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RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/28/2006 9:31:18 AM

submissivemiss38

Posts: 40
Joined: 1/15/2006
From: Ottawa ,Ontario
Status: offline

Thank-you Krys........I know at times I can sound argumentative and that`s the"cheeky fiery Irish Scottish redhead" in me coming out. And the french Canadian in me doesn`t help matters much either lol.just means I`m more perverted LMAO. Yes I could have worded myself better. Thanks for explaining one position to me........if any one else can help me out there that would be great. I definetely want to think of myself as a"One in a million sub" cause I think knowing myself......I have alot to offer.

on a different note IronBear I did read some of the posts from the Gor board and you are right..........not for me. Felt like I was reading some foreign language lol.

_____________________________

From Mary in Ottawa..........

(in reply to krys)

RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/28/2006 2:05:44 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

but do not forget....Never say Never....it comes back to bite you every time..(smile)

(in reply to submissivemiss38)

RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/28/2006 4:40:20 PM

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

well personally i enjoy a gor relationship rather than submissivness. Hehe not bragging but i had the perfect Master. oh well yes i am Perfect perfect perfect. But well he died in September *sniffles* ill miss him. havent been able to get back into the lifestyle sinse. They are out there. Just rare to find. But keep looking around.

(in reply to submissivemiss38)

RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/28/2006 5:52:56 PM

oldharleymaster

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/21/2006
Status: offline

Sorry for your lost, I lost my sub 13months ago,she was a secret Meth smoker........"God Damn the PUSHERMAN!!!" If I find out who she won't be alone long!!!

(in reply to kassiaethne)

RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/28/2006 6:41:28 PM

Posts: 45
Status: offline

quote:

To most women, ok, to me.....romance is not the superimposing of cliches on a relationship.

Romance is paying attention to what is important to a particular person and being engaged and present on a deep level consistently. You cant fake that with chocolate and sparkling (blech!) wine.

The only time the whole wine and roses and chocolate thing works is if its so out of character that she'd expect anything else first. And the only thing it works for is a minor fit confusion during which you might be able to sweep her off her feet and f*ck her real quick before she realizes whats happening.

Cliche'd expressions of romance are boring and for me a huge turnoff.
I say: tie me up, make me cry, read me a poem and then f*ck me in the ass.

But then, we have our own cliches and cliched expectations: "Firm but fair" is a leading candidate. Beyond that, my observation is that many people for whom what we do is not a fundamental expression of sexuality have adopted this because they expect it will be easy. It is not. Indeed, it thrives on paradox and challenge. If one is ready to embrace both, one is ready to stay. If one persists in expecting BDSM to be the quick solution to all sexual and relationship problems, expect nothing but frustration.

BTW: respectful greetings to John Warren. I've heard you a number of times, in formal and informal settings. Finding you here encourages me to stick around.

Uncle

_____________________________

"A man who can express himself in song need not express himself in suicide."

(in reply to justheather)

RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/28/2006 7:12:31 PM

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

I am looking for a dom who is fair but firm.....who can control me in the bedroom and out of it..........that would want a 24/7 relationship...a loving one..why are they so hard to find?

I've only skimmed briefly over the posts here, so please forgive me if there is redundancy.

I've read several of your posts. You are thoughtful and kind, considerate and sweet. It may not take as long as you believe. :) You don't have to wait until you have a Dom to start behaving as a submissive. Think about some of the things you can do in the meantime to keep your focus on your goal and, at the same time, increase your value to a potential Dominant. For example, as you go about your day, is your manner and behavior something which would be pleasing or cause stress or disruption to a Dominant. What sort of reflection are you of the one who would ultimately own you? Something else you can do is to continue to educate yourself by reading, attending QSM or other sorts of classes, speak to large quanties of those who already participate and keep an open mind to diverse viewpoints. Also, you can increase your skill set, something that will stand you in good stead regardless of how your search goes. You may want to learn about fine wines or gourmet foods, something generic which can be appreciated by a larger population than say learning about Ancient Chinese Ivory crafting which may be of interest to a smaller group. Learning about leather care, metal working or jewelry making can all stand you in good stead until you find someone with whom you are compatiable and has the potential to be your Dominant. When you do find him, alter your skill set education to include those things which would be specifically beneficial to him. You'll be much more well-rounded and attract more prospects as you increase your core of knowledge. And who knows, you may meet Mr. DomRight at that Tuesday night leather crafting workshop. :)

