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RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/29/2006 12:39:16 PM

justatoy2

Posts: 163
Joined: 6/20/2005
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submissivemiss...noone is labeling you...i was merely offering a suggestion, of which you came here and asked for our opinions. There is nothing wrong with seeking counseling. I had a feeling you would take it the wrong way. People have offered suggestions to you, go out and meet people, learn, read..etc, and each time you came up with a reason for why you couldn't do those suggestions. Most everyone here had a good contribution. Are you looking for someone to come and say "yes you are aboslutely right..there are no good doms out there". Im just confused by what is it you want. If i was feeling as much emotional turmoil as you seem to be portraying i would go seek someone to talk to about it. Thats all i was saying..take my advice or leave it. I will tell you this, i have been exploring this life for 20 years, and it took until just this past year till i found the right Dom for me. It takes time and knowing yourself very well. I truly mean this when i say good luck, find a few very close submissive girlfriends you can share with, and take your time.

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RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/29/2006 1:03:47 PM

submissivemiss38

Posts: 40
Joined: 1/15/2006
From: Ottawa ,Ontario
Status: offline

When did I come up with excuses for not wanting to learn and take the advice offered here? I wouldn`t be here if I didn`t want to learn and hear what others have to say. I am sure there are good Doms out there as many Doms/subs have indicated. ...........................very frustrated right now!

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From Mary in Ottawa..........

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RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/29/2006 1:08:17 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

Hmmmmm....ok....stop....

Submissivemiss38, you are in too much of a RUSH right now. STOP. SLOW DOWN. RED LIGHT. YELLOW LIGHT. Spend a whole month doing nothing but reading and talking to others...with only the intention to learn...not to seek. Don't be in such a rush to find yourself in a situation that could become harmful to yourself.

< Message edited by IrishMist -- 1/29/2006 1:29:00 PM >

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RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/29/2006 1:23:44 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

OK......submissivemiss....I am newbie like you...but please, please,please...slow down.I hate this term but I will use it because it is definitely correct..what I feel and I do mean what I feel you are experiencing is sub frenzy..I too had it at first but possibly being older than you I knew what was happening and I slowed down as well...All of the people who have responded to your post have only your best interst at heart.Wether harshly put or nicely put the concern for you is there.Surprisingly enough a bunch of strangers care!..Wow..I think this is wonderful..Do as Lucky Albatross suggested wait...6 months..La is pretty savvy person...Be well..my best..Tempting

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RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/29/2006 2:04:57 PM

submissivemiss38

Posts: 40
Joined: 1/15/2006
From: Ottawa ,Ontario
Status: offline

Since Iv`e been told in a private message that all I do here is attack people I will stop posting.

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From Mary in Ottawa..........

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RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/29/2006 2:08:24 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemiss38

Since Iv`e been told in a private message that all I do here is attack people I will stop posting.

No...I said and I quote myself here..."then stop attacking those who are giving you good sound advice...stop, read what they are saying...and pay attention"

slow yourself down and listen to what is being said to you...do not get defensive when someone advises you...even if you don't like what they had to say

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RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/29/2006 2:09:16 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemiss38

Since Iv`e been told in a private message that all I do here is attack people I will stop posting.

And you believe this single individual more than all of the folks here who have been trying to reassure you?

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RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/29/2006 2:28:14 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemiss38

Since Iv`e been told in a private message that all I do here is attack people I will stop posting.

And you believe this single individual more than all of the folks here who have been trying to reassure you?

this thread reminds me a ball in a pinball machine!

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/29/2006 2:38:58 PM

justatoy2

Posts: 163
Joined: 6/20/2005
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people get defensive when they feel the majority is not agreeing with them. I don't feel you were attacking me personally, but rather being extremely defensive. And thats fine, but because of that defensiveness you are not seeing the advice given. SLOW DOWN. My opinion is just that, my opinion. It doesn't mean i am right or wrong, its just my opinion. I have years of failed D/s matches to draw upon. I and noone here said you were bad a person. I personally think you are confused...by the posts you have posted is how i make that assumption. But the reality is i don't know you. You come to a message board seeking advice, you have to excpect not everyone is going to agree with you or even like you. Oh well. Its just a message board. Take it for what it is. Take what advice you can from it. Keep reading and educating your self. If i didn't care, i wouldn't continue posting on this board now would i? Seriously...good luck.

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RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 1/29/2006 3:13:17 PM

wouldlike2

Posts: 89
Joined: 9/25/2005
Status: offline

i do totally agree with that state...

quote:

On the surface, things may look like all you ever wanted, but you need a clear understanding of what your expectations are and if reality and those expectations are the same. (A huge disappointment if you aren't careful.) As for finding a loving Dominant, do not lose heart, just be alert.

definitly and it was said before - if W/we come into this lifestyle with expectations we gonna have heaven on earth and it will be easy to find the right One.... hell thats a big misunderstood - lol

i still do consider myself as a newbie and read the forum here now for nearly a year. i have seen different opinions and all of them gave me a clue what it is i may need or want.. some more some less.
i do not agree with all, neither i have the same view.. but i will not whimper about and most of all i will not complain....
and as far as i have read all these posts here - there are ment to be good.... ( in case i haven't misunderstood anything lol)

it takes time... patience.. and hope - smile - ...
....to find the right One or may be to be found..... as exciting this lifestyle seems to be then, as much the craving is - moments may of lonliness....
the purpose of that lifestyle.. being happy.... we need the right One... and here we go... that needs time..

