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RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 10:20:28 AM

Troubleinparadis

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Tulsa, Ok
Status: offline

I have tried that, and her response to "what do you want"

is I want to be happy, (well what will make you happy) I dont know.

I want to be loved, (I do love you), I dont want to have to submit to get your love. (ok you went months not submitting I loved you every day) no you didnt you mostly ignored me unless I started something..(however when I did initiate I was about 60% of the time met with the old cold shoulder crap)

I get a whole lot of I just want to be happy and be loved, and not much more.

oh and just the last few days a few rounds of "why cant you just be normal" lol aint that the story of my life!

< Message edited by Troubleinparadis -- 2/8/2006 10:22:42 AM >

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 10:28:32 AM

nonuts4thshoney

Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Troubleinparadis

nonuts4thshoney,

I know there is a nilla guy at work that has been flirting hard with her, I know also that she will not discuss how he flirts or what he says.... knowing her the way I do that means she wont talk about it because there is something she does not want me to know...I dont think she has cheated on me or anything like that, but I am for sure she is tempted.

i was gonna say cheating makes you act like this to but i didn't want to upset you. People cheat usually because there is something that a person does that the other does not. It doesnt mean she wants to really be nilla though. Something he does may be sweeping her off her feet. Ya know it could also have to do with how long you have been together. Some couples get stuck in a rut after a while and things can be kinda blah. So yeah, she could be doing one of two things: 1-cheating or 2- thinking about cheating. What i would do is take a step back and look at your relationship over the years. Write down all your ups and downs and maybe you can pin point an area to work on that might help to repair your relationship.

(in reply to Troubleinparadis)

RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 10:35:31 AM

Posts: 78
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Things can't always go your way that is just how life is.

Really? I havent ever been able to grasp that concept...I more think this is My life and I only get to live it once, I owe it to Myself to make sure I get everything I want, and experiance all I want, because there is no second chance....I dont throw fits when I dont get my way or anything and yes your right I often do not get my way, but that dosent slow me down from trying...or expecting to really....this mind set has been with me as long as I have known my own mind.

No you haven't grasped that concept and thats why your having so much trouble in the past and now. Relationships are work and they include give and take. D/s or M/s or nilla they all require it. If you can't give and take then you don't need to be in a relationship, what you need is a robot that you can program to your own specifications. This woman is a person, a human being and you can't *mold* her into your ideal woman. Those who try this end up killing the person on the inside and then wonder why they are fucking a dead person? Because you killed her/him!

Piece of advice from one dominant to another, learn to give and take or your going to end up very lonely. We are dominants not gods and anyone who thinks otherwise needs to see shrink pronto.

~Alexa

_____________________________

Self-reliance is the only road to true freedom, and being one's own person is its ultimate reward.
Patricia Sampson

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 10:37:35 AM

Troubleinparadis

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Tulsa, Ok
Status: offline

She has vocalized an intrest in cheating on me....she wnet on to say how she knows that would ruin our realtionship (duh)...and didnt because of that (but then again she is a liar).

Now I am stitting here seeing how, if she had cheated on me prior to this outbreak, I could see how that would cause all these actions to include her recent desperate need to show me her time cards to prove she is at work when she says she is......

/shrug if she did she probably wont ever tell me about it. and if she hasent I suspect she will.....temptation of that sort cant go unchecked for long with out overcoming a person.

so either way that action or the thoughts and lusts pushing at her mind, are either causing the problems or at least not helping matters any.

< Message edited by Troubleinparadis -- 2/8/2006 10:38:05 AM >

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)

RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 10:42:12 AM

Troubleinparadis

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Tulsa, Ok
Status: offline

Perhaps I came off wrong? Me not liking or wanting to not "get my way" does not = me being unable to.

I have spent the majority of my D/s realationship...not getting my way.

