this perception here on these boards many times...and also in real life communities. "S" types who can take high intensity pain are often revered...to the point that many who can't take such a high degree of pain are sometimes made to feel inferior.

I am a masochist and I can take a great deal of pain by some people's standards. Many times over the years I have had people tell me that they "look up to me" for that, or that it impresses them. I have had dominants who have expressed to me that "s" types such as myself that have such high pain tolerance are valuable and coveted. My question is....WHY???? Because my nerve pathways work a bit differently than the next?

Pain tolerance is certainly not a barometer of submissiveness. It is certainly not a barometer of character. I think that it is a silly measuring stick to use. It's not as though I have any degree of control over how my body processes sensation.

Yet someone on that thread said something that caught my eye...."being a pain slut is something to be celebrated". Are we really that shallow to judge the worth of a person by such a ridiculous thing? Shouldn't our focus be on the overall interaction and satisfaction derived by the parties involved?

I don't want to be "looked up to" for my pain tolerance. If anyone wants to hold me in high regard I want it to be for substantial reasons such as my character or the way I live my life, for my compassion, for my service spirit...things that really matter. Pain tolerance....pfffffttttt.

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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 5:40:28 AM   
Timoty


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/1/2008
Status: offline 		Personally, I have never known pain tolerance to be revered. It is simply another aspect to the person. In some cases, it may be a desired aspect, in that, a particular scene may be developed and played out better if the girl had a higher tolerance than one that does not. For example, I may not wish to use a gag and the higher tolerance girl will not need one because I know this fact. Or, I wish to use multiple pain points and this girl receives that better than another. However, this is just an aspect of the scene. It could be that the implement I wanted to use a given night is better suited for a taller girl than a shorter one. I would then use the taller girl. So, it becomes which scene and which girl are best suited to My desires not that generally one is better than the other. This has been true throughout My experience and I don't understand the reverence concept. As a matter of fact, given the pain tolerant girl and the wrong scene to match her to may, in fact, not please Me at all but only give Me a very tired arm. LOL So, it is the coordination of the right Dominant with the right girl in the right scene that creates the artistry not that any one aspect of the individual is better than another.

There are many other potential diversions to this concept. Does this perceived "pain tolerance" mean that you are quieter? Does it mean your body does not flinch as much as someone elses? etc etc etc All valuable things to know about you but only as they relate to the scene and the beauty wished created.

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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 5:58:20 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Hi Erin,

My pain threshold is on the low side. I see the attitude you speak of from time to time, but never paid attention to it to notice it much. I suppose it boils down to people liking high performance machines - you can do more with them, perhaps? I think people can develop higher pain thresholds over time - I know I have been able to (slowly). So perhaps people equate high pain thresholds to someone with more experience or who has learned to handle pain better.

This "lifestyle" dynamic is filled with competitiveness, whether people like to admit it or not. People who submit to certain extremes are actually frowned upon as trying to be "sublier than thou" (I've been the recipient of such criticism plenty of times, and it's been inaccurate each time). You hear of Master/slave competitions throughout the country, and of people professing to have created "the most wicked" toys. We live in a "bigger, better, faster" world, in which the more we can get out of something, the better it must be. With humans I believe that is a misnomer, as I believe what's in the human heart is a lot more valuable than what can be done to the flesh.

As for "something to be celebrated"...if we all had an attitude of "Being me is something to be celebrated" we'd probably be a much happier species.

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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 6:13:08 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		It's a competition thing I think. Sub A can take more strokes than sub B, so A struts around telling everyone how much of a masochist s/he is. Most of the time I think people oversell themselves to others on how much pain they can take anyway... usually it's just all talk. 

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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 6:16:58 AM   
FlamingRedhead


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		It has nothing at all to do with D/s and everything to do with S&M.  I've topped a few times, and I'm always a bit disappointed that my partners haven't had more stamina.  There I am....ready to wear out my arm and their ass....and after a decent warm up and then few good licks...."Can we stop, now?"  *sigh*  I've never asked to stop, but I don't really think of myself as a pain slut.  I think there is a certain amount of pride felt in being able to take the pain vs. wimping out.  Once it's known that you can do intense scenes, you're quickly sought out for demos, etc.  I haven't noticed that it makes any difference, though, in attractiveness relationship-wise since the focus is more on service, etc.

