RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submissives?"

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RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/11/2009 2:02:13 PM

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I'm a Sub and even I wish I had a service submissive! I can already smell my fantasy complete with the smell of that lemon fresh scent. I could hire a cleaning lady, but why?

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(in reply to Andalusite)

RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/11/2009 2:21:06 PM

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ndalusite: I agree that TG stuff has nothing to do with service. I also agree that it's for the service submissive to take care of everything without being told, and to focus on the pleasure of the female, which also includes satisfying her kinks, depending on what they are. Some things I could deal with, and some I couldn't.

Lusciouslips 19: I never considered that a female sub would want a service submissive. That's interesting, but not illogical, since being served is a passive thing. You sit there and someone does things for you and to you.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/11/2009 2:21:37 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tavane

All I can do is post what I (think I would) enjoy.

Yes, that is all you do. Again and again. And that is the criticism. Do you have any idea what Lockit's kinks are? Or ShaktiSama's? Or mine? Not everyone posts the way you do, with their own fetish as the center of all that is holy.

I don't even discuss kinks with women I'm IMing or phoning, unless it's on a Platonic basis and I'm either asking for or providing information about how to do X thing. Until she meets me in real life, discussion about kinky activity is frankly premature. Vanilla compatibility, and the ability to converse without boring each other to death, is much more important than anything else.

You see this world of kink as something you've never had, so it seems all-consuming and all-important. By contrast, I've had a woman I loved tell me, "I had no idea I could have so many contractions" -- and I've had a woman I loved tell me, "Oh, please don't worry, I can barely feel it any more," when I noticed she was still limping days after I injured her through my own foolishness and inexperience. I know, deep in my bones, that orgasms are no substitute for friendship, and horniness is no substitute for love.

Stop seeing this thread as an argument. See it as an opportunity to expand your understanding beyond your current limited perspective. You are allowing your unrequited kink to devour you. It's not a pretty sight.

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(in reply to Tavane)

RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/11/2009 2:26:58 PM

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Tavane, I would suggest hanging around here, reading, learning from what people say and get to know people and things that you may have already come to some conclusion on, but might see differently in time. Preconceived idea's might be seen for what they are. You may find you are correct or don't change your opinion on things, but you may also find that you see things a bit differently after a bit of time.

You are not wrong to have desires or to want things. It is how you are coming across that might need some tweeking. Are you here to please us all and act like we want you to or to conform... no. But in time you may see why I say this.

Rather than give rebuttal's... listen. Rather than defense... listen. Hear a voice other than your own and believe me, I think it will do you well. The very people or person you might wish to have in your life could be found here, but if you are so full of idea's, your desires and such... they most likely will pass you by. You sound like a wonderful person with many talents in life and in things that a dominant might desire. Just slow it down... observe... and then see how things go. You might be surprised!

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(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/11/2009 2:30:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tavane

ndalusite: I agree that TG stuff has nothing to do with service. I also agree that it's for the service submissive to take care of everything without being told, and to focus on the pleasure of the female, which also includes satisfying her kinks, depending on what they are. Some things I could deal with, and some I couldn't.

Lusciouslips 19: I never considered that a female sub would want a service submissive. That's interesting, but not illogical, since being served is a passive thing. You sit there and someone does things for you and to you.

How is a domiant being served or serviced... a passive or submissive thing? It is comment's like this that people are seeing that just doesn't line up with what we live. Please explain how you conclude this.

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Tavane)

RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/11/2009 3:06:30 PM

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I'm just exploring the whole concept, and being new and talkative, I really don't know the protocols. I assume that if someone is interested in some of what I'm interested in, that person will say so, in a post or in mail. Obviously my posting is not submissive, but I am very submissive. I'll read posts, and do read all of them on this thread.

I know I experience great pleasure when somebody does something to me, whether it's a simple thing like reading my palm, or styling my hair, or whatever. To me, that has submissive pleasure. I am passive and they are doing whatever they wish, and I find that very pleasurable, and always have, even as a child. If I told them to do it, I'd not get much pleasure out of it. When it's their idea, I get pleasure out of it. They are in control of me.