While I am willing to accept what ever she can give, I.e if she wants to just be my wife I can agree to that. My willingness to not get my way does not translate into my willingness to change myself to give her, "her way" and that is really what she wants I think...

It appears she wants to go nilla and wants me to go nilla to, and then she has a very defined idea of how nilla me should act.....its not me.

(in reply to Troubleinparadis)

RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 10:44:12 AM

Troubleinparadis

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Tulsa, Ok
Status: offline

And no I am no god, in fact I am not even a very good Master or I would not be in this situation would I?

I do not have an inflated ego, or think my shit dont stink.....I just want what I want and think I owe it to myself to not settle for much ess.

(in reply to Troubleinparadis)

RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 10:45:20 AM

nonuts4thshoney

Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Troubleinparadis

so either way that action or the thoughts and lusts pushing at her mind, are either causing the problems or at least not helping matters any.

Ya know what you could do, is go full blown nilla for a week (i know it will be hard for you) and see how her attitude changes. If she becomes closer to you then maybe you can pin point what it is that she's missing. If she still lashes out then she could be cheating. Then maybe you can figure out where to go from there.

i'm sorry things aren't going well for you. i hope you both can work things out.

(in reply to Troubleinparadis)

RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 10:47:14 AM

Troubleinparadis

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Tulsa, Ok
Status: offline

I have tried that..if I say we can go nilla her very next step is to complain about the way I act nilla, and start wanting me to change things....mostly little things, but if I give her an inch.....she WILL take a mile.

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)

RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 10:54:11 AM

nonuts4thshoney

Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Troubleinparadis

I have tried that..if I say we can go nilla her very next step is to complain about the way I act nilla, and start wanting me to change things....mostly little things, but if I give her an inch.....she WILL take a mile.

hmmmm, what if you just go nilla yourself and see how she reacts. Give it just one week and keep a journal of all the things she complains about. No matter how little and ridiculous. Then sit down with her and discuss how she is reacting to situations. Point out how ridiculous some things might be may get her to open up and discuss what is really the root of the problem. Maybe she wants to leave because she is cheating but doesnt know how to do it because she's been with you so long. Maybe she does wasnt to be with you but is just very confused becuase of this flirty guy at her work. It takes 2 to tango. If she doesnt want to work on this it will be clearly obvious when you talk with her. Then maybe suggest seperation and follow through with it.

(in reply to Troubleinparadis)

RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 10:57:26 AM

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Troubleinparadis
Yeah I feel that is very close to the situation, and no I CAN NOT live like that/this.

I have quit my job, and sent her to work...for several reasons non of which matter to sister who now has more ammunition "he is just a lazy mean bum"

I wasent going to work 60 hours a week, come home to a dirty house, a slave that is a wife that is a slave that isnt submissive, and dosent want sex, but wants to huggle and cuddle and kiss and touch, but only when she is in the mood....and oh by the way I need another $100 for shopping money....lol yeah right.

So I quit, she goes to work I figure worse case scenerio happens, she will be better off being able to and already having a job when/if she decides to leave
best case scenerio happens, and she gains a little inner strenght.

perhaps not the best way to handle things, but I know she will never leave as long as she is unable to care for herself, and I dont want a prisoner especially one that is not making my life any better.

She has had her job for a very short ammount of time and they allready want to make her a manager, just have to wait until she has been there long enough (and even at that they are fast tracking her) having her study the managment test books and what not so she can go "gold" soon as she has been there long enough.

from talking with other employes this is not company policy and is simply because she is doing so well.

I am prepared to go back to work, (and I piddle with some income making ventures) but I am not going to "carry" her if she is not doing her part...she was ok with this and I fully expect she was ok with this because she also sees it as a way out...