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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 6:24:46 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Hierachy.
 
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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 6:28:39 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		i see people play at all sorts of different levels. i dont particularly judge any of them...well, if i do i do it in my own head and its out of some sense of insecurity on a personal level.
i pride myself in being able to take a lot...but lately ive discovered a certain depth to the SM side of things that is actually affecting the way i tolerate pain and how i process a scene. im finding that a personal connection is necessary if the play is going to be more intense than a run of the mill Top bottom scene. i have, in my own opinion wimped out of some sessions that i wouldnt have wimped out on a few months ago, simply because i wasnt feeling it. That was not the case in the "early days". i was able to come up with that internal pull based on little to no information...it was new and hot.
Now i need that pull to be genuine...the pain and the excitement of a scene is not enough to carry me thru anymore.
If im played by someone i have a connection with, either close friendship or a sexual attraction or a D/s connection, i can go farther than i would even imagine.

But in answer to the OP...its bragging rights on both sides. D's like being able to say they have a painslut....the s...love to be able to say..."hey look at what i can do"

Just my 2 cents
perse

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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 6:38:26 AM   
rexrgisformidoni


Posts: 578
Joined: 9/20/2008
Status: offline 		Being chronically accident prone and growing up with an equally violent brother (between us we have given each other 13 broken ribs, 8 broken fingers, a broken collarbone, 2 severe lacerations, in my case, one needing 97 stitches, and 4 concussions), I have a very high pain tolerance. One supposed masochist I was playing with ask me to stop after just a few minutes, and I had to laugh. Anyhow, pain is relative in my opinion, what some may consider a "holy shit that would kill" moment, for me would be like a bee sting or a good punch. J

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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 6:43:52 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Kinky values are big into "showy/flashy/endure for me/push limits"  Behaviors which exemplify those values are revered and rewarded socially in the scene.  I think because they want justification for doing it, for being naughty and nasty and tough.  And because a lot of us are narcissists so the more showy and attention getting, the better.

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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 7:28:06 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I'm totally with Persephonee on this.

I'm have a high pain tolerance, and as such I tell others because I'm looking for a true sadist.  There are many out there who style themselves sadists who wimp out because either they can't cope with leaving the marks that prolonged hard play causes, or they can't deal with the sound of someone in pain, even if they're begging for more.

I don't see it as anything so special  - it's just who I am.  I haven't trained for this, or studied for this.  It's just a particular quirk that I was born with, just like those who can sing well or are able to dance well.  High pain tolerance is my 'gift'.



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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 7:45:38 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		As a masochist I too, have always looked for sadists. However, a sadist, at least an ethical sadist, should be just as happy with someone with a lower pain tolerance if it is the suffering that does it for them. Actually, a lower pain tolerance would be a lot less work for them.

But regardless, if you are looking for a partner I would think that it would be much more important to be looking for a compatible person that isn't looking to base a relationship on how much pain can be inflicted or taken. I don't think that "I have a high pain tolerance" is good to lead with unless you are looking for nothing more than a scene. And even then....I'd be very cautious about touting how high my pain tolerance is as I have seen many "s" types do that only to find out that their pain tolerance really is dependent upon how far that sadist wants to take it.

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 7:47:43 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Good Morning erin.  (Yes, it's a late morning here in the Pact household.)

This happens to clip quite a bit.  To coin a phrase, he is something of the big man on campus in the pain tolerance category.  Yes, other bottoms look up to him for it and other Tops are envious of Me for having him.  Why this happens is probably very much like you said.  It's because he can go farther, play harder, and endure longer.

Perhaps it's very much the same as we look at athletes in our culture.   More often than not, we don't look to see if they are good human beings or not.  We're more interested in how far they run the ball, how they swing the bat, or how many laps they can do.