Hang in there ::no pun intended:: and good luck.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to submissivemiss38)

RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/28/2006 8:30:46 PM

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LiddlOne

I want to meet this Murphy guy because he's ruling my life. When I search...

Its not Murphy, its you. You sound like you need to think a bit about your search criteria. I'm not saying you're looking for the wrong thing, but perhaps you need to narrow your focus. Just making a guess, you seem to like the nice, gentleman, bit romantic type, but you also want him to be strict with you, push you to be your personal best, set challenging goals and expectations for you, etc. As someone else suggested, write it down. Personally I find writing down lists of things helps me enormously when I need to examine what my thoughts on something are. Consider it food for thought.

quote:

ORIGINAL: wolffeathers

It seems there are plenty of subs that don't want someone that is romantic (which screws me over).

quote:

ORIGINAL: NotN2U

Everyone says they want romance... nearly no one wants to work to keep it alive by giving it back.

I can relate to both these statements. My observation has been there is a bias against romanticism in dominants in this lifestyle. That seems particularly true with those who are younger and those who are new. I suppose its part of an image they have of what a "dom" is like, tough, hard, remote, untouchable, unreachable, doesn't show emotions, demanding, etc. While some doms are surely like that (and some may be because that's their image of what they should be too), its most certainly not what all dominants are like. I think also there is a challenge to balancing being romantic, loving and caring with being a strong dominant, firm, and in control. Some just can't balance it or haven't learned too yet and they tend to go more one way or the other. LiddlOne's comments strike me as being typical of those who go too far towards being romantic at the cost of their dominance. Mary on the other hand seems to have encountered many who have gone to an extreme in the other direction. I think both might be happier finding dominants who have better balance. But as John rightly points out, being a loving dominant isn't easy, it takes effort, self control and some self awareness.

quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather

To most women, ok, to me.....romance is not the superimposing of cliches on a relationship.

Romance is paying attention to what is important to a particular person and being engaged and present on a deep level consistently. You cant fake that with chocolate and sparkling (blech!) wine.

The only time the whole wine and roses and chocolate thing works is if its so out of character that she'd expect anything else first. And the only thing it works for is a minor fit confusion during which you might be able to sweep her off her feet and f*ck her real quick before she realizes whats happening.

Cliche'd expressions of romance are boring and for me a huge turnoff.
I say: tie me up, make me cry, read me a poem and then f*ck me in the ass.

That, my friends, that is romance.

Lass, have you ever given serious thought to writing an essay on romance in the lifestyle, sort of a guide for dominant men... I think you've got something there!

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

But I am part Irish y'know.

I knew there was a good reason why we get along!

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Everyone says they want romance... nearly no one wants to work to keep it alive by giving it back.

sigh
say it ain't so

Okay, it ain't so.... course I'm lying...

Let's just say there seem to be a lot who aren't willing to put in the effort necessary to make a good romance... on both sides of the /

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemiss38

How the hell am I supposed to know wha that is"? Then he got mad and yelled at me.......... Give us new submissives a break .

That was not a dom, that was somebody wanting to play games on cam. Nothing wrong with a bit of fun on cam so long as everyone is honest about it. Doesn't sound like he was too honest about that. Anyway, here's the advice... a good dom is patient, explains exactly what he wants, and will instruct you regarding what it is he wishes you to do. A good dom is also a good teacher.

