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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Well, I think you have it backwards. I think people first identify the need in themselves and then search for sites such as this.
Beyond that, I doubt that most women are going to agree to be loaned out or pimped out on the first date or two.

From my experience, and yes he found me within my first month of joining another such site, there was no expectation that I do anything like you're suggesting. There are more possessive men then there are men with a kink for sharing. All I had to do was keep being open in my responses as we explored through conversation what attracted me and what did not.

Des,

The sequence of site or need revalation is not that important. What is important is the trend of not recognizing the difference between a Sir and a Master along with the responsibilities for both.

CP

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

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ORIGINAL: marysdream

well if the persons involved were aware going in that sharing was a possibility..or probability, and was not discussed as a hard limit..then it is the sub who must reconcile herself to this decision made by her Master
ty
ree 

ree,

Your comments would be appropriate with a Sir relationship where  " limits" are discussed; but a master or mistress carries the power that transends limits.

Welcome to the boards.

CP

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ORIGINAL: wisdomofgiving

When I was under the sn oceanwynds, the person I use to call Sir never had that expectation. Now under wisdomofgiivng it is stated in my profile that I am not looking for a Dominant , Sir or Master. Do I understand that the Master has that right? Yes. Do I want a Master? No. Do people know what they are getting into? I have wondered that a lot myself.  Sometimes I just feel people wants overdrive their thinking. I want a Master or a Sir, to me, at times seems like a fix. Something I havent been able to figure out, even when under oceanwynds. Seems to be a built in anxiety of being alone, and hence will leap into something without really giving it any thought. Though, I have also seen this in other lifestyles.

Blessings
wisdomofgiving

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ORIGINAL: sblady

I met my Sir on CM within the first week of joining.  Yep, I was a newbie to D/s, however, I still used common sense (although I did a lot of stupid things before I met him, but that's neither here nor there). 

He was and is still aware of my limits.  Although Power and Right does have a place within our relationship, if something is a hard limit, that's what it is unless/until I decide to place it in the soft limit category.   He has the right to push soft limits, but ultimately, I retain the right to say "I'm not ready" and the power to leave the relationship if it's something that he "must" have right this minute!!  We had numerous discussions prior to entering a relationship and hopefully, our respect for one another will not allow it to reach that point.

My signature line is how I strive to live my life. 

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ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

The trend continues here on CM wherein the new fems find the site and normally after about 30 to 60 days have found the " master" that they sought all their lives but just did not recognize their need until now.
My thoughts center on expectancies on the part of these newly rewarded females or males as they have found the light and dedicated themselves to a "master"or mistress.
Is there a understanding that a " master"/"mistress" carries the power of ultimate right to do as he/she desires. Does the sub/slave understand that if she or he is to be loaned out to friends for sexual pleasure or any other service; that it is to be complied with.
for myself i do not think there is an awareness but i look to others for their thoughts, be yee " D " or " s" .

CP

Ok good question. But another question... does smbd also irradiate human personality. I don't happen to think so.
Whilst the definitions and therefore tests for personality change over time, personality does I believe exist. Whether it is innate or whether it is burtured, whether it is dixed or whether it is adaptive, all of us have I believe a personality. A persona if you like, the face we face the world with. A rook for getting the day done. The 'something' behind styles of behaviour. An invisible part of the human black box.
So too with the 'authoritarian' personaluty and its subsequent updates.
Now whether the majority of dominants have an quthoritarian type personalty I fon't know. I don't suppose there have been enough empirical tests to prove one way pr another.
BUT some folks are more authroitarian than others. My personality according to certain tests is extrovert and intuitive. Not best duited for a sunmissive perhaps because I am the life and soul of the party, a font of all knowledge. And if you challenge me as to where that knowledge comes from I will shrug my shouders and say I just guess so. Yeah I have a personality that dominants either totally love or totally dislike. Take your pick. I'm loved at the moment so don't much care.
But do you see where I am going? If a person happens to be dominant and happens also to have an authroitarin type personality then I would guess that they would be the ones to absolutely go for absolute ultimate control Because no other world view is possinle... to such a person with such a personality.
I don't like contril freaks in any walk of life. I don't like d types or Masters who turn out to be control freaks.
I have however absolute respect for those D types and Masters/Mistresses who can give a slave/submissive a sense of freedom and stiil entice devotion.
A sense of freedom and devotion. I have both of those at last and D types who can gain that respect, D types who can have a wild bird fly home, D types who themselves find wonder in the creativiuty and expressiveness of their submissives... they are the ones I would kneel to in admiration and respect.

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Is that not why there is a difference tween a Sir/submissive relationship and a Master/slave relationship? In one limits can be and should be discussed, in the other the only point to be discussed is does the slave understand that He//She has the power of 'right" and there is only compliance.

CP

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ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

CP, going back to your original question, I do think that there is a lack of understanding among many new subs.  I know that there were things that never crossed my mind to list as a hard limit because I never expected them to come up.  I definitely came into the lifestyle with rose colored glasses on.  Here was a chance for an incredible trust to be built, honest and open communication, people who obviously had open minds, and seemed like a dream come true.  Everything was consensual or it couldn't happen.