...time to find
...time to grow

time is not always an enemy -often time is a friend.....

just my two cent....

pet

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RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 2/3/2006 3:23:09 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NotN2U

Yep. I was once a romantic Dom (if a label need be applied). After years of trying to remain such I figured out that all it got me was disappointment, heartache and grief. It would seem there is no call left on the world for romance, and even less in the lifestyle. I just quit trying to be a hero and do CPR on romance to keep it alive. I guess somewhere along the way I figured if no one else cares, why should I? The world seems to love a cynical, non-feeling jerk-off... so I just learned to be one. Funny thing is: hurts a lot less than the other way.
Everyone says they want romance... nearly no one wants to work to keep it alive by giving it back.

i sure as hell do.

candystripper

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RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 2/3/2006 4:21:44 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Everyone says they want romance... nearly no one wants to work to keep it alive by giving it back.

You need to pick the right person. That is the crux of your difficulty. Of course, I'm just guessing here. But the best intentions and the best care you can give are wasted if you pick the wrong person.

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RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 2/4/2006 2:37:14 PM

B1gbear

Posts: 81
Joined: 5/7/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemiss38

I am looking for a dom who is fair but firm.....who can control me in the bedroom and out of it..........that would want a 24/7 relationship...a loving one..why are they so hard to find?

There will be a thousand different opinions on this one. To say there aren't that many would be fooling yourself. I would suggest that most who seek a long term committed relationship is a caring Dom. Those who don't want an emotional commitment tend to keep to shorter term relationships or prefer one sided commitments that leave them an easy out. Here's an idea, ask them up front of they think love can be part of the D/s or M/s relationship. Its hard to be in a long term one on one or even poly relationship and not have feelings and emotions grow into something more than a distanced non-caring playtime relationship.

There is a huge responsibility taken on as a Dominant when you collar a sub. If you don't care about the sub, then what in the world would you want to take on those responsibilities for them as their Dom. Many do keep a distanced non-loving, contractual type relationship, but even in those I would suggest there is some degree of caring, even if it is not love. I think the problem is too many Dom's who don't know enough about what they are getting into in this lifestyle dynamic to take it as serious as they should. That and both Doms/subs who look for this lifestyle to fill a void in relationships in their life to begin with.

If you had a hard time finding a loving caring relationship before you found this lifestyle, don't look for it to be any different now as that is usually the sign that another problem in your life, not the type of people you find here in this lifestyle.

I have been in this lifestyle for many years and I have seen three consistant things in that time. In the local public scene I have seen those who swear there are no good Doms/subs in which to form a caring relationship with. I have seen just as many in caring/loving relationships, and I have seen countless numbers online who swear what thy seek can't be found. Is the cup half empty or half full? We seek one of the most difficult dynamics to make work on CM. Is it no wonder finding that one person who is right for you is difficult? Those who keep their search to their local communities have a difficult time as well, but they manage. Just as many do find what they seek through here I'm sure.

What you failed to mention in what you seek on here is a Dom that also has chemistry with you and wishes to be with you as much as you wish to be with the Dom. You could find a thousand Doms that fit your criteria, but if the chemistry isn't right, they will not respond or fill that void for you. There may be only one of those out there for you. I am not trying to bilittle your frustration or pain as it may be in your words. Just give you an objective viewpoint to consider outsider your own emotions on the subject.

There is a term I use when mentoring new Doms and subs... Patience!

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RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? - 2/4/2006 11:33:18 PM

Crazytwice

Posts: 145
Joined: 11/28/2005
From: North of Boston
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemiss38

Since Iv`e been told in a private message that all I do here is attack people I will stop posting.

Hi Mary,

Welcome to the message boards

...
Seriously, though, I think you've received so many responses to your question because everyone here recognizes potential and sincerity in you. And you have a soft, beautiful smile .
I'm new too. When I post i may get messages that comfort me, some that challenge me,
some have even baited me, but ALL contribute to this process of learning. You say you notice leaps of understanding in just 7 days. Imagine how much more you will understand in 7 weeks, 7 months. You will understand better why and how you are submissive; you will understand better how and what makes a man dominant. You will be in a better postion to chose (or be chosen).

LA gives good advice, wait the 6 months before you scene. Even online or with cam.
You may find that the last thing you want 6 months from now is to play on cam with a stranger.

Now about that french Canadien kinky thing? My ex hubby was french canadien and he was about as kinky as a cardboard box. Seems I got gypped. But my plan is to make up for lost time.

Best wishes to you,
CT

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