You need to just walk. You know she is manipulating you and can now make it on her own. You know she is flirting with someone and doesn't want you to know exactly what is going on because she won't talk about it in detail. So what are you waiting for? For her to actually cheat? You took in a broken toy, fixed it and for what? So someone else can come along and enjoy it? She is telling you how to act and makes you act that way. You stay in this any longer and you deserve what you get out of it, one way or another.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to Troubleinparadis)

RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 10:59:40 AM

Troubleinparadis

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Tulsa, Ok
Status: offline

thats the problem I am not nilla, so the only way I know to be nilla is very close to just ignoring her and figuring she will come to me when she wants something....

she then complains that she cant ask for what she wants, and if she had to it would cheapen it anyway.....

yeah I know my actions in a nilla type mindset arent probably right....but then I never clamied to be nilla... (havent ever even had a "girl friend" really, I had submissives before I knew what the term ment.

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)

RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 11:02:19 AM

Troubleinparadis

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Tulsa, Ok
Status: offline

MrDiscipline44

I belive your right, except I can not walk away due to the wedding vows, and yes it would take her actually cheating and me knowing about it to change my mind about walking away.....If I hadent married her or fallen in love with her, she would have been long gone with a wish you luck.

Its not that simple anymore.

< Message edited by Troubleinparadis -- 2/8/2006 11:12:25 AM >

(in reply to Troubleinparadis)

RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 11:22:26 AM

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Joined: 1/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Troubleinparadis

MrDiscipline44

I belive your right, except I can not walk away due to the wedding vows, and yes it would take her actually cheating and me knowing about it to change my mind about walking away.....If I hadent married her, she would have been long gone with a wish you luck.

Its not that simple anymore.

Yes, things rarely stay as simple as they started out as. Which does bring me to question: Why did you marry her? She was broken, so to speak, when you met her. She lied to you in your "courtship" and is now manipultive and possibly lying even more. While it's honorable that you stick to your vows, it's tearing you apart and making your life hell. Women are told to get out of relationships for less then this. My fear for you is that in sticking with this, you're not going to come out the same as when you went into it. I had a close friend that something similar happened to. The man I know now, is not the man I went to war with. He is not the man I faced hell with and came back with, all because of the woman he married, that destroyed his life.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to Troubleinparadis)

RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 11:31:07 AM

Troubleinparadis

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Tulsa, Ok
Status: offline

First of all I love her, but sometimes (usually) that is not enough....

My govenment job had some very particular strings and social circles....I wanted a wife, rather than live in "girlfriend" for those reasons.

I like the tax break :) (not a solid reason to mary but it does go into the decision when deciding between marriage and life time live with type relationship)

I truly did not see this comming, as she changed mostly after we married, and slowly at that.,.,.

hell I figured, I love this girl, she loves me, yes she has issues, so does everyone, and I fully expect to keep her my entire life, so marriage seemed a good idea...

looking back she had a manipulative hand in the decision though....used to complain and have some emotional stress over being a kept whore...etc

and things like dont you love me? then why not marry me?/........hmm yeah why dont I.

So I did, and it was wonderful, and life was great, and I was on top of the world...and then slowly she changed.

and now slowly she wants me to change...

and now quickly I get to the point of wanting to choke a girl (well not litterally ok mabey just a bit lol).....mostly I want the bullshit games to stop

and they will soon, only real question I guess is how its going to end, and whether or not I can do anything to affect the outcome.

but mostly the ball is in her court and I hate the way that feels!

< Message edited by Troubleinparadis -- 2/8/2006 11:33:12 AM >

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 12:00:08 PM

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
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I feel that you need to be pro-active and not re-active to the situation. Get the ball back into your court again because thats where it belongs. Honestly, as much as this sounds like a good idea to me, I can't really tell you how to go about it. Are you a one slave kind of guy? I would say to just take on another girl and stay married to this one. You may not even need to actually find one. Just perform a search for one. If she questions you as to why just tell her the truth in way: because she no longer submits to you, you need someone that will. If she doesn't like it then she can either submit or leave or allow it. The more important thing though, is not to bring in another person into this relationship.