I wonder how common service submissives are. I doubt there is any way to tell. I am not the kind of person who would tend to visit a pro, but would be inclined to join a group, like ClubFem, and am more interested in a relationship, even if it's just as friends, which is a relatively permanent thing, whether we live together or not. I would get pleasure from obeying a female, whether it's as a service submissive or not, since obeying a female and being her slave is the main thing, but if she just wanted to whip me bloody and keep me in a slave hood, I don't think I'd care for that. I have no idea which are the most "popular" types of dominance and submission, or if doms who enjoy other aspects of the lifestyle require service submission as an ancillary thing. I really don't know much about it, other than it's the main focus of my submission, and I admit it's pretty boring, though historically what slavery was all about. Guys like me who were house slaves to someone like Cleopatra must have enjoyed their lives a heck of a lot more than the other slaves. I don't know about submissive guys who became eunuchs and lived with the female slaves and wives. That sounds pretty girly, but without normal sexual pleasure, I don't know how much of the submissive pleasure would remain. They say that post opTranssexuals can experience sexual pleasure, since you still have the sensitive tissues of the penis, but those tissues are transformed, but I don't know how much. When I took estrogens, my sexual pleasures were diminished, since you are undergoing chemical castration, but when I stopped, the pleasures came back. Since I stopped doing it, I don't know what happens when you take them to the point where the production of testosterone is as low as a female, and estrogens start taking over naturally. I think that boys who are castrated tend to get somewhat feminine at puberty, rather than simply being like boys, but really don't know much about it, since they haven't done that kind of stuff to boys in modern ages. I think it was mainly for their voices, or for boys who were going to be slaves to harems, but really don't know.

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/11/2009 3:20:14 PM

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The object of a submissive serving a dominant, isn't doing what he/she enjoys doing, although he/she might. It is that the dominant wants that service. Service to the dominant is just that. Service to them, not service done becasue it pleases the submissive, even if it does. It is the motivation. Please her in the way she wishes, when she wishes. Service is what she wants it to be and that could be many different things. It isn't set up by the submissive to do for the most part. The submissive learns the dominant and what the dominant wants and does it her way. If that is also the submissive's way... great. If not, you don't have a fit.

To go in thinking... I will serve like this and will do this and that and that is what service is... mean's only that, that is what service means to you. Not what it means to a living, breathing dominant.

You say that if you told someone to do the things you liked, you wouldn't like it so much. Well, with a dominant, they do like telling someone to do something and do get off to it. You are comparing submissive feelings and thoughts to a dominant's and it doesn't quite go the same way does it? You don't need to prove you are submissive. You don't need to prove anything here.

I only want you to see that sometimes your view isn't the way other's see things. Everyone learns, everyone makes mistakes... it's not a big deal unless it is made into a big deal. But like I said... it might be best to kind of take a back seat... observe...

< Message edited by Lockit -- 2/11/2009 3:25:49 PM >

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Tavane)

RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/11/2009 3:41:38 PM

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quote:

Tavane, I would suggest hanging around here, reading, learning from what people say and get to know people and things that you may have already come to some conclusion on, but might see differently in time. Preconceived idea's might be seen for what they are. You may find you are correct or don't change your opinion on things, but you may also find that you see things a bit differently after a bit of time.

Yes, especially since those that know me know i was joking. We do that here sometimes and my CM homeys know when I am joking!

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/11/2009 5:22:06 PM

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Well, thanks for all the replies. I've learned quite a bit. I'll look a topics and if I find them potentially interesting, I'll read some of them. I posted to na foot slave thread, not that I'm obsessed with feet, but I did love to give a friend a footbath, pedicure, and then massage her feet and legs for a couple of hours. That wasn't totally submissive, to the extent that I asked to do it, rather than being told, but I really loved it. Being "at a woman's feet" is certainly submisive, with a pillow, a towel, and her feet on your lap. That's how to relax in the evening, and I love touching, and learning what gives her the most pleasure. I fell in love with a girlfriend over a period time. We'd always rub/tickle each other's backs while we listened to music and talked. She loved that as much as I did. My next girlfriend didn't enjoy it much. I enjoy it so much that I find it hard to understand why others don't, but people vary. It doesn't need to be an erogenous zone for me to have incredible pleasure, even if it's not always erotic pleasure. In Vietnam they had massage parlors, and we'd go in and get a steam bath, and we'd smoke dope in there, and then a shower, and the girls would come in and laugh at us, and then we'd pair off with a girl, and get at least a half hour massage, all of which cost 500 piaster, or about $1.25. Then for another 1500 piaster you could have any kind of sex you wanted. Many times we stopped in with the idea of just getting the massage, without the sex, but if you try that, they know lots of ways to get you turned on, and I don't remember ever going in there and just getting a massage, despite everyone agreeing that's what we were going to do. Nobody could say no. One time we talked this guy who was a virgin into going, and we paid the girl to give him sex, and do whatever it took to get him turned on, but it didn't work. We heard a shout, and he came storming out, and was really angry. At least he got a massage, and the girl made money, and he got over it. That was such a great place to visit. It was called "Artistic Hand II", and the girls had numbers, rather than names. My favorite was #2. She was really young and pretty and her massages were great. I didn't get to do her laundry or nails, but still had a great time.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/12/2009 1:46:54 AM

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My lifetstyle domestic slave is 55 years old, so that isnt really a problem in my case.