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemiss38

ok I have another question but didn`t think it necessary to start a new post......I am a person that loves to smile and laugh big time! I have been told by some people that subs rarely smile...........I don`t want to turn into that kind of sub.........what are your thoughts?

Go with your instincts. I don't know who told you that but my guess is they probably have RealDolls for subs (yes that was sarcasm). I can't imagine why someone would want a sub who didn't smile or laugh, sounds miserable to me. Maybe whoever told you that just didn't have any sense of humor... their name wasn't Scrooge was it? Can you tell I like to joke?

I think a submissive would have a hard time not smiling around me... hmmmm... that just gave me a sadistic idea...

You'll find people in this lifestyle do a lot of things and pretty much every relationship is unique. Some may have more laughter than others, more joviality than others... that's up to them. Some may want to be very serious, formal, rigid with no frivolity or silliness allowed... if that's what they want and all parties involved are happy with it, good for them. You be who you are and don't worry about conforming to some off the wall standards that don't fit you.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to LiddlOne)

RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/28/2006 8:45:59 PM

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Y'know my Father was on the surface one of the toughest, coldest and apparently most distant person you'd ever find. Yet about the family dinner table resplendent in either formal attire or dress kilts, he was the most caring and romantic man I have ever met and yet he was a man's man. We were brought up to understand that other than a manly laughg or a manly slap on the back, men didn't show emotion even if your heart was breaking. Out of respect I never shed a tear or showed emotion at his funeral. I saved it tilkl I went to bed and cryed my guts out. I never cried till I went to 'Nam and learned it was ok to cry. I'm told I am a hard bastard and as cold as ice (killer's eyes according to one person), untill I smile.

<<<< grins at my buddy, Padraig>>>>

< Message edited by IronBear -- 1/28/2006 8:46:59 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Padriag)

RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/28/2006 9:35:54 PM

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

*giggles* my family and people always tell me i am cold and heartless. shouldnt always listen to what seems to be. should look further... at least thats what i think.

(in reply to IronBear)

RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/28/2006 9:48:22 PM

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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There is a time and a place to be tough, cold and heartless. There's a time to be strict, harsh, and unbending. There's a time to be calm, quiet and unemotional. There's also a time to be warm, caring and affectionate. There's a time to be compassionate, understanding and patient. Unto every thing there is a season. The trick is learning when that is and keeping it in balance.

I do my best at it, won't say I'm perfect cause I'm not.

Are there romantic dom's out there... yes there are. Some of them are too romantic... some are afraid to let it show... and some of us are doing our best to keep the balance.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to IronBear)

RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/28/2006 10:43:43 PM

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemiss38

ok I`m having information overload...I need to take a breather........MrDiscipline....you and I would not get along well.

Really? You don't think so, huh? You really should try reading between the lines, girly girl. Besides, I thought I took fairly easy on you with that last question. Guess that just proves you can't be nice to some people. LOL

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to submissivemiss38)

RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/29/2006 7:13:36 AM

submissivemiss38

Posts: 40
Joined: 1/15/2006
From: Ottawa ,Ontario
Status: offline

phew...........where to start this morning? I am a watershed these last 24 hours........but they say crying cleanses the soul.....so mine should be squeaky clean. Celeste I will answer you privately..... Pradriag...I enjoyed reading what you had to say..very good advice....you express yourself very well. IronBear always a pleasure to read what you have to say. I fear as a person who wears her heart on her sleave and who is very emotional.....it ain`t going to be easy for me........

< Message edited by submissivemiss38 -- 1/29/2006 7:14:42 AM >

_____________________________

From Mary in Ottawa..........

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/29/2006 7:36:40 AM

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Perhaps you should stay away from the emails, chats, phones and cams until you are secure in yourself and your submissiveness. Until you can firmly and politely state what it is you require, and what it is you are able to offer.

That should cut back dramatically both on the tears, and the confusion.