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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 7:49:52 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I am a sadist, no two ways about it.  Give me a bottom or sub who I can shred, and I am a happy woman.  That is not enough to build a relationship on, though.  After all, life isn't all play.  Bummer!



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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 7:50:50 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I think it's just human nature "Anything you can do, I can do better, nyah nyah" one-upmanship.   If the sadist reveres the masochist, well, I'm glad they found each other.

I have a REALLY high pain threshold, btw. 

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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 7:58:46 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		It doesn't matter to me what anyone else's pain tolerence is.  He's not playing with them.  He's playing with me and as long as I can satisfy, then that's all that matters. 
I don't do the whole  I'm better game.  Another reason for me to not see any appeal to public play and having others know my business.

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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 8:02:55 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		Heehee...now that i have no M to shield me, i have them coming at me with all sorts of badass shit....none of which i can take, nor would want to. i no longer yell, "im a painslut" from the rooftops...i have to be careful what i ask for, i just might get it.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 8:09:13 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
~ Fast Reply ~
 
IMO - It is a false perception.

Recently I've taken a few Doms to clubs for the first time. They weren't new to the lifestyle and had plenty of experience with their partners; but they'd never played publicly or been to a club. I was surprised that a common concern about going was the expectation that they would be 'competing' with other Doms and evaluated based upon their 'performance'. Well, I'm not saying that doesn't happen, but I wonder about the mindset of people who participate in it whether they are submissive or Dominant.

I revere intensity, eroticism, sensuality, and raw sexuality in a scene I'm watching. I try to achieve that in any scene I'm participating. But all those things can and should be able to achieve with a feather as easily as with a bull-whip.

Are there people who participate in certain activities just for the 'bragging rights' and the lingering bruises? Sure there are but pain tolerance for its own sake puts the sensation above the sensational. Would you revere a person who won a competition of holding their hand above the candle the shortest distance for the longest time? Is the 'winner' with the best, biggest burn and scar a winner of 'real submissive' competition if their 'real' Master enters them into that competition?

I've never asked any partner how much pain they can take. I've inflected a bunch, and beth's ass is still showing bruises from the use of Michael's paddle on Saturday night., but that's just the way it goes. The bruises are a function of the intensity. beth's pain tolerance isn't a consideration of my reverence for her.

Perhaps when perceiving pain tolerance 'reverence' consider the source, or in the case of CM threads - the venue, and the participation of fantasy based posters and posting.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 12/19/2008 8:35:23 AM >

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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 8:14:01 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I totally see your point, and totally agree

But for me, sex and pain are inextricably entwined.  I spent soooo many years thinking I was frigid cos I found sex boring, and now that I'm found my inner painslut I want her to be able to party!!

I have met dominants who I get on extremely well with, and if we were both 'nilla then I would absolutely start a relationship with them.  I have met great sadists who give me pain and sex that have almost sent me out of my mind with pleasure, but for one reason or another we haven't been able to gel on the 'friend/partner' front.  But I have started relationships with doms who could not give me the pain I need to make the sex great, and those relationships eventually failed.

While my pain tolerance and degree of sadism of the dom are not the be-all and end-all of my search criteria, they are important parts of the whole package, and I guess I'm just gonna keep searching until I find someone who ticks all the important boxes.

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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 8:20:55 AM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I think that perception of 'pain tolerance' just like perception of pain is highly subjective. 
Now, if placed in a competative situation, I would certainly try to take more than anotherbut that has far more to do with me being immensely competative and Alpha than bieng a 'pain slut'. 
As for celebrating being a 'pain slut', I'm a bit believer in celebrating self, as long as you're not harming anyone else (Against their will, lol!).  :> 
  Davan  

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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 8:33:54 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		One thing that Sir made perfectly clear in the very beginnings of our relationship was that he wanted no part of a submissive who viewed pain tolerance as a measure of their worth or who viewed things like marks and bruises as badges of honor. They are nice to look at and poke because for me it triggers a memory that puts me back in that moment...but they aren't a testament of my value and they don't give me status.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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