AAkasha
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Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
Hello Akasha - it's good to see you back here.
But the second part is what I think is more important. The act of "domination" is not easy. Nor does it just flick on and off like a light switch. Nor does it come without fuel - and that fuel, for me, is either lust or affection. In addition, it isn't an endless running machine - it requires additional fuel to keep it going. Even barking commands from the comfort of a recliner has an emotional "price." If I am running on high fuel (lots of lust) - oh, it is WELL worth it and the engine runs smoothly. If it's running on fumes (obligation is a horrible drain) it runs like a crappy engine. It sucks the energy right out of me. There is nothing enjoyable about it. It's emotionally taxing.
For me, at least, that's more than fine - because, of course, the act of submission isn't always going to be easy either. I'd take it that I'm not going to get a buzz out of everything I'm "ordered" to do or "funished" because I didn't do well. I'd rather do it out of bog-standard, vanilla-style love, affection, or even just friendship, instead. I think I might have a modicum of that available to a partner to be drawn upon in emergencies. 
Ahh but that's the rub. There are men - both kinky AND vanilla - who get a very deep satisfaction out of serving because of deep devotion and love. I have a deeply devoted, very service minded mate who is also very domestic. When he bakes bread, he gets tremendous pleasure from it, even though I don't nearly thank him every day. When he proactively buys new makeup brushes for me because he thinks they need to be replaced, he does that out of affection and devotion. All the things he does to take care of me are pleasurable because he knows they make me happy....but I can say the same for a handful of men I know who are the caretakers/devotees/"pussywhipped" men of lovely women yet they do not have a kinky dynamic..AT ALL! It's more about their social, romantic wiring.
When a submissive is "service oriented" and connects quickly with a femdom who "likes to be served" that does not mean the chemistry and connection is instant. If either person expects that kind of mutual satisfaction to be instant I think there will be a lot of disappointment. While it can happen, I suspect it is rare. What would be more common is a submissive who feels taken advantage of because he's not getting enough praise or rewards or funihsment, and/or a femdom who is getting annoying because her "service" submissive is demanding and has expectations. In the first weeks of dating, of course, this is a recipe for disaster. Months into a relationship when deep affection is in place, the desire to serve and pamper is sincere, and the appreciation and adoration is on both sides.
But when a service submissive imagines how wonderful and fulfilling it will be to serve a lady in this manner, he's got to take into consideration that a process of mutual affection must be in place and built up first or else it will be mechanical, under-appreciated and fake. And for her, she'll feel smothered or annoyed. This is my experience.
The men I have observed (both kinky and non kinky) who thrive on being service-minded are not flamboyant or "easy" about their nature; they hold it close to the heart and don't get that way until they trust they are not taken advantage of. But once the mutual affection is in place, he'll walk in hot coals just to bring her breakfast in bed - simply to see a smile.
Akasha
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