(in reply to submissivemiss38)

RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/29/2006 9:22:41 AM

Posts: 163
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

submissivemiss...it sounds to me like it might be time for you to talk to someone professionaly. Someone who is kink aware. It is not good to be constantly in a state of emotional distress. You can say you wear your heart on your sleeve, but it might help to have one person to talk to and confide in who can help boost your self confidence, and steer you in the right direction. I have kept an eye on this thread because you seem to be very confused. You don't have to fit any sort of submissive mold. (smiling not smiling). You just need to be who you are and find someone who will adore you for you. But i believe you are not truly happy with yourself. How can you make someone else happy until you are satisfied with your own self. I am not flaming you, i truly am a person concerned and its my belief that counseling can do a world of good. I wish you luck.

(in reply to submissivemiss38)

RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/29/2006 10:23:18 AM

submissivemiss38

Posts: 40
Joined: 1/15/2006
From: Ottawa ,Ontario
Status: offline

Now I am being labelled....... I am very happy with myself...I just have standards!

_____________________________

From Mary in Ottawa..........

(in reply to justatoy2)

RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/29/2006 10:39:25 AM

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
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No ones labeling you. Where the heck did you get that nonesense? People are simply stating that you should backup the truck until you are stable enough to handle opposing veiw points. That you may need some counsiling for your "over-emotional" state of being. Saying you're a wanna-be, Dominant or a slave is a label. These people are just saying seek professional help, love.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to submissivemiss38)

RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/29/2006 10:48:16 AM

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemiss38

Now I am being labelled....... I am very happy with myself...I just have standards!

And no one is saying that you should not have standards. Only that you should slow down, and give yourself time to adjust to this 'new' you.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to submissivemiss38)

RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/29/2006 10:55:21 AM

submissivemiss38

Posts: 40
Joined: 1/15/2006
From: Ottawa ,Ontario
Status: offline

I`m sorry.but just because I have alot of questions and I am new does not mean that I do not like myself and that I am not a happy individual.. please don`t judge me.........and I know Mr. Discipline I Should take a dose of my own medicine.

_____________________________

From Mary in Ottawa..........

(in reply to IrishMist)

RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/29/2006 11:01:38 AM

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemiss38

I`m sorry.but just because I have alot of questions and I am new does not mean that I do not like myself and that I am not a happy individual.. please don`t judge me.........and I know Mr. Discipline I Should take a dose of my own medicine.

You can learn alot from what MrDisipline is telling you, if you would only stop and listen...he is not judging or condemming you...he is offering you an honest opinion in regards to how you portray yourself.

As for the questions...questions are wonderful for learning...as long as you are prepared to hear the answers when they are asked. If you can not accept that some answers are going to be downright harsh and objectionable...don't put yourself out there for the firing squad, so to speak

And no one is judging you...you have some very good sound advice here, only you can make the step to follow it or ignore it.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to submissivemiss38)

RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/29/2006 12:25:50 PM

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

I have read most of the posts here and hope that you will sift through all of this and be able to get a basic understanding of what people are trying to share with you. You are new, seeking to learn, wanting to have a relationship that suits both you and your potential beloved, and there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone starts out new some time. However, I think it's wise to heed the words of several others who have cautioned you to take things slowly, to read, to find a few trustworthy kink-minded people who can help you through your journey. The one thing that I know to be true for myself, is that this is not a process to be rushed into. On the surface, things may look like all you ever wanted, but you need a clear understanding of what your expectations are and if reality and those expectations are the same. (A huge disappointment if you aren't careful.) As for finding a loving Dominant, do not lose heart, just be alert. My Dom is wonderful and actually had me read "The Loving Dominant" as part of my introduction to this new (back then) thing called BDsM that he talked about. I also read "The All-New Bottoming Book." There are several good books out there and some can be purchased at local Adult Stores which have a decent library section. If not there, other folks have given you great places to look for them on the net.

Best of luck to you as you learn, discern, and find your way... Don't fret, goodness knows where your Loving Dominant might pop into your life.

Daddysredhead

(in reply to submissivemiss38)

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