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RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/14/2009 10:43:17 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
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Status: offline 		When's the last time you shit your pants, 'cause this is gonna get kinda scarey. 

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RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/14/2009 11:41:40 AM   
NightTigress


Posts: 706
Joined: 12/9/2008
Status: offline 		As they are cuffing you. "I bet you can't find all the handcuff keys I have on me." Saddly I am almost getting to that point (always having 2 on me.)

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RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/14/2009 1:30:49 PM   
cuckoldmepls


Posts: 855
Joined: 11/29/2007
Status: offline 		I'm a black Harvard law professor headed to Washington D.C., I have numerous family members working for the ACLU, and I have Jessee Jackson and the Rev. Al Sharpton on retainer as my public spokesmen. What's that? Yes, I would be happy to receive your commendation for safe driving.

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RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/14/2009 1:59:20 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, officer. There is a perfectly logical explanation for why I have a goat, a watermelon, and a blowtorch in my passenger seat.


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RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/14/2009 2:04:22 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
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Status: offline 		Oh WOW, where's the rest of the Vollage People?

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RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/14/2009 2:05:51 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
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Status: offline 		VILLAGE I meant.  cant type

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RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/14/2009 5:57:38 PM   
GentM


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/19/2009
Status: offline 		Oh officer what a strong man you are OOOHHHH Handcuff goody can we try them, your nice 

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RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/14/2009 6:01:30 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
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Status: offline 		I shoved a huge weapon into my pussy. It's way up there so you might have to dig around for awhile......

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RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/14/2009 8:41:25 PM   
cuckoldmepls


Posts: 855
Joined: 11/29/2007
Status: offline 		Now wait a second. The sign said "speed zone ahead." So why am I getting a ticket?

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RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/14/2009 8:48:53 PM   
cuckoldmepls


Posts: 855
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Status: offline 		Boss Hogg told me to tell you that this shipment is really going to the Duke boys.

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RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/14/2009 8:56:18 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
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Status: offline 		If a tree falls in that forest right over there, will it land on the dead body I just hid there?

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/14/2009 10:56:18 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Fuck Off Douche Bag.

I figure we make it obvious not all police officers are smart enough to understand some of the joke on here right now.

Steel

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RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/14/2009 11:29:54 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
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Status: offline 		Is that a baton in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

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So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
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(in reply to SteelofUtah)
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RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/14/2009 11:52:55 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		The above works even better if you are a Guy and the Cop is a Homophobe or a Woman cause it usually makes the women laugh..... and yes I am speaking from experience.

but I am positive it isn't what you are thinking it is.

Steel

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Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/15/2009 12:14:21 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
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From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Wanna race?

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RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/15/2009 12:42:50 AM   
Ialdabaoth


Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline 		"Oh God, please, I didn't do anything, please don't beat me... please don't hurt me, please oh God just tell me what you want and I'll do it... I'm sorry, whatever I did I'm sorry oh God please don't shoot me or tase me oh God oh Jesus fuck oh please oh please"

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RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/15/2009 1:50:06 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CNYsubbie

"What's the disqualifying IQ level for your position?"
then suggest he really slipped under the wire.


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RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/15/2009 8:14:04 AM   
cuckoldmepls


Posts: 855
Joined: 11/29/2007
Status: offline 		Officer, did you realize that only 10% of fatal accidents are caused by drunk drivers? That means 90% are caused by sober drivers and you're hauling my ass off to jail???

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/15/2009 8:28:23 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well if this street was one way, then why on earth was the arrow pointing the other way?

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/15/2009 8:54:44 AM   
lameduck13


Posts: 64
Joined: 4/5/2008
Status: offline 		Officer: "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Me: "Do you know how fast you were going to catch me?"
---

Officer: "Is there anything in your car I should know about before we search it?"

Me: "Theres two containers of 100 milliliters of a bio toxin in the trunk, next to the two dirty bombs and 20 pounds of C4, those are under the bloody tarp and bloody axe I used to kill my neighbor."
----

Officer: "You do know why I pulled you over right?"

Me: "To get my autograph?"
---

Officer: "How old is your passenger?"

Me: "She's your daughter, you oughta know."
---

Officer: "Where ya headed t'night?"

Me: "The Leeve, I got a drug dealer to meet. Gunna drop a few K on some crack and guns and then have a party."

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 60
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