I do enjoy and utilise my slave exceedingly well, and he is an asset to me, being of service doing all the mundane jobs/chores at my chambers, easing my life 3 days a week

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(in reply to Tavane)

RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/13/2009 3:54:06 AM

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Put me in the camp that isn't really interested. I think it would be awkward and weird. I meet a lot of "service subs" and "sensual subs". Where are the ones that just want to get smacked around a bit? Gheeze!

(in reply to Tavane)

RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/13/2009 10:32:35 AM

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Madame4a, would you define for me what "service to me entails", please? I am wondering what your definitions of service sub might be...and yes I am new to the lifestyle...Thank you in advance.

Anyone else can pipe in too...

(in reply to Madame4a)

RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/14/2009 3:43:34 PM

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Yes I love the services my pet provides, he’s very handy, devoted, and loves to serve me in many ways. However I believe that servitude has different meanings and expectations to every Domme and every slave. What may be servitude to some such as cooking, massages, manicures, pedicures, and boot worshipping may not be everyone’s ideal of servitude. Some might see a Domme that works as well to contribute to a household as “out of place.” Everyone has their own ideas and as feet service may be first to you many Dommes, myself included are not looking for feet service. Finding the match for what your looking for is key. Pet has many characteristics that many looked over, and I too had the same luck in the past. Yet once we found each other it was like piecing two halves of a puzzle together to compete it. I couldn’t be happier in my life since we’ve been together. He knows exactly what I want and expect for servitude which just so happens to be what he’s willing to give.

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(in reply to Andalusite)

RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/14/2009 11:23:00 PM

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I knew that people vary infinitely, and assumed that doms tended to be more inclined to enjoy aggressive (dominant) roles, than to enjoy simply having a service slave, and it's pretty clear that's the case. Slavery throughout history was about service submission, but modern slavery is not, as I've seen it discussed. It was no surprise to me, but it's what I want, and there is no point hiding it from the D/s world, to avoid wasting my time and hers. And you never know if a woman will join this site tomorrow, wanting exactly what I want, and I'll learn she happens to live next door, so I don't see it as a total waste of time. Just a near-total waste of time. I appreciate all the replies.

(in reply to vampchick88)

RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/15/2009 2:16:53 AM

womanworshipper

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i have come into this thread late and have not read every reply (as there are so many), so apologies if i have missed something.

i am a service-oriented sub who serves a Lady principally in the way you describe (i.e. doing chores). i am surprised You seem to wonder "what's in it for Her" as the more common reaction is to wonder what is in it for the servant who is doing all the housework for free. Yes, She likes having me around to do her shopping and cleaning.

In terms of financial dependence, i believe You meant that She should hold the purse-strings. At present, my income is independent of Hers and i have separate property, but i make no key financial decisions without consulting Her and We/we have discussed selling my property and transferring the funds to Her.

One important factor in Our/our relationship is that Mistress is married. i think this is possibly the key factor distinguishing it from Your scenario. You seem to posit a LTR in which You and Mistress are the only ones involved. This is unlikely to work if You are just the cleaner. Mistress will need fulfillment in other areas from someone.

In fact, in both the relationships i have had where i served a Lady in this way, the Lady was married. i had the role of the faithful retainer. i was never any type of partner. i think this might be the sort of relationship You might look at.

ww

(in reply to Tavane)

RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/15/2009 5:15:02 AM

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Very well worded Womanworshipper!! There are many service submissive that seek no more than the gratification that comes from doing the assigned task to the satisfaction of the Mistress.

It seems as if many here are concerned about financial and health issues. These are two very important and viable concerns. It does however, seem to be concerns for a marital arrangement and not one of a Mistress and Her servant. In my limited experience it has been arrive to the duties assigned and move on until called again. There have been times when the Mistress has honored me by allowing me time in Her company. There have also been times when She has allowed me to take Her out to dinner. There was never talk of health insurance because i have my own as well as She has insurance as part of a divorce settlement. Never talk of finances because She was employed. This is or now was because She has re-married simply a case of Mistress/service submissive arrangement.

That is all that i have to add at the present time.

(in reply to womanworshipper)

RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/15/2009 10:00:09 AM

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I think there are many different levels of service subs. I enjoy assisting my lady with different tasks and chores that she needs help with at her home. Includes yard work, hauling, some plumbing, installation of hardware locks, work in her play space, carpenter work, lawn mowing, electrical stuff. In addition I have been able to assist her in equiping her dungeon and getting things setup. When I am done with needed assistance I am gone but not forgotten.