Then reality struck.  There are people within the lifestyle with even more narrow minds than the general population.  While there is communication it may not always be as clear as you need it to be.  "Consensual" takes on a different meaning when you are doing something you really would prefer never to do at all but are choosing to do it anyway to please another. 

Serving someone often means having your boundaries pushed which can be quite uncomfortable.  Personally, I was surprised at the depth of some of the emotions that can come with that.  We carry baggage from our past with us and what might be perfectly acceptable to one sub can be simply overwhelming to another.  Someone new to the lifestyle likely will never guess at some of the internal battles that can go on as you make the decision each time really difficult comes up on whether you would rather go through with the task or chance having to leave the relationship.

I think that a lot of people do start out with the idea that they will do "anything" for their Master - but when it comes down to it they would like to amend that to "anything that doesn't make me really uncomfortable".  

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Well, I think you have it backwards. I think people first identify the need in themselves and then search for sites such as this.
Beyond that, I doubt that most women are going to agree to be loaned out or pimped out on the first date or two.

From my experience, and yes he found me within my first month of joining another such site, there was no expectation that I do anything like you're suggesting. There are more possessive men then there are men with a kink for sharing. All I had to do was keep being open in my responses as we explored through conversation what attracted me and what did not.

Des,

The sequence of site or need revalation is not that important. What is important is the trend of not recognizing the difference between a Sir and a Master along with the responsibilities for both.

CP

Including the responsibilities of either to mention that he plans to share her around so she'll know if she's compatible. Because if he says he's monogamous and then announces he lied once the collar's on, he will find himself trolling for someone else in very short order.

Doesn't matter how he self titles himself, he's either honest and someone who can maintain a relationship that allows both (or more) parties in it to be happy and healthy or he isn't.

Besides there are slaves here with more freedom than some of the subs and masters with less rules than some of the doms. It all depends on the individual relationships.

And I do think the sequencing is important. If you know who you are, and what you want, then when you go looking for it you are more likely to find it. If you just follow a link, and decide to play with no knowledge of the game, you aren't likely to do well.

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Des,

Is it not true that there would be a whole lot fewer sub types refering to their  other as Master or Madam if they understood up front that the "M    "  held the absolute power  over the "s" activities?

CP

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

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ORIGINAL: marysdream

well if the persons involved were aware going in that sharing was a possibility..or probability, and was not discussed as a hard limit..then it is the sub who must reconcile herself to this decision made by her Master
ty
ree 

ree,

Your comments would be appropriate with a Sir relationship where  " limits" are discussed; but a master or mistress carries the power that transends limits.

Welcome to the boards.

CP

If that is what is agreed you. You are making the faux paux of assuming your relationship values and terms apply to everyone.

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

The trend continues here on CM wherein the new fems find the site and normally after about 30 to 60 days have found the " master" that they sought all their lives but just did not recognize their need until now.

Is there an understanding that a " master" / "mistress" carries the power of ultimate right to do as he / she desires? Does the sub/slave understand that if she or he is to be loaned out to friends for sexual pleasure or any other service; that it is to be complied with?

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ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

The trend continues here on CM wherein the new fems find the site and normally after about 30 to 60 days have found the " master" that they sought all their lives but just did not recognize their need until now.

Is there an understanding that a " master" / "mistress" carries the power of ultimate right to do as he / she desires? Does the sub/slave understand that if she or he is to be loaned out to friends for sexual pleasure or any other service; that it is to be complied with?

I honestly don't think many would-be "slaves" fully comprehend the gravity of what they claim to seek. If you are in a state of capture without being captured, you are in essence in bondage to an illusion of the id; a spider tangled up in its own web. It can be quite a reality check for such individuals when you begin to speak in terms of no rights to possessions, including those to their own flesh.

The fact is, every relationship is different, so there is no way to fashion an answer to this question that will apply to all. In many cases, I don't believe things get that real for most who identify with the more recreational side of D/s. The point your post is driving at is crucial, but often goes beyond the depth of this forum, I sometimes feel.

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ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

LOL - I took it to mean the difference between a Dom and a Master.  Each person chooses what title they want to be called by, and some allow their sub/slave to choose.  Some Doms are quite masterful and some Masters only know how to dominate.  

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

personally, its my choice, and the only decision i am entitled too, is who i beg collar from.  as is often stated, "choose wisely".  now, yes, once i beg collar, he can decide to share me.  and i would obey.  but, in all honesty, i think the results would be disasterous for the relationship.  would i walk?  no.  but my personality isnt one that lends itself to working my mind around it being cheating on the man i serve, no matter if it was at his command.

in response to the Sir vs Master issue.  i have met some "sirs" who i knew instantly were Masters.  and some Masters who were sirs.  its a title they prefer.  same as submissive or slave.any slave can turn into a subby brat under the loose control of a soft man.  any submissive can become a deeply devoted slave under the right man.  i often wonder why we even bother with such labels.  i may be submissive to some men, slave to others, princess to the next group, bitch to the rest.  all that matters is what the man i am with believes.  the man in my life has no desire to "share his toy".  does that make him a Sir?  hardly!

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Is it not true that there would be a whole lot fewer sub types refering to their  other as Master or Madam if they understood up front that the "M    "  held the absolute power  over the "s" activities?

CP