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RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/15/2009 9:49:49 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Stand right there and keep your uniform on. I need the target practice.


(in reply to lameduck13)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/15/2009 11:45:00 AM   
MasterMgm


Posts: 39
Joined: 7/19/2009
Status: offline 		I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on COPS?


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Profile   Post #: 62
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/15/2009 10:55:38 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Thank God you are here! I've been craving a full body cavity search in the worst way.

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"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to MasterMgm)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/16/2009 12:00:35 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		I didn't know they still stacked shit that high.

Steel

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Profile   Post #: 64
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/16/2009 12:01:13 PM   
cuckoldmepls


Posts: 855
Joined: 11/29/2007
Status: offline 		I'm warning you. Don't make me mad (obviously drunk), cuz when I get mad I make the Incredible Hulk look like Pee Wee Herman.
 
Officer:  I'll take my chances.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/16/2009 1:05:17 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		*sits up in the back seat of the car....smeared lipstick and mascara.... hair tossled and clothes half on and fall to one side* What do you mean I can't get paid for this? I LOVE my job!


(in reply to cuckoldmepls)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/16/2009 1:07:46 PM   
GoddessImaginos


Posts: 1493
Joined: 8/5/2009
From: A small blue planet near Alpha Centauri
Status: offline 		Crap, I forgot My stash in the cooler at work; I'll be right back..

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Delicious and nutritious, does NOT taste like canoli.
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~10 fluffy points
~RJD RIP xoxo

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Profile   Post #: 67
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/17/2009 7:52:01 PM   
cuckoldmepls


Posts: 855
Joined: 11/29/2007
Status: offline 		Hey you look like that fat ass cop in Smokey and the Bandit. Lemme hear you say "I'm goonnnaaa baarrbbeeqquuee your ass." say it, say it, pls pls pls.

(in reply to GoddessImaginos)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/17/2009 7:53:23 PM   
fadedshadow


Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline 		wanna go for some donuts?

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your living nightmare

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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/17/2009 7:56:12 PM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		love the new pic, fadedshadow

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Profile   Post #: 70
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/17/2009 10:32:45 PM   
Loki45


Posts: 2100
Joined: 5/13/2009
Status: offline 		I know what my next stop will say:

Me: Afternoon, officer. Do you know why I pulled you over?
Cop: Excuse me?
Me: I said "Do you know why I pulled you over?" You see, I just got this badass car and since I've always been a supporter of the boys in blue, I figured I'd give you the first up-close look at it. Nice, ain't it?


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"'Till the roof comes off, 'till the lights go out
'Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth."

(in reply to daintydimples)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/17/2009 10:54:02 PM   
MMagic


Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
Status: offline 		<smacks lips and then taps them, thinking>

Yeah..lemme get a large lemonade, some curly fries and that spicy chicken thing..the one with the dancing chickens on TV...oh and a chocolate cake.
You want me, don't you?

<speeds off just as the officer walks up to the car and yells out the window>
Suckeeerrrr!!


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Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -Mae West



(in reply to Hillwilliam)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/17/2009 10:54:43 PM   
willowspirit


Posts: 164
Joined: 6/20/2005
From: U.S.A.-Minnesota
Status: offline 		Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?  Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.  Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.  Officer: Don't have one?  Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.  Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.  Woman: I can't do that.  Officer: Why not?  Woman: I stole this car.  Officer: Stole it?  Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.  Officer: You what?  Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.  The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for
back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the woman and a Senior officer slowly
approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.  Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!  Woman: Is there a problem Sir?  Officer 2: The officer told me that you stole this car and murdered the owner.  Woman: Murdered the owner?  Officer 2: Yes, could you open the trunk of your car, please.  The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.  Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?  Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.  The officer is quite stunned.  Officer 2: The officer claims that you do not have a driver's license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the
officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks
quite puzzled.  Officer 2: I must admit, ma'am, that I'm confused; the officer told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered the owner.  Woman: I suppose the fool told you I was speeding, too.  

(in reply to Loki45)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/17/2009 11:00:45 PM   
fadedshadow


Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

love the new pic, fadedshadow


thank you very kindly


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your living nightmare

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Profile   Post #: 74
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/17/2009 11:04:55 PM   
ElectraGlide


Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Don't tase me bro.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bVa6jn4rpE

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Profile   Post #: 75
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/20/2009 8:41:29 AM   
cuckoldmepls


Posts: 855
Joined: 11/29/2007
Status: offline 		Officer, although I respect your diligence in adhering to the rule of law, as President of the Local University Physics Club, I feel it is my responsibility to point out one hipocritical flaw in your assertion that I was excessively speeding. You failed to take into account the theory of relativity as it relates to the eastward rotation of the planet. It can be safely concluded that this planet is rotating at a much faster speed than I could ever possibly drive. From a universal perspective, everyone on this planet is speeding by thousands of miles per hour including yourself. Furthermore, If you divide the speed limit by the speed rotation of the earth, and my speed by the speed rotation of the earth, you will find that the difference is less than .01%. Writing me a ticket for being over the speed limit by .01% would have to qualify you for the dumbass of the year award for which I will happily nominate you at our next meeting.
 
Can I go now?

(in reply to ElectraGlide)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/20/2009 8:46:58 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		What the fuck? are you KIDDING?   this car won't DO 110 mph!!!!!!!!!!!   Are you on drugs?

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to cuckoldmepls)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/20/2009 8:56:40 AM   
MusicalBoredom


Posts: 620
Joined: 5/8/2007
From: Louisiana/New York
Status: offline 		Okay, true story from yesterday.  I picked of a friend of mine from Penn Station.  She had a backpack and a small suitcase on wheels.  I struggled in the heat to carry both up and down stairs to the stupid trans, on and off of a few platforms.  I was hot and tired.  We got to the ferry terminal to get on the stupid boat.  Well post 9/11 public transportation means there is security all around.  I went into the terminal building and the nice NSA guy with the bomb sniffing dog stops us and has the dog sniff the suitcase I was lugging.  He unzips a pocket so the dog can sniff in there and my friend (a petite girl) says, "Oh, don't open the whole thing because it will explode."  I looked at her, looked at the bomb squad guy and we all just starred at each other for a few seconds then he and I burst out laughing.  It took her another 5 seconds to figure out what she said before she started laughing too.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/20/2009 8:57:59 AM   
fadedshadow


Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline 		sing the theme song from cops

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your living nightmare

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Profile   Post #: 79
RE: NEVER say this to a cop - 8/20/2009 10:29:06 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		Hey officer!!!!! Where's all the hookers?  This street used to have fuckin HOOKERS

(in reply to fadedshadow)
Profile   Post #: 80
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