(in reply to houseboy001)

RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/15/2009 11:04:03 AM

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I'd enjoy it part time, and did enjoy being the slave of a female friend about once a week, where I'd do her laundry, nails, and massage her feet while we watched TV, but obviously the best case scenario would be to find a dominant woman where you had "vanilla" romantic interest in each other, such that you'd be together even without the slavery, and who also loved having a service submissive slave. Then you could really be her slave, where she controlled all the money, and your life, 24/7, and totally enjoyed you as a slave she really loved, and loved you even more because you were her slave, and got pleasure from that, including having lots of sex. Just like some vanilla relationships were back in the 1950's, except with the gender roles reversed.

I've seen sites on FLRs, where the male introduces his wife/girlfriend to the concept, and they try it, but inevitably it's something she does to please him, so it's really the slave who controls the relationship, and the mistress feels pressure to meet his needs. Nearly all women want a "real" man, masculine and perhaps a bit dominant, and an equal relationship, or as close as she can get, given that most men don't do their share of household tasks, and are inclined to go out with their friends more than she would like. The idea of a male who wants to be a "housewife' is a bit too strange for them, and of course many of the men want chastity and other stuff which a vanilla woman has trouble dealing with, but many do try to achieve some kind of balance.

It's so rare that "normal" ways of finding somebody are out. There are events, but not bars which cater to this lifestyle, where you could go and meet people, and get to know them as people. It's nice that the net has fostered places like this, so people can meet.

When I talk about "what's in it for the mistress", I am discussing erotic pleasure. Obviously the slave has far more pleasure than the mistress in almost all instances. She has a nice life with a service slave, but he is the one who is bursting with pleasure and happiness, almost all of the time. I explained it to this female friend who would let me be her slave. I said "Imagine an erotic and emotional pleasue which was so infinite and constant that it would motivate you to do something this strange, and want to do it forever." She looked at me, and her eyes widened, and she said 'Now I understand! I wish I had something like that." .

(in reply to glanstat)

RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/15/2009 3:11:27 PM

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Who doesn't love the idea of having someone at her beck and call, anticipating and fulfilling even her smallest wants? My sub is my romantic partner and we're monogamous. He's a terrific partner, and he's reasonably decent at service most of the time; but while I'm easy to please, I'm impossible to satisfy. So the idea of bringing in a "pure" service sub has it charms.

I don't get past the idea, though, because I doubt it would work in practice. I find submissives sexy, and it would be very awkward for me to have erotic energy leaking out all over the place when someone's just there to clean the toilet. Also, much though people have tried to convince me otherwise, I simply do not believe that truly pure service subs exist. I assume that the "service" sub would be getting off on the whole thing, not to say hoping for some sort of play. So he's there cleaning my house or giving me a pedicure or whatever, we're both getting turned on, and when he's done I tell him to go home. Because of how I'd construe the situation, and because of how important reciprocity is to me, I would feel frustrated and exploitive. Who needs that?

So I definitely love receiving service, and I adore the idea of receiving more. But I won't solicit or accept service from any sub but mine, and I've resigned myself to a long program of training him to provide it. Woe is me.

< Message edited by Reigna -- 2/15/2009 3:15:19 PM >

(in reply to Tavane)

RE: Do many dominants truly enjoy "service submiss... - 2/15/2009 10:20:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tavane
It's so rare that "normal" ways of finding somebody are out. There are events, but not bars which cater to this lifestyle, where you could go and meet people, and get to know them as people. It's nice that the net has fostered places like this, so people can meet.

Not trying to pick on you, but I did want to share a thought / question of my own here. It's so rare that the normal ways of finding somebody are out? Does this mean you've met women at a club, grocery store, through mutual friends, etc, begun dating them, gone out to dinner or spending time together, and then when the time was appropriate (when you begin to become intimate) you let her know your desires to be her service submissive? You've tried that approach so many times that it's totally exhausted?

I'm not stating that the internet or kink-oriented social groups are in any way a bad thing, but the truth remains that there are plenty of BDSM friendly / kinky people who will NEVER logon to a site like this or go to a BDSM social. Not because they disapprove of BDSM websites, or BDSM social gatherings, etc, just that they find what they're looking for through so called normal means.

I bring this up, because for me personally, nearly all of the alternative sexual situations I've found myself in were first a rather normal beginning / dating situation. I have also connected through the internet, but I think it's important not to forget the power of just connecting in the physical world. Lots of questions and Does it Feel Right? get resolved very fast when you're face to face. And then when it gets to that point where you let her know what you're into, where your desires lay, if she rejects it.. well, you probably wouldn't have worked out anyway, would you?

(in reply to Tavane)

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