You know, another option is to say that since she is showing a more and more dominant side, you just simply treat her as she is: another dominant. And with this maybe you both can agree on having your own submissives or slaves.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to Troubleinparadis)

RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 12:17:18 PM

Troubleinparadis

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Tulsa, Ok
Status: offline

she has mentioned how I should find "some whore" to use, and then come cuddle on the couch with her.....suggested I take a live in slave.

uhhh no this woman cant control her emotions over nothing, has panic attacks over little, I cringe at the drama that another girl in the house would cause.

It was also her idea to be "alpha" (in her mind Dom over) the "whore".

So yeah that might work....if she were stable. but as emotional as she is (or appears to be in retrospect I am begining to wonder if its not all just an act to get her way since she is very manipulative not just with our realthionship but in general). Everyone knows they teach girls how to cry on demand in about the 3rd grade :) lol kidding sorta ;0

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 12:31:01 PM

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
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Yeah, I can understand what you mean. It's why I said not to bring this other into the relationship. I'm not seeing a very good outcome for you though. If you stay with her, she'll cheat and continue to lie about it. Your vows keep you from leaving. Her emotional instability keeps you from finding someone that will make you happy. I can't imagine that her emotional state is condusive with the social circles you wanted her for.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to Troubleinparadis)

RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 12:45:20 PM

Troubleinparadis

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Tulsa, Ok
Status: offline

No it is not, both work related and scene.

I cant even get her to a munch, although she claims to want to in 4 years I havent been able to get her to go.....and I am not going to take her kicking and screaming to the local munch group to introduce ourselves...when she kicks and screams, she kicks and screams....

anywy yeah I dont see much of a possitive outcome either....I am thinking of getting back to it, bucking up and laying the law down (what the hell has happend to me that I am "thinking about this" instead of having already done it is very much beyond me (and odd to experiance).

Anyway, I figure if she \needs to be kept in her place, then she is crying out for me to do just that...then its all ++

and if she truley wants to go nilla, then trying to force her to submit should send her packing.......getting to the point that that would be all +++ :(

if she is cheating, then I dont much care how she feels and I might as well "get some" on her way out....cold, but stll would bring solution and again all +++

if she isent cheating but is considering it, I have to look at what has changed about me that would cause a her to look else where..........well she has me so wrapped up I couldent keep her from cutting of her hair (what once was considered by both of us to be My hair which was located on My slaves head)......so again would be all +++ to Master up so to speak.

so I guess it really comes down to am I going to allow my love for this woman (and honestly probably fear of losing her), to control me, either inside my own head or via her manipulations.

Or do I say fuck it and go for the gold, and hope I dont go bust? I think there really is only one option and its one I should have made a very long time ago.

I will think on this longer, and do welcome more conversation....but I am thinking that is what I should do.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 1:02:38 PM

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
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Well good luck to you. I think what ever you do, it has to be better then where you're at now.

I do think that this is incorrect though:

quote:

if she isent cheating but is considering it, I have to look at what has changed about me that would cause a her to look else where

Why is it that it is something about you thats changed? I see that it is her thats changed and she's changed alot. Don't doubt yourself because this person is wrong.

But good luck none the less.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to Troubleinparadis)

RE: Slave/wife wants to go nilla? - 2/8/2006 1:41:57 PM

Troubleinparadis

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Tulsa, Ok
Status: offline

well I have changed as well, there is no way this crap would have happend unchecked at the start....I have allowed my feeling to get in the way of how I know I should have reacted, on so many diffrent ocassions.

as the Master I have to accept responsobility for where this relationship is at now..to me thats just all part of it, cant make the descisions and then blame the outcome on the sub...

Its as much my fault if not more so, I should either not expect her submission, or I should not tolorate her disobediance.

Letting her use "going free" over and over again as a tool to prevent "getting in trouble"....is my fault.

Time to set things right, for the good or bad of it.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

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